"i feel invisible if you’re not looking at me" / sweet sound of ignorance

jennie cried herself to sleep and then padded around the empty house at night in search of food. she ate the rice leftover and crawled back into bed. when she woke up she couldn’t imagine going to school, so she cried until she fell asleep again.

she did that for two days.

“oh god, jennie. why do you look like that?”

“like what?” she asked nayeon indignantly. she knew exactly like what. she felt like a bloated, puffy mess.

“didn’t work out, huh?” nayeon gave her a sympathetic pat.

she sulked her way through homeroom and stared out the window through english.

nayeon dragged her to gym even though she’d put her jersey on backwards. jennie only stared ahead from the bleachers as nayeon tried to talk to her. her classmates were playing volleyball and laughing. no one else looked as miserable as she did. didn’t they know it was the end of the world?

“i’m just… gonna go take a nap.”

jennie hobbled down the bleachers as nayeon shouted at her, maybe cursed. she didn’t know.

the nurse didn’t seem to mind as she slinked into one of the cots. jennie nestled her head into the lumpy pillow, pulling the thin sheet over her body as she tried to drift asleep.

don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.

“hayi, what’s wrong?”

jennie’s eyes snapped open.

“i fainted in class, but i’m fine now.”

“if you were fine you wouldn’t have fainted.”

jennie wiggled around to hear better, but their voices were muffled through the curtain. (and the nurse knew they weren’t alone.)

“why haven’t you been sleeping?”

an unintelligible murmur.

“it’s not like i don’t understand, hayi… but you’re a student, too.”

jennie rolled onto her back again, feeling weird about eavesdropping. she wanted to get up but knew it would be too late. she’d have to wait for hayi to leave first.

her eyes stayed closed again as the nurse announced she had to step out. jennie decided she might as well pretend she was sleeping and hadn’t heard a thing.

“again?” a familiar voice called out from the door. she would have thought it was for her if it weren’t for the concern laden in his tone.

jennie kept her head turned so that all he could see was thick black hair as he passed by the curtains. he might not have noticed her at all.

“how did you find out?” hayi asked from behind the curtains.

“that guy seunghoon told me… seriously, haven’t you been eating?”

“i don’t like to eat in the morning, it hurts my stomach.”

“it was just breakfast, you skipped?” he clicked his tongue in disbelief. “you have to eat so you don’t get weak like this.”

“i’m sorry, i’ll eat lunch.”

jennie heard a crinkle of plastic.

“eat now.”

“minho.”

“i got you this, you like the lemon kind right?”

her words were inaudible over the crinkling of the packaging.

jennie scrunched up her nose. she liked lemon bread, too.

“damn it.” minho sighed harshly, causing jennie to jump. “what am i supposed to do if you keep doing this to yourself?”

“i’m sorry.”

“don’t be, i just worry about you.”