Uncertain looks were passed in the office as strings and synths filled Seokmin’s office. Their new title track, for better or for worse.

“It’s… serious,” Jinyoung said, as neutral as possible.

Chanhee was less tactful. “Seriously? This is what we’re following Wow up with? I put my acting career on hold for this group and you’re already sinking it?”

Seokmin held up a hand to shush Chanhee, who grudgingly listened. “This is your title track,” he said firmly. “It’s a new sound for you, but I have no doubt you’ll do well.”

“I like it,” Seunghoon said. “It’s kind of like those MBLAQ guys.”

“It’ll be okay,” Baekhyun. “It’s just something new, but we’ll make it our sound just like we made Wow our sound. We can be a versatile group!”

Joowon felt dread in the pit of his stomach, but he kept his head high for the others. He didn’t want them to see his doubt. He had to be the pillar.

Seokmin handed out the lyric sheets and the demo, as well as the sheets to the other songs. “Your next release will be a mini album this time, not a single album, so you’ll be recording 5 songs in total. Well, three for all of you, and solos for Seunghoon and Jinyoung.” Joowon noticed that both of them perked up at the idea. “Recording sessions will start on Monday, so study the music well and be ready.”

Joowon lingered while the others went out to listen to their songs. When he was sure they were gone and he’d closed the office door again, he turned to Seokmin. “This can’t be the title track. It just can’t.”

“Joowon, I told you. There is nothing to be done about it,” Seokmin said. “This is your title track.”

“No,” Joowon shook his head, pacing back and forth in Seokmin’s office. “No, no, this is a terrible idea. We’re doing good because we’re fun and free, the best kind of new jack swing. You can’t give us this.” He gestured at the laptop on which Seokmin had played the song. “Moody 80s synthesizer pop?!”

Paradise. It wasn’t a bad song. He even admired some of the layering, the way the strings worked to create tension, and the electric guitar diffused it. The little synth whistles giving it the hint of lightness while the heavy drum beat anchored it. It was a masterful production.

It just wasn’t them.

Seokmin sighed. “We paid a lot of money for this song, there’s no going back now. We have to use it, and we will. Make it work.”

“How?” Joowon asked, throwing up his hands. “How am I supposed to make it work when our charm point has been individuality and fun, and you give us the antithesis of that?!”

“I don’t know, that’s not my job,” Seokmin said sternly. “I manage you, and you have to make yourselves worth managing. This is not something either of us can change, so there is no point fighting it. You have to work with what you get.”

Joowon took a deep breath. Seokmin was right, this wasn’t something either of them could do anything about.

They would just have to work with what they got. If they couldn’t bring fun to the table, then Joowon would have to think of something else to make them stand out, but he would. They would stand out. He’d make sure of it. Somehow.

A bright tune escaped from the practice room, accompanied by Jinyoung singing “She’s Back!” If the company had a song like this, why didn’t they make it their title track? This was something he could work with!

He sighed and entered the room. “That’s one of our songs?”

“Yeah!” Baekhyun beamed, looking up from his lyric sheet. “It’s nice isn’t it?”

“It is.” Joowon frowned. Too good. This song didn’t have quite the infectious beats Wow had, but it was fun and upbeat and far closer to their previous sound than Paradise was. It had the potential of being a perfect light summer jam. If Helix had a song like this under their belt, why would they go with Paradise, except for a stubborn clinging to current trends. There was his answer, really.

“What does time will tell to my love mean?” Youngbae asked Wonwoo.

“Nothing, it’s not very good English,” Wonwoo answered. “I’m not quite sure what they were going for with that line.”

“What are the other songs like?” Joowon wondered.

Youngbae fumbled with the laptop, accidentally disconnected the USB once, had a mild panic when an error had popped up, and a breath of a relief when the contents were fine. “This is the other group one,” He said, pointing at the file labelled Wings while Joowon took over on the actual touching of the technology.

This one was a little slower than She’s Back, but it was miles more lighthearted than their title track. He could have worked with this even, made it into a good title track with an appropriately cheesy dance. Anything was better for them than what they actually got.

“What about the other two?”

“They’re solos for Jinyoung and Seunghoon,” Youngbae said.

Interesting. Giving the main vocals solos meant that the company was likely trying to underline the vocal talent in the group. Labelling them as solo-worthy as it were. It was a bit of a risk, taking songs away from the group to give spotlights to the individual so soon in their career, Joowon would have waiting another release to do so (and an album preferably), but unfortunately he was not in control here.

None of this would have been happening had he been in control.

Fact was that he wasn’t in any sort of control, and he would have to make do with what he got, and so he would. Joowon wasn’t letting go of his ambitions so easily, not when faced with a tiny bit of adversity.

If the company wanted them angsty, then Joowon would give them the best smoulder and lip rubs he could muster. If the company wanted tight dance moves and no improvisation, then Joowon would give them the most synchronized group the industry had ever seen.

Whatever they got in their laps, Joowon would work with it, and he would work it into perfection.

He clapped his hands. “Okay, team, let’s get this party started. Title track first. Let’s see how the lines have been divided, shall we?”

“Psssht, Jin, are you awake?” Jinyoung felt a nudge at his arm, pulling him out of his dreams. It was almost completely dark in the room, the only dim light coming from a far off streetlamp further down the street stretching the ends of its rays through the window. More importantly, it was the middle of the night.

“I am now,” he groaned. He still felt the faint pull of the dream, the sliver that wasn't letting him go. Something about a scavenger hunt against the clock, and he could have sworn Gayoon had been there. She wasn't Sohyun but anything 4Minute was infinitely better than nothing 4Minute.

“Oh. Sorry.” Seunghoon sounded so dejected. Jinyoung should have just lied to spare his feelings. It was easier than hearing that sweet disappointed tone. He wondered sometimes how Seunghoon was the oldest of the two. Little sheltered farm boy.

“it's okay.” This wasn't exactly a rare occurrence either. He rolled over to where he knew Seunghoon was sleeping on his futons tucked between the two beds. There wasn't any room for the thing and it was half tucked under the bunk beds, but Jinyoung was glad he was there.”You're nervous about the recording?”

He heard a shift next to him that he knew from experience was a nod. “Yeah. I mean I don't have that many lines on the title track. I don't  really mind, I didn't mind with Wow either, I mean you're a much better singer than me you should get the most lines definitely, but… well…”

“You have a nice voice, Hoonie,” Jinyoung said. He hardly called Seunghoon hyung anymore when it was just the two of them (and with Baekhyun’s soft snoring and Wonwoo’s quiet in the top bunks it might as well be), it felt wrong. “Even if you don't have a lot of lines, you'll stand out anyway.  They'll notice you.”

He knew Seunghoon was worried about the fan thing. He did have a very unique voice,a bit nasal and whiny but hard to miss. Not Jinyoung’s favorite sound, and he knew Seunghoon lagged a little behind on a technical level, but one that stood out anyway. He'd gotten a lot better since he'd started training too, he'd only been a mess of potential and straining then.  Jinyoung was proud to have had a hand in that development. Seunghoon was his biggest project to date, long nights of teaching proper breathing techniques and posture and all that good stuff had created a decently competent vocalist out of Seunghoon. Hah, he might have a future in vocal coaching yet.

Then again, he already had a future. A bright future. Their future.

“What do you think of the song?” Seunghoon asked.

“It's… different,” Jinyoung said. “I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I really liked performing Wow, it was so much fun to just let loose for once, you know?”

“Yeah. I liked it too,” Seunghoon was a bit more hesitant, but Jinyoung knew why. It must be hard to like a song when it had done him no favors. “I liked it too,” he repeated, more certain this time. “Performing it was great! Like when he kept doing different poses and things, and I'll miss my aviator goggles.”

Jinyoung laughed softly. “Of course you do. Youngbae doesn't stop complaining about his lack of fanny pack either.” He sighed. “In the end, it doesn't really matter what we like best. It matters what the fans like best. We have to admit the angsty route is working for groups like 2PM and Beast, why wouldn't it work for us?”

“I'm kind of looking forward to it,” Seunghoon said. “I think it sounds really cool, and we could look really cool while performing it. Like-”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. “MBLAQ, I know. You never stop talking about them.”

“I'll stop when you stop talking about 4Minute.”

“Check and mate.” He laughed and above him he heard Wonwoo shift.  Oops. He hoped he hadn’t woken the guy, not that Wonwoo would ever actually complain about it.

Jinyoung wasn’t entire sure what to make of Wonwoo. He was nice enough, but he tended to just kind of be around. Jinyoung didn’t know all that much about him. Ah well, as long as he wasn’t a jerk like Chanhee it would be fine.

“Did you hear that we get solos now?” Seunghoon whispered, half in awe.

“Hoonie, we both listened to them this morning.”

“I know, I know, but I still can’t believe it. I didn’t think we’d get solos so soon!”

“It’s just a b-side,” he said, though he had to admit that he liked the idea of a solo song all for himself. His song was pretty basic, a ballad, but it was his. He kind of liked Seunghoon’s more, just because it wasn’t the usual main vocalist ballad song, but then again Seunghoon wasn’t really the main vocalist anyway. It would have been weird to reverse the songs. He was a little surprised Seunghoon had gotten a solo at all, honestly, but good for him. Maybe it would help get people off his case a little bit. He probably would not have been able to carry a ballad all on his own, so this mid-tempo alt rock song would be easier on his skills. “Come on, we should sleep.”

“Sorry!” Seunghoon quickly apologised.

“Shhht, just go sleep.”

Jinyoung turned around to face the wall again. He wanted nothing more than to join Gayoon in her scavenge hunt for golden pocket watches, potentially winning them both a kiss from Queen Sohyun, but his thoughts were swimming now.

They had debuted, but not much had changed, and it bothered him. Joowon had said that their debut had been good, and that some schedules were bound to appear, but they had seen none of it yet. It had just been same old same old. Go to the company, practice, go home. Nobody ever even recognized them on the street. One time someone had stopped him, and Jinyoung’s heart had felt like it would burst out of his chest, but she had only asked for directions.

At least they had gotten the new songs now. That was something. Steps were being made to further their career, even if he was dubious about the direction the company was going in. He saw it in Joowon too, though he was trying his best to hide it. An edge of doubt that was infecting Jinyoung too.

But there was no need to worry, right? Their debut had been really good for a group from a no-name company. They had done well! They had done well.
 

---

He wasn’t nervous to start recording. His hands were clammy and stomach in knots but he wasn’t nervous. This wasn’t his first recording session, it was their second release after all. He had recorded before so he wasn’t nervous.

He knew the songs well. All of them, even though they would only be recording Paradise today. He didn’t have to be nervous. It was illogical to be nervous. He wasn’t nervous.

It didn’t help that he’d gotten only 2 hours of sleep last night, after Seunghoon had woken him up. He still felt like he was in a slight daze, not entirely present, still a little asleep. Asleep but alert but definitely not nervous. It was a weird array of feelings.

He was walking to the recording studio with Seunghoon and Wonwoo, and it was far too hot and clammy for his liking, and Seoul’s smog was one of the worst he’d seen. He didn’t really like walking around with a mask on, it felt a stifling in the humidity of summer, but having grown up in Seoul, he was mostly used to it by now. Days like this, you didn’t want to breathe the unfiltered air, though he always wondered how much the masks actually helped. At least it wasn’t raining again. The break wouldn’t last for long, but Jinyoung wasn’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

His palms were probably sweaty because of the humidity. Probably,

Next to him Seunghoon yawned dramatically under his mask, infecting Jinyoung to do the same. He wasn’t nervous he was just exhausted.

Jinyoung knew he would do a good job. He knew he was an excellent singer. After all, singing was his thing. It’s what he was best at, and it’s what he was better at than anyone else in the group. Agh then why was he still always so very not nervous?!

It was the same recording studio they had gone to last time, and they bowed to the sound tech guy as soon as they arrived. He didn’t recognize him, it was a different guy than they’d had for their previous single. Jinyoung stayed back and let Seunghoon do the talking as usual, he wasn’t really good with strangers and it was easier to let the actual human puppy do that. As always Seunghoon beamed as he introduced them to the guy, both polite and friendly. Jinyoung sometimes wished he was as good with people as Seunghoon was.

Wait, did the guy just introduce himself as the producer and composer? Now Jinyoung was listening.

“So you’re the one who made the song?” Even Wonwoo was curious. “How come you’re here for the recording? Usually the producer’s involvement ends when the song has been paid for?”

“Does it?” The guy challenged. Jinyoung never did catch his name, he hadn’t really been paying attention, and now it was too late to ask. “We like to stay involved with the production of our songs. Make sure the song sounds as intended, I hope all of you are ready for some falsettos.” They ran through some vocal warmups before the producer asked who the main vocal was.

Seunghoon nudged him, and Jinyoung raised his hand. “I am, sir.”

“Get on up in the booth,” the producer said. “Let’s get started.”

Jinyoung stepped into the small sound booth. Too small. Claustrophobically small. All around him were beige soundproofed walls, and a big window looking into the other part of the recording studio. The producer had already seated himself in front of the monitors and sound mixing dials, while Seunghoon and Wonwoo sat on the sofa behind him.

Jinyoung moved up to the microphone and its pop filter, slipping the headphones over his ears as the dramatic intro started playing. He ignored the clammyness of his hands as he stared intently at the lyric sheet. Come on Jin, this is what you’re good at. This is your thing. You have to show that this is your thing.

The music over his headphones shut off and Jinyoung snapped out of his thoughts. The producer pressed the talk button and leaned into his own microphone. “You missed your cue, Jinyoung.”

Oh no, he had lapsed into his thoughts. “Sorry,” he said. “I’m ready.”

He made sure to focus this time, counting every beat obsessively until his verse lines came up. He was the second one to sing, behind Wonwoo. He was the one to bring impact to the song. The lesser vocalist started, sure, but Jinyoung was the one to bring a punch to it. He carried the song, really. He had the most lines.

The song stopped again. “Try that again with more emotion,” the guy said. Jinyoung really wished he’d caught his name.

He nodded and tried again. “Heundeul heundeul witaerowo boyeodo nan, neoreul jabadul su bakke eobseo eojjeojago.”

The music stopped again. “We’re looking for vulnerability here,” the producer said. “You’re hurting. You want her to stay but you know it’s not right for her. You’re wondering if it’s fair for you to hold her back or not, but you can’t bear to lose her. Try to picture it and try again.”

Jinyoung took a breath. This hadn’t been so hard in Wow, when it was just hey girl you’re beautiful let’s dance. Okay. Okay. Vulnerable, he didn’t want to lose her, holding her back, all of that. He could do this.

It took three more takes for the producer to be satisfied, but Jinyoung could see that he wasn’t entirely happy still and it stung.

Just have to keep going. The next few lines went well, the pre-chorus was more driven and urgent, he only had to sing two variations. Then came his bridge and the producer frowned again. “This is the crowning part of the song,” he said. “The rap drives it to a , and the vocal bridge has to bring it home. All the instruments fall away to reveal you, and only you, in your big moment of vulnerability and clarity. You have decided that you can’t let her go just yet, that you need her too much, and it has to show in every tone of your voice, especially in that beginning. You have to hit the listening with emotion, okay? This section is all you and you have to sell it.”

That was all easily said and done, but how was he supposed to do that? It wasn’t not like he ever dated anyone (and even if he had, he liked to think he wouldn’t be such an about it). Why would the producer give such a song to idols? It’s not like idols usually had such extensive dating experience, he should have given it to some ballad singer instead.

It took ten takes before the producer stopped. “Maybe it will be easier for you when we’ve recorded the preceding rap? That is supposed to set the tone. You should come back with the others tomorrow for their recording session so we can try again, okay?”

Jinyoung nodded. He felt like he had failed the one thing he was supposed to be good at. It wasn’t a good feeling.

“Okay let’s go over Woosu and Bigeul’s lines, they will need some layering.” Jinyoung spent some more time in the booth going over the lines of the others. He knew his or Seunghoon’s voices would be layered underneath theirs, to give some depth to the weaker voices. It didn’t take long since Chanhee and Baekhyun didn’t get many lines to begin with, and thankfully he was out of the booth again quickly.

But of course he would have to go back, because he messed up his one job. He let everyone down.

Next up was Wonwoo. Seunghoon tried to talk to Jinyoung, but was shushed by the producer. Seunghoon sent him an apologetic smile, but Jinyoung was too tense to return it.

Wonwoo was over quickly at least. He only had two lines and the chorus to do, and as always he did well with instructions. You could instruct Wonwoo to do anything and he would master it, it was a little annoying honestly. Jinyoung did hear some strain when Wonwoo sang his lines, but the producer didn’t seem to notice. At least his voice wasn’t near as good as Jinyoung’s. He was an alright singer, but his tone was softer and more forgettable.

Seunghoon was up last. At least if he did well then they would be able to go back to practice soon, and he could make sure that he would be prepared for recording the b-sides further down the week. Seunghoon only had two lines more than Wonwoo did, as long as he did well it should be quick.

Jinyoung watched his friend enter the booth and put on the headphones. He did that squinty thing at the lyrics sheet that he always did when he was concentrating, the thing that made it look like he needed glasses.

He looked at the producer working the slides and settings. He’d always wondered what it was like to write music as well as perform it. To record it and mix it to perfection. What did those sliders do? How would they alter the sound that was recorded? What kind of effects would be added to make it all better?

He snapped out of his thoughts when Seunghoon started singing the chorus. Jinyoung had to admit, he sounded good, this song worked better with Seunghoon’s voice than Wow had. The cold whiny tone brought tension to the thing, working with the cold whine of the strings.

“Very good,” the producer said, nodding to himself. “You have a good voice for this song.” Jinyoung saw Seunghoon perk up at the praise. “Let’s continue to your other lines, further takes aren’t necessary.”

Seunghoon did well, and the end was in sight. Jinyoung was glad, he was really starting to feel antsy. The producer pressed the talk button again to address Seunghoon in the booth. “Why don’t you go over some of the lines Seojin had trouble with,” he said. “I want to hear what they sound like coming from you.”

What? He was taking away Jinyoung’s lines?

Jinyoung could only watch while Seunghoon sang his lines, and the produces nodded, satisfied, and scribbled things on a notepad, until both his verse lines and half of his bridge had been transferred Seunghoon.

He felt conflicted. He felt hurt, but also proud of his friend. He felt ashamed at his own failure. At least it was Seunghoon. It was okay if it was Seunghoon. Wonwoo kept glancing at him but Jinyoung ignored him. It was okay.

He just hoped that Seunghoon would be done soon so he could go and practice. Practice and do better next time.

“Come on. Again.” Joowon clapped his hands to get everyone’s attention.

Youngbae grunted, spread out on the floor. “We just ran through it like fifty times!”

“It was four times, hyung,” Wonwoo said. He took a sip of his water and put the bottle away again. Time for another run-through it was.

Youngbae complained some more, until Baekhyun helped him up. At least he was acting normal again, the leader had been oddly quiet for a few weeks. Now he was back to being loud and a bit useless. The way things were before.

Everything had more or less settled down to the way things had been before. Practice, practice, practice. Joowon was even more adamant than before that they should all be completely synchronized. Something about making them stand out with synchronization? Wonwoo thought it a little odd, since they had previously worked so hard to showcase their individuality, but he saw no point in arguing. Joowon always had a plan, and working against that plan was like trying to swim up a waterfall.

“Come on, get off your asses,” Joowon said. “We’re filming our music video in two days and it is going to be perfect.”

They ran through the song for almost an hour more, and even Wonwoo had lost count of how many times he heard those same opening beats, did those same chorus first pumps and hip s. Under his shorts, Seunghoon’s knees were bruised from constantly falling to his knees in the bridge, and all of them were drenched with sweat. It didn’t help that the air conditioning unit in the room was broken again. It spent more time being broken than functional.

Jinyoung glanced at the clock. “We have to go the gym soon.”

Right. Gym. The company wanted all of them to bulk up for the comeback. Well, both bulk up and slim down. He didn’t mind it much, there was something nice about just going through the motions, like his body was a machine and everything was mechanized. Well, until the muscle pain the day after. He hadn’t quite mastered not pushing himself too hard yet, but the pain was supposed to be good right? Pain meant improvement? He wasn’t entirely sure, but thinking that at least meant that he felt a little bit better about being sore after gym days. And every day was a gym day nowadays.

He wondered if it was good or bad to do so much exercise. Probably bad. He should look it up sometime, but interet time was hard to come by. Joowon and Jinyoung were the only ones in the dorm with laptops, and they were usually occupied. He didn’t really want to ask his mom to buy him one, he didn’t really want to ask his mom for anything, so no laptop for him now. It might be a good thing anyway, they hardly had any free time now, it was always practice this, recording that, teaser photoshoot here, gym time there. He’d just cut into more of his sleep hours, as if Seunghoon and Jinyoung’s night time chats didn’t cut enough into those.

“How do you think we’re doing?” Joowon asked him as they packed up their backpacks to head to the gym.

“You’re a fraction of a count late in the chorus still,” Wonwoo answered. “And Seunghoon doesn’t lift his hand up quite as high as everyone else. Youngbae still looks at his feet when the footwork gets too much for him, and it always makes him lag behind a little.”

Joowon sighed, tapping his foot. “This whole month practicing, and it’s still not perfect.”

“Why do you need it to be perfect so much?” Wonwoo wondered. “What’s wrong with slightly imperfect? Would the imperfections not highlight the bits that are perfect?”

“Debut is the most important period in launching a group,” Joowon said. Wonwoo wasn’t entirely sure Joowon had been listening to a word he’d said. It was okay, it was only a half-formed thought anyway. “It’s sink or swim. We have three releases to find a sound and a fanbase, and if we haven’t made a dent by then it’ll be that much harder to get any kind of attention. We’ll become a name dismissed before chances can even be given. Now that chances are still on the table we have to make the best impression with what we’ve got.”

See? Swimming up a waterfall. No use in trying. “You go ahead, I’m gonna grab some more water before heading to the gym?”

“Are you sure?” Joowon asked, though he was already poised to leave.

“Yeah. I know the way. I’ll see you there.”

Honestly he just wanted a bit of alone time. He went to the speaker system and the ipod that was hooked up to it, and pressed shuffle. He wasn’t even sure whose it was, the company maybe? It didn’t matter. Any music at all would do.

No sooner had he said that, or H.O.T.’s Candy blasted from the speakers. Wonwoo quickly ran up to the ipad and pressed skip. Some ballad came on next. Much better.

He went to the middle of the room, stretched a little, and danced. The ballad was actually perfect. He stood on his toes, stretching out his arms to the ceiling, before bending his knees into a plié. Slow and graceful, backs straight, arms fluid and precise. He slowly moved into an arabesque, though a shabby one. He couldn’t go as far as he used to, his muscles protested at the foreign movement. It had been ages since he’d danced anything classical. His teacher would probably have been appalled had she seen his form, but to Wonwoo it felt good to go through the movements he’d practiced so much throughout the years.

He liked this idol thing well enough, but going over the same dance over and over and over again got old very quickly. Their song was alright, not Wonwoo’s favorite but not the worst either, but he’d been over the dance after a week, and Joowon wasn’t going to let up with the synchronization. So here he was, on his own, finally able to just let loose and move his body without choreography or plans. Just move and feel and see where that got him.

He hadn’t done anything ballet in years, had even spend the first year training unlearning everything ballet had tried to drill into him, attempting to get rid of that stiffness. Now his back protested at staying ramrod straight, his shoulders wanted to move with his arms and take his chest along for good measure. Music threatening to sweep him away like a tide while ballet would rather him stay tethered to a solid pier.

Graceful only when allowed. Posture was everything, chin was held high, leg straight in a croisé, arm held out at a 90 degree angle while the other flowed gently up and lowered gently down again. It had always fascinated him how ballet could be both rigid and fluid. Stiff and graceful. A prison in its own form.

“Ballet in sweatpants. Classy.”

Wonwoo almost tripped over his own feet turning around to see who had witness his embarrassing attempts at ballet. “Youngji? What are you doing here?”

“I came to see how my pathetic little brother is doing, duh,” his little sister said in the door opening, a big grin on her face. “You stay away for like four months and don’t expect me to crash your company? It’s like you don’t even know me.”

Of course she would just barge in unannounced. Really, she’d said it, Wonwoo should have seen this coming. He swept her up in a hug. “I’ve missed you!”

“I’ve missed you too. Security is really lax by the way. I walked right in and nobody even questioned it,” she continued. How had she been allowed to walk in? She was even still wearing her middle school uniform. “Why are you all alone doing ballet? Where are the others?”

“At the gym,” Wonwoo said. Or at least they should be, though Wonwoo knew Joowon and Seunghoon skipped more often than they actually attended their supposedly mandatory gym lessons. Well, he supposed he was skipping himself now too. “I just wanted to dance for a bit. Figured it was physical exercise so it still counts as a gym session? Shouldn’t you be at school?”

“I’m skipping my own gym session,” she said with a shrug. “I’ll just make dad sign the form again and listen to his lecture about the importance of attendance even if I don’t like it bla bla and then distract him by telling him I saw you.”

“You’ve got this all down to an artform,” Wonwoo noted.

“I do,” Youngji said brightly. “Here I packed us a lunch.” Youngji rummaged through her backpack until she pulled a bright little Star Wars lunchbox.

“I’m on a diet,” Wonwoo said.

“I know and I don’t care.” She handed him a pair of chopsticks. “One decent lunch isn’t going to kill you, and you’re thin enough as it is.”

Inside the box was some rice, kimbap, and spicy chili pancakes. “There’s no-”

“Fish? Come on oppa, if I wanted to kill you don’t you think I’d do it a more direct way?” she grinned and Wonwoo laughed too.

“That’s fair, no murder through allergies for Cha Youngji.” He ate some of the kimbap, he’d missed the taste. Their diet had them eating greens and chicken all day and he didn’t even think he needed it.

“So how are you doing?” she asked. “Is this whole idol thing everything you thought it would be?”

“I’m not sure what I thought it would be,” Wonwoo admitted. “So I’m not sure I can answer that.”

She sighed. “That’s such a you answer. Are you enjoying it?”

Was he? He didn’t mind it, he knew that. Didn’t even mind the waiting or the constant practice of the same things. Sure, it wasn’t very exciting anymore to dance the same dance over and over again, but when they stood on that stage and did it for the cameras it was different. It felt… real. Realer than the recitals he had done before, with parents in the audience watching out of obligation or pride. That had never felt all that real to him, but this? This was people who went out of their way to see them because they wanted to see them. People who were interested in them. And that felt good.

He wanted to talk to them. To see what kind of people were their fans. What did they think of their songs? How had they found out about them? Why was it specifically Aeon they liked? He couldn’t wait for their first fansign so he could ask all of these questions and find out.

“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah I’m enjoying it.” This whole thing was something he’d never done before, something he’d chosen for himself for once, no matter how it had ended up going, it had still been his choice to audition. That had to count for something, and hopefully it would continue to count for something.

“Good,” Youngji said brightly. “Then there is at least a good reason why you’ve left me with mom.”

“Youngji she’s not that-”

“The worst,” Youngji wrinkled her nose. “I know it. You know it. You know I know you know it.”

He sighed. Why couldn’t he have the sweet sisters that always showed up in dramas? The ones who wore cute pigtails and big smiles and loved their brothers unconditionally without also kicking them around like a punching bag. A kicking bag? There ought to be a better simile for that.

“Okay, you have to go to back home and I have to go to the gym,” Wonwoo said when they had finished the food.

“You almost sound like an actual big brother,” she laughed. A sweet sister with pigtails just was not in his future, was it?

He laughed too. “Come on you, let’s get going.”

a bit of an intermission chapter, but enjoy anyway. sorry i wasn't able to reply to comments this week, it was a busy one, but i will try to do so soon! i hope you're all enjoying the story, because i am!

- liv