Kim Jisoo is a mess. Nothing new about that, really. She’s dorky and loud and 99% of the time I fear for her life, presuming that at one point or another, her careless behaviour and inability to be what a normal human would be, will most definitely get her killed. Or get me killed, but I’m taking my chances. Now, you’re probably wondering why the hell I am back in Jisoo’s blog, taking over a full article with struggles for which you didn’t sign up when you decided to follow. The answer is quite simple and it has nothing to do with the fact that I want to distract you from obsessing too much over my Jisoo, because I know you are. I’ve seen all of those unnecessary comments you humans have left under her posts about how she’s gorgeous and adorable and lovely and how you wished to have her as your girlfriend. No, absolutely not. I’m not one of those jealous people, no matter what you’ve heard about me. I’m chill when it comes to my girlfriend and our relationship in which we’re both absolutely devoted, full feelings, lots of struggles and snuggles. I love us. Edit: Absolutely not jealous. Sure, Jen. – MC. Chuu Moving on, I am here to give a detailed description of the struggles which come along when you take up the responsibility of teaching your girlfriend basic human activities that will help her survive everyday life. Of course, that’s one hell of a difficult task, especially when Jisoo only specializes in making people’s hearts flutter and again, I’m absolutely okay with it. I know my girlfriend has that effect on people. My girlfriend is amazing like that. I love her. I love us. Edit: I think they got the point. I’m your girlfriend, but keep on emphasising it, I like how it sounds. – MC. Chuu The struggles of being the other ½ Jensoo (…And the perks of having been a cat in my past life) I: Teaching your Korean girlfriend English Jennie has said it before and will say it again until it is engraved inside every single person’s brain: Kim Jisoo, her hot mess of a girlfriend who seems to be one of the most foolish creatures in the world, is actually a hidden genius. Her English skills are proof. In between of all the things she had to deal with, her brain had the power to up all of the information about the English language that Jennie gave her, becoming like this a master level in understanding. Soon enough, because of relentless learning, her speaking skills also improved massively. Jennie would brag about it whenever it was given the chance. She loved to make her girlfriend the main topic, the object of adoration, the gem she had found and had brightened up her entire life. That however, doesn’t mean that there weren’t times when Jennie wanted to tape Jisoo’s gorgeous beyond this world – God bless the little piece of sanity they’ve left in Jennie – heart shaped lips which somehow, were always found saying all the wrong things to all the wrong people. In English. “What do you mean you asked her if she had a ‘private instagram’?” Jennie asked, after shrieking like a dolphin as she twisted her foot while walking down the stairs and found herself falling, literally falling because of Jisoo, of course. To her defence, it was definitely not the fact that Jisoo had asked a girl about her private Instagram in her absolutely cute English accent that had everyone swooning. No sir, the place was just slippery from being washed not too long ago. Jisoo’s recreation of their conversation, all tinted and sprinkled oh so nicely by cute vowels and ticklish consonants that Jisoo shamelessly added while pronouncing English words, had nothing at all to do with Jennie’s small tragedy that could’ve resulted in her snapping her neck and possibly dying. “Babe, are you okay?” Jisoo asked, her voice soft and concerned. “Yes, yes, I’m fine. Everything's good,” Jenne said. You know, like a liar. II: Teaching your girlfriend to – JESUS JISOO PUT THE KNIFE DOWN, ROSÉ IS CRYING THINKING YOU’RE MURDERING THE FOOD First of all it’s obvious what you’re thinking. What is Rosé here for?! And let me tell you, Jeannie was exactly thinking the same thing when she opened the door and found a hyper Lisa and a very cold Rosé jumping from one foot to another. That would’ve easily been avoided if Rosé gave up on her crop tops and wore normal sized clothing for once, especially during winter, but Jennie knew that that was out of the question. She even cut half of her shirts and jackets so they were cropped. Unbelievable and dumb if you asked her. “So what are my homos doing this fine evening?” Lisa yelled, entering the kitchen way too loudly for Jisoo who was getting, well, literally everything out of the cabinet. “Lisa!” Rosé yelled back way too dramatically high pitched for Jennie’s eardrums, glaring at her girlfriend. “Alright,” the hyperactive child sighed as if anyone in the room would even think of pitying her while she was being scolded by Rosé – not today Satan, not today – and then, she yelled again. “So what are my homies doing this fine evening?” “Eh, same thing,” Jisoo mumbled, not impressed by the new way of wording the sentence. “The weather outside is literally going through menopause, what do you mean fine evening?” Jennie retorted sassily, looking from the window to Jisoo who was now opening a pack of chips. “And the weather inside is not much different, really, we love a nice disaster now and then,” she mumbled in fake excitement as she looked at the mess in the kitchen. “This is not a disaster, this is cooking,” Jisoo grinned and it was Jennie’s time to sigh and somebody better feel compassion for her, because with Jisoo’s basic skills on the kitchen her life was on the line, again. Now, allow Jennie to break down what Jisoo means by ‘cooking’. Everything around the kitchen gets messy. Half of the ingredients get opened even though they won’t be used. The other half of the ingredients which are used are always half empty because Jisoo is randomly eating instead of actually cooking and oh look there’s a knife flying right next to Jennie’s head. Yes, Jisoo’s as hell when cooking. Lovely. Jennie didn’t sign up for murder when she agreed to help Jisoo make dinner for three. (Oh, how Jennie hates that number, but we’ll go through that later.) “Sweet, call me when you’re done then,” Rosé smiled as if she was the most tender person in the world of who you should be taking care of. Jennie knew better. “You’re not going to sit there watching TV and then eat most of what we cook.” “Jennie, of course not,” she said, putting a hand on her chest, feeling accused, but then she turned around and made herself comfortable on the couch. “I’ll eat everything you’ll cook.” “Yeah right, maybe another time you gays,” Jisoo said, her voice serious as she looked at the other two girls. “Guys,” Jennie sighed. “Same thing,” Lisa mumbled. “We’re having a friend of mine over for dinner so I can introduce her to my girlfriend,” Jisoo concluded and said girlfriend of hers noticed that half of Jisoo’s sleeve was getting into the macaron’s cream. She might’ve felt slightly sorry for this friend of Jisoo. But only slightly and very briefly. “Here, let me help you,” Jennie said, pulling on Jisoo’s right sleeve and then, accidentally, but also very much intentionally, getting Jisoo in a back hug as she started pulling on the left one. That, of course, had Jisoo dramatically start singing one of those dumb songs – which had Jennie lose half of her concentration and soul, but she won’t ever admit to that – you’d hear in cheesy rom-com movies. All of that was companioned by Lisa’s loud siren-like shriek that brought Rosé running inside the kitchen with a terrorized look in her eyes. “Please tell me the cake is alive,” Jennie could’ve sworn she saw tears in her eyes. “I don’t have to start a #RIPCake right? Right? I’m too scared to look.” “Nah Rosie, the cake is fine. Just our homos here doing their thing.” “Homies,” Jennie sighed again. “Same thing,” Jisoo and Lisa both yelled. Rosé squinted her eyes, pursued her lips and clicked her tongue, her finger pointing accusingly. “This is a #RIPkitchen case I see. All the food that’s been victimized by their -mones,” she shook her head. Yeah, why were they here again?! III: Teaching your girlfriend