hi everyone! i would just like to give a little warning before you proceed to read this chapter.

this chapter is short but it's quite heavy and im positive that some of you might have difficulty trying to continue. so please be careful. there are not mentions of any triggering things though, so that's why it's not rated as such. i hope you will enjoy this chapter. let me know what you guys think! thank you for reading :)

It was quite a drizzly day today. Sojung thought it matched her feelings, almost. Because she felt gloomy, the dark clouds were covering the sunlight. The whole world relies on the sun to brighten up the day, but every one of these few days it rains and the dark clouds attempts to stop that from happening so easily. She’s starting to yearn for brighter days even though she knows the heat might kill her some day.

She arrived at the cafe. Sojung wasn’t really here for any particular reason, she just liked their coffee because well… it was really good coffee.

She closed her umbrella and shook off the excess rain droplets, setting it aside near the entrance door. The smell of fresh ground coffee drowns her mind slowly, it’s been awhile since she had fresh coffee.

Without a second thought, she inhaled another whip of that scent as she entered the cafe. The sound of drizzling rain fades as the door slowly closes behind her. She feels a little dizzy.

“So-Sojung...?” a voice called out her name. It sounded too familiar.

---

Today I’ve been feeling empty.

I think I’ve been doing okay these days because Sinb has been helping me with getting some sleep but she’s mad at me at the moment. We had an argument, it wasn’t pretty and I miss her.

I’m back at my dorm, it’s been a couple of days since I’ve been here during the night. I wonder if Sojung has been getting enough sleep too.

I spent the whole day today with my heart feeling heavy. I can’t seem to put my finger on it, was it because of the argument I had with Sinb? Or was it just how my mind is because usually that’s it. 

I have no idea and I don’t think I want to know either.

This emptiness inside of me, it feels like a hole that can’t be filled no matter how hard I try. Apparently there’s always something wrong, no matter what I’m doing, even doing things that I love the most, nothing fills it up.

I’ve felt this too many times to even get angry anymore. These days I just sit and drown myself with the nothingness that resides inside of me.

Some days my mind is messy, we all know what’s that like. And that’s one of the few reasons why I can’t seem to fall asleep.

But feeling empty is… feeling empty. The lack of thoughts, the pin drop silence inside my mind. I’m not sure if I prefer this or the usual hecticness. Because though it’s silent, I’m still not able to fall asleep.

I shouldn’t be relying on her.

We’re not life partners, merely girlfriends as is. One of these days I still believe that Sinb might just leave me again. Even if we decide to become life partners, there’s still that chance that I’ll get my heart broken again and again. I can’t avoid it, and to that I’ve been more terrified than ever.

My head feels empty, and so does my heart. Is it because of Sinb?

“Can’t you understand what I’m trying to say? Can you not make this about you?” 

“I really can’t deal with you right now, can you please leave?”

“Yerin-ah, please. We’ll talk later”

Her words keep replying in my mind. It keeps ringing at the back of my head, echoing through the silence. My brain is trying to do what it does best, repressing it deeper and deeper so that it can be quiet. And that’s why my mind is empty.

I think I’ve taken a toll on Sinb and perhaps I should give her some space. Or maybe she doesn’t even need me in her life? Maybe that’s actually it, and I’m fine with that.

Whatever the reason is, I’m fine.

“Eunbi-ya, I don’t get what you’re trying to say? I’m really trying to understand, please don’t get angry with me”

“Please don’t make me go”

“But you’ve done the same thing before, why is it that when I do it it’s upsetting all of a sudden? Is it because of me?”

I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.

It can’t be because of Sinb. I need to stop relying on her to be happy. We had an argument and I had upsetted her, I should apologise and get my together…

But I can’t.

My heart is empty, and now my mind is too.

I can’t move. I can’t breathe. 

I can’t.