"i forgot how to be alone,
i don't belong here anymore." / saturn

“Hey, what the hell is this?” A large trash bag is thrown into her room, followed by a fury of blonde hair. The bag clangs and jingles as it falls.

Jennie looks down at the bag and the blonde who had thrown it with disinterest. Her sister glares at her expectantly, one hand on her hip.

“I don’t celebrate Christmas, Lisa.”

“So you tore down all my decorations and threw them in the trash?” Lisa yells.

“It’s my apartment, I can do whatever I want.”

“I pay half the rent so I’m entitled to put up a damn tree, you tyrant…”

“No, my dad pays your half of the rent.”

“He pays your half, too!” Lisa howls in exasperation.

Jennie put her pen down, an eyebrow raised. “Are you done?”

“No, I’m not done.” The younger girl snapped. “You don’t have to act like you give a damn about me, but you at least need to respect my existence. I live here too whether you like it or not.”

“Fine.” Jennie picks her pen back up, returning her attention to her homework. “Put your tacky decorations back up, or not. Just get that trash out of my room.”

Lisa huffs as she lugs the bag out of Jennie’s room and into the hallway, slamming the door behind her. From the other room she can hear the younger girl spitefully turn up Christmas music. The sound permeates the apartment.

Jennie stares at a piece of tinsel that had fallen on the carpet, its silver foil glittering even in the dull lamp light.

jennie always became sad when she thought about how quickly christmas decorations were taken down as everyone prepared for the new year.

as she walked back from the bus stop, it was as if the holiday had never happened. everything had gone back to a mundane sort of normal.

but things weren’t normal. they were falling apart.

jennie climbed the stairs to minho’s house, her whole body feeling heavy.

“jennie?” he answered with furrowed brows. the dark circles under his eyes had become more pronounced.

“there’s something i need to tell you.”

he stepped back wordlessly and she walked into the unlit home.

she thought for a while that she might not tell him what she had seen, but decided that she had to. she knew what it would mean if she told him, but she wasn’t sure if she could live with herself if she hadn’t… besides, he was dating hayi, wasn’t it time that she gave up?

jennie fell to her knees in front of him, somehow driven by the dark mood of the room. she felt like a penitent believer at the feet of an angry god.

“i don’t know how to say this,” jennie confessed, forehead pressed to the floor and voice shaking.

“lift your head.” minho told her.

she raised her chin to look at him and wanted to cry.

“i saw something, minho.” she kept the tears at bay, what good would it do either of them? “your dad, my mom…”

“don’t cry.” minho said more gently. “i know.”

“you… know?”

he motioned for her to sit up, and she complied thoughtlessly.

“i don’t want to, but i think i really hate you. your mom took away my dad, and you didn’t even know.” he sighed as jennie looked at him with wide, devastated eyes. “i can’t be grateful, either. not when your parents are still married and my dad will be the only one alone.”

“minho…”

“i heard my parents talking about it one day while my mom was in the hospital, right before a surgery. even on her deathbed she was worrying about other people’s matters. she was worried my dad would feel alone when she left.”

“minho, i’m so sorry.” jennie let out a sob. it felt like her heart had been stabbed with a hundred tiny daggers.

“shh, don’t cry.” he sunk to the floor to face her.

he leaned forward, brushing away a tear on her cheek with his lips. he cradled her face in his hands as he looked at her, his eyes filled with a fusion of pity and agony.

“let’s just be sorry for each other and let that be the end of it.”

…

nayeon invited her out to a cafe after school, but her mind was somewhere far away.

“how have you been doing lately?” nayeon asked.

she wasn’t sure if she should answer honestly. she felt strange, like something was buzzing inside of her. a constant worrying, a constant ticking, like a bomb waiting to go off.

she remembered what hayi had talked to her about in the locker room. it had been bothering her.

“you should have told me you liked min yoongi.” jennie sighed, pushing crumbles of her cake around the plate with her fork. “i wouldn’t have gone out with him if i had known.”

the other girl raised a brow at her, but she looked flustered.

“who told you that i liked him?”

“don’t you?”

“even if i had told you, wouldn’t you have done whatever you wanted?” nayeon mused.

“i pity you, you know?” she could hear hayi’s words echoing in her head.

“i only said ye