The stranger’s name was Seungcheol. Jihoon learned that when Seungcheol called someone and identified himself as such to the person he was calling. He also told the person that he would be late to class.

Seungcheol stayed with him that morning as Jihoon faced all the monsters in his head, the monsters that he had kept suppressed in his head for so long, but were suddenly let loose without warning.

When Jihoon had stopped crying, Seungcheol made him tea, which Jihoon accepted because the hangover was still making his head ache.

“You should sign up for therapy,” Seungcheol suggested after Jihoon had stopped crying for a minute.

“Therapy’s expensive.”

“True, but I’m fairly certain that it would amount to less than what you have to pay for drinks every day if you carry on like this,” Seungcheol noted.

Jihoon hated to admit it, but he had a point. “I think it would be easier if I just die,” Jihoon mumbled, feeling the dark thoughts come again. Jihoon had given up going to boarding school because it was too expensive, and the thought of spending that money for therapy made him feel sick inside.

“No, Jihoon. That’s definitely not an option,” Seungcheol said gravely.

“Who are you, my mom?” Jihoon sputtered in Seungcheol’s direction, slowly putting back up that nonchalant front again.

Seungcheol smiled when he heard that: “you’re back!”

“ off.”

“I’ve never been happier to hear those words.”

-

It was strange, but somehow that day was actually so much better than the ones before it.

There were still dark suicidal thoughts here and there, but they were never overwhelming like they had been the previous days. It was like now that the demons inside him were set loose, they were no longer there nibbling at his insides and driving him crazy. Jihoon felt strangely liberated.

He went through his day without much difficulty. He went to his class, back home, had dinner, ignored his father as usual, and went back into his room on his computer to work on his new composition.

It was in that time when Vernon knocked on the door and entered uninvited.

“What do you want?” Jihoon mumbled when he saw Vernon’s reflection in the screen of his computer.

“Can we talk, please?” Vernon asked nervously.

Jihoon sighed and took off his headphones, turning his chair to face his brother. “What?”

“Look, about what you saw... the only reason I never told you was because Seungkwan didn’t want people to know. Honest, Jihoon. I would have told you but it wasn’t just my decision.”

“You could have at least told me you liked boys,” Jihoon sputtered crossing his arms.

“I know. I’m sorry. I just… I don’t know. I guess I wanted to keep it a secret because… I’m … I guess I’m kind of ashamed of it,” Vernon admitted with a shrug.

“You think I’d give a whether you liked boys or girls? Anyways, if anyone gives you a hard time because of it, tell me and I’ll knock their teeth out.”

Vernon smiled and nodded. “Thanks, hyung. And I’m sorry for not telling you.”

“I’ll knock your teeth out if I find out you hide like this from me again. Don’t do it again,” Jihoon warned gravely.

Vernon nodded with a suppressed smile on his face, he then reached out and took Jihoon’s hand, squeezing it in affection. “Thank you, hyung. Thank you.”

“Anyways, I have a lot of questions for you: how did it happen? Who confessed first? Are you the girl in the relationship? Are you guys even ing, and if you are, please tell me you’re using protection? You never know about STDs these days.”

“Hyung!” Vernon whined and winced at the questions. “Stop, it’s embarrassing.”

“Then you better not beat around the bush and answer them because I’m not resting until I know all the details.”

Vernon groaned, but he couldn’t complain. He confided in Jihoon told him everything about his relationship with Seungkwan. In those moments, Jihoon felt like maybe he wasn’t as lonely as he initially thought. Maybe he was not replaced as someone that Vernon counted on and trusted.

-

Jihoon, I’m so sorry, but can we cancel our plans tonight? It’s my girlfriend’s mom’s birthday, and she really wanted me to be there celebrating with the fam.

When Jihoon saw the message, he frowned. If Vernon didn’t get someone to replace him, then Seokmin sure as hell did. Before Seokmin and his stupid girlfriend, Seokmin had never cancelled plans. And it also pained him a little to know that Seokmin was close enough to her to hang with her family on her mom’s birthday.

It triggered him more than he would like to admit. Just when living was starting to feel a little more bearable, this one text message set him off.

He had only really started to grapple with his feelings for Seokmin that day. Before, he had just been in denial. Now, he recognized that he was hopelessly in love with someone who was getting farther and farther away from him.

He had thought that he didn’t need to go to the bar that night to drown his sorrows, but things have a way of going to very fast in Jihoon’s head.

-

As soon as Jihoon walked through the door, Seungcheol began preparing the usual order of beer.

“So how was your day?” Seungcheol asked carefully as handed the glass over to Jihoon.

“Cut the small talk. I’m not in the mood.”

“Let me rephrase the question then: should I expect to take you home tonight?” Seungcheol asked him.

“Yuck, that sounds weird. Don’t say it like that,” Jihoon frowned. “And no, I don’t think so,” Jihoon replied to answer Seungcheol’s question. “I don’t think I’ll get that drunk tonight.”

“I’m glad you had a relatively good day then,” Seungcheol deduced.

“Good day my ,” Jihoon muttered. “Good days don’t exist for me.”

“I know. That’s why I said ‘relatively,’” he joked, earning a deathly glare from Jihoon.

“Why do you like getting into my business so much?” Jihoon asked.

“I don’t,” Seungcheol claimed. “I just happen to be the one who hears your drunken ramblings.”

“It makes me uncomfortable that a stranger has all this on me.”

“I don’t have to be a stranger. Here I’ll introduce myself: Choi Seungcheol. Architecture student by day, bartender by night. I’m from Daegu, and I like puppies.”

“I didn’t ask,” Jihoon replied rudely.

“Well, I told you anyways,” Seungcheol replied with a small smile.

Why is this smiling? Jihoon thought as he watched him. It was rare for Jihoon to come across someone who was not offended by his rude bluntness and cold attitude, but this guy did it so effortlessly, smiling it off like it was nothing. It reminded him a lot of Seokmin, who never took his callous jabs seriously and just kept smiling and being friendly.

Being reminded of Seokmin led him into the dark part of his head again, and so he lifted the cup to his lips and gulped down more of the contents from his mug.

At this point, Seungcheol had to go and serve others, and so Jihoon was left alone to his thoughts. It was really in that moment that Jihoon began to see that he hated to be alone. He liked telling people things, even nosy bartenders. Having people around him made him less burdened and generally happier. When he was alone, all that happened was that his mind strayed into dangerous places. Talking to others kept him in check. That’s why it felt better when he spoke to Vernon. That’s maybe why he fell in love with Seokmin, who always listened to him. And that’s why it was liberating when he found out that Seungcheol knew of the deepest layers of his heart. It was like heavy burden was somehow relieved and spread across to more people.

He hated loneliness, but had the kind of attitude that repelled people. It was a horrible combination.

Jihoon waited eagerly for the stupid bartender to finish serving the others so that Jihoon didn’t have to feel lonely anymore.

When Seungcheol was finished, he walked over to where Jihoon was and placed emptied cups in the basin and began to wash them. It was then that Jihoon realized something else: this part of the bar counter was close to where the basin, the beer dispenser and the cash register were. Not to mention, it was where all the empty cups were stored. It was in this area of the long counter where the bartender would mostly hang around. And Jihoon always sat there. In the exact same spot.

“Why do I always sit here?” Jihoon wondered out loud as the realization slowly hit him. Why didn’t he sit father away in the corner, in an area the bartender did not always have to return to. Why didn’t he sit by those expensive liquors that people rarely bought? And why at the counter, and not in one of those tables outside of it?

“You like my company, I guess,” Seungcheol answered him.

“No I don’t,” Jihoon denied. “I think it’s because it’s more convenient; I get my beer quicker here,” he reasoned.

Seungcheol chuckled, “maybe.”

“Don’t flatter yourself too much, ,” Jihoon said to him before taking another sip of beer.

Seungcheol only smiled in response to that insult, which, again, reminded Jihoon of Sunshine Seokmin. Jihoon groaned loudly.

“What’s making you groan?” Seungcheol asked him. “Was it something I said?”

“Not everything’s about you,” Jihoon replied.

“I know who’s making you groan: Seokmin. Am I right?”

“None of your business.”

“So I’m right. Ha!”

“You are so nosy. It’s annoying.”

“Deep inside, you know you secretly like my company,” Seungcheol replied knowingly. “Anyways, about Seokmin: did you talk to him today?”

“None of your business.”

“You did then! I take it didn’t go to well because now you’re here. Anyways, my advice to you is this: he’s obviously friendzoned the hell out of you and he’s clearly not gay, and you need to move on and stop moping about him to your local bartender.”

Jihoon frowned. “Way to be sensitive.”

“Sensitive? Ha! Look who’s talking. I’ll be sensitive when you are.”

“What? Are you the depressed one suffering from unrequited love with someone who’s dating someone else?”

“Ah-ha! This is the first time I hear you admit your love for Seokmin while you’re sober,” Seungcheol said proudly.

“Why are you acting like you caught me red-handed? yes, I love him. You know that and I wasn’t planning on denying it. Don’t be too proud of yourself for hearing me say it.”

“I wonder: what did that guy do to be so loved by someone like you?”

“Excuse you, what’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s just that you don’t seem like the kind of guy who would be in love, you know? I’m very curious about the kind of person softened that hard heart of yours. What a lucky fellow.”

“Lucky?” Jihoon scoffed. “Yeah right.”

“He is lucky though, because he has something very rare. The rarer something is, the more precious it is. And the love of someone like you, that’s rare and precious,” Seungcheol narrated, making Jihoon narrow his eyes.

“What drug are you on?” Jihoon replied. That was such a strange thing for Seungcheol to say. “And no, Seokmin is an unlucky bastard. No one wants my love. I’m not exactly a friendly person. And just because something is rare doesn’t make it precious. You know what else is rare? that comes out of your shaped like a heart. Natural heart-shaped is very, very rare, but that doesn’t mean it’s precious. I don’t see anyone selling heart-shaped on eBay for 600 bucks.”

At this point Seungcheol burst out laughing. His sudden laughter actually flustered Jihoon, who rarely ever made people laugh. He didn’t even intend to do it; he just wanted to make a point. But there Seungcheol was, laughing very brightly at something he said.

“Lee Jihoon, you are very special,” Seungcheol told him when the laughter died out. “I like you.”

That was something else that flustered Jihoon very much. He didn’t think he ever heard those words before in his life. No one likes him; he just wasn’t a likeable person.

It was in that moment that Jihoon began to realize that Choi Seungcheol was a special person. But he wasn’t going to let him know that of course.

-

That night’s bill ended up being much cheaper than usual. Not to mention, Jihoon was actually sober. He wasn’t even tipsy or anything; he was as level-headed as ever. When Jihoon saw the bill, he was actually very surprised.

“Did I really only have two mugs?” Jihoon wondered out loud.

“Yes,” Seungcheol said proudly. “Only two.”

“How?”

“You tend not to drink when you’re having a conversation with someone,” Seungcheol told him. “You only take sips when no one’s speaking to you. I made it a goal of mine to make you drink as little as possible, so I kept talking with you,” he said.

“The ,” Jihoon mumbled. He hadn’t even realized that he didn’t drink when he was talking with someone, and it was weird that someone else had. It was even weirder that this person acted on it. That was why the nosy bartender was extra nosy today. That was why the nosy bartender kept asking questions. That was why the nosy bartender kept speaking with him. “Why the would you want me to drink less? I’m pretty sure that’s bad for business.”

“Well, because I want you to cut down on the drinking and start saving up for therapy.”

Jihoon couldn’t even reply for a second. He was so surprised that this person did all of this to help him, even though it was perhaps against his own interest to do so. In an attempt to salvage his cold image, Jihoon replied with: “if I told your boss that you were influencing customers into not buying beer, you’ll be fired.”

“Probably. But I know you won’t do that,” Seungcheol replied with a shrug.

“I won’t,” Jihoon said, “but not because I like you or anything. I’ll save it for when I need leverage against you in the future.”

“Okay, Jihoon,” Seungcheol chuckled. “Okay.”

-

Pretty soon, Seungcheol and Jihoon became friends.

At first, Jihoon denied it to himself, but later that he accepted that he liked the nosy bartender’s company. Not to mention, that nosy bartender was the only one Jihoon could talk to about what they codenamed “heart-shaped ,” i.e. his feelings for Sunshine Seokmin.

At one point, Jihoon found that he didn’t even need to go to the bar anymore, but he still went and pretended like he needed a drink, only because he wanted to talk with Seungcheol. Those days, he would only get through one mug of beer and be on his way.

But one day, after Seokmin ditched him again for another date with his beloved girlfriend, he felt downer than usual and needed more than that.

“Get me more,” Jihoon asked when he finished his first mug. Seungcheol grabbed his empty mug, and just as he was about to refill it, he stopped, “why don’t you try something else besides beer today? Let me mix you something new.”

“Beer is the cheapest and it’s what I’m most used to,” Jihoon said. “I don’t like change.”

“Come on! Just give it a try. I’ll make it extra special, and it’ll be on me,” Seungcheol offered.

Jihoon narrowed his eyes at Seungcheol and crossed his arms: “Choi Seungcheol, are you flirting with me?”

In response to that, Seungcheol only smiled and winked. Jihoon was taken aback by that, but didn’t have time to express it, because Seungcheol already grabbed an empty glass and began to mix.

Jihoon sat there and watched Seungcheol look through the bottles and carefully ration the contents inside the glass. When he was done, he placed the glass in front of Jihoon and nervously waited to see if Jihoon would take it.

Jihoon, still startled by Seungcheol flirtatious wink, only stared at Seungcheol for a long while as he was waiting to see if Jihoon would drink it. Jihoon didn’t keep him waiting for long; he reached out and took the glass.

Seungcheol smiled when Jihoon did that.

The drink that Seungcheol had mixed for him was nice. It wasn’t amazing, but it was pleasant, and definitely better than the bland-tasting beer he usually had.

“So… how is it?” Seungcheol asked Jihoon eagerly

“It tastes like ,” Jihoon lied, just because he didn’t want to give Seungcheol the satisfaction of knowing he liked it.

“Heart-shaped ?” Seungcheol asked hopefully.

Jihoon couldn’t help but smile at that. “Sure,” he replied. “If it helps you sleep better at night.”