Keys? Check.

Suitcase? Check.

All the lights turned off? Check.

And with all of those checked off his list, Yunho was good to go for his weekend in Gwangju. His birthday was tomorrow and he was spending it at home.

All the traveling back and forth was really wearing him out, but if he was honest, he had never felt so happy and content. Getting to see his family and friends and Jaejoong every couple of weeks always relieved the tension and stress of work from his shoulders.

Just as he was locking his door, he heard the opening of another down the hall. He gulped and hurriedly turned the lock so he could get away, quickly.

“Yunho.”

He froze, closing his eyes and sighing in defeat. He turned, an unreadable expression on his face. “Jisoo-shii, good afternoon.”

She stood there, a plastic bag clutched in her hands. She raised it. “I was going to ask you for a drink, but it looks like you’re heading out again.” She looked forlornly at his suitcase. “You’ve been going home a lot.”

“Yes, well, I do miss home.”

“And him.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement.

Yunho nodded. “Of course.”

A flash of hurt crossed Jisoo’s features and Yunho almost felt bad for treating her like this. But, the girl simply could not take a hint. Either that or she preferred to ignore his pleas to be left alone.

Her eyes began to water and Yunho found himself turning away and busying himself with fiddling with his suitcase strap.

“Why do you not look at me when I cry, Yunho?”

The other sighed, still not looking at her. “I’ve hurt you far too much, Jisoo-shii. I don’t want to give you any more hope.”

“I don’t understand!” Jisoo’s tone sounded confused and angry now. “Why him?! He’s a guy! He can’t give you what I can! Why him?! Why not me?!”

This time, Yunho raised his head to look her in the eye, ignoring the way the tears fell down her cheeks. “I’ve told you before, Jisoo-shii and I’ll tell you again. I love Jaejoong. I always have and I always will. Nothing changes that. Not even our affair.”

“Stop calling it an affair!” she screeched. “You loved me!”

“No, I did not. I’m sorry.”

He picked up his suitcase and turned to walk away when her next words stopped him.

“I thought you were different from them,” she said in a low voice. “I thought I was special to you. You made me feel special. Why did you make me feel that way if you were going to be exactly like them?”

A hit to Yunho’s pride. He knew he had done wrong, not only to Jaejoong but to her too. He was a bastard. That was why he couldn’t let her hang on to him. Not simply for his and Jaejoong’s sake, but for hers too.

He turned around again, making sure to keep his distance.

“I can’t give you what you want, Jisoo-shii,” he said to her. “You deserve better.”

“I don’t-.”

“Yes, you do. In fact, you and Jaejoong both deserve better than me. That’s why I’m trying to be a better man for him because he holds my heart. And I can’t give it to you because it belongs to him.”

“I don’t mind being second! If it means being with you, Yunho, I don’t care! I’m used to being second!"

Yunho sighed again. “Are you truly satisfied with just being second, Jisoo-shii?”

At the question, she seemed taken aback, unable to answer.

“That is exactly why I can’t give you what you want. I won’t string you along like I did before, Jisoo-shii. You deserve better. So, please, stop this.”

She let out a sob but Yunho chose to turn around and walk away.

 

---

 

 “… and then they decided to pay me in 100 won coins! Coins! Can you believe those kids?!” Yoochun exclaimed, exasperated.

The four others at the table laughed at the story. Yoochun had been telling them about the ridiculous customers he had that week and their stomachs were in in pain from laughing so much.

There was the ahjumma who came in every week just to flirt with him. The couple who were always coming in late at night to buy the weirdest combination of items. And the mischievous teenagers who came in that week to pay for all their items in coins.

It felt wonderful to have a good laugh after several weeks of just work, work, work. Yunho was being kept busy by his mentor who was working on a new case. Changmin was graduating so he was slammed with so many tests and assignments. Junsu was being driven insane by hospital patients. Even Jaejoong was exhausted from spending half his entire day, five days a week, with rambunctious children.

So, it was nice to just sit down, have some barbecue and drinks, and then go to Noraebang and sing the night away.

When dessert came, the small cake had two candles and the words “Happy Birthday, Yunho and Jaejoong!” on it. The five sang their greeting and the two blew their candles.

“Happy Birthday, hyung-deul!” they cheered, clapping.

“What’s your wish this year, Yunho-hyung?” Changmin asked, eagerly.

At this, Yunho turned his head to look at Jaejoong, who was sitting across from him. A loving smile played on his lips. “My wish this year… I think you all know what it is.”

Jaejoong blushed and turned away, smiling slightly, even though his heart was breaking on the inside. He couldn’t make Yunho’s wish come true this year.

“What about you, Jaejoong-hyung?”

“Hmmm? Just… happiness… for all of us.”

“Let’s drink to that!” Yoochun exclaimed, raising his glass.

They toasted and then drank to their hearts’ content before dividing up the cake between the five of them.

Before heading to the Noraebang, Yunho and the two youngest left the table for a quick trip to the restroom. Jaejoong and Yoochun were left behind, talking about one thing or another.

In the midst of their conversation, a phone began to ring. It wasn’t Jaejoong’s ringtone so he knew it wasn’t his. Yoochun checked his phone then turned to beside him towards Yunho’s spot. The latter had left his phone next to his plate.

Yoochun took a quick glance at the ringing gadget before his eyes widened. “Hyung,” he whispered, looking up at Jaejoong. “It’s her.”

The other raised a questioning brow. “Who?”

Yoochun turned the phone towards him and Jaejoong took a peek at the caller ID. He felt his body go cold in an instant.

The caller was Jisoo.

Now, Jaejoong was aware that Yunho kept the girl’s number to make sure that he didn’t accidentally answer when she called him.

But, knowing that she actually continued to call him did not leave the most pleasant taste in Jaejoong’s tongue. Before he was aware of his actions, he had reached over and snatched the phone from the table.

His thumb hesitated over the answer button, knowing how Yunho was about his privacy. He would have to tell him at some point.

Steeling himself, he pressed the button and put the phone up to his ear.

“Y-Yunho… Y-Yunho…” came the familiar woman’s voice. It was shaky and a little slurred, with soft hiccupping sobs in between. She was clearly drunk.

Jaejoong cleared his throat, hoping that his voice would not betray him. “Jisoo-shii,” he managed. “This is Kim Jaejoong. Yunho left his phone.”

“J-Jaejoong… shii?”

“Yes. Do you need something?”

A few gasps and sobs reached his ears before she answered, “Y-Yunho… I need Y-Yunho… P-Please, J-Jaejoong-shii… Won’t you let me have him?”

Heart pounding painfully against his chest, Jaejoong answered, “That’s not my decision to make. It’s Yunho’s.”

She continued to cry on the other line, heartbreaking wails that made Jaejoong’s own heart constrict in pain and a little sympathy.

“W-Why?... W-Why you?... W-What’s so special about you? I can give him everything…. I-I’m willing… to give him everything… I-I… love him… so much… B-But… Why won’t he love… m-me like he loves y-you?”

And at that moment, Jaejoong realized that it wasn’t just him who had been heartbroken this entire time. Yunho had hurt Jisoo too. Granted, she had also done this to herself when she seduced a taken man, but still, Jaejoong could not help but feel sympathy for her.

How painful must it be to love someone who didn’t love you back.

"Why does no one l-love me? N-Not my parents... they love my sister more... My ex... He cheated on me, did you know that? I... I just want something that's m-mine... For once... I want Y-Yunho..." 

Jisoo let out a sob and Jaejoong swallowed the lump in his throat.

“You say you love Yunho, Jisoo-shii?”

“Yes! Yes, I love him! I love him s-so m-much..."

Across from him, Yoochun raised an eyebrow in question. Jaejoong continued to talk to Jisoo.

“Do you know his birthday?”

A pause then a defeated tone. “I… No…”

“My birthday was last week. Every year, we pick a birthday to celebrate and last year, we celebrated on my birthday. This year, we’re celebrating on his.”

No response from the other line.

“Today is his birthday. You didn’t know.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement.

“I… N-No…” A hurt tone.

“What are the things you know about Yunho, Jisoo-shii?”

Her next answer was much more confident. “Well… He… he likes kimchi jiggae and dogs and the color red and-.”

“Those are trivial things. Do you know about Yunho’s childhood? How he got that scar in the back of his knee? A rival soccer team member tried to emancipate him with a pipe so he couldn’t play during a game. Or how he accidentally swallowed glue when he was 12 because someone carelessly to left it out and he thought it was a bottle of juice? Or that he doesn’t like roller coasters because he’s afraid of falling out when it goes through a loop? Or when his sister Jihye was 5, she got lost at the park and Yunho spent all night looking for her and found her crying by herself beside a dumpster? Do you know all these?”

There was no answer on the other line.

“You either don’t pay attention or Yunho never bothered to tell you any of these things that have made such an impact on his life and who he is. So, you call yourself his lover when you know nothing about him aside from the trivial and how good he is in bed?”

An agonized whimper was his only answer. He truly felt sorry for her.

“Jisoo-shii… You deserve someone better you know…”

She didn’t respond so he continued, “If you spend all your time on someone who doesn’t want your love, then you’ll miss out on someone who does.”

With those last words, he hung up. And right on time as Yunho and the others were getting back from the restroom.

The other man’s eyes were on his phone, still in Jaejoong’s hand, and he flashed him a questioning look.

There was no use making up excuses. Jaejoong didn’t want to lie about it anyway. He handed Yunho the phone. “Jisoo-shii called. I told her you weren’t around.”

Yunho took the phone, seemingly torn on scolding Jaejoong for invading his privacy and shame that it had been Jisoo who called him.

Jaejoong spared him any more confusion by standing up and announcing that they should all start heading over to the Noraebang place before it got too late.

Yunho didn’t bring it up for the rest of the night.

 

---

 

Because Yoochun had drunk a little too much at the Noraebang, Junsu felt it his responsibility to bring him home since they lived close to each other. However, since he couldn’t drive yet, Changmin had to do it. And so, Yunho was left to drive Jaejoong home, not that he minded.

He was overjoyed at finally getting the other to himself.

On the ride to his home, Jaejoong was quiet, his attention on the sights out the window. Yunho glanced at him from the driver’s seat, not certain if the silent atmosphere was good enough for a chat. Neither of them drank very much that night so they were both quite sober. But, Jaejoong had been very closed off ever since he picked up Jisoo’s call.

He decided to take a chance. “Jae?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you feeling okay?”

Jaejoong turned his head to smile at him. “Yes, sorry. Just a little tired. Thank you for driving me home.”

“Thank you for letting me.” Yunho returned the smile before putting his attention back on the road. “I hope you don’t mind me asking but… Did Jisoo say something to you earlier?”

“Hmm? Ahhh… Yes… She told me that she loved you.”

Yunho sighed. “Jae-.”

“It’s fine. I get it, kind of.” Jaejoong turned back to the window. “No one can help but fall in love with you, Yunho. I mean, I did too. But… do you really have no intention of returning her feelings?”

“Jae, I only love you. Not her.”

“Why not? You could… give it a try, you know? Maybe… she’ll make you happy, happier than I did.”

Shocked at the sudden statement, Yunho moved the car to the side and stopped. He turned to Jaejoong, upset.

“Jae, where is this coming from?” he demanded. “I told you, she was a mistake. I don’t love her, I love you. Why don’t you get it yet?! What else can I do to prove it?!”

He knew he had no right to be angry. After all, it was he who caused his insecurities onto the love of his life. But why couldn’t Jaejoong see how hard he was trying to make things right? Why couldn’t he see how much he still loved him?

But, Jaejoong only nodded at him. “I know.”

Just like that, he immediately felt guilty at how he acted.

“Hey.” Yunho reached out to touch his arm. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled. But, I mean it, Jae. I love you, okay? And I’ll do everything to prove it.”

Jaejoong only nodded again. “I know.”

And yet, Yunho could feel the distance between them only stretch further. He wanted to reach out to the other, yet he couldn’t even grasp the sleeve of his jacket.

And once again, he could blame no one else but himself.

 

---

 

It took Jaejoong a week to finally send out those applications. Another week for him to get called in for various interviews (a few he did on the phone). He was hired by three schools on the spot. Another week passed and finally…he made his decision.

He asked Yoochun, Junsu, and Changmin over for a drink one night. They were sprawled all over his room surrounded by cans of beer and snacks. They looked more like high school students having a night of fun rather than adults about to have a serious conversation.

It was quite nostalgic. The only one missing was Yunho.

“So, hyung, why are we here?” Junsu asked.

All their attention was now on Jaejoong. He nervously shuffled on his feet, wondering if he should slowly ease them into it or just tell them outright.

“Well… uh… You guys know that I’ve been looking for a job… right?” he began.

The youngest two nodded while Yoochun raised an eyebrow at him. He must have already figured out why they were all gathered there.

“Well…” he continued. “I was hired for this one place and I accepted.”

His friends let out a chorused cheer, a few whistles from Changmin.

“So, where is it?” Yoochun asked, strangely calm.

This was it. Taking a deep breath, Jaejoong picked up the brochure on his desk and showed it to them.

Changmin and Junsu’s eyes widened in astonishment.

“But, hyung, this is…” Junsu began.

“Y-You’re leaving us?” Changmin asked in disbelief.

Jaejoong chuckled a little. “It’s only an hour and a half away by car. You can visit! And I’ll visit too.”

“But… But, hyung, you’re leaving us,” Junsu said with a slight wine, his lips quivering.

He always was so sensitive. He cried the day Yunho left for Seoul too.

“I mean… we knew you were always going to leave but... Isn’t this too sudden?” Changmin asked again. “Does Yunho-hyung know?”

At the question, Jaejoong sighed and shook his head. “I… haven’t told him yet.”

“But, you are, right?” Junsu asked. “I mean, he was probably expecting you to go to Seoul with him.”

Jaejoong remained silent.

“Hyung?” Junsu asked.

Something wet fell down his cheeks and Jaejoong realized that he had started crying. His heart was constricting in his chest, squeezing until he could barely breathe.

He was vaguely aware that he had sunk onto his knees on the floor, surrounded by his alarmed friends.

“Hyung?! Hyung, what’s wrong?” Changmin’s voice was frantic.

But, he could barely find the strength in him to respond. What was this pain? Why did he feel this tremendous sense of loss? He chose this, didn’t he?

So… why did it hurt so much?

 

---

 

Preparations took another month, but it was good because it allowed him to take a short break. That way, when school opened again for the year, he would be re-energized and ready.

So, he kept himself busy with packing and making arrangements with his father helping. His mother appeared gloomier as the days passed, but he couldn’t blame her; her last chick was finally leaving the nest.

His sisters were disappointed that he wasn’t moving into any of their current districts, but had promised to visit.

Meanwhile, his friends were spending every spare time they had with him and he was thankful.

However, there was still one person who wasn’t aware of his plans and he made sure it was kept secret from the Jungs, who were sure to tell Yunho out of a sense of familial loyalty. Besides, the law intern hadn’t been home since his birthday due to a huge case his mentor was handling.

Jaejoong kept telling himself that he hadn’t told him yet because there wasn’t a right time. A part of him knew that he was hoping to just delay the inevitable. He found himself wondering many nights if he should just give up and stay in Gwangju. But, then, that little voice in his head told him that he needed this.

He needed to leave Gwangju.

The opportunity came one day when he was doing another quick round-up of his bedroom. He had been checking his desks for things he may need and things he could leave when his phone rang.

It was Yunho. With the quickening pace of his heart, Jaejoong answered.

“Hey, sorry I haven’t been in touch much in the last couple of days. Things have been hectic. We had this huge case and it’s finally ended.”

“I-It’s fine. It’s… nice to hear from you.”

He could practically see Yunho smile from the other line. “I miss you.”

Jaejoong swallowed. “I know. I… I miss you too.”

He heard the other’s breath hitch. It was the first he had returned the sentiment. It must have made him happy. “I… Um… I’m coming home next weekend.”

Next weekend was too soon. Much too soon. But Jaejoong knew he could no longer delay the inevitable. “Oh, that’s great. Then, why don’t we meet up? There’s a movie that just came out that I want to see. We can have dinner too.”

“R-Really?”

Jaejoong could practically see Yunho’s eyes widen in surprise. It was the first time in a while that he had voluntarily suggested meeting up.

He chuckled. “Yes. Is that okay?”

“Yes! Yes, of course!” Happiness radiated from Yunho’s side.

It made Jaejoong feel guilty.

They made small talk for a few more minutes before hanging up, Yunho not forgetting his customary “I miss you”.

When he heard the click, Jaejoong sighed and put the phone back down.

He had no idea if he could do this… if he could hurt Yunho like this. He didn’t want to. He still loved him, after all, despite everything. Hurting Yunho was the last thing he wanted. But… he also wanted to be selfish. Didn’t he have that right too?

Jaejoong’s eye caught sight of a little black drawstring bag in one of his drawers. He picked it up and slowly opened it, taking out its content: his ring. He hadn’t worn it since the day he removed it and threw it somewhere in his room in anger and pain.

He slid it onto his finger. It still fit, of course.

The white gold glinted in the light to show off the sleekness of the metal, making the engraved stars stand out. It was a ring that Yunho had bought with the meager salary he had earned working part-time back in University. The ring and its counterpart symbolized their devotion and commitment to each other.

Yunho still wore his. Jaejoong did not.

Sighing, he slipped it off and placed it on top of his desk. Already, his finger felt empty at the loss of the familiar metal against his skin.

Sighing again, he picked up his phone and dialed. The other line rang three times before it was picked up.

“Yeobsaeyo?”

“Hey.”

“Hey, hyung! What’s up?”

Jaejoong cleared his throat. “Um… I’m just wondering… Do you think it’s okay if I move in earlier than we planned?”

“Uhhh, how early are we talking here?”

“Ahhh… next weekend?”

“Oh, sure! That’s fine! Your place is ready for you, anyway. Want me to still come down and get you?”

“If that’s okay. I’ll text you the details.”

“Sounds good, hyung! I’ll see you then?”

“Yes, thank you, again, so much.”

“It’s no problem, hyung. You know I’m here for you.”

When Jaejoong hung up, the reality of the situation finally sunk in and he began to tremble.

He was really doing this.

 

---

 

The days passed and Jaejoong tried his hardest to keep himself busy.

Most of his personal things have been packed and shipped to his new residence. His parents kept reminding him to eat properly and sleep well because they weren’t there to nag him anymore. His friends made plans on when they could visit him and how many times. He even met up with Hyori for lunch to tell her the good news.

The day of Yunho’s visit came closer and thus, the day of his impending departure from the only home he had ever known.

The day of his meet-up with Yunho finally arrived. Jaejoong made a little more effort to dress to the nines. He styled his hair, wore a shirt that was Yunho’s favorite on him, and last but not the least, he fished his ring out of his drawer and put it on.

He was nervous and felt sick to his stomach.

And when he saw Yunho patiently waiting for him outside the theater, he felt his stomach drop.

The other looked handsome as always, maybe a bit haggard from the work he had to do in the last few weeks, but no less the charismatic man he was.

He waved and smiled happily when he caught sight of Jaejoong.

“Jae… wow… I haven’t seen that shirt in a while,” he said, making no effort to hide his admiration.

Jaejoong blushed lightly. “Thanks. Um, shall we go?”

Their first date was at this very same theater. Jaejoong had been so nervous that he had been shaking throughout the movie. At some point, Yunho had slipped his hand into his and in an instant, he had calmed down. And then, Yunho did that cliché move of pretending to yawn and stretch so he could slip his arm around Jaejoong’s shoulder. It had made the latter laugh so much that he forgot his nerves.

They had their very first kiss when Yunho brought him home that night.

It was all cliché, like a typical romantic movie. How cliché was it that they would also have their very last date at that same movie theater?

Inside the darkness of the theater, Jaejoong subconsciously moved closer to Yunho, their shoulders brushing. It was only a matter of time before he felt the other hesitantly brush his fingers against his. He could practically feel the happiness radiate from every one of Yunho’s pore and it only made him more and more depressed.

After the movie, they went to a nearby fast food place. They talked and laughed. They told stories and flirted.

For a few moments, Jaejoong forgot what he had set out to do at the end of this night. For now, he wanted to remember what being with Yunho felt like. He wanted to feel like nothing had changed… when in fact, nothing was going to be the same ever again.

Yunho didn’t suspect a thing.

After eating, Jaejoong suggested going for a walk. They strolled down the street, side-by-side with no destination, in particular. They both knew this town like the back of their hands and wherever they wound up, they would always find their way back.

Somehow, they found themselves at the edge of a park. It was mostly empty and devoid of people due to the time. A few couples here and there were taking their own date night strolls, but they paid the two men no mind.

Jaejoong wondered how many of those other couples were going to last. He thought he and Yunho would. But, look where they were.

“Jae?”

“Hmm?” He looked up at the other.

“I’m really happy to spend time with you tonight.”

Jaejoong smiled. “I’m happy to spend time with you too.”

Yunho took his hand and swung them together, between them, playfully. Jaejoong allowed it, his own grip tightening.

It was almost time. He didn’t know how to begin. But, he had to at some point.

“By the way, how’s the job hunt going?” Yunho asked, innocently.

It was exactly the opening that Jaejoong needed. He cleared his throat. “Good, I found a few places and… I finally made my choice.”

Yunho broke into a proud smile. “That’s great! I’m happy for you, Jae! I knew you could do it!”

Jaejoong forced a smile in return.

Yunho continued, oblivious to Jaejoong’s turmoil. “I’ve been looking at some firms around here too. It’s a little difficult since my experience is still lacking, but Seunghyun-sunbae says he’ll give me a good recommendation once I start applying and-.”

“You don’t have to move back home, Yunho,” Jaejoong interrupted, stopping in his tracks.

Yunho stopped too, looking back at Jaejoong with a confused look. “What do you mean? I told you, I’m coming back so I can be closer to you.” He smiled in reassurance. “Being away from you was the worst decision I had ever made, Jaejoong. It made me make mistakes and I’m going to fix it.”

Jaejoong knew that this was it. His heart pounded painfully against his chest, but prolonging the inevitable would only make it hurt more.

His devastation must have shown on his face since Yunho gripped both of his hands, tightly, rubbing soothing circles on them with his thumbs.

“Jae? What’s wrong?” he asked, looking concerned now.

Jaejoong felt a tear slip past his eye and run down his cheek. “Yunho, don’t move back home. There’s nothing for you here.”

“What… what do you mean? Jae, you’re not making sense.”

Taking a deep breath, Jaejoong looked him in the eye. “Yunho… let’s end this. Officially.”

With those words, Yunho dropped his hands and took a step back like he had been punched. His eyes were wide in disbelief at Jaejoong.

“W-What?” he managed.

Jaejoong swallowed the lump in his throat. “I can’t do this anymore. We have to end it.”

And just like that, Yunho was back, gripping his arms tightly that bruises were sure to form. But, Jaejoong could hardly acknowledge the pain, only seeing the pain reflected in Yunho’s eyes.

“No,” he said, firmly. “J-Jaejoong… You can’t.” His lips trembled. “Did I do something wrong? Did Jisoo say something to you? Tell me, please and I’ll fix it! J-Jaejoong, please-.”

Jaejoong shook his head and tried to smile, placing a hand on Yunho’s cheek to gently it. “No, Yunho, you didn’t do anything wrong. You’ve done everything you could to fix us and I’m grateful, I truly am.” His heart was slowly crumbling, the pieces barely hanging on. “Yunho… I love you. I love you so much, baby. But...” He let out a gasp, feeling like all the air in his lungs had run out. “But… I c-can’t… It hurts too much… Every time I see you, I remember. Every time I see her or hear her name, I remember. And no matter how hard I try, I can’t forget.”

Yunho gripped the hand on his cheek, kissing it as tears flowed freely down his own cheeks. “J-Jaejoong… n-no… Let me f-fix this... P-Please… I c-can’t… I c-can’t live without y-you…”

Jaejoong took another deep breath as he lifted his other hand and placed it on Yunho’s other cheek. “I can’t live without you, either… Which is why we both have to learn… I have to learn how to live without you. I have to learn how to stand up on my own now. And I have to fix myself. I have to get rid of this ice around my heart because... Yunho… I love you so much and I… I don’t want to hate you… I don’t want to end up resenting you because I love you and you are the most amazing thing that has happened to me.” He Yunho’s cheeks, wiping the tears away that just wouldn’t stop. “I’m doing this for us, Yunho. You need to learn to live without me.”

Yunho shook his head in denial. He released Jaejoong’s hands and wrapped his arms around his tiny waist to bring him close.

“I can’t… I can’t let you g-go…”

Jaejoong tucked his chin into the crook of Yunho’s neck, his own tears spilling and wetting the collar of Yunho’s shirt.

“I… I want you to really figure out what you want, Yunho,” Jaejoong continued, wrapping his own arms around Yunho’s waist, savoring the feeling of the man he loved and would always love in his arms. “I want you to build a future around what you want, not what your father wants or what I want or what anyone else wants. Just yours. But… right now… I can’t be a part of that future. I want to build my own too.”

Yunho pulled back to press his forehead against Jaejoong’s, his eyes closed, chest rising and falling as he too could barely breathe. “The future I want is with you. Only you. No one else.”

Jaejoong’s heart continued to break at that. He wanted that future too. He wanted it so much.

But, how could he work towards that future when he was still in so much pain? How could he work towards that future when he was still so very much broken? He couldn’t do that to Yunho. He couldn’t do that to himself.

He closed his eyes as well, savoring these last moments. “Maybe someday, if we meet again, I’ll be fixed. Maybe someday, when I look at you, it won’t hurt anymore.”

He opened his eyes to look at Yunho’s face, his features now marred by tears and pain, but no less handsome. Jaejoong felt so lucky to have had the opportunity to love him.

Slowly, he pressed a soft kiss to those lips. Yunho immediately responded, pressing back like a hungry man savoring his first meal. Jaejoong felt the same as he too kissed Yunho with everything he had, knowing this was the last.

When Jaejoong pulled back, Yunho let out a loud sob, his lips seeking out Jaejoong’s forehead.

“Maybe someday, I can love you with my entire being again, Jung Yunho,” he continued, his voice shaking with emotion. “But, right now… I can’t… I’m sorry.”

With all the strength he could muster, he began to pull away. But, Yunho pulled him back, shaking his head and burying his face in Jaejoong’s shoulder.

Jaejoong held him tight, one more time. Just one more time.

Then, he forced himself let Yunho go and walk away. He didn’t take more than two steps when he felt the other’s strong form behind him, holding him around the waist, refusing to let him go.

“Yunho, please,” he begged, as his heart continued to shatter. He couldn’t bear it any longer. If he stayed longer, he might not be able to leave.

“Just one night…” Yunho whispered against his shoulder. “Please, Jaejoong… one night to show you how much I love you… Please…” He kissed the back of his neck. “Please…”

For the first time that night, Jaejoong hesitated.

“Please… don’t leave with my heart… not like this…”

For the last time, Jaejoong found himself giving in. He told himself that it was for Yunho, to give Yunho one last gift.

But, he knew he wanted it too. One last gift from Yunho.

 

---

 

The clock on the motel’s bedside clock read just a little past midnight. Outside the window, the quarter moon shone brightly against the dark backdrop of the night sky, surrounded by twinkling lights. It was a clear evening. Peaceful.

Beside him, Yunho slept, passed out from exhaustion, both from their lovemaking and the crying. Even as he fell asleep, he had continued to beg Jaejoong not to leave him. He held him tightly all night, refusing to let go.

Despite feeling physically and emotionally tired himself, Jaejoong didn’t sleep. He only watched Yunho’s sleeping form, playing with the other’s hair and wiping the dried tracks of tears from his cheeks. He wanted to store, in his memory, the feeling of Yunho’s touches, his kisses, and his passionate love.

He wanted to bring the memory of this last night with him wherever he went.

“I love you, Yunho,” he whispered, leaning in to kiss him one last time.

He, then, slowly removed himself from Yunho’s tight hold and silently got dressed.

When he was ready, he approached the bed one more time and reached out to run a hand through Yunho’s hair. He pressed a kiss to his forehead, his lips lingering just a second longer.

When he straightened up, he looked down at his hand. The ring glinted back at him. Slowly, he removed it from his finger, pressed it to his lips, then placed it on the bedside table.

He hated to part with it, but it would only bring him pain. Just like staying in Gwangju would. Just like staying with Yunho would.

With his last resolve beginning to crumble, Jaejoong hurried to the door, not wanting to linger any longer, lest his heart would refuse to move.

Pausing at the doorway, he looked back once more at the sleeping figure on the bed, clutching the pillow beside him tightly in his hands.

“Goodbye, Yunho,” Jaejoong whispered before finally closing the door.

 

---

 

“But… none of these schools are in Gwangju.”

“That’s… what I wanted to tell you guys… I’m… moving… I’m leaving Gwangju.”

Yoochun could only stare at him in shock, looking a bit betrayed.

“But… why?” the younger asked.

Jaejoong chuckled without humor. “You know that I’ve always wanted to leave this place.”

“Yeah, but we thought you’d be going to Seoul.” Yoochun stared at the papers on his lap. “None of these schools are in Seoul either.”

“I…” Jaejoong could only look down at the floor. “Actually, I’ve been thinking about this for a while now… I really need a dose of fresh air. But, I don’t think Seoul can give that to me. I need to go elsewhere.”

Yoochun was quiet for a moment. “Are you going to tell Yunho-hyung?” he asked, quietly. “He was planning on moving back home, wasn’t he?”

“I… I don’t know…”

They sat there on Jaejoong’s bed for a long time, not speaking. What else was there to talk about? Jaejoong had made his decision.

 

---

 

 “Hyung?! Hyung, what’s wrong?”

His friends surrounded him, worried looks on their faces. He hated to make them worry, but he couldn’t help it. Many things were happening all at once. He had thought long and hard about his decision, but he didn’t think it would come to this.

“Jaejoong-hyung?” Junsu was holding his hand, trying to comfort him.

Jaejoong looked up at them, his ever-supportive friends. He would miss them all so much. And he hated the position he was about to put them in. Their friendship would never be the same again.

“I’m… I’m breaking up with Yunho… for good,” he finally confessed.

The looks of surprise and shock fell graced all of their faces.

“I’m leaving Gwangju… and I’m begging you all to please not tell him where I’m going. I… I can’t have him chase after me.”

“But, hyung, we thought you guys were doing so well,” Changmin said, looking like he was about to cry. “I thought you were going to give him another chance.”

“I… I was,” Jaejoong admitted.

“Then, what happened?” Yoochun asked.

Jaejoong sniffled, his hands shaking in Junsu’s grip. “I thought I could do it. I thought I could easily move on from what he did. I love him. I love Yunho so much, guys. But… it hurts.” He brought a hand to his chest, his heart constricting with each word he confessed. “It hurts too much to see him and pretend that I’m okay. That we’re okay. But… I’m not… I’m far from okay. I’m a mess. I’m breaking and I… “

He shook his head, the tears flowing more and more now and he couldn’t stop them no matter how hard he tried.

“I thought I could do it… I thought I could… But, I can’t…. I can’t... I don’t know who I am anymore. All I want to do is hurt him and hurt that woman and I’m… I’m scared… I’m so scared…”

As he sobbed his heart out, his friends enveloped him in the warmth of their hugs. But, even that could not thaw the frozen ice around his heart. Even that couldn’t fix the cracks and chips.

And he knew that the only way he could was to stay far away from Yunho as possible. For both of their sake’s.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Five years later…

“Congratulations, Yunho-shii!”

“Wishing you the best, Jung!”

“Keep in touch, sunbae!”

Yunho’s smile was wide as he shook hands with his colleagues. Well, former colleagues now since officially today, he was no longer a lawyer with this firm.

Today was his farewell party.

After his internship ended, they had offered him a promotion to associate. He had made a pretty good name for himself since then. The firm and its lawyers and staff had all been instrumental in him figuring out exactly what he wanted to do and where he was best suited in. And now, he was ready to step out into the world for the next chapter of his career.

His mentor, Seunghyun, approached him, looking proud. “Well, Yunho, I never thought I’d see the day when you would leave us,” he said, smiling good-naturedly. “But, I know you’ll do excellent at your next job. They’ll take care of you well.”

“Thank you, Seunghyun-sunbae, for everything you’ve done for me,” Yunho said to him, sincerely. “I’ll never forget all you taught me.”

Seunghyun patted him on the shoulder. “You’ve worked hard. You deserve all this success.” He sighed. “Do you really have to move out of Seoul, though? There are plenty of smaller firms around here too.”

Yunho shook his head. “Thanks, sunbae, but I think I’d prefer somewhere a little… quieter. Seoul, while it has been good to me, it’s a little hectic. And the place is closer to home too, so it would be easier to visit my parents.”

Seunghyun chuckled at that. “Can’t argue with that. Well, once you’re settled, let me know. I’ll drive down and we can go for a drink.”

“Your treat then, sunbae?” Yunho teased, his eyes sparkling in mischief.

“Fine, fine, my treat!” Seunghyun pretended to be annoyed, but Yunho knew that the man was sincere.

He watched as his colleagues mingled with each other, drinking and eating, laughing. He would never forget his time here, his time in Seoul.

He had learned so much – about his chosen career and himself. It may have taken a lot of heartaches to get to the state that he was in now, but he would continue to carry those lessons with him. He was far better than the man he was five years ago, far stronger, yet he would never stop trying to be even better than he was now.

But, it was time to leave and start a new life… For himself.

---

 

A/N: So, first, I apologize that this took so long! But, being with 2 little kids and playing with them for just a few hours can make anyone exhausted! I kept telling myself I would write once they were asleep, but by that time, I was just so tired that I went straight to sleep or read manga 'til I fell asleep (anyone else read/watched the manga/anime "Love Stage!!"? Highly recommend it! It's so cute!). I don't know how parents do it, but you know what? Parents rock. 

Second, did anyone see the fan videos from Jaejoong's fanmeet?! He danced to "Rising Sun" and "The Way U Are"!!!! OMFG my DB5K feels were all over the place! I was practically crying at the nostalgia! I think it really goes to show that despite what happened, TVXQ was really an important part of his life. He was practically dancing by instinct! I doubt he had much chance to practice those in years! Kind of wish he had done "Mirotic" too, but can you imagine?! He also danced to "Gashina" and can I say that it's practically an ode to Yunho?! Or maybe that's my delusional YunJae heart talking? Lol

Third... Yes, Jaejoong officially broke things off with Yunho here. I had planned that scene from the beginning when I first started writing this story and honestly, it was one of the hardest to write because, well, I was also kind of crying. And my heart was breaking. I didn't want to do this to them, but it had to happen. Jaejoong was hurting too much. If he continued to stay, he might hurt not only himself but Yunho too. And Yunho did everything he could, but in the end, the decision is still Jaejoong's. Thus, he chose to leave with Yunho's heart.

But, hold up! This story doesn't end here! I have about 3 more chapters planned. We'll see what happens after 5 years.

Does time really heal all wounds? Or are some wounds just never meant to heal?

'Til the next chapter!