It’s the end of senior year.

The road to recovery has been long. There have been days when I’ve found Taehyung on the bathroom floor with a bloody razor in his hand and tears running down his face. There have been days that Taehyung wakes up screaming from his nightmares. In those moments, I hold him until he stops crying, until he falls asleep. There have been days where Taehyung has lashed out at me.

I don’t care. I’ll come back every time to care for him. He’s all I have now, and he’s the only one that can keep me safe from myself. I wake up with nightmares too. Taehyung’s always there, crying when he sees my tears without even knowing why I’m upset. Taehyung’s always there to tell me to eat too, even when he doesn’t eat either.

At moments when he’s starting to drown, Taehyung sings. He sings the chorus of his favorite song. He sings to himself. He hums the song when he’s happy, sings it when he’s upset. I listen. He sings it so beautifully, so sweetly.

I'm a born singer, a little belated confession, I swear

The mirage that always seemed so far away is now before my eyes, it's here

I'm a born singer, perhaps an early confession  

But I'm so happy, I'm good

Sometimes when I’m feeling down, Taehyung sings for me. His voice is so comforting. It’s soothing, an anchor for when I'm drowning. It’s like a hand pulling me out of the stormy waters. It’s Taehyung. Taehyung is the only reason I fight to stay above water, to live. To thrive.

Because the dawn right before the sun rises is the darkest

Even in the far future, never forget the you of right now

Wherever you are right now, you’re just taking a break

Don’t give up, you know

Taehyung reminds me of everything that’s good in this world, and all that there is to live for. He reminds me that I’m wanted. He reminds me that I’m not worthless. He reminds me that I’m not alone.

It’s time to let him go. I don’t want to. I want to protect him forever. I want to be by his side all the time. But I know I have to let him go in. He’s grown. He’s less naive, less childish. I don’t know if that’s good or not.

I meet Taehyung at a bakery. We get cupcakes. I get a red velvet cupcake. Taehyung gets a chocolate cupcake with chocolate icing. We eat in silence. We walk outside together. Taehyung was staying with Namjoon, and Namjoon brought Taehyung here. Taehyung’s leaving with Namjoon.

I watch Taehyung walk to Namjoon’s car. Taehyung hesitates before opening the door. He gets in without looking back. I watch the car pull out. I feel tears starting to well up in my eyes. I turn to walk away. I’m halfway to the apartment when I hear a voice shout my name. I turn around, and Taehyung is running towards me. He flings his arms around me and starts bawling.

“I’m going to miss you so much,” he cries. I pat his back, tears filling my eyes. I blink my eyes rapidly. I won’t cry. I refuse to cry.

“I’ll miss you too,” I murmur. I pull away from him. I hesitate before speaking again. “Promise me you’ll come back. Promise me that I’ll see you again.” Taehyung looks down.

“I… I promise I’ll come back. I promise you’ll see me again,” he whispers. I smile and wipe his tears away.

“Now go on, or you’ll miss your flight.” He sniffs before turning. He goes to the car, but this time he looks back. He stares at me sadly before entering the car.

I watch him leave. The moment the car goes out of sight, the tears fall.

This is the last time I’ll ever see him.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Taehyung and I are sitting together. It’s the day before Taehyung leaves. We’re sitting at the pond. Taehyung is chewing on a cookie. I’m staring across the pond.

“I’m going to miss you,” Taehyung whispers. I sigh. Taehyung turns to look at me. I look at him sadly. “Do you have to go so far away?” I ask mournfully. Taehyung studies my face for a moment.

“I’m sorry, Yoongi. But you know I have to” I turn away. Taehyung pulls on my sleeve. I turn to face him again reluctantly. “…Promise you’ll remember me. Promise you’ll wait. Promise,” he whispers.

“…I promise,” I whisper. Taehyung smiles before standing. He walks away. I watch him leave with tears in my eyes.

“I’ll wait. I’ll wait for as long as it takes.”