"was it all for her and nothing for me?" / why do i always feel this way

“why are you packing again?”

jennie stood in the doorway of her parents room, watching her mother bent over the suitcase she’d watched her empty the night before.

“i got a call from the project manager in melbourne, it looks like i need to go back again.”

“you just got back, though.” jennie murmured, knowing she should be used to this pattern by now. ever since her father took the teaching position at the naval academy, her mother went on more and more travelling assignments.

“i’m sorry, jennie.” her mother paused, pulling a box from her purse. a package of biscuits most likely purchased at the airport. “here, i forgot to give this to you the other day. share it with minho.”

“i don’t really see him that much anymore, though.”

“you don’t?” her expression was unreadable.

“he has a girlfriend, he’s too busy for me.”

“i see.” her mom responded with a small smile. “minho’s mother isn’t doing well these days, jen. her recent surgery failed, so make sure you’re still being a good friend to him. he needs your support, okay?”

jennie nodded before moving out of the room. she quietly got ready to leave for school, her eyes glancing by chance out the window at the song’s house.

an unknown emotion swept through her as she left for the day and saw minho walking out of his house as well. she was excited to him, but the uneasiness and apprehension she felt around him was slowly winning out.

they awkwardly walked to the bus stop together.

she couldn’t help but think about her mom’s words. she wanted to ask how he was doing, but didn’t. they weren’t like that anymore, were they? he had hayi to talk to now. hayi was his support, not her.

“i’m sorry.” jennie apologized, folding her hands in her lap. “i know i had no excuse… can’t we still be friends?”

“i accept your apology.” his tone was steady, unshaken. “but i need time to think.”

they boarded the bus silently. there wasn’t enough room for the both of them to sit so he stood in front of her, just far as enough that if she held out her hand she wouldn’t be able to touch him.

at the next stop, a familiar figure got onto the bus, pulling off his headphones when he noticed minho and jennie.

jennie watched as minho’s mood brightened subtly around his classmate. yoongi occupied the unreachable space between minho and jennie. he leaned in to minho, most likely to make a joke as minho smiled in response.

it seemed like a long time since she’d last seen him smile.

“jennie.” yoongi called out to her, from his expression he must have been trying to get her attention longer than she’d realized. had she spaced out?

“mm?”

“if you’re not busy later, can we talk?”

“aren’t we talking now?”

she watched his face turn bright red and couldn’t help but think it was cute.

“ah, this is a little public.” he gestured to the full bus. “what i want to say is… private.”

minho coughed, pretending he wasn’t listening. jennie knew exactly why yoongi wanted to see her, it wasn’t that she was some naive kid. she’d been confessed to before.

“okay.” she casually glanced at minho. “i’m not busy at all.”

…

the kindest thing jennie could think to do was to ignore hayi. if she just pretended like things were the way they before, as if hayi never existed, then it would be okay.

she continued through the day like that, not paying hayi any mind. it was better that way. better for the bo