How do you show someone you love them? Well, you could be mature – heart on your sleeve and blush on your cheeks – and simply confess. Worst case you’ll cry a couple of nights and sulk a couple of days and maybe your friends will be sick and tired of you, but they’re sick and tired of you anyway. It’s not that deep, bro. Unless you’re Jennie Kim, because when you’re Jennie Kim you’re a stupid, petty child who hides behind cozy sweaters, purple sticky notes and overly emotional lists. And with lists, comes the pain. I speak as a fellow Capricorn when I say that our ego is bigger than our heart and our goals are usually childish reasons to make us feel slightly better about ourselves. I know well enough, because when taken down a memory lane, I remembered that without even noticing, I had my own list written about Jennie Kim and her peculiar behavior, even though back then I didn’t pay much attention to her existence. She was just this one girl with a blurry face, but surely with the prettiest cat eyes, the girl with unrecognizable features, but without a doubt softest voice. The struggles of having a crush (Falling makes you vulnerable – a list) No.1: Don’t play with her hair, there will be splinters on your knuckles and cuts on your fingertips So deep down, maybe we’re all petty children, because you found yourself scooping thought Jennie’s old room, making fun of her plushie collection and bullying the books she had so proudly flashed in her tiny library. You believe that said research was going pretty well, until a few windows broke due to Rosé’s high pitch vocals. Her scream was literally, absolutely not exaggerating, ripped off of with impeccable aggression, a loud gasp accompanying it: “Oh my God Jennie, it’s that , gay looking, sad tumblr girl list of yours.” Along with the windows, shattering down were your eardrums, but there was no time to ponder over that, because you’re Kim Jisoo. Relationship drama somehow always steals your attention and becomes priority. Hell, you have an entire blog about relationship drama. This ‘, gay looking, sad tumblr girl list’ was the peak of your devastating trip to Jennie’s parents’ house. And then Lisa broke a couple of other windows when she yelled: “No, somebody get it before Jennie eats it.” Now there was a brief second when your entire body and mind froze, contemplating why Jennie would eat a piece of paper that you still didn’t know what was or where was placed, but it was quickly broken when the other three girls pushed and bumped and ran towards the closet, the owner of said list reaching it first even though she had shorter legs than the other two. So, raw memories from a past you’d rather forget give you superpowers huh…?! Jennie even did a tiny jump to reach the purple piece of paper that was pinned among ripped magazine pages and posters and you felt your heart do a backflip as a grin painted your face. And guess what she did after?! She scrunched it up and stuffed it in . “Damn, I told you all!” “Jennie, no! Spit it out,” you order with a stern voice, terrified but not surprised at her stupidity, but of course she shakes her head like the stubborn baby she is. “No.” “We won’t read it Jen,” Rosé rolled her eyes. “Plus, I know half of that stupid list by heart. You used to chant it like a mantra for an entire hour before biology class.” “No!” “Huh?” you arch an eyebrow. “Didn’t we share that class?” “No,” your lover stubbornly shakes her head again, paper still in . “Oh my God,” Lisa yells. “Yes, you two did. First year, first semester, like right before she asked you out on that stupid prom date which you rejected.” “No,” Jennie muffles out again and she kind of chokes this time around, but no, God forbid she gets the paper out. “Oh, I remember,” you snap your fingers. “You used to sit behind me and this one time you even started playing with my hair. That was you right?!” And you recall, in a blurred memory, this one lovely girl taking up the empty space behind your desk, this one lovely stranger who once tangled her fingers in your hair and started twirling it, making you flinch at the sudden contact. She had the most adorable expression when you turned around, doe eyes that seemed terrified and plump lips that were shaking as she tried to apologize. She called it a force of habit, an involuntary move done because she was bored and all of this and that (because you were too busy getting lost in her shining eyes to hear her stupid excuses) and she just wouldn’t stop saying sorry. Bear with me dear readers, we’ve established that I was young and dumb back then. (“I’m so sorry. Your hair was just falling on my desk all Rapunzel like, and it was all tangled looking softer than marshmallows, and the professor is kinda boring, so I mindlessly started messing with it. I’m really, really sorry. I’m sorry.”) You thought back then that the cat eyed girl was weird and you kind of liked it. (“Well, stop it, or I’ll fall asleep during class.” “Uh, I’m sorry.”) She didn’t tangle her fingers in your hair again that day and you missed it, but you also didn’t dare to ever admit such reckless fact to anyone, even yourself. The next week, she had picked a different spot to sit in and you shrugged it off, convincing yourself that it was better. No one would bother you now. “Falling makes you vulnerable,” Rosé’s voice breaks your thoughts along with a loud thud that the bed cried out as she dramatically fell on it, eyes closed and a hand clutching her chest as if her heart was hurting. “Do not play with her hair, there will be cuts on your knuckles and splinters on your fingertips.” Jennie chokes on her own breath this time around and finally, at the edge of death, suffocation holding her hand as she walked towards the bright lights of Heaven, she takes out the paper and sends a death glare towards her friend, who by now was flaming red from laughter. “First of all Park Chaeyoung, screw you!” she points an accusatory finger, scrunched up nose and fired up cat eyes. “Secondly Park Chaeyoung, it’s ‘there will be splinters on your knuckles and cuts on your fingertips. And thirdly Park Chaeyoung, you acting all cocky as if you didn’t write the second rule yourself when you fell in love with Lisa is just so funny to me.” “No, I did not,” Rosé sounds defensive and Lisa looks entertained. “But maybe I wrote the third one,” she mumbles under her breath after. “Well, well, well my friend Jisoo,” the formerly mentioned girl says, wiggling her eyebrows towards your direction. “This is going to be a very interesting list for outsiders like us.” And you have the most annoying grin plastered on your face as you nod. No.2: Don’t write on her notebook and hope for her to remember you “Gather around children, it’s time for your Christmas story,” you arch an eyebrow as Rosé shuffles a hand through her hair and makes a smile dance on her lips. “A is going to be on Santa’s bad kids’ list,” Jennie sugars her voice, sounding no older than five and a half, almost as sad and spoiled as a child who didn’t get an Elsa toy inside their Kinder surprise chocolate. “At least I won’t be on the cringy ‘falling makes you vulnerable’ list,” Rosé fires back, her tongue poking out in mockery. They’re stupid, you think, and as you look at Lisa who’s looking at Rosé with heart eyes, you realize that you’re both foolishly in love with their stupidity. “Shh, don’t interrupt,” Lisa says, waving her long arms all over the place as if she’s getting a hold of the situation. “The quicker we go through this the faster we’ll reach the third rule, which is about the one and only,” she in a loud breath and slows down her words, emphasizing every letter, “goddess of love and beauty,” her eyes are squinted as she looks in the distance, “mesmerizing creature fallen into this ugly mortal world,” and we think it can’t get any worse, “heartthrob of the new century,” and she takes it overboard when she jumps on the bedside table, knocking down one of Jennie’s plushies. (“Mr. Fluffers no,” the barely audible whisper gets ignored so Lisa can continue.) “…dramatic silence please,” nobody was talking anyway, “drum roll,” she starts kicking the table where she’s standing in, “…moi,” and the misery finally ends. “I know we’re enemies, but you should break up with her,” Jennie looks over at Rosé. “I really should,” the friend mumbles back, right before she c