CHAPTER 5

⤫ AEON : END OF AN ERA

Chapter 5

april 23 2017

Here Chanhee was again, staring into the blinding lights, name tag around his neck, waiting for the cues of the stage director. Whatever else happened in his life, rehearsals remained constant. No matter how famous you got, the stage staff didn’t care, you have to wear a name tag regardless. Though, to be fair, fame at least warranted slightly better treatment. Babysteps!

They used to dance every stage like it would be their last, even the rehearsals. Nowadays it was perform well enough for the camera crew to practice their shots and leave it at that.

Things went about as well as they’d been going all week: Jinyoung was stubbornly doing his own thing, sometimes not even singing his lines in favor of posturing; Seunghoon was distracted; Youngbae missed the bounce in his step, partially, Chanhee knew, because his back was acting up again; Wonwoo, well, he was reliable as always.

Sometimes Chanhee thought it was a miracle they pulled it together enough for the actual live stages. Most of the time.

Chanhee was bone tired.

Hell if he’d let them know that, though. Things might not be the same anymore, might never be the same anymore, but he wanted to be the same.

“Whew!” He said, when they’d finally got clearance to leave the stage. “One thing I never miss after a promotional cycle is the rehearsals!”

“Right,” Youngbae said, shouldering the door to the practice room open with a wince.

“Hey, are you okay?” Chanhee asked, catching up to him. “How’s your back?”

“It’s fine,” Youngbae said. “I just need a compress, is all. I think Seokmin hyung has one.”

“Take care of yourself, okay?” Chanhee moved over to where Seunghoon was rummaging in the pocket of his coat. “Again?”

Seunghoon fished out his packet of cigarettes. “Yeah,” he said, slipping it into the pocket of his pants.

“I thought you weren’t addicted.”

“I’m not. It’s just a habit.”

Yeah, right. He watched Seunghoon leave to smoke his cigarette on the roof. He was worried about Seunghoon, but there probably would never be a time when he wouldn’t be worried about Seunghoon. The guy was fundamentally worrisome.

God, Chanhee was tired.

He sighed. He remembered when, a long time ago, he’d been embarrassingly salty about the whole idol thing. He’d said then, in an offhand kind of way, that being an idol was the role of a lifetime.

He’d had no idea.

 

 

 
 
 
seunghoon
 
 
oct 3, 2010

 

“How is it? Has it gone up yet?” Seunghoon asked, while Ahyoung was spraying even more hairspray to keep his hair upright. Apparently it needed regular upkeep to be this gravity-defying.

In the mirror he could see Jinyoung, Baekhyun, Wonwoo, and Youngbae huddled around Seokmin’s phone. “Depends on what you mean by up,” Jinyoung said.

“We’re 226 now,” Wonwoo said.

“We were 215,” Youngbae said.

“Well, the numbers did go up,” Chanhee said, looking at the scene through the mirror as he fixed his hair himself, brushing it this way and that to make sure it was still perfect. “Just not the direction we wanted to go.”

“You’re done,”Ahyoung tapped his shoulder. “Please don’t touch it again, I’m running out of hairspray.”

Seunghoon peered at himself in the mirror, something he avoided most of the time. He avoided looking himself in the eyes, looking anywhere but at his own face.It will be okay, he told himself. Just because Joowon hyung is right doesn’t mean it won’t be okay. It would just take a bit longer to become okay. A bit longer for people to hear his voice not see his face. In the end it would all be okay, he was sure of it.

After those months growing his hair out (and borrowing beanies from Jinyoung to cover the mess up), he didn’t feel like he looked much different now. The stylist had styled the middle section of his hair up just like she’d done when he’d had the undercut, except now there was more of it and it was sort of curled. It looked a little ridiculous to him, even worse than it had before, though Ahyoung assured them all it was fresh and mature.

The clothes were night and day from what they’d got to wear for Wow too. Wow had been fun and urban, a bit of a mess but he’d always had fun with his goggles and mouse-eared beanies. Paradise’s styling was all dark and various kinds of turtlenecks, and he had a weird cut out ribbon of a sleeve going on that reminded him way too much of all the gym sessions he’d been skipping.

At least he wasn’t the only one who looked bad, though it made him feel a little guilty for thinking it. Most of the others had their hair styled similarly to him, especially Wonwoo and Baekhyun looked as ridiculous as him, though he had to admit that Youngbae and Wonwoo’s sleeveless turtleneck showed off how much they hadn’t been skipping gym. Seunghoon regretted everything. Unfortunately both of them also showed that even with the ridiculous styling they were still really handsome. Seunghoon couldn’t really say the same for himself.

He sat down next to Jinyoung and looked at the screen of the phone. The gaon chart clear on the screen as Jinyoung refreshed it again.

“It’s not going to change for the better,” Seunghoon said.

Jinyoung sighed and shut the phone down. “I know. I just…”

“I know.” Seunghoon squeezed Jinyoung’s shoulder. “It’ll be okay.” He wasn’t really sure if it would, but he knew that’s what Jinyoung needed to hear. Besides, they were all together, and doing what they loved doing (more or less), and that’s what really mattered. Not their dwindling chart position. Seunghoon was sure that they would hit it big if they just kept going at it. They were great! Sooner or later people would have to acknowledge that!

“Now you sound like Baekhyun,” Jinyoung said, but he smiled his thanks.

“It can still get better,” Baekhyun said, as if on cue. “Once they see how good our dance is! How hard we’ve worked on it and how synchronized we are, it’ll get better I’m sure.”

“That’s the spirit, Baekhyun,” Youngbae said, grinning as he slung his arm across Baekhyun’s shoulders. “It’ll be fine, we worked so hard on this there’s no way it’ll stay a flop. Songs climb up the charts weeks after release all the time right?”

“Actually,” Wonwoo said. “Not really.”

“Ours will,” Baekhyun nodded. “It will.”

“Of course it will,” Youngbae grinned. “We’re Aeon, aren’t we? We’re going to be around for… a long time right?”

“For aeons,” Wonwoo provided.

“What he said!”

Chanhee smiled. “What would they do without you, Wonwoo?”

“Consistently mis-use English?” Wonwoo offered.”Well most of you still do, whether I’m here or not. Youngbae hyung still can’t pronounce his lines quite right.”

“You try and that’s what matters,” Baekhyun said helpfully. “And so does he.”

“Does he though?” Chanhee wondered. “Does he really?”  

“And hey,” Youngbae continued on his earlier train of thought. “If Paradise doesn’t climb up the charts anymore, we can always try with She’s Back right? That’ll be soon?”

“We start performing it in two weeks,” Wonwoo provided. “After wrapping up Paradise next week.

Seunghoon was a little sad they were wrapping up Paradise so soon, but with lukewarm reactions, the company had decided that they should cut it short and promote She’s Back for a bit. The others had been ecstatic, but Seunghoon was nervous. He’d never had to belt live before. He had a lot more lines in Paradise than he did in Wow, but in She’s Back he actually had a belting note, what if he cracked?

Plus he liked their dark sound, though he felt a little guilty about that too. They had lost so many fans with this sound, but he still liked it. They managed to get a song as cool and mature as MBLAQ did, even if their styling was a little goofy that was still fantastic. Why didn’t everyone like it as much as he did? He was a little disappointed to go back to a lighter sound, but then he felt bad because their mature sound wasn’t going them any favors and liking it was purely out of self-interest.

The loss of fans was very sharply noticeable though. Less and less fans had been showing up for their live performances. During their first two comeback days there had still been quite a few, maybe a little less than Wow. With each performance less had been coming though, and with each performance the stage became more isolating. Though, really, for him it wasn’t much different. The ‘fans’ hadn’t acknowledged him much before anyway, the continuation of not being acknowledged was hardly revolutionary for Seunghoon. As long as the team was here then Seunghoon was fine. He cared much more for them than the anonymous sea of screams the others wished they had.

There were raised voices outside as the door to their waiting room was thrown open.  “Don’t talk about the company like that,” Seokmin snapped at Joowon. “Getting a bad reputation isn’t going to help the group either. Come on Joowon, you’re better than this.”

“Stop making this about me! This is bull and you know it!” Joowon repeated, punctuating his words with sharp gestures. “They can give all of their fancy actors fansigns here and CF deals there and fancy dorms and auditions left and right, but they can’t even give us a handful of music show stages?!”

Seunghoon didn’t think he had ever seen Joowon this angry. Worried? Yes, a handful of times. Snarky? Almost every day. But never actually angry.

“Those fancy actors bring in actual money,” Seokmin reminded him. The manager was equally angry, and Seunghoon could count on one hand how many times he’d seen Seokmin angry before. He didn’t like any of this one bit. What was going on? “And if you haven’t noticed, you guys haven’t exactly been chart toppers.”

“This is one comeback,” Joowon said. “And if it weren’t for the company’s terrible song choice, we would be topping charts. We are the ones who have to make something out of their bad decisions!”

“There is a hierarchy to these things, Kang Joowon, and you know it as well as I do,” Seokmin reminded him. A clenched fist and set jaw the only things that betrayed how little patience Seokmin had left. “And those decisions have to be respected.”

Nothing new there. Seunghoon wasn’t sure why Joowon was fighting it so much. Something must have really hit Joowon hard if he was upset enough to crack his usual calm. The rest of the group was quiet as they gawked at the scene between their manager and, well, their effective leader.

“I understand that,” a defeated tone crept into his voice. It wouldn’t be long now for this to be over. “But those hierarchical decisions directly undermine the company’s goals! And when they aren’t prepared to listen-”

“Why would they listen to you?” Seokmin asked. “You’re an idol. You’re not in the marketing team. You’re not a composer. You’re not a choreographer. Do you really expect him to take your opinions and requests over the marketing team whose job it is to find and catch trends and make you famous?”

“No.” Joowon sighed. “But we’re the ones performing, and that should at least count for something.”

“Should it?” Seokmin asked.

She’s Back was our chance!” Joowon continued, the defeated note gaining, taking over the tone inch by inch until no fighting spirit was left. “It was the song we should have come back with in the first place, and while the performance isn’t perfect, nor as high energy as Wow was, it was still our redeeming grace-”

“Joowon. Stop.” Seokmin sounded bone tired. “The CEO and the marketing team think it’s best to give up on this promotional cycle and try again anew,” Seokmin said. “With artists like 2NE1, BoA, SHINee, and B2St promoting, timeslots are going at a premium and the public won’t have eye for you anyway. It’s best to look for a more opportune time to come back and regroup. That’s what they decided.”

“Wait,” Chanhee broke the silence that had lingered, tense, around the others in the room. “We’re not doing She’s Back anymore?”

Seokmin sighed deeply. “No. You’re not doing She’s Back anymore.”

“But we practiced it,” Youngbae said, voice small. “We practiced it as much as Paradise.” Mostly because Joowon had wanted them too, convinced it would be much more lucrative than their title track, and really Seunghoon couldn’t say if Joowon was wrong. At this point it wasn’t all that difficult to be more lucrative than their title track.

“Are you kidding me?” To Seunghoon’s surprised, it was Chanhee who jumped up. “Do you know how hard we worked on that? You can’t just scrap weeks of practices just like that!”

“Chanhee,” Seokmin cautioned as he always did. “Think about your temper.”

“No,” Chanhee protested. “No it’s not fair and you know it. We’ve worked so hard for all of this and we don’t deserve to be shoved aside like this-”

“We?” Joowon interrupted. “Did you just say we?”

Chanhee blinked. “Eh. Yeah?

“Oh my god, it’s happening,” Seunghoon whispered to Jinyoung.

“It took him long enough,” Jinyoung whispered back to Seunghoon.

“Woo Chanhee,” Joowon started as a huge grin spread across his face. “What tsundere bull is this? Are you melting?!”

“I am trying to make a serious stand here,” Chanhee said, perplexed. “Is this really the time?”

“I know but…” Joowon feigned the rubbing away of tears. “It’s just, they grow up so fast. One minute they’re sassing you and the next they’re defending you!”

Chanhee rolled his eyes but Seunghoon could see the hint of a smile there. He wasn’t fooling Seunghoon… well…. He thought so at least.

Youngbae grinned and slung an arm around both Chanhee and Joowon. “Welcome to the team, kiddo!”

“I’m not-” Chanhee spluttered. “But what about- I’ve been here since- What?”

Baekhyun laughed. “Just let it happen, hyung. They’re not gonna let this go.”

Seokmin cleared his throat. “You will not be performing She’s Back,” he repeated. “And I don’t want to hear anything more about this. Okay? Just focus on finishing the Paradise promotions. You’ll get another chance.”

Seokmin left to talk to the stage manager about their rehearsal, leaving all of them alone in an uncomfortable silence.

“So,” Wonwoo broke it. “No She’s Back.”

“It’s okay,” Baekhyun said. “I mean it but we can do better next time!”

“Baekhyun is right,” Joowon said. “We have to make do with what we get, and we will. All we can do now is perform Paradise the best we can and try to enjoy it.”

Seunghoon wasn’t sure how to feel about this himself. He’d been nervous about it all, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t want to do it. Or at least that he didn’t want to hold the others back by not doing it. Now none of that mattered.

“What do you think?” he asked Jinyoung.

“It ,” Jinyoung said, staring at his feet.  

“Yeah. It does.”

The door opened and Seokmin came back in with the microphones. “Time for your rehearsal, are you ready?”

Joowon looked around and sighed. “Yes. We’re ready.”

Seunghoon got up and held his hand out to Jinyoung. “Come on. Let’s show them what Aeon is made of.”

Jinyoung nodded and took his hand, letting Seunghoon pull him to his feet. “We have to.”

 

 

 
 
 
chanhee
 
 
october 5,  2010

 

Chanhee let out a deep sigh.

“What’s gotten into you?” the coffee ahjumma asked, handing him his usual americano. “I’ve never seen you this gloomy.”

“Nothing,” Chanhee said with another sigh as he wrapped his hands around the steaming cup. It was early in the morning, the weak rays of sunlight doing nothing to liven up the gloomy little cafe, and it was empty again, but as usual the lady behind the counter was cheerful as ever.

“That is the least convincing nothing I have ever heard,” she said. “But okay if you don’t want to talk, I won’t force you.”

“Nothing is going the way it should,” Chanhee sighed. “Everything was supposed to be easy. Annoying and frustrating and stupid, but easy.”

“Your big life decision not working out?” she guessed.

“They sold it to me as this big step in my career,” he complained. “But all of it’s doing is just flushing my career down the drain. It’s not like the group isn’t working hard enough for it, we’re working ourselves to death for the company, but nobody seems to care about us, or about what we want. Hell, I’m feeling guilty for even sitting here drinking coffee when I should be practicing with the others.”

“It sounds like you needed the break,” she guessed. “And the caffeine.”

“You don’t even know.” Chanhee took a sip of the coffee. Nobody made it quite like coffee ahjumma did. “They don’t give a damn about us, the company. We were practicing that song for weeks, weeks, and they just decide to sink that ship and those weeks of effort amount to nothing, but do they care? No of course they don’t care.”

“Do you want some honey toast?” she offered apologetically.

He shouldn’t, he had a diet to adhere to, and the sweet sugary delicacy would no doubt mess with his gym schedule. “Yes.”

She went off to prepare his sinful sweet desert, and he was left with his coffee. He should be getting back soon, the others were probably busy with their umpteenth runthrough of Paradise, especially now what She’s Back was off the table. Joowon would want to make sure it was perfect. Chanhee should be there practicing with them, but he’d missed the cafe. He hadn’t been able to come much in the past few weeks because of the comeback.

Maybe he could cook for them again? To relieve tensions a bit. It had worked last time to calm their nerves somewhat, before Seokmin had told them the fansign had been cancelled anyway. It could work again now. Bad news was always a little less bad with a tasty meal and a full stomach, and while he doubted it would make him less angry, it might help the others.

But what to make? Each of them liked such different things. Wonwoo was allergic to fish, Seunghoon liked everything he wasn’t allowed to have, Jinyoung always wanted to eat bibimbap, Youngbae loved fish… there was really no pleasing everyone.

Screw them, he’d just make what he wanted to eat himself if there was no pleasing everyone. Hm, if he could pick up some pork and hoisin he could make char siu. He hadn’t made that since he’d left Hong Kong, but he was sure the shops here should sell hoisin sauce. He could even splurge and get a bottle of plum wine for the sauce, to give it that extra richness. Taking a leaner cut of meat would make it a bit better for their diet, though unfortunately also less tasty.

He was going over the things he’d need to get for tonight’s dinner when coffee ahjumma returned with the toast. It was a sin to behold, thick sweet bread topped with powdered sugar and honey and a dollop of whipped cream on top. Chanhee was acutely aware that hours in the gym would be needed to burn this off. It didn’t stop him digging in, though. “Oh my god this is amazing,” he said, mouth still full.

“It was seasoned with love,” coffee ahjumma said with a grin.

“How are things with the cafe?” Chanhee asked between bites. “You’re not bankrupt yet?”

The lady laughed. “Not quite yet. Same old same old, some Helix trainees stop by, some businessmen, a lost tourist every now and then. Enough to keep us going.”

“You should really figure out some means of advertisement,” Chanhee said. “Nobody knows the best coffee in Seoul can be found here!”

“That’s what my daughter says all the time too,” she said. “She’s studying business and can’t stop trying to apply it to the cafe. I told her we’re doing fine, focus on your studies, but she never listens.”

“She sounds as stubborn as you are.”

Coffee ahjumma laughed. “What happened to the flattery, Woo Chanhee? I liked that much better.”

“Where’s your husband anyway?” Chanhee wondered. The other owner of the cafe was usually around somewhere as well, trying to wrap his head around business spreadsheets while the lady of the house brewed the coffee. He usually came out of the little office whenever Chanhee was over to bless the place with his booming face and warm laugh while his wife rolled her eyes and shooed him away.

Chanhee loved both of them dearly, honestly.

“He’s at home with the flu. Keeps complaining like he’s dying and demanding warm soup, I swear he’d make me spoonfeed him if I didn’t know better. He’s almost as useless as our sons.” She sighed dramatically. “I would never have married him if he didn’t come with a cafe.”

Chanhee laughed before taking the last bite of his toast. She often complained about her sons who never called enough. “He should be very thankful indeed that he had the cafe then, to win such a prize of a wife.”

“There we go. Much better.”

“Let me help you with the washing up.” Chanhee jumped up from his stool and moved behind the counter. “I mean I assume you still haven’t gotten the dishwasher fixed.” The thing had been broken for months but both of them were too stubborn to call in someone to fix it, or to replace it.

“We should have sons like you,” coffee ahjumma said, stepping aside to let Chanhee attack the dishes in the sink. “Attentive, flattering, visits regularly. Did I mention visits regularly?”

“I haven’t been in three weeks!”

“Still more often than those s of mine. They live in the damned city and still can’t be bothered to visit!”

They chatted a little longer while Chanhee washed up. After he did the dishes he moved on to clean the countertop while the old lady chattered on about her week. It all felt so normal. So domestic. Chanhee often wondered if this is what it was like to have parents who were around. He envied her sons, and resented them for taking their mother for granted.

“There’s going to come a time when you come back and I’ll be retired!” Coffee ahjumma grinned. “Perish the thought! I have hopes our little Hyeran might one day take over the cafe and I can sit back and do nothing. With all her business plans she can make this cafe bustling, and I won’t have to deal with all of those customers!”

“So that’s why you don’t properly advertise?” Chanhee laughed. “You just don’t like people!”

“Of course! And then she can provide for us, as she should. We’ve provided for her long enough.” She sighed contently. “Ah, retirement. I look forward to it.”

“How will the cafe go on if it loses its light?!” Chanhee gasped dramatically. “No, you can never retire, it is simply not possible.”

“Flattery won’t get you even more free coffee, young man, but do go on,” she teased. “You should take some coffees back for your friends.”

“They’re not my friends,” Chanhee protested immediately. “They’re just people I work with.”

“You just keep telling yourself that. I know what family looks like, child. I’ve got two worthless sons, a semi-worthless husband, and wonderful daughter to show me exactly what family looks like. It sounds to me like you’ve found yours.”

“God forbid if they should be my family.” The overbearing big brother, the useless ‘leader’, the two joined at the hip, the wallflower, and the bouncing maknae? Some dysfunctional family that would be. Hah, more dysfunctional than the one he already had. No, they were just colleagues, people he had to make his fortune with, but that was it. That was where their relationship ended.

They worked well together though, Chanhee had to admit that. They worked well together and he was proud of them. But they were definitely just colleagues.

“Fine then. Take some coffee for the people you work with, you big oaf.” She was already brewing, there was no refusing it now. When coffee ahjumma set her mind to something, it was going to happen.

“Has anyone told you you’re damned pushy sometimes?”

She laughed as she poured the coffee into foam cups. “The good thing about growing old in this country is nobody can do a damned thing about it.” No arguing with that one.

She all but pushed him out of the cafe with a tray of coffees and commands for him to return again soon. Chanhee smiled as he left the cafe, he always felt better after visiting. The cafe was this little haven of normalcy, a retreat where his failure didn’t matter, and all that mattered was good coffee and listening o the complains of the sweet lady brewing that coffee. It felt a little bit like home. The warm kind of home, the kind of home with someone waiting for you to return and fill you with warmth. The kind of home on hallmark cards and holiday commercials.

The thing about havens, though, was that they were temporary, and real life was waiting for him to return. Joowon’s endless practice sessions, Youngbae’s loud laughter, Seunghoon and Jinyoung’s giggles, Baekhyun’s constant optimism, and Wonwoo’s quiet truths were waiting for him. But, honestly, that prospect didn’t bother him as much as it used to.

They were probably waiting for him now, dumb as they all were, but that wasn’t so bad.

After all, they were in this together now.

 

 

 
 
 
baekhyun
 
 
october 12, 2010

It was a weird feeling, getting back to the practice room after promotions were over. It had felt weird after Wow, and it felt weird after Paradise. There was a moment of ‘now what?’ that nobody could really actually answer.

Things were much different now though. When they’d finished Wow they had been elated, giddy with their first promotional cycle done. That wasn’t the case now.

At least there had been the first good night sleep in, what, 2 months? Without a schedule and without a music show or the necessity for constant practice to make that one performance just slightly more synchronized for that one last stage, there hadn’t been a reason to get up at 5AM to make the most of their day.

Baekhyun felt rested. He’d forgotten what rested felt like. And now that promotions were done, maybe he could stop by his parents sometimes this week. He missed them dearly, and though his mom often stopped by to give them some leftovers and kimchi, it wasn’t the same as just being home for a bit. Maybe he could even stay over once, just like old times.

It had only been months since he moved into the dorm, but already it felt like old times when he used to live at home. He missed it.

“What’s on the program?” He asked Youngbae, as they all filed into the practice room.

“Eeeh,” Youngbae looked to Joowon. “Do you know?”

Joowon sighed. “We have a meeting with Seokmin and the CEO very soon,” he said. “To go over how the promotions went and what went wrong and how to make it better next time.”

“Do you think we could ask him for a song like Wow?” Baekhyun wondered. Wow had been super fun, and he knew the others liked it a lot more than Paradise. It would make them happy to do a song like that again. “That would help right? That’s what you’re always saying, hyung.”

Joowon nodded. “We can try, we can always try.”

“Is he going to blame us for the failure?” Youngbae asked. “I mean, there were so many good artists promoting at the time, there’s no way it was our fault that song failed, right? We did good.” He said it as a statement, but Wonwoo noticed the hint of question packaged in with it.

“There is always some fault of our own to be found as well,” Joowon said. “We had many factors against us, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t things we could have done to make it better. We’re just going to identify those things and look at how to do better next cycle. It’s all constructive, like last time.”

The Wow post-promotion meeting had gone well, Baekhyun remembered. There were some things the CEO hadn’t liked, such as how messy their stages looked, but everything else had been positive! It had really felt good to hear how they had been doing well, maybe this meeting could do that for them as well? Things had been so dour since they hadn’t been doing well, but a company pep talk could fix that right up! This was just what they needed.

Joowon lead them to a practice session of Paradise, and Baekhyun tried his best to participate to the best of his abilities, but something was off and he didn’t know how to fix it. The mood was low. Was it the song? Should they do something else instead?

“Why don’t we practice Wow for a bit?” he suggested. Wow had been fun! Wow had been silly and free and just what they had needed to really feel like a team. If it had done all that for them then, then why not now? “So we don’t forget what that was like either?”

Youngbae nodded. “Yeah! That’s a great idea, Baek!” Baekhyun beamed at the praise. “Let’s do some Wow!”

The familiar strings echoed through the room as they got into place, and the group went through the movements. It wasn’t the same though, something was missing. The energy they used to have simply wasn’t there. Baekhyun tried to get them pumped, inserting his usual whoops and jumps, but it just wasn’t the same. Wonwoo kept measuring his synchronization with the others, Chanhee obviously wanted to be doing anything but this, and Jinyoung kept glancing at the clock on the wall. Only Youngbae was actually into it, but he couldn’t bring everything together on his own.

“Okay so,” Joowon said with a light pant after they’d taken on their final pose. “That was a mess. Why don’t we try that again? Come on, it’s only been two months, you can’t have completely unlearned everything in that time.”

Baekhyun was glad Joowon at least wanted to try again. He’d thought about saying it himself but it sounded better coming from Joowon.

They never got to do another run, as Seokmin opened the door to fetch them. “Are you ready for the meeting?” he asked, curt and to the point. He seemed tense.

Joowon glanced at Youngbae, who blankly looked back at him, before sighing and taking control. “Give us a second to catch our breaths and we’re all yours.”

“Don’t take too long,” Seokmin cautioned. “The CEO doesn’t like waiting.”

They took a few minutes to drink some water and get their bearings before Seokmin ushered them out. Seokmin was tense the entire time, he didn’t speak and just lead them up to the top floor. There was a stark difference between the top floor with the important offices and the trainee basement where they resided. It was clean, newly renovated, with some pieces of abstract art dotting the walls. The colors were nice, but that’s as much as Baekhyun knew about art. He was sure someone with a lot more knowledge than him chose these pieces for some reason, but they looked kind of messy to him. This is where the big offices were, and the important conference rooms, not the office of some idol manager like Seokmin, but the real people who were leading the company.

Seokmin knocked on the door, waiting  a few seconds for a gruff voice to tell them to come in, and held the door open for them. The conference room itself was rather non-descript and impersonal, and not even all that big. The only thing on the walls were some posters of the bigger actors and singers represented by the company. Aeon’s poster was there too. There was one big dark table in the middle, with just enough chairs for all of them cramped around it. The CEO was at the head, with two other middle aged men on either side of him. Baekhyun thought he remembered something about them being from marketing? He wasn’t sure, they’d been introduced last meeting but it didn’t look like introductions were in order argain this time.

“Sit down,” the CEO said with a steel tone. They each bowed to him and seated themselves around the conference table. The atmosphere with heavy with tension, nothing of the positivity that Baekhyun had hoped there would be. What was going on? Why was it all so wrong?

The silence stretched on as the CEO regarded them all coolly and Baekhyun felt very uncomfortable, why wasn’t anyone saying anything?

Finally the CEO cleared his throat. “As I am sure all of you know, this promotional cycle was a big failure for the company. “I hope you understand that you have lost this company a lot of money .”

And there it was. Exactly what Baekhyun had furiously hoped he wouldn’t say. All of them hung their heads, even Seokmin did. All except Chanhee, who kept his chin defiantly raised.

What followed was something Baekhyun could only call a disciplining, the likes of which he hadn’t seen since he left the orphanage. Except it was worse coming from their company. They weren’t good enough, weren’t pretty enough, weren’t thin enough, weren’t bulky enough, weren’t charming enough, weren’t synchronized enough, weren’t confident enough, weren’t polite enough, weren’t likeable enough.

Baekhyun felt that growing feeling of fear and anxiety in the pit of his stomach with every blow they were given.

They weren’t good enough. Nothing was good enough.

Baekhyun glanced at the others. Jinyoung looked like he was trying to disappear into his chair. Seunghoon was glancing down at the table at the table in front of him, head hung low. Youngbae was frowning next to him, hands fidgeting under the table. Joowon was nodding along respectfully. Chanhee stared ahead, hands balled into angry fists by his side. Even Wonwoo was shaken.  

It was all wrong. This wasn’t supposed to happen! They were supposed to get a motivational speech, the meeting was supposed to bring them together and move them towards a better future, Alleviate the dark clouds that had been hanging over them for the past three weeks. It wasn’t supposed to break their confidence into a thousand pieces.

Every word made him more feel more fragile, more broken. He felt tears prick his eyes and pinched his hand to keep them at bay. He hated crying in front of others.

No, no, no this was all wrong.

“I expect you to do better next time,” the CEO said. “All of you, including Kim Seokmin. We have invested a lot of money and resources into this project and I will not see that go down the drain.”

“If we could only-” Joowon started.

“No more talk about songs or composition,” the CEO shut him down. “You are idols, not musicians. There are people whose job it is to find trends and follow trends, it is your job to perform those trends adequately and bring in the fans. If we all stuck to our jobs maybe we wouldn’t be here now.”

Chanhee opened his mouth but Joowon quickly kicked his leg to shut him up. Chanhee looked angry but kept his tongue.

“Go back to training,” the CEO said. “We will talk about your comeback next month. I expect to results from your gym and dieting, and a marked improvement in your dancing.”

With that they were ushered out. All except Seokmin, who had to stay to further discuss things. The manager looked anxious himself, and Baekhyun wondered if he was in trouble too.

There was silence as they walked out of the office down the hall to the stairs. How was he going to fix this? “We’ll do better next time,” he tried, voice cracking just a bit. His eyes were still foggy, he wondered when he could rub them without anyone noticing. He should have done that before he started talking. “We will.”

Youngbae frowned. He was hanging back, shoulders sagged. No, Baekhyun couldn’t lose him now, he already felt that sting every time Youngbae sought out Joowon instead of him, and now the leader was retreating in on himself.

“We can!” he repeated. “We will. We’ll be okay, it was just one bad promotional cycle and now we know how to do better.” The CEO had said it was their fault, so they had to do better. “We can avoid the mistakes we made and do better. All of us.”

Chanhee turned around. “Mistakes we made?” he snapped. “We didn’t make any mistakes, the company made mistakes. How dare he blame us for all of it?” Baekhyun flinched at Chanhee’s anger. “It was his stupid song to begin with, he was the one who delayed our comeback so it coincided with 2NE1 and BoA, and now he blamed us for all of it? We’re the ones who aren’t working hard enough?! What ing bull is this!”

Baekhyun nodded. “They did. Yeah! But, but, but we still have to make do with what we got, right hyung?” He looked from Joowon to Youngbae for confirmation.

“Chanhee, stop,” Joowon said, and he sounded tired more than anything. “You’re just wasting your anger on something you have no say over. Let it go.”

“Let it go-” Chanhee started, but to everyone’s surprise it was Wonwoo who cut him off this time. Normally Wonwoo stayed out of discussions.

“I agree with Chanhee hyung,” Wonwoo said calmly. “They shouldn’t be putting all the blame on us, there were many factors out of our control, and as a management company there were many factors contributing to our failure that were in theirs. Putting all the blame on us is washing their hands of it themselves. They shouldn’t be doing that.”

Chanhee blinked, speechless for only a second before gathering himself. “Yeah! Does he know how hard we’ve worked for all of this, including the performance he just tossed aside without a second thought?! And then he has the nerve to say that it is our fault we failed!”

Baekhyun noticed that Jinyoung cringed at Chanhee’s words. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, eh,” Jinyoung cleared his throat and nodded. “Yes. I’m fine.”

Seunghoon cast a worried look at Jinyoung before continuing to stare at the floor in front of his feet.

“I don’t see them getting us any exposure either,” Chanhee continue his rant. “Where are the photoshoots? Variety appearances?  Drama auditions.” That last sentence was underlined with the most bitterness. “That’s up to the management isn’t it? We could be variety gold and who would even know?!”

“Chanhee, please,” Joowon tried again. “I agree, but you have to pick your battles.”

“Do I?”

“Yes. You do.”

“Fine,” Chanhee snapped, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “I guess we’ll roll over and play dead, do whatever our overlords tell us to do.”

“That is exactly what we’re doing,” Joowon said. “Because we have a contract, and we have a job to do. In order to do that job we have to work within the system and show them that we’re worth the investment. Throwing a tantrum isn’t showing them that we’re worth any kind of investment.”

“Fine. We’ll do it your way, but I hope it works out for all of us.”

“It will,” Baekhyun took over. “How many groups are there that struggled in their debut years? Big Bang and Girls Generation did, and where are they now? They stuck together and worked hard to move past their slow starts and became super famous! We can do that too, as long as we work together.”

“Yeah!” Youngbae said. “Some head honchos aren’t gonna keep us down! We’ll show them, won’t we?”

Wonwoo smiled. “We will.”

Youngbae stopped in his tracks in the middle of the stairwell, causing both Joowon and Baekhyun to nearly plow into him. “Let’s do a fighting!” He held his hand out.

Baekhyun immediately put his hand out. The nausea in the pit of his stomach was quieting. This was good.

Chanhee raised his eyebrows. “On the stairs? Really?”

Youngbae nodded enthusiastically. “Really! Come on, put it on!”

Joowon put his hand on too. “Alright, team, come on.”

Wonwoo followed. Then Chanhee sighted but added his hand to the pile.

“Jinyoung? Seunghoon?” Baekhyun asked.

Both of them seemed to snap out of their own thoughts. Jinyoung nudged Seunghoon. “Hoonie?”

Seunghoon shook his head. “Ah, sorry.”

“Three, two, one,” Youngbae counted.

“Fighting!”

 

 

 
 
 
wonwoo
 
 
november 2 2010

“Really, I’m fine.”

“I’m not sure if I’m more concerned about the fact that you are rather than aren’t.” Youngji’s sassy tone was only mildly dampened by the distortion of the phone.

Wonwoo pressed the phone to his ear with his shoulder while he juggled his bag and the opening of the doors to the company. “We’re just not really doing anything right now. Practicing mostly.”

“Then why haven’t you come to visit?”

“Because practicing takes time?”

“Are you eating?”

“What the company tells me to.”

“So you’re not eating.”

He sighed. “Youngji, I have to go back to practice. We’ll talk later.”

“Don’t you dare hang up on me, you scumbag,” she threatened. “You always follow everyone’s orders, so follow mine too.”

“Where does a middle schooler pick up that kind of language?!”

“Don’t change the subject. Grow a spine so I can stop worrying about you all the time. And eat something!”

“I’m late for practice. I’m going to hang up now.”

“Oppa!”

He hung up on her and slipped the phone into his practice backpack. He’d call her again soon, to alleviate her worries, but not during practice hours. Hers was the one fallout he was prepared to deal with.

Wonwoo pushed open the door, fully prepared to find the whole group inside waiting for him, but instead finding Youngbae and Baekhyun sprawled on the floor. “G-good morning?”

Youngbae looked up. “Hey Wonwoo!”

“What are you doing?”

“Waiting,” Youngbae said happily.

Baekhyun sat up and smiled guiltily. “The others were sent to vocal training. Aren’t you supposed to be there as well?”

Wonwoo shook his head. “Not that I heard. Aren’t you supposed to be practicing regardless?”

“We were,” Youngbae said. “But practicing alone is kind of weird with just the two of us and then we got tired.” He let himself fall back on the floor. “Have you ever noticed that there’s a weird stain on the ceiling?”

Wonwoo squinted at where Youngbae was pointing. Huh. There was a weird stain there. He wondered where it came from.

“Do you want to join us?” Baekhyun asked.

“Eh.” It was kind of weird, but he supposed there was no harm to it. He couldn't say he was exactly looking forward to running through the same songs over and over again for practice while waiting for the company to give them a new song to, then, run through over and over again. “Sure. I guess.”

Wonwoo laid down next to Baekhyun, folding his hands to cushion his head and staring up at the ceiling. “So why are we doing this?”

“Killing time, mostly,” Baekhyun said.

“We’re just taking a break,” Youngbae said.

“A very long break?” Wonwoo guessed.

Baekhyun laughed. “Maybe a little longer than intended.” There was a short silence as they all stared at the ceiling, one that Wonwoo appreciated. “Hey hyung, why did you pick your stage name?”

“Me?” Wonwoo asked. “Oh. Eh. My mom suggested it.” Primo. Something about wanting him to become number one. He thought it was a little weird and would much rather have just used his real name, but she had insisted that Wonwoo would be too normal. She thought Primo would sound much more glamorous, Helix had agreed, and that was that.

“I got my stage name from my mom too!” Baekhyun said excitedly. “Well, more like it’s a nickname that she started. She always says I’m like a beagle!”

Wonwoo laughed. “I can see where she gets that from.” If anything, Baekhyun was always a force of positivity. Wonwoo appreciated it most of the time. “Where did you get yours from, hyung?”

“My gi- eh great friend always calls me Bae,” Youngbae said, growing a little red.

“Is Wonwoo here- you guys are practicing hard I see,” Seokmin said from the doorway.

All three of them shot up at once. “Sorry hyung,” Youngbae said immediately, only growing a deeper shade of red.

Seokmin sighed. “Just don’t let anyone else see it. Wonwoo, I have a schedule for you.”

“A schedule?” None of them had gotten any schedules at all, aside from the regular music promotions. “Are you secretly putting me to work in a coal mine?”

“I come to expect this kind of sass from Joowon or Chanhee, but not you,” Seokmin chided, but his smile undermined the message. “One of our rising actors was supposed to do a photoshoot with one of the veteran actors, but he broke his leg and can’t make it. I managed to convince the CEO it would be beneficial to send one of you as a replacement.”

“Why me?”

“Because you’re handsome, you’re polite, you’re good with directions, and you’re available right now.”

“I’m handsome,” Youngbae argued.

“Notice the polite and good with directions part, Bang Youngbae,” Seokmin told him. “We need someone who will give Aeon a good name.”

“I can take directions,” Youngbae mumbled to himself, while Baekhyun gave him a consolatory pat on the shoulder.

A photo shoot huh? That was unexpected. Wonwoo had done jacket shoots before of course, for their single and their mini album, but not an actual fashion shoot with professional models. That was a whole new thing.

He was a little nervous about doing something like this alone, he’d never done any of the idol stuff without the group before, but he followed Seokmin to the van without protest and buckled in.

“How have you been doing, hyung?” They’d hardly seen Seokmin in weeks, since they’d had no schedules nor any comeback news, and Seokmin had been pulled in to do other things.

“Busy,” he answered. “I’ve been running both comeback preparations as well as taking over some of the trainee management tasks.”

“Are we doing that bad?”

“It’s a lull,” he answered. “So they’re putting me where I’m needed. Don’t think too much into it, as soon as the song is finalized and preparations begin I’ll be back on full-time Aeon duty.”

“How is the song?” Wonwoo wondered.

“It’s good, I think,” Seokmin said. “Maybe not exactly what Joowon wants it to be, but I think it’s great. Then again, I don’t really know much about music, honestly. Either way, it’s been purchased and is being edited now, and choreography has been commissioned, so things will start happening in a few weeks I think.”

That was good to hear, they wouldn’t be this stagnant for much longer.

They chatted more while Seokmin drove, mostly Seokmin talking and Wonwoo listening. He didn’t mind, he usually preferred listening. He didn’t feel like he had much to bring a conversation, and besides, it was much more interesting to learn someone else’s perspective than force his own. And then, much too soon for the nervous knots in his stomach, the warehouse that functioned as a studio came into view and Seokmin lead him inside.

The place was artfully dingy. It was dark, the colours a swirling mix of blues and greys and the red tinges of rust. Smoke machines had been prepared to give it that added touch, and bright lamps were pointed in strategic locations to light up the future shots.

Wonwoo walked in almost in a daze, trying to take everything in at once. Staff was busily walking from left to right, ignoring him as they went about their tasks. Seokmin was pulled aside by one of the project managers, leaving Wonwoo alone to face the photographer.

“Ah, you’re the replacement?” the man asked. Wonwoo knew he was the photographer by the big expensive looking camera around his neck. He was quite old, older than Wonwoo had expected, with longer black hair and thick glasses. He looked impatient but welcoming, a rare combinations.

Wonwoo realized the man was waiting for an introduction. Oh shoot! “Ah, yes.” He bowed. “I’m Cha Wonwoo.”

“Pleased to meet you Cha Wonwoo,” the photographer said. “I’m Yong Yohan, Styling is to the left, please make your way there immediately so we can begin as soon as the set is ready.”

Wonwoo made it to a small section fenced off for privacy. Inside were some chairs and mirrors, along with a big rack of potential clothing and a woman frantically going through them. Wonwoo cleared his throat and she jumped a little. “Oh! I didn’t hear you coming, you’re the replacement?”

“I am,” he said. “Cha Wonwoo.”

“Sit, sit,” she hastily motioned at the chair in front of the mirror. “I’ll be right there.”

Wonwoo was starting to get stressed simply for being in around all of these stressed people. Everyone was busy, everyone was frantic. It was making him frantic too.

The stylist quickly started to attack his face and hair, getting it ready for the shoot. Halfway through the actual actor of the hour arrived on set and everyone abandoned Wonwoo to fuss over him. Wonwoo had no idea who the guy was, he’d never been much for dramas and had always been too busy to sit down and watch them, but he was a handsome guy. Small face, jawline that could cut, that sort of thing.

The outfits of the day seemed to involve mostly denim, and the look itself was bold but dark and mature. Wonwoo liked it. He looked himself over in the mirror while the staff was busy with the actor, admiring the way the makeup brought out the edges of his face. The idol makeup he’d worn before was all youthfulness and angst, always there to underline the best parts of his face. The makeup for this shoot was much more interested in making statements, making an artwork out of his face. It wasn’t afraid to emphasize the bags under his eyes to give him a more hooded look, or to style his bangs up away from his forehead to give him a more mature look. It felt weird to have his forehead exposed like this, he was so used to the steady companionship of bangs.  

The actor largely ignored his presence, but Wonwoo made a point of being as polite to the staff as he could be. Always bowing, asking if things were going alright. At one point he started a conversation with the stylist, apparently named Bae Yoonha, as she complained about her useless boyfriend and penchant for showing up late to any of their dates. He talked to the photographer himself for a bit, and asked him about what lenses he used for his camera, if they knew how they worked, why single-lens reflex cameras were almost exclusively used in the professional field, and how did they work?

He felt a little twitch of nerves when it was time to actually take the shots, but once they got going it wasn’t so bad. He actually kind of liked it. It wasn’t very hard, he just took a pose and adjusted when the photographer told him to, mostly working as reliable second fiddle to the actor. He was there to support the actor, interaction with him only to underline the emphasis on the much more famous and handsome man, but he didn’t mind that either. Just the act of posing and modelling was interesting to him. This was so much different than the jacket shoots, where the objective was always to somehow look handsome for the fans. The goal of fashion modelling was both underlining the clothes as well as creating striking shapes and art. There was a distinct vision behind the shots, as purple and blue fluorescent lamps added to the lighting and contrasting makeup created shadows on his face even without the use of light bulbs.

Between each outfit change or set change, the Yong Yohan let him see some of the photos that had already been shot, and Wonwoo could really see how all of the elements wove themselves together into a single photo. He could hardly recognize himself, what with the dramatic makeup and slicked back hair and stark shadows, but it was him. But it also wasn’t. It was a vessel for art. Fascinating.

The day was a long one, the shoot went on for hours as more clothes were switched and lighting filtered just so. Some snacks were presented on a table but neither of them actually partook in them. The company had recently told Wonwoo that he really had to do something about those chubby cheeks of his, even if his weight was on the low end even for an idol. Those cheeks were not going anywhere and so chocolate bars and soda was not for him. He was too fascinated with the whole process to really notice his hunger anyway.

It was fun, to take different poses and wear different clothes and almost become a different person for a bit. A more confident person who looked great in too much denim. He’d never done any acting, but he imagined it’d be something like this. No wonder Chanhee liked it so much, it was a good feeling.

He was honestly disappointed when it ended, and he had to say goodbye to the staff and the warehouse and the lights and the cameras. He felt like a fish in the water here.

“Thank you for taking care of me,” he said to the staff as he bowed deeply.

“You did an excellent job here today, Wonwoo,” Yong Yohan said. “Especially for a rookie. Who knows, maybe we’ll have work for you another time.”

His face lit up. “I would love that.”

Ah, he couldn’t wait to tell the guys all about his experience! Maybe things weren’t as dire as they thought. If they could get a few more photoshoots like these, maybe with all of them together, then that would be perfect.

 

 

 

 
 
 
joowon
 
 
november 25, 2010

Here they were once again, in the recording studio, recording another wrong song. Joowon’s heart had dropped when Seokmin had given them their next lead single. It was the exact same as *Paradise. 80s synths drowning in angst, grounded by a solid baseline. Dancier and less gloomy than *Paradise, but structurally the exact same.

They were making the exact same mistake and there was nothing Joowon could do about it.

He’d tried talking to Seokmin, but the manager had just shut him down with the same thing he’d said a dozen times already. It wasn’t in either of their control so best let it go and work with what he had.

Joowon was torn. Seokmin was right, hierarchy was something that ought to be minded, but that didn’t mean one should lay on their backs in submission either. Higher powers ought to be reasoned with.

He’d tried that. Tried reasoning. Tried offering to make the song himself, a bold proposal that had been immediately shot down by the CEO. It wasn’t his job to make music, the CEO had told him. It was just his job to perform it to satisfaction.

Joowon was a little relieved the proposal had been shot down, he wasn’t sure if composing a title track was beyond his powers or not, and he’d never created a composition as layered as the title tracks had been, but it was nothing compared to the disappointment he had felt alongside it. And anger. Affront. And that had been before he’d even heard their new song.

The Chaser. Poetic, in a way. They were chasing fame after all, like a dog chasing a bone, but so far it had stayed maddeningly out of reach.

Work with what you got. Constantly people were telling him to work with what he got. Make do with what was at his disposal. He was making do with what he god, but goddamn it if he didn’t wish that he didn’t have to.

He was waiting for his turn in the booth while Seunghoon was singing his heart out behind the glass. Next to him Jinyoung was staring intently at the screen composer, watching as sliders were operated and sounds recorded. Chanhee was sitting on Joowon’s other side, looking thoroughly bored of it all.

It was the same producer who had created Paradise, Song Sooyoon. A nice guy, Joowon had stayed behind last time to talk shop with the man. He hadn’t been above talking to some no-name idols, and Joowon appreciated that. He also appreciated the fact that the man was present himself for the recording sessions, he obviously took pride in his work. Joowon was glad he could add Song Sooyoon to his list of connections.

Ah yes, connections. Connections had gotten him this gig to begin with. It hadn’t been an assured debut, but it had been as close to that as it could get. It had all seemed like such a good plan: a small company that he could grow with, maybe have some control over his own sound and his own group.

It seemed that that had been too much to ask. Had he been delusional? Maybe. Starry eyed? Probably.

He had to work with what he got.

Seunghoon’s whiny voice rang through the room, singing his part of the chorus, driving its tension. His voice did go perfectly with this style of song. Seunghoon’s cold and whiny voice drove the tension while Jinyoung’s warmer and more powerful voice delivered the . It was a good choice of the composer.

The little farm boy really did have a good voice. He was glad that he got significantly more lines, he could use the boost in recognition of his voice was to carry his career. Jinyoung was a better vocalist, but also much better looking.

He wondered if he could have a chat with the music video director when it came to that, see if he couldn’t negotiate some more screentime for Seunghoon, at least while he was singing. There would no doubt be story elements, but they should not neglect who was singing, like he’d noticed they’d done with Seunghoon’s bridge in Paradise. He wasn’t about to let that happen again. That way people would connect the voice to the face, no matter what the face looked like.

Joowon liked sitting in on recording sessions, he liked watching the producer at work on the keys and dials, but the absolutely silence while recording was maddening. He’d much rather be chatting along with Song Sooyoon, finding out why he did this and that and putting in his own two cents. Sometimes when he watched the producer at work he imaged his own hands on the dials, how he would mix it when the recording was done, what kind of audio layering and editing he would use to bring out that tension.

Instead he had to sit back and be silent and stay inside his own head and repress the urge to give chat with Jinyoung about the music processing or shout encouraging words at Seunghoon or rip Chanhee a new one for looking 5 minutes away from falling asleep.

After a few minutes he started to feel antsier about having to stay silent, leg bouncing up and down in protest. He sighed, he should get out for a bit. Stretch his legs. Grab some water maybe? He got up, flashed a grin and a thumb’s up at Seunghoon, and slipped out of the room.

“Going somewhere?”

Huh? Chanhee, of all people, carefully closed the studio door behind him. “Just grabbing a water and some air,” Joowon said. “I’m surprised you aren’t snoring on the couch by now.”

Chanhee shrugged. “Hey, music isn’t exactly my thing, I’m just waiting until I can sing my two lines and be done with it.”

“There’s the chorus too.”

“Oh please, as if they’re going to use my voice for the mix. I’ll be surprised if he even asks me to sing it.”

Well, he couldn’t argue with that one, Chanhee’s voice was rather weak and producers always favored the main and leads when mixing combined choruses together. “You could work on becoming a stronger vocalist too, have you ever considered that? You’d get more than two lines a song.”

“What? Me?” Chanhee shook his head. “I don’t need the lines, lines are for those who need a little help getting fans. My personality and face will do that for me, no musical talents required.” He said it so matter-of-factly that Joowan had to laugh. This kid had an ego that could power a small nation.

“You could always leave,” Joowon said casually, testing him. “If you don’t need us to get fans you could just find a company to act with.”

“Leave you?” Chanhee laughed. “Please. You need me. Where would any of you be without my charisma to back you up? I couldn’t leave you to your own devices, you’d never get anywhere.”

Joowon grinned. Just as he thought. Tsundere bull. He’d get through to the guy yet. At least the banter was a hundred times better now that Chanhee had taken his head somewhat out of his . Now it was more like nose-deep jammed in there as opposed to chin-deep. “Come on, come with me.”

“And? What do you think of our new song, oh great leader?” Chanhee asked, cheeky grin on his face.

“More 80s synth pop. It’s basically Paradise, but amped up on instrumentals and filtered for angst. Lyrics are a little stalkerish, not a fan of the whole chasing that ex to the ends of the world thing,” he sighed. “I’d hoped they’d learned.”

“And is that your professional opinion?” Joowon only then noticed the mocking tone lacing Chanhee’s words. Oh that little .

He grinned “Are you mocking me, Woo Chanhee?”

Chanhee gasped mockingly. “Why I would never! I thoroughly enjoy your very frequent musical monologues.”

“If you actually listened you might learn a thing or two,” Joowon pointed out. “You know? Get your head out of your and in front of a microphone?”

“I don’t see why I can’t do both at once, my head is quite cozy, thank you.”

“You have no shame, do you?” Joowon couldn’t stop the hint of admiration slipping into his voice. Dammit, it wasn’t like Chanhee needed more reason to have a boosted ego.

“Nope,” Chanhee said brightly. “None at all.”

Joowon laughed. “Careful kid, I might start to like you.”

Chanhee pulled a face. “God forbid. I don’t particularly want to be initiated into the Joowon cult.”

And that was the Chanhee he knew and didn’t love, but Joowon wouldn’t be fooled anymore. He’d seen what was underneath. Chanhee tried hard to be prickly and sour and oh so above it all, but Joowon had seen the tsundere underneath and there was no way in hell he was letting this go. Ever.

Joowon slung an arm around him. “We’ll see about that. Now let’s get some water back for everyone.”

“Hey, I just came to grab some juice for myself.”

“Chanhee…”

“Fine.”

 

 
Author's note:

a litlle later than usual, but life is getting busier around this time! hope you enjoyed it, and let me know what you thought!

- liv

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Comments

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__ilia
#1
Chapter 30: Hello, Lavender.

I started reading this just because I was curious who the Dream4U MC Chanhee was but now I am sitting with my own alcoholic beverage and so much heartache for this cast. I am sure the apps you picked were ripe with ideas, but you really wove them together like a glorious conductor coaxing a symphony out of disparate parts. Within the first few chapters, I forgot I was reading an Applyfic instead of just a book off the shelves, full of beloved strangers.
Viollium
#2
Chapter 30: hi ok so

commenting publicly this time, and gosh i feel so , but i suppose others must know their charas are being flailed over~

anyway

WONWOO DARLING the ahjummas of this story consistently have stellar taste in gentlemen. Honestly the way you swiftly characterize supporting characters in just a few lines blows me away every time, AND you reveal so much about Wonwoo's state of mind in the same lines? Yo, help, I stan ahjumma already. Also I stan Wonwoo even more because he's so soothing and indulgent. (Though I suppose more stans is the last thing he needs now. I can't help it though, I love me some tildes~~)

It's funny how the one who used to come off most floaty and detached is now one of the most relatable (dat parking lot moment haha) as well as the most emotionally grounded and willing to connect... which takes me to THAT REVEAL YOOOOO if you see my mind washed up on the beach, know that this is the moment I lost it.

I read the word "betrayal" and was like... No way. Really? No wa- OH MY GOSH. `That melancholy mood shrouded in neon haze just gained even more weight. There are so many things wrong in this conversation, which basically means you got everything right. Just as Wonwoo's growth and quiet proactiveness has me rooting for him and wiping a tear, the ways Joowon has changed really sting. All the more with how perceptive Wonwoo is (man, you picked the most heartbreaking POV for this). Of course Wonwoo notices the grating brightness. Of course he sees the mess that you laid bare a few chapters ago. 

It aches to see Wonwoo's conversation hooks get left hanging over and over. The Joowon who arrived early to his audition would never have let Wonwoo's comment on hotel rooms slide without grilling him on details and offering insights in turn. The Joowon who herded Youngbae wouldn't have forgotten the terms of this meeting, nor would he have been so muted about the entire music production. I thought the lack of Joowon-ness when he was alone in the apartment felt wrong, but it's even more unnerving seeing it through Wonwoo's keen eye. Again, perfect choice of POV, and as heavily as the contents sit, this moment still offers some small glimmer of hope. All so you can hurt us better later? Or...? ('w')

JINYOUNG MY VOLATILE DARLING wow I missed his snide observations of the fashion. It stings also that he is stewing in his fashion terrorism without the other guys to rub it in, but Hana is more than picking up the slack here haha. I love her commentary on the commentary, holy crap, just amazing. The lady artistes of this fic just mean so much business and it's a shot of serotonin every time. I cannot articulate to you the victory lap I did around my computer when I saw Seoyeon pop up. Part of me started looking for Eunha's smoke machine even though she appeared just last chap, hehe, but anyway~ I'm getting ahead of myself. Back to Jinyoung's horrible suit with No Pockets. This is not what I meant by #GenderEquality, dang it!!!

Still, gotta love Jinyoung actually being comfy enough to whine, rather than drown his sorrows out of sight on a rooftop. He's on top of the world in a different way here, and it feels just as much a precipice. I always love his inner thoughts and how not-only-seen-but-exposed I feel seeing the way he takes affirmation and attention, from Hana and from the crowd. I am both thrilled and terrified watching Icarus inch closer to star status, and how quickly he goes from discomfort at the comments to convincing himself he is loved made me audibly say, "Oh no." 

Still, for now, I am happy he can have this moment of all his sacrifices paying off. Perhaps this won't be the last time he can wave at someone and receive warmth in answer. Anyways, if you find broken bits of heart on the beach after the upcoming chapters, that's also me.

*also bonks Seokmin just because* *Chanhee would approve*

aaaaaand here comes MINJUNNN! More whining, haha, but of a different flavor~ also now you are making me imagine the AU in which Hana and Minjun became the pair, which is also a different flavor of terrifying. 'Tis sweet seeing Youngbae getting a bit more observant here tho! Meanwhile, Minjun's tactlessness is so dang refreshing. I loved how he tumbled in with all these rough edges and now has clearly settled in. After the heavy opening, I really needed this one-sided pillow fight and familiar dumb-dumb. Our newbie is shaking the group back to life, and I wonder if he even realizes just how much he's bringing people together.

Hahahaha this whole segment reviewing the MV is just delicious, delicious food. South Korea's what now?! >w<) also I SEE YOU NOTICING THE SONGWRITING, MR. SEUNGHOON. I SEE YOU~ AND YOUUUUNGBAE actually looking out for Jinyoung here when the others are having their fun. Our leader is maturing one +1 to Perception at a time. Though I can't believe he forgot Wonwoohoo was the visual who even got modeling work for his appearance, lol. Still some classic Youngbae in there. <3 anyways I wonder how Jinah is doing...

I am also cackling at Seunghoon's response to the very concept of men being appealing, haha. Our Seunghoon-ie who worried about plastic surgery and wrung his hands around a pride pamphlet is now able to take Minjun and Chanhee's comments without panic AND able to proclaim his own y!! *wipes tear* So dang proud.

Also: CHANHEE-SSI??! I worry for your definition of "educational" here???! You star in a School drama, for goodness' sake??!?! I got almost used to seeing Chanhee being a warm and frank mentor for the girls at PD99 and soon-D4U, so this was a most welcome reminder of just how much of a brat and how much of a solid bro he can be. It's so nice to see our baby snark doo-doo-doo unleashed again in a proper back-and-forth. That moment he shared with Seunghoon at the end of this segment was just so sweet too! What a lovely pay-off to all they have gotten each other through.

HANA POV HANA POV HANA POV *yeets MV* This right here is what I want etched into my brain. It's also amazing to see her dealing with the dress that everyone has been aggressively noticing. She owns it, yes, and she believes in herself, but that doesn't make the dress or heels any more comfy. Also fascinating to see Jinyoung now through her eyes, as fond of food as ever even if he has a habit of scolding the other guys for neglecting to diet. This is a good day for perceptive people's POVs revealing deep truths of the soul, haha. Also I'm not gonna think about how they are drinking together on the rooftop terrace just like- nope, nope!!

Awww Seokmin... *unbonks* You're fun when you... have fun... until you don't. Hana's perspective continues to be as captivating as she is, though. I knew you could wrangle romance like a baroque-era sculpture wrangling flowing fabrics, but I still wasn't prepared for the kind of magnetism charging up here. O polarity, thy name is HanaJin. The opening-up we see here is different from that of, say, Hyeran/Chanhee, yet it feels every bit as natural and visceral. All the way down to the chaotic girl talk~
Ah, so many beloved faces here!! Bongchacha! Gongjoojoo! Our OG Seoyeon! Each and every one of them have their priorities straight, and it is most excellent. Bongcha getting right to the important questions, Seoyeon actually looking out for(?) Jin a wee bit based on past knowledge of working with the boys, and Gongjoo checking in on the performance details. Love it. Love it all. Also my eyebrows are sailing out of the atmosphere at what the "everything" she told them may include...

O Joowon, my Joowon. Baby boy. Evil. So much drinking in this chapter haha, from the opening beers to the closing soju. Hyunjung is a delightful new dummie for our collection, but ooof, Joowon's cracks are showing so much that it doesn't even take a Wonwoo to spot them. Ah, but here cometh the music show host job. I knew I was signing up for disaster when I put it in the app, and I dang near forgot about it until it reared its sneaky head here... but trust you to remember all these awful details <3 o great Lavuigi is scary like that~~

Thank you thank you for another amazing update! Sneaky sneaky, but you know I love it always. Truly, I am grateful that our characters remain in your heart and continue to be massaged into existence by your brilliant juggling of all their threads. 

The timeline marches ever forward, and I feel that age-old mix of dread and excitement as fresh as I always did with this fic. You've really created something special, and I can't wait to squeeze even more out of you, hehe >u<) work, beach! work!!! <3
BanaWarrior
#3
Chapter 25: I'M HERE! I FINALLY CATCHED UP!
DUUUUDE! This all is so much of a RollerCoaster of emotions! I'm just dying inside with everything that's happening. THEY MANAGED TO BREAK JIN AND JOWOON! (they as in the system and the circumstances) ajhsbskansbna
Poor Baekhyun is too much of a cute child for this world. And I was internally crying with Seunghoon during his self acceptance period (btw akhdjskajbsja he got a date!!! Jabdnkajsbjajs he could have told that to Chanhee. Chanhee would be happy for him I think)
Talking about Chanhee. I always found him amusing because he was such a Tsundere, but now he's basically Aeon's heart (and mom) and that's so heartwarming! And during the start of the hiatus, he and Jowoon totally were the parents of the group xD now they are on the Brink of divorce :'(
Oh. And Youngbae. He's the oldest, but he can be the least mature of them all. Jahshskkabshskak I wonder how the group will go when he needs to step up for his leader role for real.
And Wonwoo tho. He was feeling so guilty because of that model thing. I guess he never thought that It could be something so big, and at the time he just wanted to be himself, (kind of) and not 'Primo'. I hope he can get over it.
Also, my Golden triad of secondary characters are Eunha, Doha and Youngji <3 Hyeran is not too Far behind, but those three are my favs! XD
Man, this is all a mess, and Minjun has no idea where he's getting himself into. Nor I had when i wrote him, but It worked, because It gives autenticy xD lol Talking about him, the present-moment snipets are so contrasting between him and the other members!! XD All of them are in a way of another ready to leave the stage, and Minjun Just wants to keep going. Oh man, I want so much to see how things will go once Helix puts him in the group XD
Btw, Helix and the CEO are big sh*ts, and not on the funny way, on the bad way. Man, talk about a company that doesn't know how to manage things!
P.S: I'm still not over the fact that Seunghoon and KWANG FREAKING INHO are workmates! :') I dropped my phone when I saw Inho's name. And this makes me Wonder if Seunghoon voted for Inho in DoD! XD
symphonies
#4
Chapter 24: BRB SEUNGHOON YOU PRECIOUS BOI --
Let Apollo be a guiding light to that boy omg omg omg eMBRACE YOUR GAYNESS
your chapters are so in depth how do I aspire to be this as well in my fics
i say this as watching disney movies from the early 2000's uhm
so yeah
love seeing apollo up on that side chara page c: ehehehe
BanaWarrior
#5
Chapter 1: And dude, I can almost FEEL the gap between the members and the new maknae lol good luck son, you will need it. XD
BanaWarrior
#6
Chapter 2: By those descriptions, I know I'm here for a lot of the supporting cast. XD (cough I also may have some support characters preference syndrome cough)
Viollium
#7
Chapter 15: [since folks snoop i guess i'll post it again here <3]

blublublub i don't think i will ever be done flipping out over this section T~T) like i guess i mentioned before, this is truly where the fic starts for me. at last, we have gotten a present day perspective from all of aeon; the full picture is finally here, albeit blurry

all the little details that you invented for him fit so perfectly in with the original chara of joowon, and honestly, i don't know what he'd be without them. of course he prefers the metro over driving. of course the car is company sponsored. of course he berates his own ungratefulness.

i love your little injections of meta knowledge into his POV haha. i guess there's a bit of you in all the characters, and joowonie got the bulk of your business savvy XD

also, much much appreciation for the subtle differences btw old joowon and "old" joowon! you don't outright say that he has become much more subdued left to his own devices; the lack of dialogue speaks for itself. you don't need to say that music still has a place in his life; the music sheets on the couch admit it to anyone listening. and you don't even need to say that this kinda of lonely routine is exactly that: a routine. the "similar takeout boxes" implies that just fine. i guess i get a slight advantage in finding these hints bc i am his much-too-biased creator, but man, kudos. kudos kudos kudos for sharing his story with such care and attention to detail. every sentence (esp the puns teehee~) in this POV is so precious ahhhhh

jinyoung, my sweetheart, forever wrestling with his bad thoughts. it's actually quite saddening to see how he was both so happy and so attacked from all the attention during the fansign.

i'm loving wonwoo's attitude shining through in all these little moments tho~ he showed a bit of not-so-above-it-all-ness when he joined in the vending machine scene (<3 <3 <3) but his efforts at humor here are just so touching haha. touching in slightly stoopeed way, but i wouldn't expect any less from these dorks XD (i'm also curious about wonwoo's potential snoopity in this section, hmm)

oh wow i almost forgot about these stage names. seunghoon is the only one who escaped lol. jin getting so excited for his fan is both adorably relatable and a reminder of just how much approval he has been deprived of. i still stand by all my previous rambling of "SOMEONE PLS JUST BE NICE TO THIS BIBBY SHEEP"

aww what happened to the "now and forever! we are aeon" that i think they had? here for eternity still works tho, esp considering their fanbase name~

ahhhh here it is! the genuine love jin has for the stage. even though that negativity is still constantly lurking at the edges, he lets himself let go, exist outside of his own little world for just a moment. it really lends new meaning to the whole claim of "doing it for the fans." sometimes, i get that it's just good form to say it like that, but jin (even if he didn't get the words out, poor thing) really did do it for the fans. that's a beautiful little thing in the midst of all his issues and the unfairness of his situation; that's why he went through all this crap, for those moments that make fame more than just a heartless ambition.

pt 2 in replies~
unqua911
#8
Chapter 14: There is SO MUCH I WANT TO SAY. SO VERY MUCH. But so very little time ;; I was going to SoC but between projects, finals coming up, and H:aH wordcounts for NNWM I do not have the time ;; So I'm gonna bullet point all the things that had me screaming:

- WHAT HAPPENED WITH BAEK AND JINYOUNG????? BAEK WHAT DID YOU DO?
- Bae, how have you not told the guys you're enlisting (and apparently leaving the group entirely?) We joke about your terrible leadering but DANG that is terrible leadering >~>
- SEUNGHOON BB. Literally all I have for this part, he's just so precious and squishy and it hurts me to know the industry is just gonna chew him up and spit him back out :(
- Oh wait, Baek being confused about Jinyoung's outfit was pretty great xD
- Baek. My son. My smoll pathetic child. This desperate enthusiasm is just... why. Baek is probably the dumbest character I've ever put to paper and it hurts me to see what that does to him. I'm sorry for birthing you child. I have sent you to an unforgiving world.
- CHANHEE SO HAPPY. SO ENTHUSIASTIC. SO CRUSHING HARD GOODNESS CHILD. CALM YOUR OBVIOUS DOWN. Hyeran is fantastic as ever, not taking his . Honestly this section had me squealing so freaking much, Chanhee with a crush has to be the more cringe-y cute thing I've ever seen.
- Oh man Joowon sections are always so interesting! Of all the kids he's definitely the most in tune with what's going on in the industry and more specifically what's screwing them over in it. Helix is such a ty company yeah, but I do wonder sometimes how it looks from the CEO's perspective. What's his motive for making these choices? They must seem like good ideas to him and it's not like he's purposely trying to lose money. Regardless I really enjoy the dynamic between Joowon and Seokmin here, and how we're starting to see some cracks in Joowon's image. Not so composed when things don't go your way, are you Joowon? I'm starting to see why he leaves despite it seeming like he's this perfect, dedicated leader. I'm really looking forward to more from him honestly.

And those are my abbreviated (more so in some cases than others) thoughts! I should be able to manage longer comments after NNWM and finals are over hopefully. But overall fantastic chapter as ever and I'm excited to see more!
kattirompa
#9
Chapter 13: LIV!! So happy to see this!!

I'm going to be working on a good long comment for you soon! But know I loved this, and I'm excited for what you'll have next.