I groan when I hear Taehyung squealing. He’s shaking me frantically.

“Wake up, wake up! It’s Christmas! Presents!” he practically shrieks in my ear. I bat him away and sit up groggily.

“Go away,” I mumble. “Where’s Jin?” Taehyung shrugs.

“He’s not back. He’s going to be home soon. He promised he’d be home today,” he says. He jumps up and down. “Now get up so we can open presents!” I sigh.

“You don’t want to wait for him?” I ask, sitting up. I blink my eyes groggily. Taehyung pauses and thinks. He shakes his head.

“Presents,” he says simply. I laugh softly. Taehyung has the mentality of a five year-old at times… most of the time. I trudge to the living room. Seokjin has a small apartment, so we have a small tree ornament on the piano―something Seokjin refused to not have, even if he nearly worked himself to death trying to save enough for a decent piano―and presents scattered on the top. I divide them based on who they’re for. Taehyung’s, mine, and Seokjin’s, who’s still missing.

I wonder if something is wrong briefly. He’s never broken a promise before… but we still have the rest of the day. I push the thought away and watch Taehyung open presents. He squeals when he pulls out a soft stuffed lamb plushie from me. I yelp when Taehyung flings his arm around me, and then smiles. He likes anything soft and cuddly… and he also likes cuddling with me. I can’t say I mind it that much.

I hear my phone ring. I frown, then tell Taehyung to wait. He pouts, but complies.

I go to answer the phone. It’s Namjoon. He’s spending the day with his family, but he spent last night with Seokjin. I pick up the phone. I listen to what he says.

I drop my phone. I stand in shock. I hear Namjoon ask to speak to Taehyung. I hesitate before leaning down and going to the living room to give the phone to Taehyung. I go back to stand in the doorway. Tears prick my eyes. I don’t want to see Taehyung’s reaction, but I can’t leave him alone. I hear Namjoon ask, “Taehyung?”

“Merry Christmas!” Taehyung responds cheerfully.

I watch Taehyung’s face pale. I watch as Taehyung’s smile fades. I watch my phone fall to the floor. I watch as Taehyung turns to face me. He looks at me pleadingly, as if to ask if it’s all just an elaborate trick. I know he wants it to be a prank. I know he wants it to be a prank desperately. I want it to be a prank. But even I am not this cruel. And Namjoon certainly isn’t that cruel. Neither of us could ever bear to provoke the pain etched in Taehyung’s begging, miserable gaze.

Shock. Numbness. Disbelief. That’s what I felt when I heard what Namjoon said. I didn’t feel grief. The news hadn’t set in yet. It’s set in completely now. The familiar, gut-wrenching ache of grief. I shake my head at Taehyung. He lets out a whimper, and his knees give out. I rush over to catch him as he collapses. I hug him silently.

“It’s not true, it can’t be true. It’s not true, right? It’s not real, Jin’s just joking, right?” he pleads desperately. I don’t meet his eyes. “He promised he’d be back,” Taehyung whispers, his voice shaking. I don’t respond. “Yoongi?” he asks, pushing my chin up so I have to look at him. I feel my eyes start to water, then the tears start to fall. I wipe my eyes angrily

It’s all the answer Taehyung needs.

Taehyung whimpers. I hesitate, then take the second box that sits on the piano. I hand it to Taehyung. Taehyung opens the box. Inside is a raggedy old teddy bear with soft fur. Taehyung stares at the stuffed animal hanging limply in his hand. I stare at the animal’s innocent smile. I feel a sudden urge to burn it.

Taehyung flings it across the room. He lets out a shriek, and breaks down into sobs. He tries to speak, but the words are lost in his choking sobs. I move to hug him, but he shoves me away. He sobs for what feels like an hour. I can do nothing but watch, helpless, as my best friend drowns in misery.

Eventually he exhausts himself. When he stands up, his face is blank. Emotionless. Numb. Taehyung walks to his room. I stay sitting on the floor. I hear the sound of glass―or is it a ceramic mug? I hear the bed squeak. I hear muffled sobs.

Our world is falling apart.

I look at the boxes on the piano. I look at Seokjin’s presents. I stand and pick them up. I walk to his room. I deposit them on his bed. I walk back to the piano. I pick up my presents. I open Taehyung’s present. It’s a black box with two swans on the cover. I open the butterfly latch. The inside is lined with soft red velvet. I close the box and put it on the piano. I hesitate before opening the second box. I open it, and I find another box. A simple black box with a silver border. I open it. The inside is lined with black velvet. There’s also folded piece of paper. I open it with shaking fingers.

Take care of Tae for me.

I go to the room. I hear Taehyung sobbing. I slide down against the door until I’m sitting. I don’t cry. If I hold back the tears, maybe they’ll disappear. I whisper, so softly I’m not sure if Seokjin could heard it or not.

“I’m so sorry.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“I’m so sorry. When I woke up, Seokjin was gone. I found a note on the counter. It said… he said… it said that he’s so sorry. He told me not to come looking for him. He says there’s nothing I can do… nothing anyone can do.

“He told me to tell you to take care of Tae. He told me to tell you that he’s so sorry, but he can’t take it anymore.

“Yoongi, he’s gone. He’s gone.

“Seokjin’s dead.”