Tae smiling. Tae laughing. Tae begging me not to starve myself… for him. Tae pushing me away. Tae standing in front of me, sobbing. Tae, nothing but bones and a bit of skin. Tae screaming at me. Tae running. Tae lying in a pool of blood.

Tae, my best friend, I’m sorry… I failed you.

Jin smiling. Jin laughing. Jin bandaging my cuts. Jin promising he’d always be there for me. Jin saying he was fine. Jin shaking his head. Jin leaving me a note telling me to care for Tae.

Jin, my comforter, I’m sorry… I failed you.

Hobi smiling. Hobi laughing. Hobi wiping my tears away after my father smashed my piano. Hobi crying when I cried without knowing why. Hobi crying when my father beat me. Hobi comforting me after I woke up from nightmares. Hobi screaming for me to help him. Hobi pleading with my father to stop because he was hurting me. Hobi crying out in pain. Hobi dying while I watched, helpless.

Hobi, my precious baby brother, I’m sorry… I failed you.

Jiminie smiling. Jiminie laughing. Jiminie ruffling my hair. Jiminie telling me he loved me. Jiminie promising to always be at my concerts. Jiminie staring at me hollowly. Jiminie staring at me coldly. Jiminie telling me to call him Jimin. Jimin lying to my father. Jimin refusing to help me. Jiminie dangling from the ceiling with a necklace of rope. Jiminie leaving a note telling me he’s sorry, so sorry. Jiminie telling me he loves me.

Jiminie, my loving older brother, I’m sorry… I failed you… I forgive you…

Mom smiling. Mom laughing. Mom teaching me piano. Mom guiding my hands. Mom showing me how to play a piece. Mom smiling at me at Carnegie Hall. Mom running to me. Mom telling me what a good job I did. Mom promising to always come to my concerts. Mom making me promise to always follow my dreams. Mom breathing her last breath in front of me.

Mom, I’m sorry… I failed you.

Dad smiling. Dad laughing. Dad ruffling my hair. Dad taking me out for ice cream. Dad telling me I was going to do well. Dad screaming that it was my fault. Dad sobbing in his room that night. Dad beating me. Dad telling me I was a failure. Dad killing Ru. Dad going to prison. Dad pleading for me to forgive him behind prison bars.

Dad… I’m sorry… I failed you…