Jihoon was the kind of guy who ran away from his problems. His family had been his biggest problem, and so Jihoon thought he could avoid them by staying with Seungcheol. Sadly, his biggest problem was now Seungcheol.

He practically ran away after the confession. He just stormed out of Seungcheol’s apartment without looking back. He left his phone, his wallet, his money and the necklace there because he didn’t want to collect them, because collecting them meant being in Seungcheol’s line of sight for longer, and Jihoon did not think he could handle that. When he was out in the street, he practically ran because he knew that Seungcheol would be watching him from the window, and Seungcheol’s gaze was suddenly the most frightening thing in the world to him.

He went back home because he had nowhere else to go. And when he was there, he stormed into his bed, hoping to deal with no one. He was afraid that Vernon already ratted him out and his parents were waiting for him ready to ground or scold him. He was not in the mood to deal with it right now.

He made it through the living room and into his room unbothered. He climbed in his bed immediately and pulled the covers over him.

He didn’t have his moment of peace, because minutes later, Vernon entered.

“Hyung,” Vernon called out softly. He didn’t seem angry or bitter, which was a good sign.

“Get out. I don’t want to talk to you right now,” Jihoon muttered from under the covers.

“This came in the mail,” Vernon said placing an open envelope next to Jihoon. “It’s the receipt from the therapy center.”

Jihoon shot up and grabbed the envelope and stuffed it under his pillow. He should have known not to put in his address in the paperwork.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Vernon asked with a frown on his face.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“No. You gave me a lot of for not telling you about Seungkwan, I have the right to be angry about this!”

“Well, I don’t need you to be angry at me right now, Vernon,” Jihoon lower lip trembled and suddenly, he began to cry. He covered his face in shame. He didn’t think he ever cried in front of Vernon his entire life, but right now, it just felt like everything was pushing him to tears.

“I’m sorry,” Vernon apologized quickly, startled to see Jihoon crying. He pulled Jihoon closer and wrapped his arms around him cradling him softly as his strong older brother finally broke down. “I’m so sorry, hyung.”

Jihoon let himself be cradled. He felt fragile, emotional, dependent and weak, i.e. everything he didn’t want to be, but he really couldn’t keep up his strong, dispassionate front for any longer, not when everything seemed so wrong at the moment.

Vernon let Jihoon cry on his shoulder for a few minutes before saying: “I’ve been a horrible brother to you lately. I’m sorry I accused you of using the money for alcohol and drugs, and I’m sorry I got angry at you about the necklace. If I had known it was for therapy, I would have supported you all the way, hyung. I would have given you all of my allowance and I would have even helped you pawn mom’s jewels. But I didn’t know because you didn’t tell me. You should have told me hyung. How can I support you if you don’t tell me these things?” At this point, even Vernon was starting to tear up.

Jihoon sniffled and wiped his eyes. “I didn’t tell you because I wanted to avoid this sob fest.”

“Why? Sob fests aren’t bad,” Vernon replied, happy that Jihoon was saying something. “They help people get things out.”

“They embarrass people; that’s what they do,” Jihoon mumbled bitterly as he grabbed a tissue and wiped his nose.

“Well, I for one am happy we had this sob fest. Because now I see that you’re hurting, and now I can help you. I have a lot of money collected, I can give it to you so that you can pay for it.”

“I got the necklace back,” Jihoon told his brother. “But I’m not sure if…” Jihoon’s voice trailed off. He wasn’t sure if he was stilling going to pay for the necklace, if he was still indebted to Seungcheol.

“You’re not sure if…?” Vernon asked curiously.

“I don’t feel like talking about him right now,” Jihoon said, trying to shake Seungcheol out of his thoughts.

“Talking about who?”

“A ing idiot, that’s who.”

“Everyone is an idiot to you. That doesn’t narrow it down much.”

“You don’t know him anyways. And I really don’t want to talk about him, so let’s stop.”

“Is he a bully or something?” Vernon asked curiously.

“No, Vernon. He’s just an idiot.”

Vernon didn’t ask for any more information about the idiot, for which Jihoon was glad because even thinking about Seungcheol had started giving Jihoon a headache.

But Jihoon did tell Vernon about the darkness of his thoughts and how he sometimes had the urge to jump out a window and end his life. He told Vernon that drinking helped him a little bit, but then he decided to sign up for therapy, which helped him a lot more.

Although Jihoon had been afraid of telling people that he was so weak that he needed therapy, it was not nearly as bad as he expected coming clean to his brother. On the contrary, it felt good to finally let Vernon know the truth, and it felt good to know that someone he trusted and relied on was supporting him. Someone other than that unnamed idiot who Jihoon did not even want to think about.

-

Jihoon wanted to avoid Seungcheol for as long as possible, but he really needed his phone and wallet back. And in order to get his phone and wallet back, he had to go to Seungcheol’s home.

He didn’t want to though, and so he decided to ask someone else to go and retrieve it for him. At first he thought he should ask Vernon, but he knew that Vernon would immediately know that Seungcheol was the idiot.

He asked Seokmin instead. When Seokmin asked for an explanation about who he was going to see and why Jihoon’s wallet and phone were at his place, Jihoon told him to shut up and just do it.

Jihoon waited for Seokmin anxiously from around the corner, and Seokmin came back with the phone, the wallet and the heart-shaped necklace.

“Who’s the necklace for?” Seokmin asked when Jihoon put it in his pocket.

“None of your business,” Jihoon replied.

“I know who it’s for,” Seokmin grinned. “Does she live up there? Was that her brother that I just saw? Or maybe he’s her roommate; youngsters are too liberal these days.”

“You’re crazy,” Jihoon said rolling his eyes.

“Come on, why aren’t you telling me about her?” Seokmin pouted.

“Because there is no her, Seokmin,” Jihoon snapped. “I’m not cut out for relationships and you know it!”

“No need to get angry about it,” Seokmin muttered. “I don’t know what happened between you and her, but I can…”

“Seokmin, there is no girl,” Jihoon spelled it out for him.

Seokmin opened his mouth to say something but then closed it and narrowed his eyes as he seemed to think about something. It was then that his eyes widened and his mouth opened as if he just realized: “Oh!!! It’s not a girl. It’s a boy! It’s him, isn’t it?”

“What? No, don’t be crazy!” Jihoon replied, suddenly feeling goosebumps.

“I always knew you weren’t that into girls; you never talk about them at all. I can’t believe I just realized this now! You’re a guy dude after all! So what’s his name? He is pretty hot, by the way!”

“Seokmin! Stop, please!” Jihoon groaned. “I’m not a guy dude. And that guy is an idiot.”

“But he is the one you’ve been talking to for hours on the phone, right?” Seokmin asked with a knowing smile on his face.

“No,” Jihoon lied. “And I don’t want to talk to you about this anymore!”

-

When Jihoon opened his phone to catch up with what he missed, he found a long text message from Seungcheol waiting for him. Jihoon hesitated, but his curiosity prevailed, and he opened the message and read it.

To Jihoon,

I decided to write you a message because I think you would sooner read a text than listen to me say this out loud. So here goes.

As you know, I have lately developed feelings for you. I didn’t tell you for a long time though, because I know things like this scare you. You’re afraid of feelings and emotions, especially the strongest of them all, like what you feel for Seokmin, and what I’m starting to feel for you.

You run away from it and deny it, and you don’t like to even think about it. I know you rarely think about what you feel for Seokmin because it brings you pain and scares you. And I know that my confession repelled you from me, because you don’t want to deal with it. And I also know that you didn’t seriously sit down and consider my feelings for you and think about whether or not you could return them.

Even though it scares you, I want to ask you to think about it. Please do just this one thing for me.

I will wait for your message. Whether it’s in my favor or not, I still expect you to let me know what you decided.

Sincerely,

Choi Seungcheol

When Jihoon finished reading the message, he realized that Seungcheol knew him a lot better than Jihoon knew himself. He was scared; that’s exactly what he was feeling with reagrds to this issue. He did try to avoid Seungcheol because feelings simply scared him. They were a threat to everything that Jihoon wanted people to think that he was: a nonchalant, cold, and dispassionate person who did not like this thing called feelings.

But upon reading that letter, Jihoon felt compelled to actually do what Seungcheol was asking him to do. To consider it.

It was a crazy prospect, and when Jihoon began to contemplate whether he could return Seungcheol’s feelings, it was like there were suddenly flashing red lights inside his head, and a loud alarm ringing alerting him not to tread that cognitive territory. DANGER. DANGER. DO NOT THINK ABOUT THIS.

And Jihoon tried to ignore those warnings, but the ringing alarm in his head was so loud that he couldn’t even hear his thoughts. And it frustrated him, and that frustration was being converted into the familiar negative energy that depressed him.

He realized that he really needed to talk to someone. It was too unfamiliar for him to think about it on his own.

He took out his phone and called his best friend.

When Seokmin answered, Jihoon immediately cut straight to the chase: “his name is Seungcheol and he said he had feelings for me. I don’t know what to do about that idiot.”

Jihoon couldn’t see Seokmin’s expression, but he knew that his best friend was very pleased. “Well, do you have feelings for him?” Seokmin replied.

“I don’t know, and whenever I try to think about it, my brain shuts me out!”

Seokmin laughed. “You’re not supposed to think about if you have feelings for him, you’re supposed to feel things for him. What does your brain have to do with anything? It’s all in your heart, not your brain, you dummy.”

“I don’t understand this lovey-dovey corny ,” Jihoon replied.

“It’s simple. Do you like talking to him? Do you care about him? Do you like seeing him smile and do you hate it when he’s angry or sad? Does he make you feel different than others? Do you get jealous when you see him with other people? And when he hugs or kisses you, do you want him to keep doing it? I don’t know how else to explain it. It’s all things that you feel.”

As Seokmin was listing the questions, Jihoon answered them in his head. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes, he talked to him on the phone for hours so he did like talking to him. Yes, he cared about him. Yes, he liked seeing him smile and hated seeing him angry. Yes, Seungcheol made him feel different than most other people. Yes, he got jealous when he saw Seungcheol with that woman who bought the necklace. And yes, when Seungcheol kissed him, Jihoon secretly wished it would have lasted longer.

“So? What do you think?” Seokmin asked when the line went silent.

“I don’t know,” Jihoon mumbled.

“Let me tell you then: Jihoon, you like him. If you didn’t like him, you would have reacted very differently and you wouldn’t have even come to me for advice. You would have spewed insults at the guy and told him to off. You also would not have avoided him. I knew something was fishy when you made me go up to collect your stuff from his apartment. It’s just not like you to avoid people.”

Jihoon listened to this knowing that Seokmin was right, but he dreaded so much what that implied for him. The flashing lights and the loud alarm all rung in his head mercilessly as he even began to consider that maybe he could accept Seungcheol’s feelings.

“What the do I do then?”

“Just tell him,” Seokmin said simply.

“Tell him what?”

“That you like him back, silly.”

“Ew no.”

“Then find a meaner way to tell him,” Seokmin suggested, laughing. “Just make sure he gets the message.”

-

Just the thought of being mildly sentimental made Jihoon shudder inside, and so he took it upon himself to find some other way to relay that message to Seungcheol without compromising his integrity.

It didn’t take long for him to come up with the idea. It was brilliant, thought Jihoon. It was not sentimental or embarrassing, not lovey-dovey in the least bit, didn’t require him to say anything, and most importantly, it put Seungcheol in the awkward position and not Jihoon.

Initially Jihoon planned to get the ingredients for his plan from his own body. He would mold the contents into heart shapes and present them to Seungcheol, but Jihoon quickly realized that that was gross.

Instead, he went with clay. Black and brown with a little bit of yellow made for the perfect color. Jihoon carefully crafted his masterpiece into the shape of a heart. He tried so hard to get the texture right, to have the ridges there and everything. He even bought clear paint to give it that authentic glossy look. When he was finished, he was proud: it looked exactly like heart-shaped .

After it was dry, he put it in a clear plastic container and was on his way.

-

When Seungcheol opened the door and found Jihoon there, he was startled and looked suddenly nervous.

“I want to present something to you,” Jihoon said with his head held high. “It’s rare and precious, so you better treasure it well or else.” He held out the plastic container and gave it to Seungcheol.

Seungcheol took the container, and when he saw the contents inside, he took a moment to process.

“Heart-shaped… ?” Seungcheol asked while flinching, slowly holding the box further away from his body. But the look of disgust slowly transformed into one of relief and happiness when Seungcheol realized what that meant.

Heart-shaped had always been the metaphor for Jihoon’s rare internal tender emotions that he never liked to talk about, like the ones that he had initially harbored for Seokmin. Knowing that, Seungcheol immediately caught on to the message the Jihoon was trying to convey.

“If you don’t want it, I’ll give it someone else. Someone who treasures this rare and remarkable gem,” Jihoon said reaching out to take the box.

“No!!!” Seungcheol retracted the box container to his chest. “It’s mine! I will treasure it forever and ever.”

“Good,” Jihoon said crossing his arms and looking smug.

“I will accept your heart-shaped ,” Seungcheol said, still wincing as he looked at the box. “But please tell me that it’s actually chocolate?”

“Why don’t you eat it and find out?” Jihoon smirked.

“I’ll eat it if you let me kiss you afterwards,” Seungcheol tried with a charming smile that almost tempted Jihoon.

“Um, no thanks,” Jihoon said. “I don’t want your barf in my mouth, thank you very much!”

“So it is actually ?” Seungcheol looked horrified.

“You’ll find out when you eat it.”

“You know Jihoon, this would have actually been really romantic if you weren’t trying to make me eat ,” Seungcheol laughed.

“Good. I don’t do romance.”

“Well, I do,” Seungcheol replied, and he reached out, took Jihoon’s hand and began to pull him inside the apartment.

The alarm in Jihoon’s head began to ring; the red lights began to flash. “DANGER DANGER,” his brain was telling him. “YOU ARE TREADING INTO SENTIMENTAL TERRITORY RIGHT NOW. PULL YOUR HAND AWAY FROM HIS. SNAP AT HIM. YELL AT HIM. FLIP HIM OFF. TELL HIM TO STOP TREATING YOU LIKE HIS DOLL. DON’T LET HIM PULL YOU WITH HIM.”

But even though those thoughts were overwhelming, there was another part of him, a stronger part, that didn’t want to pull his hand away. But it didn’t come from his brain. It came for everything that wasn’t his brain, and it was much stronger than the cacophony of thoughts that were demanding he recede.

And so Jihoon remained unassertive as Seungcheol pulled him into his apartment. He placed the container on the counter and then turned to Jihoon, who was kind of nervous and trying his best to hide it.

“You’ve never been in a relationship before, have you?” Seungcheol asked, seeing right through Jihoon’s nerves.

“No,” Jihoon answered honestly, “because only an absolute idiot would like me, and I haven’t met as big an idiot as that until now.”

Seungcheol laughed, and Jihoon felt his heart do unfamiliar things.

“Well,” Seungcheol said, “I’m proud to be that big of an idiot.” Seungcheol lifted his arms to Jihoon’s neck and brought his lips to Jihoon’s and kissed him. The alarm in Jihoon’s head rang louder than ever before, but Jihoon did not listen to it. He received the kiss with no protest, letting both that alarm ring in his head and his heart beat wildly in his chest.

-

It didn’t take long for Jihoon to get used to the whole making out thing. He got the hang of it after a week with Seungcheol, and later he even realized that kissing didn’t have to be sentimental at all. Kissing could also be aggressive, and if Jihoon played his cards right, it could also drive Seungcheol crazy.

But even though Jihoon preferred that kind of making out to the sentimental kisses, it appeared like Seungcheol preferred the latter, and so sometimes Jihoon bit the bullet and did the sentimental stuff too.

But besides getting used to kissing, getting used to calling Seungcheol his “boyfriend” was even harder. It was hard enough calling him a friend let alone a boyfriend.

When Jihoon had to introduce Seungcheol to Vernon, he said: “this is Seungcheol, my idiot.”

“Your what?” Seungcheol asked.

“My idiot.”

“Say it with me Jihoon, boy – friend. It’s not that hard,” Seungcheol laughed.

“I am never saying that word. Ever,” Jihoon warned gravely.

“Please,” Seungcheol replied with a pout. “It honestly makes me wonder if you even consider me a boyfriend at all because you’re not saying it.’

“Do you think I would make out with someone I don’t consider a boyfriend?” Jihoon snapped.

“You said it!” Seungcheol smiled brightly and put his arms around Jihoon, who grumpily crossed his arms.

Vernon laughed as he watched them: “you two are so perfect for each other.”

-

About a month after getting together, Seungcheol did something he thought was romantic: he framed the heart-shaped “.”

When Jihoon arrived at his apartment and saw it hanging on the wall, he nearly gagged.

“Seriously?”

“What, it’s romantic. And it’s not actual , so it’s okay.”

“In what world is romantic?”

“In our world,” Seungcheol answered as he planted a kiss on Jihoon’s cheek.

Jihoon glared at Seungcheol and crossed his arms.

“So how was therapy?” Seungcheol asked as he went into the kitchen to prepare the dinner they planned.

“That is moving her office,” Jihoon mumbled. “I was so angry. Now I have to take a 20-minute bus ride to get to where she is.”

“Oh? I’m sorry.”

“I told her she has to cover the bus fees, and she agreed. But still, what a waste of time.”

“Maybe there’s another one closer by. We can do a quick search; I’m sure we’ll come across something.”

“I am not ready to get used to another therapist,” Jihoon muttered as he sat on the table. “I’m used to this one. Plus, this one’s nice about the fees.”

“I have a suggestion,” Seungcheol said as he placed the last of the plates on the table and sat in the other chair.

“What?” Jihoon asked as picked up his chopsticks and dug into the ramen.

“So… don’t hate me but…”

Jihoon put down his chopsticks and glared at Seungcheol. “I already know I’m going to hate you…”

“I talked to your dad and...”

“What?!”

“Listen to me, Jihoon. He called the boarding school and they said they would make an exception for you and you can register late…”

“What the , Seungcheol! You can’t just do like that without consulting me! I told you I don’t want to go to that school!”

“But you do want to go. The only reason you don’t want to go is because it’s expensive. Well guess what, they also agreed to give some financial aid. And I agreed to pay 20% of the remaining fee, and your father will pay the rest. It’s affordable for your father now, and it won’t be a big liability for him anymore…”

“Seungcheol, I said…”

“No complaints. Your father really wants this for you, and I do too because I know it’s your passion, and I’m not going to let you give it up because of money problems. And just think of it this way, let the boarding school replace your therapy sessions.”

“What are you talking about? I’ll need therapy there more than I would need it here,” Jihoon mumbled with a frown on his face.

“Why? You’ll be doing what you love and making music. And you said yourself that the suicidal urges are gone. I don’t think you need therapy anymore.”

“I’ll need therapy because I’ll be away from you, ,” Jihoon snapped and crossed his arms.

Seungcheol smiled, “we’ll talk every day and see each other on weekends. And who knows, maybe you’ll find a hunky songwriter over there to replace me?”

“I doubt it. No one’s as big of an idiot as you are,” Jihoon said under his breath.

“Is that a yes, then?” Seungcheol beamed with a smile on his face.

“It’s a maybe.”

-

It was true that the suicidal urges were gone. Jihoon realized that he didn’t really need therapy anymore, and he knew that a large part of that had to do with that idiot with heart-shaped framed on his wall. Seungcheol somehow made him happy, at least relatively so.

The thought of living far away from that idiot made him uncomfortable, but that idiot would not take no for an answer. And Jihoon hated to admit it, but the idiot had a lot of influence on him.

He ended up registering and going to the boarding school of his dreams. Every Friday, he would take the 4-hour bus down to the city, and stop at the place nearest to Seungcheol’s apartment. Seungcheol would have just come back from his shift at the bar when Jihoon would arrive.

Every time Seungcheol would open the door for him, he would grab his arm and pull him closer for a long, hungry kiss, one that Jihoon would cut short because he was afraid of the neighbors catching a glimpse of their PDA.

But as soon as Jihoon’s shoes were off and his bags were thrown to the side, Seungcheol would push him against the wall and kiss him again, the framed heart-shaped hanging above their heads like mistletoe.

A/N: Alright so I’m gonna end it here. I hope you liked it? ^^