Finally it was time for the music video shoot. It wasn’t like they had been waiting months for this moment. It was a drab day, grey and wet and chilly as Seoul filled up with its inhabitants after the lunar new year’s celebrations and ordinary life resumed.

For them that meant cameras and tight pants and way too much hair gel and uncomfortable makeup caked on their faces, at least it felt a little uncomfortable to Seunghoon. He could never quite get used to that layer on his skin when it was first applied, it always kind of felt like a mask. He often instinctively wanted to touch it, to the horror of the stylist. He did like the eyeliner though, it made his eyes look a little bigger.

At least his hair wasn’t styled up again, it was down now in a comfortable fringe. His hair had finally grown entirely back from the disastrous undercut he’d had for debut. He didn’t think this fringe looked great but it was better than before so there was that.

At least the rain didn’t bother them once they’d gone from hair stylist’s shop to the warehouse where their MV would be shot. The space was huge! It was a big gaping maw of a room filled with cameras and wires and clothes and lights and a set taking up only a small part of the space.

“Woah!” He couldn’t help but gape at the thing when he first set eyes on it. “It’s beautiful.”

Next to him Joowon whistled. “That’s one hell of a box set.”

It was triangular in shape, which big white sections reaching up into the air, culminating in a spotlight illuminating the whole thing. V-shaped lines were painted on the sides of the sections in shades of navies and pinks, each of them with slightly different patterns and colour combinations. At the very back of it was a construction made made of a singly twisted triangular spiral, giving the illusion of spiralling into infinity.

“That’s the prettiest set I’ve ever seen,” Baekhyun said, looking equally impressed.

“There’s only one?” Jinyoung wondered. “No variations?”

“We’re going to be changing the lighting drastically to give the illusion of two different sets,” one of the staff members answered him, and Jinyoung looked embarrassed at having been overheard and bowed in apology.

Seunghoon just giggled. “That’s what you get for looking a gift horse in the mouth.”

It was their third music video shoot, and each of them had been different. From Wow’s awkward acting with the girl in the mansion-looking set, to Paradise’s actual house and yard. This time there was just the triangle set it seemed, their sparsest yet, though he also thought it was their prettiest yet. Wow had more sets but they had been a little ugly, and Paradise had just been a normal house and a train cart. Seunghoon really liked this. It was different and eye catching. Hopefully they would look different and eye catching too!

Their usual stylist, Ahyoung, as waiting for them with their outfits. They were all white and navy, matching the set, and they looked really pretty! Or at least Seunghoon thought so.

Jinyoung kept looking uncertainly in the mirror after he donned his first outfit. A big part of his chest was exposed, since he was essentially wearing a vest and blazer without a shirt underneath. Joowon had the same deal, with exposed arms as well, though he didn’t seem to mind as much.

Joowon struck a pose, flexing his biceps. “Check out these guns!”

Chanhee laughed. “Good thing you didn’t skip the gym again this time. Your arms are almost as beautiful as mine, and I don’t even need the guns, I don’t know why the stylist didn’t give me a sleeveless vest.”

Joowon put a hand on his shoulder, all serious. “Your chicken arms are impressive to me, Chanhee.” He looked completely deadpan. “But we must spare the general populace.”

“What about me?” Youngbae piped in, looking a little like a puppy ready for praise, the only other one with a shirtless vest. Seunghoon had to admit his arms looked the best, but they always did. Youngbae lifted the most.

Joowon waved that away. “You always look buff, it’s no surprise anymore. The fans are going to be surprised by my new manly look.” He struck another exaggerated pose, rough ‘manly’ expression included.

“What fans?” Jinyoung asked.

That pulled the rug from under Joowon, who straightened again. “The fans, Jin. Sometimes you have to be a little optimistic for the good of comedy.”

Joowon was in a very good mood today it seemed. He’d been a little down the past few days, after they found out about that other boy group, but that seemed to be gone now. His cheer was infectious, and Seunghoon stopped worrying about the sparse set or impending comeback and decided to just have fun. At one point Chanhee started attempting a y dance with his scarf, before the stylist came and admonished him for unpinning it from his jacket.

“You can mess around, just don’t mess with the outfits,” Ahyoung said, sounding a little exasperated.

When Baekhyun came back from getting his hair touched up startled, pointing at Jinyoung. “Did they forget your shirt, hyung?”

Everyone burst out laughing again, even Wonwoo who had previously been admiring the costumes on his own, while Jinyoung covered his chest and whined “don’t look at meeee!”

Ahyoung laughed at his exaggerated discomfort. “We’re just trying to bring attention to you and your visuals, Seojin. Trust me, the fangirls will love it.” That mollified Jinyoung a little, and he loosened up, checking himself out in the mirror uncertainly. Seunghoon was surprised he didn’t even make a comment about their lack of fangirls.

Youngbae tugged at the V of his own vest. “My visuals too?”

Ahyoung patted his shoulder. “Your visuals especially, Bae.”

Seokmin poked his head into the changing room. “Are they ready?”

“Hold on,” Ahyoung quickly straightened and re-pinned Chanhee’s scarf. “There, all ready. Go knock em dead boys.”

They followed Seokmin out towards the set. This moment was always weird for Seunghoon. Before now all they’d done is practice this song over and over and over again, but the moment they stood on that set it would be real. It didn’t matter that they had been practicing it for months if they didn’t put it down perfectly here.

Good thing he could probably dance this dance in his sleep by now.

They got to their places, waiting until the staff was ready for them, and then they danced. Muscle memory took over as their song filled the room, the song they had worked on for so long. The camera swerved around them, closer than farther, left to right like a cobra, and Seunghoon mis-stepped on a move he normally did perfectly.

What was wrong with him? He wasn’t a good dancer, he’d never been a good dancer, but he proved that with enough practice everyone could perfect a choreography. It had been perfected. He knew the whole thing back to front and front to back, he hadn’t made a serious mis-step in at least a month, what was going on?

He’d forgotten how exhausting dance shots were. After one run-through, sweat was already everywhere it shouldn’t be. Those big lights were hot and Seunghoon could see Ahyoung fretting on the side, getting the little electric fans and the blotting paper ready to get rid of the drops gearing up to ruin her makeup. He kept accidentally looking into one of the spotlights, it was so easy to just glance its way.

“Cut!” Yelled the director, and Ahyoung moved in with her tissues and blotting paper and fans while they caught their breath. The director would scrutinize the footage they’d just shot, looking for anything amiss, anything outside of his vision, and before they knew it they were lined up for the next take. Seunghoon kept glancing over at the director. He didn’t think he imaged the frown and the look for disappointment on his face.

And then they were lined up again.

By the time they finished the takes with their first outfit it was already 4 hours later. Seunghoon was suddenly aware how lucky they’d been that Paradise hadn’t had any dance parts. Standing around and lipsyncing for 4 hours was a lot easier than constantly dancing. Since this MV didn’t have anything other than the dancing, everything had to be perfect, and he and Chanhee kept messing things up.

“Where’s your focus, Seunghoon?” Seokmin asked. Seunghoon knew that tone, it was the ‘I’m trying not to be annoyed but I’m definitely annoyed’ tone.

Where was his focus? It had evaporated in the searing, blinding lights. It had slipped between the cracks of his face as he tried to contort it into cool expressions, or attractive expressions, or anything the director wanted, to the point where he felt like it became a caricature of a face. It had become lost in that demanding black void of the camera, the demanding cold eyes of the director behind it, who Seunghoon was sure was judging him.

He wiped his sweaty palms on his trousers. “I’m sorry, I’ll do better.”

Seokmin nodded and tapped Chanhee on the shoulder. “You too. Let’s try to wrap this up with less takes this time, okay?”

Joowon took him aside as soon as they entered the changing room. “Hey, are you okay? You seem out of it.”

Seunghoon nodded. “Yeah yeah. I’m fine. I just, the cameras threw me off a little, that’s it.”

Joowon nodded. “Right, I’d been meaning to talk to the director,” he muttered to himself more than anything. “Excuse me, I’m just gonna find him.”

Seunghoon just watched Joowon retreat back to the sets before Ahyoung a hanger with a change of clothes into his hands and pushed him towards the changing area.

He was hungry too. His stomach felt like an empty void, but he didn’t dare drink water either in case of bloating. His hands got that funny stiff feeling when he’d gone a while without drinking and it was warm, but he ignored it. He’d sinned too much the past few days, not in the least the chicken Joowon had bought them on seolal, and he could use any help he could get.

Why was this getting so hard? Had it been this hard before, for their other shoots? He didn’t think it had been. He didn’t like this.

Seokmin went about like a buzzing fly, going from crew to the group, trying to make sure things were going well and often getting shooed by Ahyoung when he meddled too much. He was more on edge than usual as well, and snappier. Seunghoon didn’t much like that either, the whole atmosphere of the shoot seemed weird. Under pressure.

Jinyoung sidled up to him, fidgeting with the tassels on the end of this sheer undershirt he was wearing. “You look good,” Seunghoon said. He did, with the cut-off sleeves showing his arms.

“Thanks,” Jinyoung beamed. He looked a lot more comfortable now his chest wasn’t so exposed. “When do we start again?”

“30 minutes I think?” He looked to Seokmin for a nod of confirmation.

“You wanna walk around for a bit? It’s kind of stuffy in here.” Jinyoung glanced almost guiltily at Ahyoung. Some of the others had already slipped away out of the small changing area, only Baekhyun, Youngbae, and Wonwoo remained with Ahyoung, who was still pinning Wonwoo’s mesh flower onto his vest just so. Looked like the deep V-neck torch had been passed to him, though he didn’t seem to mind very much. His thoughts were elsewhere, but then again, when weren’t Wonwoo’s thoughts elsewhere?

“Is it just me or is this shoot weird?” Seunghoon asked as soon as both of them had exited into the hallways.

“Huh?” Jinyoung looked surprised. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know.” He waved his hands trying to find the right words. “Seokmin is impatient and harsh. Joowon is distracted. It’s just, it’s off. Like there’s way more pressure on us now and everything we do is disappointing.”

Jinyoung shrugged. “I haven’t noticed anything, there seems to be as much pressure as before? I mean there´s always pressure.” He cleared his throat. “Can we not talk about this right now?”

Oh. Maybe it was just him then. “Sorry Jin.” There was an uncomfortable silence, something Seunghoon didn’t much like either. At least that was something he could do something about. He took a deep breath and grabbed Jinyoung’s arm. “Come on, let’s go outside.”

“Are we allowed to?” Jinyoung asked uncertainly.

“I don’t think it’s raining, it should be fine.” He just wanted some fresh air, something not stuffy and not tense.

He pushed the doors open and was greeted by a gust of nice cold air. The sun had just set, bathing the world in twilight. The air smelled of ozone as puddles dotted the pavement. Seunghoon took a deep breath, inhaling the cool february air. It helped.

Jinyoung looked around. “It’s already getting dark. We’ve been working for a while huh?” Seunghoon was sure there wasn’t an accusation in there, he was certain, but he still felt that pinch of guilt.

“I’m sure the next one will go faster.” I’ll do better.

“I hope so.” Jinyoung fidgeted with his undershirt again. “Hey Hoon?”

“Yeah?”

“Does this feel like a last chance to you?”

Seunghoon blinked. “What? No! We’ve only just started, and like Baekhyun always says, other group had slow starts too and they’re super successful now!” He couldn’t be holding the group back that much, even if Seunghoon himself wouldn’t get successful, he was sure the others would pull the group through. They were awesome after all!

Jinyoung let out a breath of relief. “Okay. Okay good.”

“What’s that?” Somewhere from the distance he could hear a frustrated voice.

“This is impossible!”

Someone else was laughing really loudly. “Come just try again,” the second voice said, with a titter remaining. “I’ll pay.”

“This is a waste of money, the machine taunts me!”

“It’s my waste of money. The money is already in, no backing down now!”

Seunghoon and Jinyoung rounded the corner to see Joowon and Chanhee huddled around one of those claw machines that were usually found rusting and sad on many a corner, filled to the brim with cute plushies. Chanhee was leaning against the machine with one arm, a look of pure glee on his face, while Joowon grabbed the controller with a sigh. He positioned the claw above the topmost plushie, a happy little turtle, and pressed the button. The claw came down, missed spectacularly, and returned to base empty handed.

The turtle remained.

“See?!” Joowon pointed dramatically at the machine while Chanhee was laughing at him. “Impossible!”

“What are you guys doing?” Seunghoon asked.

“Chanhee here wanted that toy,” Joowon pointed at the turtle balanced on top of a mountain of toys. “I’m trying to win it for him.”

“I have never seen anyone as bad at claw machines as hyung,” Chanhee snickered. He reached into his pocket for more spare change and slid it into the machine. “Try again.”

“This is such a waste!” Joowon complained. “Why doesn’t one of you try?”

“Oh no.” Jinyoung held up his hands with a grin. “No no this is all you, hyung.”

Seunghoon leaned in to take a closer look at the machine. It looked rusted and old, like it had seen things. Only one of the lights on the inside still worked, and the toys themselves had probably been locked into this prison for longer than was good for them. Still the turtle sat on top, taunting. “Can’t you get the claw to go around its head?” he pointed at the round head of the toy.

“Let’s try it.” Joowon maneuvered the claw right above the toy’s head and pressed the button. The claw came down, arms outstretched, ready to receive it’s plush bounty. The arms closed around the head and all four members of the boy group Aeon currently present in a breath. The claw was pulled up again, gently caressing the head of the turtle until it slipped off, returning to the opening empty handed.

The turtle remained.

“See? See!” Joowon gestured wildly at the claw machine. “It’s toying with me!”

Chanhee was laughing so hard he could hardly breathe at this point. “How do you- even- How?!”

“Hey guys, Seokmin is looking for you- what are you doing?” Wonwoo ran up to them, looking confused but intrigued.

“Hyung is trying to get a toy,” Seunghoon explained, since Chanhee was overcome by another fit of giggles. “He’s… failing pretty dramatically.”

“How did it not grab the toy,” Jinyoung muttered, peering at the toy with a look of utmost concentration and wonder. The toy itself was still mockingly stuck on its perch of other toys.

Wonwoo looked at it for a moment, cocking his head to the side. “Can’t you just knock it off?”

Joowon blinked. “What now?”

“It’s on top of the others, and the opening is the lowest point. You could just hit it from the right angle and get it to fall into the opening.”

Joowon narrowed his eyes at the toy. “Huh. Could work.”

Chanhee almost looked disappointed at the suggested solution, slipping some more change into the machine. Joowon stepped aside dramatically, letting Wonwoo at the controls. Wonwoo looked at the toy from three different sides as he positioned the claw just soo. He pressed the button, and the four spectating members of the actual idol boy group Aeon collectively in a breath. The claw descended, it opened its arms and closed it into thin air. Then, as it pulled up, it hit the turtle just ever so slightly and- nothing.

The turtle remained.

“Okay this is beyond my powers,” Wonwoo declared, stepping back. “There is nothing I can do.”

Jinyoung pushed up sleeves he did not currently have, locked eyes with Seunghoon, and nodded a nod filled with meaning. “Step aside,” he said. “I’ve got this. No, we’ve got this.”

The others stepped back, confused but intrigued. Jinyoung looked around the empty street before grabbing the top and the back of the machine.

He looked at Seunghoon.  

Seunghoon understood.

Seunghoon grabbed the machine as well. “On three,” Jinyoung said. “One… two… three!” Both of them jerked the machine forward, it was too heavy to actually move, but it was just rickety enough to jitter, and the shock was enough to send the villainous little turtle toy falling off of its throne of plushies. Eyes were wide as saucers as faces surrounded the machine and an awe-struck silence filled the street. In slow-motion the turtle tipped forward, bounced across the other toys, and stopped right at the rim of the opening. There it balanced back and forth in mockery of their efforts.

Chanhee kicked the machine.

The turtle fell in.

A cacophony of cheers interrupted the reverent silence as Joowon reached in and retrieved the little turtle. He hoisted it above his head, as if it was a trophy of war, a glorious imitation of Rafiki lifting a baby Simba. “Success!!”

“There you are!” Seokmin rounded the corner. He froze when he saw the scene in front of him. Joowon was still holding the turtle above his head in triumph while the others looked back at Seokmin with various levels of embarrassment. Seunghoon was grinning from ear to ear.

And then a single splash of rain hit his nose.

Seokmin looked up at the sky, down at the guys, and back at the door. “Come on you idiots before you get wet!”

All of them ran for the door. Seunghoon let out a wild laugh as he pushed into the building just before the heavens poured their offerings onto the street (and Seokmin, the last to reach for the doorway) in buckets.

Seokmin looked absolutely exasperated at the five of them, dripping from the few seconds he’d been subjected to the rain. “What on earth were you idiots thinking, going outside in your costumes and makeup?” He sounded more perplexed at their stupidity than mad, and Seunghoon wasn’t sure if that was better. He looked at his feet.

“Sorry hyung,” Joowon said. “It was dry so there didn’t seem any harm in it.”

Seokmin sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Go get yourself touched up by Ahyoung and I sure hope not a drop got onto your clothing. Never do that again.”

They glanced at each other and hurried on back to the change room, though Seunghoon couldn’t help a grin that was returned by the others. Even Wonwoo smiled back guiltily. Joowon was still holding the turtle, and silently passed it on to Chanhee who stuffed it with their clothes in the changing room. Ahyoung fussed endlessly over windblown hair, though she did  not complain even once at having to redo it all. Not for the first time, Seunghoon was in awe of her patience with them.

All too quickly they were ushered back onto the set for the next hours of filming and Seunghoon was back in the spotlights, squinting into the bulbs, the black eye of the camera looking his way. He rolled his shoulders as they got in position, trying to loosen them up. He glanced to the side at Joowon, and just for one second Joowon shot him a wicked grin, one that was returned by Jinyoung and Chanhee, and even Wonwoo smiled back. A shared bit of cheek, and exchange that left Baekhyun look confused from one to the other, but at this point Seunghoon didn’t even feel bad.

He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding and got into his starting position. Somehow, it didn’t seem as scary as before. He could do this.

“How are we charting?” Joowon asked to the soundtrack of Jinyoung busily typing away at the laptop keyboard. Baekhyun really wished they wouldn’t keep looking at the charts, that kind of thing was never good for the mood. It felt better to him to just do their best performing regardless of the charts but he’d bee overruled when he’d actually said so.

The change room was crowded today, they’d gotten a really tiny one. Baekhyun didn’t mind it so much, but he knew that Jinyoung and Youngbae were disappointed by it. There weren’t enough sitting spaces for everyone so Jinyoung was sitting on the floor with the laptop.

“145!” Jinyoung said.

“That’s a lot better than Paradise!” Baekhyun said. Maybe he was wrong about the chart stuff, it was a rush of relief from the others to find out they were charting a lot better than they had previously. Baekhyun knew it wasn’t quite like the company wanted, but being on the rise meant they could only do better from now on! He hoped that it meant that the cracks would mend themselves.

He’d seen them starting to form, ever since they’d heard the news about that other super synchronized groups, things had been more delicate, and it made him anxious. There had been a crack that came into existence when Joowon had faltered, and while he had picked himself up again, it hadn’t quite been the same.

Now some of that tension escaped Joowon’s shoulders as he let out a genuine laugh and ruffled Baekhyun’s hair (in the back of the room Ahyoung sighed) and maybe that would be the end of the crack. “It is a lot better than Paradise!”

Baekhyun laughed too, and tried to put some order into his hair again. “Hyung, don’t mess up my hair!”

“Sorry kid, sacrifices have to be made sometimes,” Joowon returned with a grin. It was so easy to get into that orbit of Joowon’s, to become a moon like Youngbae and Chanhee already were, orbiting around that forceful leader of theirs, waiting to be showered in his affection. Baekhyun felt it too, whenever Joowon gave him attention he felt like everything would be okay. He felt like part of the team.

“That’s easy for you to say,” Ahyoung said as she attacked Baekhyun’s hair again. Baekhyun knew she didn’t really mind though, she was really nice.

“How is your sister, noona?” Baekhyun asked, closing his eyes for the new dose of hairspray.

“She’s doing better I think,” she said. “The doctors are saying the chemo is working at least.” He’d talked to Ahyoung quite a bit during the comeback preparations, he liked hearing what she had to say. He’d learned that her sister was struggling with cancer, which made him really sad. It was always shocking to hear such things happen to people he knew. At least he could ask about it every now and then and show he cared.

“I can’t wait to see Big Bang sunbaes,” Youngbae said. Apparently Big Bang was coming back this week too and Youngbae hadn’t shut up about it. Baekhyun knew that Jinyoung sometimes rolled his eyes when Youngbae started again, but Baekhyun thought it was nice to see him get so excited over something. He’d been down a bit too and Baekhyun had been trying to help any which way he could.

“Are they going to perform today?” He asked, mostly to engage Youngbae. He hadn’t seen them in the hallway or seen any commotion.

“I heard YG got into a fight with KBS,” Jinyoung said. “And they’re not going to perform today.”

“Oh.”

“You’ll see them tomorrow,” Baekhyun reassured him. “And then we can give them our album and maybe get theirs too!” That was Baekhyun’s favourite part of the whole comeback thing! He really liked just meeting new people and exchanging their hard work with theirs. He never quite appreciated pop music before he debuted, never thought of how much effort and anxiety and exhaustion went into creating those shiny discs. Now he cherished each and every one of the CDs the group received as little trophies of everyone else’s hard work. Little things that they had to have in common with all of their sunbaes and the few hoobaes who’d debuted as well! Trophies of hard work.

“Right!” Youngbae cheered up again and Baekhyun felt relieved. Thankfully Youngbae was always easy to get back into a good mood.

The door opened and Baekhyun jumped before realizing it was Seokmin who came in. He had a bad look on his face, one Baekhyun did not like one bit

“Guys,” Seokmin said. “I have some bad news?”

All eyes turned to him and it was like the air was out of the room. Here it was. Things had been going too well. It was only a matter of time before bad news would punch them down again.

“Big Bang is coming back, and apparently they’ve demanded a 3-song comeback stage. The time has to come from somewhere, and we are it. Your additional performance is getting cancelled.”

It was just another punch into their collective gut. Baekhyun glanced from group member to group member.

“Again?” Chanhee burst out. “Like Big Bang doesn’t have enough media play!”

“But I really like Amazing,” Seunghoon said disappointedly.

Jinyoung kicked a makeup brush across the floor. “Figures.” Wonwoo went to pick it up and pass it back to Ahyoung.

“Big Bang?” Youngbae just asked with a quiet voice.

Joowon remained silent, staring intently at Seokmin, though Baekhyun could see him squeezing his hand into a fist and releasing it again.

“Look, there’s nothing we can do about it, and your regular comeback stages are still on, though they’ll be cut a bit for time-”

“Seriously?” Chanhee interrupted, but he quieted when Seokmin gave him a sharp look.

“You’ll have to rehearse a version that’s 2:30 minutes long, I’ve already informed Helix and the new intern will be working on a remix. It’ll be tight but I know you can do it.”

“When are we going to have time to re-learn the dance for the adaption?” Wonwoo asked. Baekhyun really wished he hadn’t.

“We’re not sleeping tonight I guess,” Jinyoung filled in.

Joowon sighed. “We haven’t got much choice if we want to perform our comeback stages at all. We have to work with what we’ve got.”

“I’m glad you see it that way,” Seokmin said. “I do have some good news too. The company has scheduled a fansign for you for your anniversary.”

“That’s in two months,” Wonwoo pointed out.

“It is, but I figured you could use the good news.”

“If that doesn’t get cancelled like last time,” Jinyoung said.

“Jinyoung, please,” Seokmin sounded tired and out of patience. “Just. Just don’t. It’s organized by the company, for the most part,” Seokmin said. “So there’s no chance of a partner pulling out. It won’t get cancelled again.”

A fansign! That should make them all feel better! Baekhyun wondered how many fans would show up. He knew some of them cared about that number a lot. They would finally get to see their fans face to face!

“I have to go get your mic packs,” Seokmin said. “I’m sorry about the performances, but we all have to work hard to make this comeback happen as smoothly as possible. I’ll be right back, make sure you’re ready for the rehearsals.”

“ we all have to work hard to make this comeback happen as smoothly as possible,” Chanhee mocked as soon as Seokmin left the room. “I don’t see him stuck in the practice room the entire night to learn a shortened version of the song within a day.”

“Chanhee,” Joowon warned. “He works hard too, and his disappointments are just as real as ours.”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun echoed. “We have to appreciate what he does for us too. Besides, I know we can do it, all of us. We can do anything in the face of adversity.”

Joowon nodded, and Baekhyun felt the warmth of the leader’s approval wash over him. “Are you guys ready for the performance.”

“If my hair had any more hair spray I’d spontaneously combust,” Chanhee said. “Might as well nail this while we’re at it.”

“The destruction of the ozone has to be good for something,” Wonwoo said.

Chanhee laughed. “You’re alright when you’re sassy. You can stay.”

“He is!” Baekhyun piped in, and both Chanhee and Wonwoo gave him a weird look. He felt his face flush. Shoot that had been the wrong thing to say. It was so hard to find the right openings, the right time and places. Moments like this he’d be happy to melt into the ground.

Seokmin came back in then with the mics. “Come on guys, you had better be ready.” Saved from his blunder by the manager, Baekhyun was the first to make a dive for his mic pack. Any distraction would do.

“Come on team,” Joowon said. “Let’s show them exactly what we can do. If this is going to be our own full comeback stage, then we will show them exactly what the others are missing out on.”

“After comeback stage, your songs shouldn’t get cut again,” Seokmin said.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, hyung,” Joowon said.

“Come on, let’s just go,” Baekhyun said, uncomfortable at that sudden tension between Joowon and Seokmin.

Joowon clapped his hands. “You heard our little beagle. Troops, move out!”

Baekhyun tried hard to make himself believe that once they left the room, the tension and awkwardness would stay behind. Let it slide off them as they went on stage, please. And let it not still be waiting for them there when they returned.

“As with every day, the alarm went far too early. One might think you'd get used to it, waking up at a crack of dawn every day, but not Chanhee. He didn't even have a window, even when the sun was already up, Chanhee would wake up alone in the dark in his little closet.

He didn't mind the alone much. When they'd first arrived in the dorm, Chanhee had been very happy that Seunghoon had taken his futon and moved in with the younger ones. Now sometimes he thought he'd like some company, but it didn't matter much. The dark was his real enemy. There was nothing worse than waking up in the dark.

Well… there were a couple of things worse, but it anyway.

He fumbled to find the alarm. Baekhyun or Joowon usually had wakeup duty, but Chanhee preferred waking up on his own terms so he usually set the alarm on his phone a little before then. He wasn't really supposed to have the phone but Seokmin was content to ignore it. The manager probably felt bad about their whole situation and maybe Chanhee was taking advantage of that a little bit, but he couldn't be bothered to care about that when it was the group who carried the brunt of the nugudom.

He stumbled out of his closet. It was still dark in the dorm even. He felt a bit of satisfaction that soon the others would be waking up in the dark too. It wasn't just him this time of year. He weaved around the few bits of furniture, using his phone as a light to circumvent the dining table that was tossed down in a different location every single night (he tried being tidy sometimes but with the natural disaster that was Youngbae it was simply impossible) and found himself in their tiny bathroom.

Another reason why he liked getting up before everyone else: the bathroom could barely fit two people at once at the expense of any kind of personal space and Chanhee was not about that life. He liked taking his sweet time to take a shower and apply his skin care routine (a face that beautiful did not maintain itself) and get ready for the day.

He wondered what they would be up to today. It was a Tuesday, no music show recordings today, and it wasn't like anyone who wasn't Wonwoo ever got any schedules, so they would probably just be practicing. That meant some basic foundation could be applied without fear of getting in the way of a makeup artist.

Before Chanhee wouldn't care much about doing makeup himself if it wasn't a special occasion, after all his bare face was almost as handsome as the polished by products version. Now though? Well he supposed he had to start acting more like an idol, even if the whole world was wrongfully sleeping on him. It certainly had nothing to do with a very cute girl who'd started working full time at her mother's cafe.

Certainly not, that was crazy talk.

He was just finishing up when he heard the rest of the group stirring. He waited out until Joowon sleepily came out of his room. “Yo hyung, what are we up to today?”

Joowon was immediately alert, lack of sleep never seemed to phase him much. Chanhee supposed it was because of his time in the army, and then he pushed that thought back deep down. He did not want to think about the army and his own mandatory service therein. “Practice,” Joowon said, voice still hoarse with sleep. “Then meeting with Seokmin hyung.”

“He's gracing us with his presence outside of working hours?” Chanhee said mock shocked. Seokmin generally avoided them outside of schedules, he only slept in the dorm if they had a schedule that day, otherwise no dice.

“Are you gracing us with your wit Chanhee?” Joowon shot back without missing a beat. “Go get dressed you .”

Chanhee saluted. “Sir yes sir!”

“That was a terrible salute!” Joowon called after him as he quickly made his way to his room, tittering to himself.

He just couldn't get himself to be moody nowadays, even when they weren't selling well, even when they were pushed to the back during music show closers, even when Youngbae looked like a sad little thing whenever Big Bang ignored their presence (they were a bunch of ugly s anyway, so what if they sold well?), even when Seokmin got more and more nervous around them whenever anyone said anything about charts or sales. It just didn't seem to touch him. He was too busy taking joys in the little things.

A slightly cumbersome outfit for dancing, but optimal outfit for the appearance, later and he want out to the kitchen.

“Can you make some coffee, hyung?” Jinyoung asked from the bathroom.

Chanhee found a bag of coffee, nearly empty, and put it in the very back of the bottom cupboard. “There isn't any left!” he called back. “It's okay, I'll grab us some from that cafe.”

“I could swear there was enough left for one morning,” Youngbae said sleepily, hopping along with one leg in a pair of pants.

Chanhee closed the cupboard. “Ha ha, nope. All out.”

Joowon gave him a weird look, but Chanhee chose to interpret it as a ‘you're looking fine as hell today’ look.

“We're going to dance practice aren't we?” Wonwoo asked. “Why are you wearing jeans?”

“They're… comfortable,” Chanhee said. “They're comfortable jeans, and my sweatpants are in the laundry.”

“We did our laundry yesterday though.” Wonwoo looked amused.

“Come on Wonwoo we don't want to be late. Oh, hyung, your shirt is the wrong way out.”

“What?” Youngbae blinked sleepily, halfway into putting his shirt on. “Oh.” He slowly took it off, turned it right side out, and wrestled into it again. It never stopped being amusing how dysfunctional their leader was in the morning.

“Hoonie are you ready?” Joowon called into the bathroom. He turned to Jinyoung. “Did you let him sleep in again?”

Jinyoung shrugged. “No harm in it.”

“I'm here, I'm here!” Seunghoon came stumbling from the bathroom, hair still in disarray. “I'm ready, let's go.”

They set out to the company and Chanhee never felt better. He stuck his hands in his pockets and whistled their songs the entire way, paying no mind to annoyed looks from Jinyoung or knowing smiles from Joowon. It was a lovely day, the sun was coming up and the skies were clear, Chanhee felt content.

“I'll be right back,” Chanhee said when they'd made their way to the company headquarters. “I'm gonna go grab some coffee for everyone, my treat!”

“Can I have tea instead?” Baekhyun asked.

“Sure sure, no problem, I'll see you in a bit.”

He opened the door to the cafe with a flourish. Everything was as it always was: the lighting was dim, the chairs were empty, and a very pretty girl was cleaning the coffee machine.

“Hyeran!”

She glanced his way and pulled a face. “We're not open yet, can't you read?”

“Ah I'm ten minutes early, I'm sure you can weather.  Or I can sit here and wait for ten minutes?” He seated himself on one of the barstools.

“God forbid,” she said. “Shouldn't you be calling me coffee noona or something?”

“Coffee ahjumma told me you're my age,” Chanhee grinned.

“Ugh.” Hyeran rolled her eyes. “Figures. What do you want’?”

“They usual, of course. Wait no, change one of the usual coffees to another chai tea.”

“No toast?”

“Are you trying to ruin my perfect frame?” While he could cheat on diets during off days, comeback time mandated chicken s only? No matter how much he craved that sweet sweet honey toast that Hyeran could make almost as well as her mother.

“You mean that sickly skinny little body of yours?”

“You wound me!”

“I'm trying.”

“Aren't you supposed to be studying?”

She made a face again. “I dropped out. The cafe needs me much more.”

“I need you much more for sure,” Chanhee said with a grin, propping his head on one arm and wiggling his eyebrows.

“Keep going and I might accidentally spill hot coffee all over you.”

Ah yes this was the Hyeran he knew and loved. “Your love burns for me, huh?”

“Oh, it will burn alright.”

Chanhee laughed. “Anyway that's five coffees and two chai teas. I can't banter for long today unfortunately.” The last few weeks he'd run into her more and more often, and Chanhee loved it. The banter was excellent, even if scalding. Hah. Scalding. Appropriate.

She rolled her eyes again. “Oh how on earth will I manage without you?”

“I'm so sorry I have to put you through my absence, but there are six idiots who need me more,” Chanhee returned equally dramatic.

“Take these drinks as my final gift to you.” Hyeran handed him the coffees and teas. “For I shall surely perish without you.”

“Goodbye fair maiden!” Chanhee wrest the door open with one hand and wildly swung the drink tray with his other. “Your beauty shall live on in legend!”

There was all but a spring in his step when he returned to the Helix headquarters and descended the stairs to their basement.

“Delivery!” He announced as he opened the door. The others were already doing their warm up, but all the faces lit up at the sight of the beverages. Chanhee handed out the drinks and they all settled on the floor with their drinks.

“Good thing you came back,” Joowon said. “Seokmin just came in to move our meeting to in,” he checked the clock. “15 minutes.”

“Enough for a coffee break,” Chanhee grinned and they clinked paper takeaway cups. “Cheers!”

It was way too quickly when the clock hit the hour and Joowon herded his ducklings upstairs for the meeting.

“You have got to be kidding me,” Joowon said. “No. This isn’t happening. This can’t be happening.”

“It’s your song,” Seokmin said. “Make the best of it.”

“If you do this you’re signing our death sentence. You know it as well as I do. This is the end of our careers.”

Seokmin looked at the rest of Aeon still in the room, faces various degrees of disbelief, uncertainty, and nervousness. “I need to talk to Joowon alone,” he said. “Please go back to the practice room and go through the new song.”

The new song.

They’d only just wrapped up The Chaser promotions, and it had gone fairly well. Well, for their doing. They had charted worse than their debut song, but better than Paradise. They still had a shot, it was getting better! Joowon had hoped that the company would see that and at least push to a more bright sound.

This was all wrong. Everything was all wrong. They had received their new song. A quick repackage of their mini-album (something they would surely get negativity for, who repackaged a mini?! That was just bad business practice), with an accompanying image shift, and it was bleak. A y concept, the hallmark of a desperate company. Helix was giving up on them, and selling their bodies was their desperate final push.

He wasn’t sure why this blatancy bothered him so much, it wasn’t like they hadn’t essentially be selling the same thing before. Those hip s in Paradise were there for a reason. Smoke and mirrors was one thing though, this was something wholly different.

Standing Still the song was called. All about a man scorned and blabla, nothing all that interesting. Musically the song was a mess. The drum line was overpowering, the lyrics and melody were repetitive, and the synth were grating throughout. The whole things could be saved by a great dance and great music video, but musically it was a disaster. It had so much promise too, with that guitar, if only the rest of the production was as subtle and the lyricist more original.

It was that wasted potential that Joowon couldn’t stand. Something sub-par that could have been so much better. There was no point in voicing that opinion though, he knew exactly what the CEO was say, and really it would be disrespectful to uproot someone else’s production like that. Social boundaries had to be followed, but those social boundaries were putting their future on the balance. He knew he shouldn’t be talking to Seokmin like this either, both out of respect and because arguing with their manager hadn’t done him any good before, so why did he expect things to be different?

The others filtered out of the room, leaving Joowon alone with Seokmin.

“You’re not the only one this affects, Joowon,” Seokmin said as soon as the office door was closed. He sounded tired and annoyed, words dangerous close to a snap. “Do you think it’s all on you? I’m the one the CEO looks at when your songs flop time and time again.”

Joowon frowned. Did he expect Joowon to feel sorry for him? Joowon was the one in the failed group. He bit off a sassy response before he could make matters worse.

“I’m the one who defends you when you amount to nothing,” Seokmin continued. “It’s my neck on the line just as much as it is yours.”

Oh that was rich. “No offense to you hyung,” Joowon couldn’t help himself saying. “But we’re the ones whose careers and future prospects will be ruined. We’re the ones without the college degrees or even high school degrees. We’re the ones without the safety nets.”

“What do you want me to do, Joowon?” Seokmin asked, motioning more wildly the more exasperated he got. “Do you want me to march in there and argue with the CEO? Demand that he pay more money for a better song for the massive failed investment of a boy group?”

Joowon winced. That one hurt. “It would have been a failed investment if he hadn’t insisted we go with this dark edgy concept! If we’d just stuck to our youthful one-” He took a breath. That argument was overdone, and looking to the past was never going to fix the present. “He wouldn’t have to pay anything, just let me produce the song.” Desperate measures. Joowon had written songs before, the one they’d sang an evening so long ago, when their first fansign had gotten cancelled, remained his favourite. If he could do a simple acoustic song to perfection like that, he could make something bigger and better produced too. Or at least he’d have to. He was sure anything was better than this.

“The CEO remains adamant about that,” Seokmin said, more gentle this time. “He’s not going to delay anything and take a risk on you.”

“We shouldn’t even be releasing this repackage,” Joowon argued. “Nobody repackages a mini-album, it’s too small to be worth the extra purchase, and we don’t have enough diehard fans who would even care to purchase an album twice if it has some new photos and a new song or two.”

“Business decisions aren’t ours to take, how many times do I have to tell you Joowon? Just go to the others and focus on learning your parts. Helix wants to push out the repackage by next month. It’ll be a tight window, so you will all have to work extra hard.”

Joowon sighed. He didn’t think he’d miss the extended practice period of The Chaser, but one month was rough. It just went to show that this industry did not know a comfortable middle, it was one extreme or the other. Either the preparations were endless, or they were expected to pull perfection out of their asses in a month. But he shouldn’t complain about it, he knew that behind the scenes there were people that would have it just as hard as they would. The marketing specialists, the stylists, the graphic designers, the recording technicians. Everyone would be working double-time because the CEO wanted them to come back in a month.

Such was the entertainment industry. Well, honestly, such was any kind of industry in South-Korea. Joowon couldn’t even get angry about that. He felt all of his anger deflate all at once, like a badly made flan.

It was exhausting to continue fighting a losing battle. He was so used to tackling problems that he could actually fight, to achieving his goals in the end. The army was rich with status quo, but a friend here, some flattery there, and a lot of swallowed pride later would get you somewhere. There were walls, but if he couldn’t go over it or under it then somehow he’d find a way around it.

He’d never found an obstacle as unmoving as a CEO’s stubborn pride.

He bowed to Seokmin (let it be known that he’d never be too annoyed or angry to show decent courtesy, though it was harder sometimes than others). “Yes, hyung.”

Seokmin sighed. “Don’t do that Joowon. Don’t make me feel like the .”

Joowon just left the room and closed the door behind him. He didn’t have the energy to soothe Seokmin’s feathers on top of everything else today. It wasn’t his job to take care of the ego of the adult, he had his own adult children to look after.

When he opened the door to the practice room, all heads turned to him. It was completely silent inside, they had apparently all been waiting for him to come back, and now they all looked at him expectantly. He stopped himself from marching right back up to Seokmin’s office then and there.

The silence in the room was oppressive. It weighed down on him. Joowon knew they expected him to say something. They expected him to tell them that it would be okay, that they would persevere, that if they only worked hard enough that they would find their success this time.

It was getting harder and harder to believe that himself. He tried not to lie to the others, lies didn’t help anything, only actions did. Wow had been amazing, they truly had gold in their hands. Paradise had been a let-down, but it was something they could work with at least. It was a good song. The Chaser was a step away from what Joowon personally wanted, but it was a step further up, a really good song. The Chaser hadn’t even performed that bad! It had been a marked improvement. Apparently the company did not see it that way.

He wished things were different. He wished everything were different. The management, the song choices, the artistic freedom. None of this was as it should have been, none of this was as he had expected it to be. Sure he hadn’t expected instant success, but for so many of their hardships to come from company incompetence?! That was the hardest to fathom.

Where were the variety appearances? Where were the interviews? Anything at all! Sure, they were relatively unknown by now, but Joowon knew that appearances could be bought as much as invited, and variety was so so important to establish a following. Even the smallest of CF’s would boost their renown. He’d thought Wonwoo’s modelling was a step in the right direction but they had hardly seen any gains from that either.

They had had such a good start. Wow had been everything it had to be. Then everything had crumbled.

“Hyung?” Baekhyun asked, voice filled with uncertainty. “It doesn’t have to be that bad. The song isn’t all that bad, I kind of like it!”

Joowon had to be the strong one. He was the leader, no matter what their profiles said. He had to be an example, if he lost it then all of them would lose it. He opened his mouth and closed it again, unsure of what to say and feeling a lot like a goldfish in a fishtank.

“You tried talking to him?” Jinyoung asked, a hint of hopefulness in his voice.

He considered, briefly, to just tell them the truth. Tell them how frustrating everything felt, tell them how unsure he’d become of absolutely everything, tell them that he didn’t really know what he was doing and they shouldn’t look to him like this fearless and certain leader. He couldn’t do that. To show his own weakness was to pull away the last load bearing pillar in this house of cards and he was well aware of it. “Even Seokmin hyung’s influence on all of this is limited,” he said. It was true. “We’ll just have to make the most of it.”

“How many times are we going to have to make the most of things before there isn’t anything to be made anymore?” Chanhee asked pointedly. “We can’t keep plowing along with songs hoping one of them will pick up. That’s not how any of this works.”

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results,” Wonwoo said.

Joowon pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn’t have the energy for any of this. “I’m not sure if that makes Helix insane or me.”

“I think it makes all of us a little insane,”Jinyoung offered, not helping at all. Joowon supposed he was right in any case.

Seunghoon was sitting on the floor, legs pulled to his chest. Youngbae was looking intently at the floor. Chanhee had balled his fists, looking like he was about to do something he would regret. Baekhyun was desperately looking at the lyric sheets.

“You have a lot of lines, hyung.” Baekhyun all but shoved the lyric sheet under Jinyoung’s nose. “That’s a good thing?”

Jinyoung looked bewildered at the lyric sheet, and then cast a guilty look at Seunghoon. “Eh, w-why would that matter?”

Baekhyun looked panicked. “I don’t know I just- I just thought that-”

This was going somewhere Joowon did not want it to go, and it was going there fast. This wasn’t the group of trainee she’d met almost two years ago, the group of trainees who were scared but hopeful. The group of trainees who’d been filled with nervous energy and heads filled with dreams.

Wait. He knew what he had to do.

Joowon jumped to his feet and turned to Youngbae. “Hyung, go run through the song, we’re going to have to record this very soon so there’s no time to waste. I’ll be right back.”

“If there’s no time to waste then why are you leaving?” Chanhee asked, eyebrows raised.

Joowon held up a hand to shush him. “Not now, Chanhee. Just work with them.”

He left the room hoping that Youngbae would pull them through and headed back up to Seokmin’s office. He knocked on the door and poked his head in. Seokmin tensed when he saw it was Joowon again, but Joowon held up his hands. “I’m not here to fight more,” he said quickly. “Hyung, do you think you could smuggle something onto the CD?” Joowon asked. “As a hidden track?”

Seokmin looked visibly startled. “What? I don’t know. Where is this coming from? What do you want on there?”

“Do you remember that night when you told us that the fansign had been cancelled? Do you remember how we ended up singing with the guitar and fooling around?”

“I do.”

“We recorded that. The session,” Joowon said. He’d brought out the recorder just to make it a bit more formal, and so they could listen to what they had created. To bring them together. He hadn’t realized then how useful it would turn out to be, or how useful he hoped that it would be.

“Why would you want that test recording onto the CD?” Seokmin looked as confused as he sounded.

“We’ve forgotten who we used to be,” Joowon said. “With every serious song and knife sharp choreography we’ve forgotten what actually made us great. I don’t want the group to forget, and I don’t want the fans to forget either. It’ll just be a little addition, something to show whoever buys the CD that we’re still the group who did Wow.” The group who tripped up almost every performance as someone improvised something new that did or did not work out. The group that almost laughed their way through their own debut song. The group that had seen success.

“Would you try for me?” Joowon asked. “Listen, we both know that Standing Still isn’t us. This is us. I don’t want whoever our audience is to forget that.”

Seokmin nodded a little uncertainly, but he looked sympathetic. “I’ll, eh, I’ll talk to the sound guys, see what I can do.”

Joowon didn’t know if this would get either of them into with the company, but maybe something like this was worth getting into for.