CHAPTER 2
⤫ AEON : END OF AN ERAChapter 2
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Another day of getting up early, running to catch the bus, and practicing at Helix. Sometimes the smog was thick and he'd pull a face mask snug over his face, sometimes it was thin and the sun hit his face. Sometimes the bus was empty and he'd get a seat and look out the window, sometimes it was full and he'd have to stand and he'd strike up a conversation with a stranger. Sometimes he'd see the guys and they'd practice together for a bit, sometimes they left him alone and he didn't really know what to do. It didn't matter much what small variations there were, essentially every day was the same, but Baekhyun didn’t mind it much. There was something reassuring about the routine.
He only wished he was actually given something to do. They kind of left him alone now while focusing on the others. He hadn’t actually gotten a lesson in a while, those went to the project group now, but Baekhyun diligently continued to practice.
It was a little lonely being the only one in the practice room. The project group did join him sometimes, but half of the time he was in there alone. He grabbed the sheet to Time Walking on Memory to go through it for the umpteenth time. Maybe this time his voice wouldn’t crack.
The door opened, startling Baekhyun out of his practice. “Lee Baekhyun? Ah there you are,” Seokmin looked inside. “Do you have time to talk?”
Baekhyun nodded and pulled his earbuds out of ears. He bowed politely to the trainee manager. “Good morning manager-hyung,” he said.
“Good morning to you too,” Seokmin said cordially, but there was a hint of warmth there. Baekhyun liked Seokmin, he had always been nice to him. “I have good news for you, Baekhyun.”
His heart fluttered in his chest and a wave of nerves assaulted his stomach.
“We want to add you to the project group,” Seokmin said, and he couldn’t contain his proud smile any longer. “You’re going to debut, Baekhyun.”
The fluttering intensified. Had he really just heard that? He nodded so much his neck cramped up. “Yes!” Oh he couldn’t wait to tell his mom, she was going to be so proud!
In a daze, Baekhyun followed Seokmin to his office where the rest of the team was seated.
“Oh great, we’ve got another one,” Chanhee said with a roll of his eyes.
Joowon threw a hand around Baekhyun’s shoulders and pulled him into the circle. “Don’t listen to him, god knows we never do.”
“They only added him to make our formations uneven,” Chanhee said. “I told them they could remove me instead but nobody ever listens to me.”
“I wish they would,” Seunghoon said with a sigh.
“Hoonie!” Joowon gasped. “I didn’t raise you to be this sassy!”
Seunghoon beamed back and was about to reply when Seokmin clapped his hands together. “Guys. Focus.” From his reaction it seemed like Seokmin had to intervene more often.
“My humble apologies,” Joowon said with a small mock bow. “Proceed.”
Seokmin sighed. “The final plans for the group are being drawn now, it won’t be long before you will all start getting ready for your debut.”
The atmosphere shifted as soon as he’d spoken. Everyone was listening now, even Chanhee.
“We’re still in talks about positions and songs and branding,” the manager continued. "But plans are being finalized, and soon you'll hear more."
Baekhyun’s heart fluttered in his chest again. Not only was he going to debut (oh my gosh he was going to debut!), but things were actually being put in motion now! He could hardly concentrate on what Seokmin talked about. Things like home run, extra hard practice, and model behavior? That’s what he thought he said? He had no idea, all the knew was that he walked out of that office in a daze of happiness.
As soon as they got outside Youngbae hugged him and lifted him off his feet. “I’m so glad you made it!”
Baekhyun laughed. “So am I!”
Joowon put a hand on his shoulder as soon as Youngbae had set him down. “Welcome to the team, Baekhyun.”
Seunghoon gave him a high five while Jinyoung and Wonwoo said their congratulations. Baekhyun felt so warm and fuzzy, so accepted. This was it! He was part of a team!
He was going to debut.
He was going to debut in a team.
Only Chanhee hadn’t congratulated him, he’d just walked right past to the dance room, but Baekhyun hadn’t expected anything from the arrogant actor. That was okay, Baekhyun was just going to kill him with kindness, because Chanhee, too, was part of that team.
Youngbae fell into step beside him. “When are you going to move into the dorm?” he asked, puppy grin plastered on his face. “Today? Oh do it today! It’ll be so much fun, living together!”
Oh. Right. Seokmin had said something about that hadn't he? He hadn’t even considered that, but of course he should move into the dorm. He was part of the project group now. But that meant no longer living at home.
He was shooed out by the guys, told to take his time and settle in, and that he could join them training again tomorrow. Baekhyun would much rather train with them today, to really feel like a team, but he supposed since the bus took an hour to get home and back that bringing his things over would take a while and it was a good idea to leave now.
For once, he was quiet during the busride over. A man tried to talk to him but he didn’t feel like it. He was really excited that he made it into the group, but he couldn’t help but be nervous to leave home. He’d miss his parents dearly.
Neither of his parents were home when he got in, they were still at the school doing their jobs. He packed a bag with clothes and left a note. He’d call his mom first thing when he got to the dorm and no doubt she would scream in excitement so loud he’d have to hold the phone away from his ear. He smiled at that image. It wasn’t like he could visit anyway, or come over whenever he wanted, he told himself. They lived only an hour away. It would be okay, and he'd be living with a new kind of family!
Then it was another hour and a half to the dorm to unpack. He knew where it was, thankfully. He’d crashed there before when practice ran into the late hours of the morning and he’d been too exhausted to take a two hours long late night bus home.
He sludged up the steps to the apartment, tucked away in a corner of an old building. They shared it with the aspiring actors, those who hadn’t landed a role yet as well as those who’d only gotten small fry. The ones who hadn't earned enough for their own place.
Baekhyun didn’t mind them, he was friends with a few of the actors, boys and girls alike. He knew the others complained about the actors endlessly though, there was this needless feud between them. It had been nothing a few smiles and kind words had been able to fix for Baekhyun, but the others remained stubborn. Except for Chanhee of course, who steadfast stuck with his actors, he'd even refused to move his bunk to the room where the idol trainees slept, sticking to his old one with the actors.
Baekhyun sighed. It wouldn’t be all bad. He sort of looked forward to staying in a house filled with other boys again. So many people to talk to and befriend! He loved having people around at all times, it was maybe the one thing he missed the tiniest bit from the orphanage, before his parents had adopted him. Only the tiniest bit though, everything else was miles better.
Finally he’d walked up the four flights of stairs to their floor. This was it. His new home away from home. It was already dark and hard to see as he keyed in the security code.
Baekhyun opened the door. It was dark inside, the others must not have come home yet. He switched on the light.
“Congratulations!”
Baekhyun almost burst out crying then and there. The group was all there, even Chanhee was sitting in the back, each wearing a ridiculously mismatched party hat (with Jinyoung wearing just a stripy beanie precariously placed on his head), Youngbae was holding a sheet of printer paper with ‘welcome to the group!!!! :D :D :D’ hastily written on it, and Joowon was holding a big bag of Korean beef takeaway.
Youngbae tossed his sheet aside to hug Baekhyun, and Baekhyun worked very, very hard not to cry. “This is going to be amazing,” Youngbae said, bouncing up and down with excitement. “Just you wait!”
“Yes! I’m not the maknae anymore!” Baekhyun could hear Jinyoung cheer in the back before getting shushed by Joowon.
Baekhyun nodded. “It is.” And maybe the dorm wouldn’t be any less of a home.
Wonwoo was tired. He didn't really feel much like practicing today, they were just going over some old choreography they'd learned for an evaluation and Wonwoo had already perfected it. Dancing was his forte, and most idol choreographies weren't all that hard for him. The synchronisation was perhaps the trickiest, but he didn't think being in-sync was all that important. Joowon disagreed, as he'd told him when Wonwoo had voiced his opinion. So here they were, practicing them same thing over and over and over again.
It wasn't even their song or anything. They hadn't received much anything in the way of official information yet. Not a name. Not positions. Not a song. Honestly Wonwoo didn't think much had changed at all, going from trainees to a project group, except added pressure. The people were the same and the practices were the same. The company just expected more of them.
Ah well, no use arguing.
Then there was something else weighing on his mind and pulling his thoughts astray. He glanced at his bag where he knew was an unopened pristinely white envelope waiting for him. To open it or not, that was a question every bit as Shakespearean as the 'to be' one.
“I’m gonna go take a bit of a break,” he said. He braced himself for someone to tell him to stay, but Joowon waved him off and got back to instructing Seunghoon and Youngbae.
Wonwoo sighed. He supposed he wouldn’t be missed. He grabbed his bag, weighed down by that envelope and whatever it contained, and put his water bottle back in. Maybe he’d go and get a drink at the cafe nearby. He could ask them to fill his bottle with filtered water too.
Should he open the envelope?
He didn’t see how it mattered whatever the letter said. It really didn't. He still didn't want to open the envelope.
It took him only half an hour to go the cafe, drink some tea, and get more water. He’d set the bag open on the stool next to him, where the envelope continued to stare him down. He’d considered opened it once, while waiting for his tea, but then the tea had arrived. And then it was time to get back to the group. He shouldn’t drift off too much. They might need him.
When he made his way back to the practice room he bumped into Seokmin, carrying a stack of boxes. “Wonwoo!” Seokmin said as soon as they spotted each other. “Would you mind lending a hand?”
“Of course,” Wonwoo relieved him of the boxes. They were a little heavy but he could handle it.
“Right this way, to my office please,” Seokmin directed him up the stairs to the familiar office. Wonwoo hadn’t been in here since Baekhyun had been added to the project group, so about two weeks.
Seokmin sighed, a sound that lingered between them in the form awkward silence. He probably expected Wonwoo to ask, so Wonwoo complied. “Are you okay, manager-hyung?
Seokmin sat down into his chair and brushed a hand through his hair. “I’m trying to convince the CEO that Youngbae should definitely not be the leader,” He admitted. “It feels like every battle I come out on the losing end, along with common sense.”
“Did you tell him what Youngbae is like?” Wonwoo asked. He found it hard to believe that anyone would look at Youngbae and think he was a fitting leader.
“I brought it up,” Seokmin said miserably. “But ultimately it’s the CEO’s decision. He thinks it’s nonsense to appoint someone other than the eldest.”
Of course. Age hierarchy. That made sense, in theory. “We still have Joowon,” Wonwoo supplied. “Even if he’s not appointed leader he will probably still effectively be the leader.”
Seokmin nodded. “We’ll have to count on Joowon to keep all of us sane.”
Wonwoo laughed. “Did you think of a group name?”
“I did,” Seokmin said. “That was a victory I won. The CEO wanted to go with A.cian or Gameboiz, but with the I convinced him to go with the idea of the marketing team.”
Wonwoo cringed at the bad names. He was glad he didn’t have to introduce himself with either of those. “Am I allowed to know the name?” He asked. He had to admit he was curious what title he would be promoting under for the foreseeable future.
“Not really,” Seokmin said. “But I don’t see the harm in it. It has been finalized already, after all. It’s Aeon.”
Wonwoo’s English was quite decent, but he didn’t recognize the word, and it surely wasn’t Korean. “What does it mean?”
“A mix between life and an eternity,” Seokmin said. “One of the marketing interns came up with it. We’ll think of some appropriate acronym for it, yadda yadda you’re a group that wants to be around for an age, and so forth. You know the drill. Important part is that it’s memorable, short, and easy to put into search engines.”
Wonwoo nodded. That made sense. You wanted a group’s name to be unique enough that it would come up when doing a quick search on Naver or Google, while also being catchy enough to stick in people’s minds. Aeon might not be the best, but it would work well enough.
That was a name and a position down. “What about a song?” he wondered.
“We’re in talks for one,” Seokmin said. “A well-known producer has a good song on offer, originally meant for someone else who turned it down. We’re finalizing paperwork now and just have to correct some lyrics and it’s good to go. It’s a good one. I’m confident about it.”
Wonwoo nodded. If Seokmin felt confident then that was all he really needed to know. He trusted the manager’s judgment.“Do you need me for anything else?”
Seokmin shook his head. “Thank you for the help, Wonwoo.”
Wonwoo grabbed his bag again and set off for the practice room once more. Thankfully there were no delays this time. When he opened the door everything was exactly as he’d left them. Joowon and Jinyoung were trying to get works done, Seunghoon wasn’t taking practice very seriously and dragging Youngbae and Baekhyun down with him, and Chanhee was ignoring them all.
Wonwoo set his bag down and opened it up to grab his water bottle. There it was, waiting for him. That pristinely white envelope. Unblemished. Uncrumpled. Unopened.
Open it or throw it away, Wonwoo thought. Do I open it or do I throw it away?
He grabbed the envelope and ripped the side open, gently teasing the equally pristine letter out. He unfolded the paper.
Dear Cha Wonwoo,
We are pleased to offer you admission to Seoul National University.
He sighed and closed the letter after only reading the first line, putting it back into his bag. He was almost disappointed that he hadn’t been rejected. It would have been easier that way.
Nothing to do about it now.
“Wait, I’m the leader?” Youngbae pointed at himself, confusion plain on his face. Joowon wasn’t very happy with the news either. He hadn’t thought Helix could be stupid enough to stick to the age hierarchy when the eldest was so obviously a bad choice for leader, yet here they were.
Seokmin nodded. “You’re the oldest, Youngbae. The responsibility is yours.”
Joowon was not happy, but he held his tongue. If he gauged Seokmin’s unhappy expression as well as he thought he did, Seokmin wasn’t happy with it either. If the trainee manager, and future group manager, couldn’t convince the CEO to change his mind then neither could Joowon. He’d only be adding to Seokmin’s headache.
“You will also be the main rapper,” Seokmin told Youngbae, who didn’t seem to be listening anymore.
That was also unexpected. Joowon was the better rapper of the two by far. Youngbae could follow a rap quite well once he’d been shown how, but it was Joowon who could actually make his own rhythm and words. But then again, Joowon could also sing and Youngbae couldn’t. From a marketing perspective, was it not better to have more people with mains to give that illusion of evenly spread talent in a group?
“Joowon you’re the lead vocalist and lead rapper,” Seokmin said. There we go. He had two lead positions so Youngbae had been allowed to get the main one. It was pure business.
Everyone else’s positions weren’t unexpected. Joowon was a little surprised that Seunghoon had gotten the main vocalist position as well as Jinyoung, he hadn’t thought the company would appoint to mains and his little village son was obviously the lesser of the two, but it made sense when he thought about it. Seunghoon was good enough for main and they could market themselves as a group with strong vocalists. Nobody cared about a group with strong rappers.
He let out a small sigh. He knew going into this that he wouldn’t be getting everything he wanted, and he liked singing well enough. This was fine.
“Now that is behind us, do you want to hear what your debut song sounds like?” Seokmin asked. He smiled when the consensus was a very strong yes, crinkles forming in the corner of his eyes.
Seokmin turned to his laptop and pressed play the room was filled with a playful guitar, solid drum line, dancing synths, and cheeky falsettos. It was pure 90s perfection. Joowon forgot all about the leader or the positions, this song was everything he could asked for. It was new jack swing at its finest.
“What do you think?” Seokmin asked.
“What?” Youngbae glanced at the others for any kind of hint.
Joowon sighed. “It’s our song.”
“Why does it say Aeon is back again?” Jinyoung asked. “We’re debuting. We’ve never been anywhere.”
“The song was supposed to go to someone else,” Seokmin explained. “But they rejected it and we bought it instead. We don’t have the lyricists to change it.”
“I could change it,” Joowon said. “I can write lyrics.”
“It’s already been finalized, sorry Joowon,” Seokmin said. “You’re going to be back again, you’re going to change the game, and you’re going to have their swag. Got it?”
Joowon nodded unhappily. “Got it.”
What followed was more business talk. New contracts being drafted, to be signed before their actual debut, what was going to happen now. Sheets with lyrics and line divisions were passed around. Recording sessions scheduled. Joowon kept track of it all, already hardwiring his brain to remember that they were recording their title track on friday, getting the rest of the b-sides over the course of the next month, and starting the choreography sometime next week. And then there was the name.
Aeon.
It was perfect. They would be around for an aeon. A fitting name for a group that would surely make its mark on the industry, at least if it were up to Joowon. And it was up to Joowon.
But first there was something to take care of, regrettable as it was. As soon as the meeting was over, and all of them left the office in various states of giddy, he approached Youngbae. “Hey, hyung, can we talk?”
Youngbae still looked a little trouble, but he nodded and stayed behind while the others of the newly minted group Aeon left for the practice room to listen to their debut song and practice their parts. It was finally all coming together.
“Is this about the leader thing?” Youngbae asked. “It’ll take some getting used to but I’m sure I’ll manage in the end.” He didn’t sound convinced.
“No it’s about something else.” How was he going to start this conversation? He really wished he didn’t have to. “Look. Hyung,” Joowon started. “You’re going to be an idol soon, and you know one of the clauses that will be in our contract.”
“What?” Youngbae blinked, looking the picture of innocence. He was not catching on.
“No dating,” Joowon said. “You’re going to have to break up with that girlfriend of yours.”
Youngbae’s eyes widened. “How did you know?”
Oh lord. “Bae,” Joowon said, going over into informality. “You don’t have to pretend, we know you’re dating someone. Don’t you think it’s a little suspicious how often you disappear from the dorm? Or that lovestruck way you keep glancing at the phone we all know you’re trying to hide?”
“Oh.”
“I didn’t give you chocolates yesterday to give to your mother, Bae,” Joowon continued.
“Huh. I guess that makes sense,” Youngbae said.
“It does.”
“I just. I thought I might be able to balance it, you know?”
Joowon sighed. He figured as much. “You know what idols do, right? We’re supposed to be this available front for the fans to project onto, and you can’t be available if you’re also taken. If it comes out that you’re dating someone it won’t be good for you, and it won’t be good for us. We can’t use a scandal when we haven’t even debuted yet.”
Youngbae stared at his feet and nodded. Joowon felt bad for him, he really did, but he couldn’t jeopardize the group like. “Okay,” Youngbae said, voice small. “I’ll break up with Jinah.”
Joowon put a hand on his shoulder. “You’re the leader now, Bae. You have responsibility, and you have to set the right example. They’re going to look to you for leadership now.”
Youngbae nodded. He straightened his back and nodded more. “Yes. Yes you’re right. I’m a leader now.”
Joowon took a step back. “Don’t worry, I can still help you here and there.” He gave him a playful nudge, hoping to get that usual Youngbae goofy smile back. “Being a leader ain’t so bad.”
Youngbae smiled a little shakily and nodded more. “Yeah. It’s not so bad.”
Ah that was close enough. “Come on, let’s join the others,” Joowon said. “You’ve got a lot of lines to memorize.”
“I do!” Youngbae said. “You don’t though.”
“That’s alright, I don’t need lines. I just need good music.”
“It’s a good song isn’t it?”
“Sure is. Did you hear those synths? And that guitar? Masterful.”
“Come on Youngbae. You can do it. You can be a leader. You’ve lead people before, like that one time you lead them all to that meat place around the corner even though you weren’t supposed to eat anything overly fatty and you got scolded by Seokmin.” No, not that was bad. Rewind. “You’re the oldest. You can lead people because you’re the oldest. That’s how it works. When you’re the oldest you lead people. Therefore, by virtue of that logic, you’re going to be a great leader. Because you’re the oldest. The CEO said so.”
There was a knock on the door. “To the guy doing a monologue inside!” a female voice came through the door. “I get that you’re going through some sort of internal crisis and all, and I respect that, but could you do that outside of the toilet? I have business in there.”
Youngbae felt his face flush. She’d heard all that? Oh no that was embarrassing! “Eh, yeah! Coming!” he splashed some water onto his face and opened the door. On the other side was a plucky girl probably a few years younger than her. She had her hands on her hips, a snapback on her head, and a chin stubbornly jutted upwards. Honestly she looked a little intimidating even if she was like a head shorter than him. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay,” she said. She did something akin to a bow. “Oppa.”
“Eeeeeh?”
She rolled her eyes. “Seoyeon. You met me like two months ago, you jerk!” She closed the toilet door in his face, leaving Youngbae to wonder what the hell had just happened.
He shook his head. He should get back to the practice room anyway. They’d been taught the full choreography at the dance studio, and now they had been given the job of memorizing it to perfection. Joowon was still very adamant that they practiced their synchronization until it was perfect, but he kept giving Youngbae this look before doing something leaderly, and then Youngbae felt stupid for not realizing he should have called for that next run-through.
He hadn’t told Jinah about their song yet either. He was going to tell her today, he could sneak out soon he was sure. And then Joowon would stop giving him looks for that as well.
Maybe he could slip out now? They wouldn’t miss him right? They could do without him for a little bit he was sure. It was around dinner time anyway and they’d be getting food soon, they wouldn’t even be practicing!
Youngbae left the building, making sure nobody noticed he was leaving. Just be sure. Even though it would be fine.
The journey to Ehwa was far too short this time. He felt like he’d hardly stepped foot on the metro and he was already there. It would have been nice to spend some more time sitting (before an ahjumma conquered the seat again) in the metro, looking out the window. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see Jinah, it was just that he didn’t really want to talk to Jinah. He didn’t want to do what Joowon wanted him to do.
He walked through the alleyways to Jinah’s new place and reluctantly climbed the stairs up to her floor, all 5 flights of them. It had an elevator but the elevator would’ve gotten there too fast.
And there it was.
The door.
Youngbae paced back and forth in the hallways in front of Jinah’s flat. He knew he had to do this. But how?
Joowon was right of course. He could keep dating Jinah and be an idol, it would reflect badly on all of them if it came to light. He had to break up with her. He just really didn’t want to.
He loved Jinah. Like, properly loved her. That much he knew for sure. He’d known her for ages and he’d loved her for ages.
But he’d been working towards debuting as an idol for years. He quit school for this, used up all his money for this, and worked so hard for this. Becoming an idol was all he ever wanted to do! He’d never wanted to be anything else.
Maybe he didn’t have to break up with her? Maybe they could just take a hiatus? A break? And then in a few years they could get back together like nothing even happened! Perfect! That was a great idea!
The door opened. “Bae?” Jinah was leaning out of the doorway. She looked a bit like a mess, her hair in an overflowing bun and wore pyjamas that had seen better days. She looked beautiful. “Bae, what are you doing here?”
Oh. Right. He hadn’t actually told her he’d be coming. He hadn’t thought it’d be a big deal since he knew the semester didn’t start for another week. She’d just moved in again after the break. “I, eh, wanted to see you? How did you know I was out here?”
“You make a lot of noise, sweetheart.” She sighed and gave him a kiss. “Come in, but it’s still a bit of a mess. I just ordered some chicken and beer, do you want some?”
Youngbae nodded. “Yes please!”
They settled around the tiny low table in her apartment. The new place was tiny, though she finally got the private room she wanted. They had to set the table in the kitchen to eat, and when they were done it would be tucked away for walking space. “So why did you really come over?” Jinah asked, when he was already through most of a chicken wing.
“We got our debut song!” Youngbae said through a mouthful of chicken. “It’s really good!”
“Oh really? What is it like?” she asked eagerly. Oh man, she was so pretty when she got excited.
“It’s really upbeat!” he said. “Eeeh, Joowon described it as new whack bling? Something in English like that? He described it to me as, like, a dance beat with cool r&b vocals on it!”
“Oh that sounds really promising,” Jinah said. He knew she wasn’t a big fan of the pop songs, but maybe she’d like this one? “Do I get a sneak peek?”
“Oh, yeah of course!” Youngbae sang her the chorus (badly), and she looked like she was into it. That was all the incentive he needed to launch into a full rendition (still sung badly).
“It sounds good!” Jinah said, and laughed. “I can’t wait to hear it actually sung by the singers.”
“Haha, yeah. They do it way better than I do,” Youngbae admitted sheepishly. “Oh and our group name is Aeon! But also I got appointed leader,” Youngbae grimaced.
Jinah looked skeptical. “I’m sure you’ll do a good job?”
“Yeah,” Youngbae said. He would. He’d have to. No he would. For sure.
“Come on Bae, out with it. I know that’s not the only reason you came here, you could have told me all of that over the phone.”
Oh! He’d almost forgotten why he was here, it was just so comfortable to eat food and chat. He opened his mouth and closed it again. How was he going to say this?
Jinah sighed. “We have to break up,” she said.
“No, no!” Youngbae quickly shook his head. “No I thought maybe we could, you know, take a break? A, eh, hiatus-thing? Like, maybe we could say that we’ll get together in a few years when it’s less crazy?”
“It’s not going to get less crazy, Bae,” she pointed out. “You’re going to be an idol, and we both knew this day was coming.”
“But I don’t want it to come.”
“Bae. You need to think of your career,” she said sternly. “And I’m not interested in being someone trailing after you waiting for the day you’re out of the spotlight. You can’t ask that of me.”
Couldn’t he? “But I don’t want anything to change,” he mumbled.
“I know, but it’s going to change whether you like it or not.” She put the leftover chicken in the box and got up to put it away. He noticed her hands were shaking. His own felt plenty shaky too.
“We can still stay friends right?” He didn’t want to lose all of her. After all, they’d been dating for 3 years now, but they’d been friends much longer.
“Of course. You can always call me if you need to talk,” she said. “Come on, you probably have to go do idol things and I have to unpack.”
“Okay.” At least it had gone better than he expected. Well, aside from the hiatus thing. He still felt like a kicked puppy but perhaps kicked only once. Not twice.
He grabbed his bag Jinah walked him to to the door. “Hold up.” She pulled him in for one last kiss. It was long, it was sweet, it was literally spicy from the chicken they had bother just eaten. He never wanted it to end. And then it did. “Take care, Bae.” Her hands were shaking visibly now, her eyes were watery, but her voice was steady.
“You too, Jinah.”
And then she closed the door.
Youngbae took a step towards the stairwell, sat down on the first step, and Youngbae cried.
“Geubi dalla namdalla, tae tae tae taega dalla, like it, I like it,” Seunghoon sang while he walked to the Helix building with the rest of the group. It was early in the morning, far too early, and the world was yellows and blacks and whites, streetlights and snow, puffs of breath and honking cars.
“Aren’t you hearing that song enough?” Joowon laughed. “Is 100 times a day during dance practices not enough for you?”
Seunghoon slung an arm each around Joowon and Jinyoung, pulled them closer. “Mwonga dalla neon dalla,” he continued.
“You aren’t fishing for my lines, are you?” Jinyoung asked, playfully narrowing his eyes.
“I would never!” Seunghoon defended himself with mock outrage.
“Don’t Break!” Youngbae joined in from behind them. Seunghoon disengaged from Joowon and Jinyoung to join him for an energetic “Oeoe okay! Oeoeo play!”, including the dance moves.
Chanhee grunted from where he was walking in the back. “Not you too.”
Baekhyun nudged Chanhee and pumped his hand in the air. “Put it up, put it up, put it up yo!” Chanhee just grunted more.
More than a few passersby with places to be gave them weird looks, but Seunghoon didn’t mind. It wasn’t even a particularly special day, another day filled with dance practices, going over and over and over the choreography of their debut song, but he was in a stellar mood today.
Seunghoon was in a stellar mood every day nowadays. Their debut came closer and closer, and with every step they took it became more real. They recorded their debut song a week ago, they’d finished learning the choreography a few days ago and were now perfecting it. The music video shoot was scheduled for two week away. They’d even had a photo shoot two days ago for teaser images. A photo shoot! It had been incredibly awkward, Seunghoon had never done any kind of modelling before, but it was exciting!
He still hadn’t gotten used to his hair. They’d cut it very short on the sides and long on top, something like an undercut? The stylist had impatiently mentioned it was a style getting popular in America, but she hadn’t wanted to elaborate before smacking his head to get him to sit still. It felt cold in the february chill and he was regretting turning down Jinyoung’s offer to lend him a beanie.
“Woah there wait up,” Joowon pulled Seunghoon back before they got to the crossing.
“I knew it was there,” Seunghoon pouted while they waited for the light to spring to green. Joowon was always doing things like that, pulling him away from traffic lights or pulling him away from people when he talked to them too long. It wasn’t like he hadn’t survived Seoul when Joowon hadn’t been around yet, and he’d only almost gotten run over like three times.
Joowon smiled. “Can’t be too cautious, little country boy.”
“I’ve been here for 3 years now!” Seunghoon protested. In all fairness, he hadn’t entirely gotten used to Seoul yet, not even in 3 years. Things were so fast and loud here. He remembered he’d hardly gotten a pinch of sleep in the first month, there was always some kind of noise outside of the tiny trainee dorm. Usually drunk people shouting or cars honking. Seoul was noisy and it never slept. It was dizzying to him still.
One of the strangest things to him was how impersonal it all was. He’d only just learned the name of that waitress in their late night noodle place, or the right jokes to tell the cashier to make him smile, and they’d be gone and replaced with someone else. People wouldn’t look at him in the street even when he tried to make eye contact, or brush past him in a hurry to get wherever they needed to go. They didn’t even know their neighbours and they lived in that dingy old apartment for 3 years!
Back in the village, Seunghoon had known everyone, and everyone had known him. As soon as he did anything stupid, the entire village would about it within a day. Here nobody knew him and nobody cared.
It was isolating. He sometimes felt utterly alone in a sea of people who did not give a fig for him.
He was so glad he found Jinyoung so soon, he wasn’t sure if he could have handled it otherwise. He hadn’t really needed to be alone. He had Jinyoung, and now he had 5 other guys who cared about him. Well, 4 guys who cared about him and a Chanhee.
“Also you’re shorter than me,” Seunghoon finished.
“That is true, but you are definitely littler,” Joowon said.
Jinyoung nodded. “You are.”
“You’re younger than me!”
Wonwoo nudged him. “You won’t win when those two band together,” he said.
Seunghoon sighed. “They’re the worst.”
He kept humming their debut song while they walked the rest of the way to the company building, something the others had stopped trying to stiffle. Seunghoon really liked their debut song, it was all kinds of upbeat and fun! The choreography was also fun, and they would have spent all their time goofing off if Joowon didn’t keep them in line. The song just lent itself well to a bit of goofing.
He didn’t have a lot of lines, most of those went to Youngbae and Jinyoung, but he didn’t mind much. He was just excited that their debut was actually happening! He also knew that the lines made Jinyoung happy, which made him doubly not mind his own few ones.
“Do you wonder what it’ll be like when we debut?” Seunghoon asked, when finished humming Wonwoo’s section of the song. “How many fans we’ll get? Who will stand out the most?”
“Of course we do,” Chanhee said with a roll of his eyes.
Joowon made a face behind his back and Seunghoon giggled. Next to him Jinyoung nodded. “Yeah.”
“Are you scared?” Baekhyun asked.
Seunghoon shook his head. “Nah. I know we’ll do great! Our song is fun, our dance is so in-sync, and we’re all great too. There’s no way we won’t take the charts by storm!”
“Right!” Baekhyun beamed. “We will!”
“Hey Seunghoon, can we talk for a moment?” Joowon pulled him aside by the elbow while the others filtered into their practice room.
“What’s up, hyung?” Seunghoon asked. Joowon had a very serious expression on his face and Seunghoon didn’t like it much.
“Kid,” Joowon started. “We’re about a month or two away from debut now, and I regret not bringing this up earlier, but has anyone ever talked to you about doing something about those eyes?”
Seunghoon frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean plastic surgery,” Joowon said plainly.
“What?” No he didn’t want that. “I know Seoul people often get it, and that’s totaly fine, but I don’t really want to.”
“Not just Seoul people, kid,” Joowon said. “Everyone does it. Hell, I’m from Ansan and I got my eyes, nose, lips done.”
“You did?” Seunghoon squinted at his face. He wondered what Joowon had looked like before. It wasn’t like Joowon was all that handsome now, but he supposed Joowon looked better than him.
“I did. You have a good face, Seunghoon, if it wasn’t for those tiny eyes. All you’d have to get done is your eyes.”
Seunghoon touching the corner of his eye. “They’re not that small,” he said, but he knew they were. People had commented on it before of course, he was used to people talking about his eyes. From his mom to kids in his class to the CEO at his audition, people always liked to comment on the squinty shape of his eyes, but he didn’t think it was that bad. “I mean they’re small, but that’s okay, I don’t mind it.”
“Look, kid,” Joowon was using that tone when he was explaining something he thought would be hard to grasp for Seunghoon, when he thought Seunghoon wasn’t getting it. “There’s no easy way to say this. You’re becoming an idol, and looks is one of the most important things to an idol. The public is going to judge you on how you look.”
Seunghoon shook his head. “Idol sings,” he argued. “The most important things is that I can sing, and I can!”
Joowon crossed his arms. “Do you know how many talented people there are in this industry? Many more than it can support. There’s are talented trainees in every company trying to debut, you got lucky that Helix is so small or you probably would not even be debuting. Why would the public care about yet another talented kid, when they could care about someone who is both talented and pretty instead?”
Seunghoon must have looked hurt because Joowon sighed and took a softer tone. “Look, you know I’m not trying to attack you or anything, right? I’m trying to look out for you, if you don’t do this now it’ll cause you a lot of grief later on. You can’t really get eye surgery after you’ve debuted, everyone will know you got it straight away.”
“I thought everyone did it?” Seunghoon mumbled.
“Most people do it,” Joowon corrected himself. “But the public still likes to think that their pretty idols are au naturel. Eye surgery isn’t that bad, it should take you about a week to recover, maybe a bit more, you’ve got time for it. Will you think about it at least?”
Seunghoon shook his head. “No I don’t want it. I shouldn’t have to have it, my voice should be enough,” he said. Well that, and he felt hurt that Joowon would even
Joowon sighed again. “I’m not going to force you, it’s your own decision,” he said. “But don’t say I didn’t warn you.” He reached out and touched the upstyled mid-section of Seunghoon’s hair. “I wish they hadn’t given you this haircut, what were they thinking?” Joowon said. “At least some bangs would have taken the focus off.”
“We should go in and practice,” Seunghoon said. He didn’t want to think more about this and his eyes and his hair and his everything. He was going to go in and practice his dancing and his singing, the things he felt mattered, and he was going to stop thinking about this.
He’d be alright. He had his voice. If Joowon wanted plastic surgery, or Jinyoung, or Youngbae, that was totally fine. That was their decision. Not Seunghoon. He wouldn’t need it, and if he was a bit less popular than the others that would be okay too.
He pushed open the door to the practice room, where the others were waiting for them. "You could have started without us," Joowon said as he followed Seunghoon in. "You didn't have to wait."
"Oh," Youngbae said. "Right!"
Jinyoung gave Seunghoon a nudge. "You okay? You've got a long face."
"Huh? Oh yeah" Seunghoon smiled. "Yeah I'm fine. Let's practice, we're going to debut soon!"
"We are!" Jinyoung smiled back. "We really are."
Have the second chapter a little earlier than promised. I don't have much time for an author's comment, but thank youf or the amazing comments and the next chapter will be up in 2 weeks latest.
- liv
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