CHAPTER 3
⤫ AEON : END OF AN ERAChapter 3
His head was killing him, but Jinyoung refused to acknowledge it. It didn’t have power over him, he was above the hangover.
Or, well, that was the idea.
Yoonha, their of a stylist, tugged at his hair. “Hey!” he snapped.”Stop it!”
“I’m attempting to do your hair,” she said slowly, enunciating as if she spoke to an idiot. “It would be a lot easier if you sat still.”
“I’m sitting still.” Jinyoung snapped, while not sitting still.
“Jinyoung take an advil for your hangover,” Seokmin snapped. It was only 1PM and apparently he was already at the end of his patience.
“I’m not hungover,” Jinyoung said stubbornly. “I never get hungover.”
“You always get hungover,” Wonwoo mumbled.
“What was that-”
“Jinyoung,” Seokmin warned again.
He huffed. Fine. Whatever. They’d be done promoting soon enough anyway and then it would all be over for a while. Maybe he could get Helix to fire Yoonha. The had been around for long enough. She always gave him the worst styling.
His leg bounced up and down, and that damned headache wasn’t going anywhere. He hated the constant waiting of a music show. He had better things to do, goddamnit.
The door opened.
“Hello we are Pristin!” an army of girls entered the change room and bowed. He never could get used to groups getting so large. It was hard enough to remember the new idols when they came in packets of 5 or 7.
Ah well, not like he cared anyway. They would probably amount to nothing and burn in nugu hell. He knew a thing or two about nugu hell, he almost pitied them. Almost.
The girls bowed and handed their signed CD over to Youngbae, who bowed in return. Their leader made some small talk with that characteristic smile while the rookies remained nervous and jittery.
They had once been like that. He had. Nervous and jittery and uncertain of everything around them. Hopeful. Hah. What a joke. Trainees dream about life in the spotlight, fantasize about performances and fans and music show wins and money. They never tell them how much of it all is wasted time and waiting periods and being ed by everyone around. Dance for the fans, puppets, but they’re all just someone else’s toys.
He needed a drink.
Unfortunately, his idiot groupmates would murder him if he performed drunk again. Normally he wouldn’t care, but he felt gracious today. He could stick it out some more hours, it was their goodbye stage.
Ugh the waiting. And that headache.
But hell if he would take an advil. He did not have a hangover.
When Chanhee had decided to become an actor, he had never guess that his first time on a proper set would be the filming of his own music video. The crew was on a short break right now while their stylist prepped each of them for some solo scenes with the actress of the hour. At least they had already filmed two of their dance scenes as well as their individual lip syncing scenes. It had been a long two days.
In front was half of a room, looking empty and dejecting in the warehouse. Behind was a mess of cameras and crew gathering around the snack table. No snacks for Chanhee, not if he wanted bloating.
This whole idol thing was still not to his liking. It was weird, being called by his stage name. Woosu. The company had strongly advised each of them to take on a stage name. Chanhee hadn’t minded, he’d wanted one anyway. By taking on a stage name he could differentiate the actor from the idol.
Woosu was the one forced to prance around a stage. Woo Chanhee was the one gracing the silver screen, bringing the audiences with his stellar performance and taking Korea by storm, one project at a time.
And what was this entire idol venture, if not a project? After all, he was in front of a camera now, and he had to act like he didn’t hate every single thing about it. Acting chops!
And, come to think of it, wasn’t life itself one big act?
That didn’t really make him feel better.
At least he looked good doing it. The one thing he did like about all of this bull was the personal styling, though he was a little miffed that the others got fancier suits for their scenes with Seoyeon than he did. The shoulder spikes were a little tacky.
He strolled around the set. It looked sad to him. A gutted room, only half a pace. It was a little tacky in Chanhee’s opinion. It was supposed to be a mansion, but it just looked empty and fake to him. Hah. Kind of like idol life.
He found Seoyeon sitting on the steps of the fake stairwell in her tight black dress. She had her chin leaning on her hand and she looked absolutely, thoroughly bored. She perked up a little when she saw him. “Hey you,” she said with a little smirk. “How come you’re not wearing something fancy like the rest of them? You’d look good in a suit.”
“I know,” Chanhee said miserably and sat down next to her. He let her informality slide. He’d known long ago that that was a losing battle, and he liked her well enough not to care. She knew people would be more lax with her because she was a foreigner and boy did she use it. “Shouldn’t you be more careful how you sit in a dress?” The black number had almost ridden up to dangerous levels.
Seoyeon just shrugged. “I’m wearing safety shorts underneath tights, so what do I care? If anyone wants to get off on a pair of shorts, be my guest.”
Chanhee laughed. “You never change, do you?” She always went against what anyone else would have done.
“I try not to.”
“How’s training going? Did you get any auditions yet?” He asked.
“You’re just talking to me because you don’t want to socialize with them,” she pointed out. She wasn’t wrong. She sighed. “I’m being given the Chanhee treatment.”
“The what?”
“They’re giving me and some of the other girls idol lessons,” She said as if it was a death sentence and Chanhee understood the sentiment. He wasn’t sure if he should be offended she’d dubbed it the Chanhee treatment. “The new trainee manager is such an too. He straight up told me I wasn’t pretty enough to be an actress, and he keeps telling me I have lose 5 kilos before next month or he’ll cut me from the the program.”
“Did you tell him where he could put his kilos?”
“Hah, no. Even I know when to shut up. Sometimes.” She sighed. “At least I know he can’t actually do that, and it’s not like the CEO has eyes for anything other than his pet boy group project right now. I miss Seokmin. You s took the only nice manager.”
“Hey I’d much rather not be an idol and have a manager,” Chanhee said.
Seoyeon laughed. “Everyone and their uncles knows that by now, oppa. You’re not exactly quiet about it.”
Chanhee grinned. “I did promise Seokmin I’d complain about it the entire time, and I intend to keep that promise.”
“But hey, look at us though,” Seoyeon said. “Two acting rejects finally getting to actually act.”
“It’s nice,” he admitted. It was so nice to actually get to use his acting chops, even if it was for a shoot that only lasted an hour. He finally got that taste of what he was here for! He was only disappointed he’d been so good at it and the shoot had been so short. It was a little awkward, pretending to be seduced by Seoyeon of all people, but both of them were actors so they’d worked through the awkwardness. “Though I suppose this entire idol thing is one big acting exercise.”
Seoyeon snorted. “You got the role of a lifetime, and it will last you one too.”
“You just wait until it’s your turn.”
The director clapped his hands to call attention. “Everyone let’s get back to filming! Seoyeon and…” he peered at a list in his hands. “Primo? Let’s film your scenes in room A.” Wonwoo went up to the empty ballroom of sorts they had filmed one of their dance scenes in.
“That’s our cue.” Seoyeon got up, stretched, and pulled her dress down. “Time to make some more moony eyes at pretty idols.”
“We both know I’m the prettiest,” Chanhee joked. “You’re just setting yourself up for disappointment.”
She pat his cheek. “I’m sure I can handle it, pretty boy.”
Then she was off and Chanhee was left to amuse himself again. He knew acting was a lot of waiting and he’d never been very good at it. Run throughs of scenes without him, dress rehearsals where the tech guys had to figure out the lighting cues first and the sound guys were still fiddling with the sound cues. It all had to happen, but there was so much waiting involved. Before he’d hung out with his classmates during rehearsals for his school plays, he knew all of them, but now that wasn’t really an option. He didn’t like Aeon much, and Aeon didn’t like him.
Cheers rang out from the small change room, and Chanhee ducked in to grab some water (and totally not because he was curious). It was a small space, there was a rack of clothes on the side with some chairs and a table with water, a coffee machine, and some snacks that should have been untouched. Wrappers in the bin told Chanhee that someone had sinned.
In the middle of the room stood a plastic picnic table, currently being used for a seemingly epic game of gonggi. Jinyoung sat at the table, , tossing one of the five plastic pebbles in the air while he scooped up the ones on the table before catching the one in the air. Seunghoon, Baekhyun, and Youngbae had abandoned their chairs and surrounded Jinyoung, cheering him on like he was about to win the world cup while Joowon sat opposite them, nursing a coffee and watching with amusement.
“Yes!” Seunghoon cheered when Jinyoung succeeded picking up all the pebbles on the table in one go while catching the one in the air. Jinyoung himself laughed softly, but he looked proud of his accomplishment. “11 sets!”
“Now you’re just humiliating me on purpose,” Joowon said dramatically. “We get it, Jinyoung, you’re the crowned king of gonggi.”
“He’s not done yet!” Youngbae chimed in. “He’s going to break a world record!”
The leader had been a bit down lately. Chanhee was glad to see him laughing and engaging with the other’s stupid antics again. Or, at least, that’s what he would think if he cared.
Jinyoung tossed the 5 pebbles onto the table again and continued the game while the other three held their collective breaths in anticipation and Joowon calmly sipped his coffee.
Ridiculous.
“Hey Chanhee!” Baekhyun turned to face him, big smile on his face. “You want to play? See if you can beat Jinyoung’s 11 sets? The winner gets to be leader until dinner.”
“12 sets!” Seunghoon cheered, and Jinyoung almost looked embarrassed at the attention.
“Let me guess, that was Youngbae hyung’s idea?” Chanhee asked. “Being leader doesn’t sound like much of a win to me.”
“He gets to boss people around,” Baekhyun defended while Youngbae looked like a kicked puppy. “Don’t you want to boss people around?”
“I want a plate of chicken wings and a can of beer,” Chanhee said, grabbing the bottle of water he came for. “But I don’t see that happening anytime soon.”
He pushed the door open and went back to the set, hearing Joowon say “sourpuss” behind him just loud enough to hear. Let him. Chanhee didn’t care what they thought.
He sat down behind the line of cameras and monitors and staff in black rushing to do their jobs. At least he could take the time to observe behind the scenes and see how the filming actually worked. Chanhee had experience with small scale theatre projects, but he’d never actually see a filming session before.
In front of the camera was Wonwoo still, filming with Seoyeon. Various takes of her just walking past, making bedrooms eyes, while Wonwoo looked awkwardly blank back. He wasn’t very good at acting, and the director wasn’t very happy with him either. Meanwhile the stylist was ready every few takes or so to make sure he looked perfect. Two cameras were in use at all times, and crew were peering at monitors to see how the footage looked.
It took a while to shoot Wonwoo’s scenes. He wasn’t the worst, especially considering he had no acting background. The fact that his character was supposed to show cool detachment probably did him a lot of favors. Then it was time to switch to Seunghoon’s scenes.
Chanhee watched as Seunghoon and Seoyeon filmed, mentally critiquing Seunghoon’s every move. He was stiff and awkward most of the time. His scenes asked for some of the most physical contact between him and Seoyeon and it was painful to watch how uncomfortable and uncertain he seemed about it. He couldn’t keep a straight face, and looked very nervous when instructed to touch her shoulder, to the point where they switched most of the contact to Seoyeon his face and playfully biting a cherry.
Seunghoon looked relieved to be away from the camera. He was about to head to the dressing remove before he noticed Chanhee and sat down next to him instead. “That was harder than I thought it would be,” he admitted and smiled. “You were so much better and faster.”
Chanhee let out a bitter laugh. “Well I did devote my life to this.”
“Oh,” Seunghoon said. “Right. Sorry.”
Chanhee remained silent and it didn’t take long for Seunghoon to take the hint and go back to his other half while sets and outfits were changed, leaving Chanhee to observe in peace.
So this would be his life now: looking forward to every little snippet of acting he’d get to do while being miserable in between.
And waiting. Lots and lots of waiting
Laughter rang through the practice room, mixed with the squeaking of sneakers on flooring and the sound of WOW in the background.
“Go Youngbae, go Youngbae!” Baekhyun, Seunghoon, and Joowon chanted while Youngbae did his best to do a dougie. Wonwoo laughed when Youngbae tripped over Jinyoung when trying to get his “Wow” in there, and ended up almost face planting on the floor. They all fell over when the song ended.
“Man that never stops being a workout,” Joowon panted, splayed out on the floor.
“Shouldn’t we run through it seriously for once?” Wonwoo wondered. They always ended up messing around during their practices, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy cutting loose himself, but that wasn’t how they were supposed to perform it live.
“I guess,” Youngbae said, not entirely convinced. “It’s so much fun though.”
Joowon nodded. “Wonwoo is right, we’re debuting in three days. We should get ready to perform with some degree of professionalism, no matter how much it hurts.”
“Do we really have to though?” Baekhyun asked. “What harm is there in having some fun on stage too?”
He hadn’t thought of that. He supposed there wouldn’t really be harm in it. “If Seokmin hyung doesn’t mind,” Wonwoo said. “Maybe that would be okay? We have a fun song, and we filmed the music video very seriously. We could make the stages more fun?”
Joowon nodded to himself. “It could work,” he said. “It could make us stand out from the groups that are serious or angsty. We could use our own energy to make our stages worth watching!” He snapped his fingers. “Baekhyun you’re genius! Let’s do this!”
“Wait what?” Chanhee asked. “We’re just going to clown around on stage now.”
“Yes!” Joowon said. He put a hand on Chanhee’s shoulders, and Chanhee rolled his eyes. “Close your eyes and imagine it, our sour actor. There is a lineup full of broody characters in dark clothes singing about breakups and unrequited love and what have you. They’re rubbing their lips and flexing their muscles to show how supremely sad they are at life itself.” He waved his hand through the air dramatically. “And then comes Aeon, and shows the viewer and potential fan how much fun a stage can be as our falsettos hit their ears and Youngbae dougies his heart out.”
“Or we look unprofessional,” Chanhee countered. “Like we’re not taking everything seriously enough. Because we’re not. If I’m going to be in this damned group, I won’t be in a laughing stock.”
“All in favor?” Joowon asked?
Everyone but Chanhee put their hands up. Chanhee looked at Wonwoo, hope in his eyes, but Wonwoo raised his hand too. Joowon had a point, and he thought it would look more natural for them than to stick to the serious routine.
Chanhee crossed his arms. “Fine.” Wonwoo wondered if he was being contrary on purpose or really was against the idea for professionalism reasons. He’d noticed that whatever Joowon said, Chanhee often objected. Ah well, that wasn’t his business to wonder anyhow.
“Looks like some democracy is going on here,” Seokmin looked inside, expression filled with unspoken questions. “No matter, are you guys ready to move into the dorm?”
Oh, Wonwoo had forgotten all about that when the daily routine took hold. They’d been told to pack their belongings a few days ago while the company finalized the lease on what would be their dorm. Wonwoo had to admit he’d be glad not to be stuffed in that trainee dorm with the actors. 20 guys in such a small space with only two bathrooms was not pleasant.
Joowon glanced at Youngbae before giving him a nudge. “Right!” Youngbae said, glancing nervously at the other guys. “We, eh, packed last night actually so we should be good to go. Are we leaving now?”
“If you’re finished with your practiced?” Seokmin said. His tone hinted that he expected them to come with him regardless.
“Yeah, eh, we can go now,” Youngbae said, after Joowon had given him a nod of confirmation. Youngbae was prone to nods of confirmation. Joowon was often the given of said nods.
They filtered out of the building and into the van by order of age. Wonwoo was put in the back with Baekhyun and Jinyoung. While Seunghoon spent half the time turned around in his seat to talk to Jinyoung, and Baekhyun was chattering along, Wonwoo just listened. He didn’t think he had much to offer either conversation (one was Jinyoung and Seunghoon discussing singing, and the other was Baekhyun nervously speculating about their new dorm).
Baekhyun turned to him. “Hyung, what do you want the dorm to be like?”
“Me?” Wonwoo blinked. He hadn’t thought much about it. “I don’t know. I mean as long as it has beds it should be good, right?” Baekhyun nodded and moved on, apparently content at having involved Wonwoo somehow,
He would like to have beds. He’d always slept on beds, never on futons. He knew others did, but it seemed too hard a surface to be comfortable on.
“I just want no mold,” Jinyoung said. “That’s my one wish. No mold in the bathroom is all I’m asking.”
Wonwoo saw Seokmin glance back in the rearview mirror. Uh oh that wasn’t a good look. He thought he knew Seokmin’s looks by now and that was not a good one.
They picked up their backs and suitcases from the trainee dorm. Thankfully it was empty right now, Wonwoo didn’t feel like being met with the acting trainees watching them go. Chanhee was the only one who wasn’t entirely ready to leave. He didn’t look happy as he dug around the actor’s side of the dorm for his last things and shoved them into the weekend bag. Wonwoo supposed he might miss the other actors. Chanhee wouldn’t be able to ignore them as soon as they’d reach the dorms anymore.
The drive to the new dorm didn’t take very long. Thankfully it wasn’t very far from the Helix office, just on the other side of Mapo-gu, in the quiet residential area. Not the most modern or renovated neighbourhood, the houses here looked old, and the more side-streets they turned into, the older and more decrepit they looked. The others were starting to get worried too, Wonwoo could see Joowon frowning as he looked outside.
Then the car stopped in front of short, squat building. There were two floors: a basement floor with a separate entrance, and the upper floor with a little staircase connected to the door. The building itself looked like it had survived an apocalypse: the brickwork was dull and worn, the whitewash on the portico was flaking off, and green discolouration was trickling down from the flat roof, hinting at water damage. Like the rest of the street it was surrounded by power cables and satellite dishes, and a rusted iron fence surrounded it, its functions dubious. The whole house looked like negligence incarnate.
Wonwoo glanced around. Maybe they had stopped in front of the wrong house? There were more freestanding brick houses in the streets, each an entirely different shape from the other, and each looking a lot better than this one. The parking spots in front of the others were taken up with cars, maybe Seokmin just hadn’t been able to park in front of the right one?
It was easy to forget sometimes that neighbourhoods like these still existed in Seoul, and many of them too. Squat brick freestanding houses and small privately owned restaurants and mini markets a stone’s throw from busy streets where high rises and branch stores took over like weeds. Urbanized natural selection, his mother would probably have called it. But then again, with her toe dipped into conglomerate waters, she wasn’t exactly unbiased now was she?
All of them looked uncertain when they got out of the van. It wasn’t even like the trainee dorm had been great. The moldy bathroom. The bunk beds shoved against each other for optimal room usage. The tiny kitchen with the leaky sink. Way too many people on way too few square meters. This though? This did not look like much of an improvement.
Seokmin got out last after locking the car, and walked up to the upper part of the squat building. So much for that vain hope. He unlocked the door and held it open, apologetic look on his face.
Wonwoo trailed in behind the others to check out the house. There was a small living room which was completely devoid of furniture apart from a short dining table meant for 4 people at most. When Wonwoo looked up he noticed that much of the ceiling was discoloured. Yup. Water damage.
There was a tiny kitchen, only big enough for one -maybe two- people to be in at once. It had a fridge and freezer which looked at least a decade old and a gas oven that looked even older. Wonwoo opened one of the cupboards to find a mismatched collection of plates and pots and pans that had seen better days. The place was definitely meant for a family of four, tops.
Chanhee picked up one of the frying pans and made a face. “Anything cooked in this will taste like burn more than meat.”
“There’s mold in the bathroom,” Jinyoung said, defeated, from the other side of the house.
“Why does only one room have beds?” Baekhyun asked further in the house. Wonwoo trailed after Chanhee to take a look. There were apparently four small bedrooms: one with a single bed that was designated for the manager, one with two bunkbeds (of which one bottom was broken), one with two mattresses on the floor, and a tiny room that had two futons shoved almost side to side.
“We’ll divide the rooms by age,” Seokmin said, carrying some of the forgotten suitcases up with him. “That’s fair and will lead to no disputes. Youngbae and Joowon will take the bigger room, Chanhee and Seunghoon the smaller room, and Jinyoung, Wonwoo, and Baekhyun will take the room with the bunk beds.”
“Let me help you,” Wonwoo said, and went to the car to help Seokmin carry the bags and suitcases up. At least he’d be sleeping in a small room with two others, instead of a slightly bigger room with six others. It was some sort of improvement, even if the whole house did smell like mildew.
“Where are we going to put our clothes and things?” Jinyoung asked. “There are no closets.”
“I’m going to bring over an old clothing rack or two from the company,” Seokmin said. “We can put them in the living room and in the rooms. You can use the bunk without mattress for storage.”
“We can find some cardboard boxes and stack them on top of each other for shelving,” Joowon said. “During the day the futons can be rolled up for pillows on the floor, and we can get something like a rug later on to make it more comfortable. We can make it work.”
“It’s not so bad,” Baekhyun said. “It can be cozy!”
Youngbae nodded. “Yeah. Yeah it’s cozy.”
“This was the best the company could afford right now in the area,” Seokmin said. “Until you start earning more money, we won’t be able to put you into a new dorm.”
“Will you be living with us?” Wonwoo wondered.
“Much of the time, yes,” Seokmin said. “But not all of the time. While you have schedules I have to be on hand to manage you. For now, I’m going to be here with you during your promotional period.”
There was an uneasiness in the room. Neither Chanhee nor Seunghoon was happy with their living arrangements, and Wonwoo didn’t blame them either. He was happy he’d gotten the bed.
The awkward silence stretched out as the guys looked around at their new home. Then Joowon clapped his hands. “Let’s order some food!” he said. “It’s dinner time and we’ve got a new house to celebrate. Manager hyung’s treat, right?”
Seokmin coughed. “It seems I have been volunteered. What would you like to eat?”
And that’s how they ended up crowded around the tiny little table eating pizza, using the cardboard of the box as plates, Seokmin included. The smell of pizza masked the smell of mildew and the water stains on the ceiling were hardly visibly in the low lighting.
Their debut was mere days away and they were surrounded by unopened suitcases and bags, contents spilling out. Joowon was in the middle of telling one of his stories about the military, animatedly miming the face of a fellow soldier who had woken up with a spider on his face (a spider Joowon staunchly and cheekily denied had been placed there in revenge for an earlier prank), and even Seokmin and Chanhee were laughing along. It was the first time all of them felt, even marginally, like a team.
It was the best night Wonwoo had had in awhile.
Jinyoung yawned and leaned his head on the car glass. It was cool to the touch, but did nothing to make him feel less exhausted. They had stayed up into the early hours of the night to practice, and even the few hours they had been given to sleep, Jinyoung hadn’t been able to sleep a wink. And that wasn’t just because the mattresses they slept on felt harder than the creaky frame beneath.
It was so early, the sun wasn’t even up yet. There were still a surprising number of cars on the road, even at 5AM the streets of Seoul weren’t empty. He peered outside where the streetlights were swallowed by fog.
Next to him, Seunghoon was fast asleep, head back on the headrest and a tiny trail of drool running down to his chin. Jinyoung envied him for his ability to sleep. He’d insisted on staying in the back of the van with Baekhyun despite being one of the older members, and Wonwoo had surrendered his spot with no complaint. He’d wanted the spot so bad to chat with Jinyoung, but had ended up falling asleep within minutes, the idiot. It wasn't like he hadn't gotten sleep last night either, he'd been out like a rock. Jinyoung knew because Seunghoon had taking his futon and slept in their room since they moved in.
Jinyoung wished he could sleep in the van, but his mix of excitement and nerves kept him awake. They were going to debut for real. They were going to go on a music show and dance on stage for a live audience. This was the moment he had been waiting for. All that other stuff, the recording of the song and MV, the photoshoot for the album, the release of the MV, all of that had been abstract. Now they would actually see what their hard work had gotten them. Now they would see the fans.
He wondered if they already had any fans, or if that would come later. If they didn’t have fans, what would happen during the recording? There had been promising comments on the MV though!
Not all of them of course, but enough of them.
He wasn’t supposed to be looking at comments, Joowon had made them promise they wouldn’t. He supposed Joowon hadn’t wanted negative comments to affect them too much, and there had been negative comments, but Jinyoung thought it was important to know what the public thought of them.
They arrived at the hair salon where they would be getting their hair done for the recording. It was the same one that they had used for the photoshoot that had provided their debut teasers and album photos. The hairdressers were nice, and they weren’t the kind who talked too much, thankfully. Jinyoung was never very good with talking to strangers.
Jinyoung gently shook Seunghoon awake while Seokmin stopped in front of the building to let them out and they filtered into the salon. Most of them were half-awake at this point, and Youngbae would have walked straight into the door if Baekhyun hadn’t stopped him.
He squinted at the bright lights in the salon. Everything inside was pastel colours while a team of hair stylists flitted from chair to chair to work their magic on the occupants. Upbeat pop music played from the speakers, probably in an attempt to keep both employees and clients awake this early in the morning.
There were some other idols in the chairs, though none of them very popular. Jinyoung recognized four girls who he was pretty sure were also debuting this week, though he hadn’t seen their video. There hadn’t been much time to keep up with the music time between relentless practices and recording sessions. If he hadn’t been looking for articles about Aeon, he wouldn’t even have seen their image teasers crop up, but he recognized the stunning face of their visual (even if her skin was a tad dark). He thought her name mean a colour of some sort but he couldn’t remember. It didn’t matter. The stylists were working very hard to spoil it with questionable hairstyles.
He, Seunghoon, and Chanhee were seated in chairs while the other four had to wait their turn. Jinyoung had to admit that it was nice to have people fuss over his hair and style it. It made him feel that much more like a celebrity, and of course it helped him look that much better. He wondered if their stage outfits would be as good as his upstyled hair looked.
He apparently wasn’t the only one who shared that sentiment. Next to him, Chanhee was constantly checking himself out in the mirror and grinned while the stylist worked on his hair. Jinyoung huffed. At least he wasn’t obnoxious about it.
On his other side, Seunghoon was frowning into the mirror while a stylist was doing whatever she could to make his hairdo work (and failing in Jinyoung’s opinion). Jinyoung still wasn’t entirely sure if the undercut had been an accident or if it had actually been requested by the stylist. None of them had really had any say in how they looked, the hairdressers had already known what they were supposed to do. It really did nothing for Seunghoon, the lack of bangs made his facial features that much more prominent, and there was no way to hide his face and those eyes.
Jinyoung felt a little bad for the guy. He really should have considered plastic surgery, it was so much easier in this world when one was pretty, and that said nothing about the superficiality of the industry in particular. He knew that Joowon had brought it up a few weeks ago, and that Seunghoon had gotten really upset, but Jinyoung honestly agreed with Joowon. He had gotten his nose and jaw fixed for exactly that reason. He hadn’t been able to get himself to say that to Seunghoon though, and could only watch as his friend made a big mistake.
He had already seen some comments about Seunghoon when he’d secretly looked at their teaser and MV articles. He was glad Joowon had made them promise not to look. He hoped that, unlike he’d done, Seunghoon had actually followed that rule. Nothing good could come out of that.
Thankfully it didn’t take long for Seunghoon to fall asleep in his chair again. Jinyoung shook his head (earning a light smack from his stylist), the kid was ridiculous.
And then he was done and exchanged for Youngbae and the whole thing changed into a waiting game, listening to the songs on the radio and trying not to fall asleep. At least he liked the song playing on the radio. The lyrics didn’t make much sense, but the song was catchy: Chingaling chingaling chingaling, hai. Work it, work it, work it out. That was going to be in his head for a long time to come.
It took two hours for them all to be done. The shop was filled with chatter between Youngbae, Baekhyun, and some of the stylists while the others waited in various states of wakefulness. At one point a girl gave him a coffee from the salon’s machine and life got a little bit better until the coffee was finished and he went back to waiting. All the while his foot bounced up and down. They were debuting, it repeated in his head. They were debuting. The girl group quartet had long since left for the KBS studio and some older soloist had replaced them. Seunghoon was sleeping. Wonwoo was being quiet, observing the stylists as they worked. Jinyoung’s foot kept tapping a steady rhythm on the floor.
And then it was over and they were shooed back into the van for another long drive to the other side of Seoul and Jinyoung could feel his heart beat faster the closer they got to the studio. The closer they got to their debut.
“When we arrive I’ll stop the car in front and you’ll be walking into the building past the waiting fans,” Seokmin told them, eyes periodically connected with each of them through the rear-view mirror. “The fans won’t be waiting for you, they’ll be waiting for other more popular groups, but they might cheer for you anyway if they’re polite.”
Joowon turned around in his seat and looked back at the three of them in the back seat. “Not to worry, they don’t know us yet, but they will know us.”
Jinyoung nodded. He wondered if any of the people who’d commented good things would be there today. The comments that said the song was good. The comments that said they liked their vocals. The comments that said he was pretty.
He also wondered if the people who’d commented bad things would be there.
He didn’t know if he was more excited or more scared at this point. He turned to Seunghoon. “Are you scared?” he asked.
Seunghoon nodded, frowning. “A little bit. Are you?”
“No,” Jinyoung lied. “We’ve practiced this, we’ll be okay.” The nerves wove his stomach into a thousand knots. “I’m surprised you don’t have a stage name like the rest of us,” he changed the topic.
Seunghoon shook his head. “I want the fans to know me exactly as I am,” he said. “And that includes knowing me by name.”
“At least you don’t share a name with the famous…” Jinyoung leaned closer and whispered, “JYP.”
Seunghoon laughed, and Jinyoung was glad to see that frown disappear. He laughed too and, just like that, he felt just the tiniest bit lighter. And then the car rounded the corner, and the KBS broadcasting hall loomed tall.
“Here we go,” Seokmin said and parked the van. They got out and Jinyoung felt his legs turn to jello. Come on, why was he so nervous? They’d practiced, he’d worked for this for years. This was what he’d wanted for ages. His dad was wrong, he hadn’t wasted his life, he was debuting!
Then why was it so terrifying?
They entered the building through the back entrance. There were some teenages loitering around the door, but Aeon wasn’t their priority and they slipped in without a hitch. Seokmin talked to someone at a desk and herded them to a small change room with a paper printout of ‘EON’ on it. “They didn’t spell our name right,” Wonwoo noted.
“No they did not,” Joowon said.
“So what happens now?” Baekhyun asked. It was still early in the morning. 8:46AM. The broadcast was at 5PM. What were they supposed to do in the meantime?
“You have a tech rehearsal at 10:05,” Seokmin said. “And then a dress rehearsal around 2PM, and then the broadcast starts at 5.”
“And then we go out for meat after to celebrate our first live performance,” Joowon finished.
And that’s when the waiting started for real. Jinyoung had thought the waiting at the salon had been excruciating, but it was even worse here. There was absolutely nothing to do. Tech rehearsals were going on for other groups, and they had to wait in their waiting room until it was time for their set to go on.
Baekhyun tried to chatter a bit, but all of them were nervous. Even Joowon was affected, though he tried very much to make it seem like he wasn’t.
Of course they were running late even for the tech rehearsals, and it was closer to eleven when it was their turn. They were each given laminated name sheet to wear and ran through their song twice so the camera crew could get their angles and the sound crew knew the cues. It was disorienting to be on stage. The lights were blinding, the cameras flashed by with their blinking lights faster than Jinyoung could smile into them, and the stage director snapped at them when they did it wrong. He didn’t think it was supposed to take them 3 run throughs to do a tech rehearsal but it did. Then they were shooed off stage and back to the waiting room for more waiting.
Nobody had said music shows were this much waiting. Waiting and anxiety. He’d thought it would be exciting. He’d thought it would be exhilarating. He’d thought it would be terrifying. He’d never thought it would be excruciatingly dull. In truth it was a terrible cocktail of all of the above.
After their tech rehearsal they waiting for an hour longer, cooped up in the waiting room. “I can’t see why they don’t just tell us to come in when they need us,” Jinyoung commented at one point.
“It’s about respect,” Joowon said. “Respect for all the crew members who have to be here since the crack of dawn.”
“It’s not very efficient,” Wonwoo commented.
“Joowon is right, it’s respectful,” Seokmin said, and that was that. The law had been laid.
They lapsed back into silence, too nervous to do much small talk. Jinyoung wished they had anything to do at all. Even just a laptop, or a phone that could play music. Anything that wasn’t staring into space waiting until they were needed. Anything to distract himself from the knots in his stomach.
“Shouldn’t we be distributing CDs?” Seunghoon asked. “Don’t people do that at music shows?”
“You can do that tomorrow,” Seokmin said. “I want you to focus on doing a good job today before risking all of you getting star struck.”
“Oh. Okay”
Back to waiting.
Half an hour later the door opened and the stylist walked in, loaded with clothes wrapped in plastic and bags of accessories. “Sorry I’m late,” Ahyoung said. “I couldn’t find the waiting room, they’ve tucked this one away haven’t they?”
And so they got dressed in what Jinyoung could only describe as a mismatch of ‘urban’ clothing all somehow tied together by being equally out there and vaguely denim. He’d hoped they’d get the shiny suits for their first live but it seemed the stylist had thought differently. At least it wasn’t all 90s whites.
His own outfit ended up being one of the most normal ones, mildly patterned skinny jeans and a denim jacket over a graphic shirt. Nothing outlandish. Chanhee looked ridiculous with his patterned shorts over black leggings, and Seunghoon looked straight out of an anime with his neon green accents and big flight goggles. He pulled them over his eyes and made a face and Jinyoung giggled.
The one who looked most offensive, however, was hands down Youngbae. He was dressed in three different patterns -two of them on the same pair of yoga pants- and a denim vest. The sweater was filled with an eye pattern and the stylist placed the hook carefully over his curled hair, securing it with bobby pins. The whole look was topped off with a red fanny pack, even though the colour was represented nowhere else amongst them.
To top it all off Ahyoung went around accessorizing everyone to excess, until each of them wore enough bracelets, rings, and necklaces to give a metal detector a burnout. Jinyoung would have questioned Ahyoung;s competence if it didn’t all miraculously fit. The power of denim.
Then after another hour or so of waiting they were shooed to the dress rehearsal. Jinyoung was well and truly hungry now, but he couldn’t eat before a performance, Chanhee would just keep going about bloating, and he wasn’t exactly wrong either. Jinyoung had to look his best for their first broadcast. He drank more water to trick his stomach into thinking it wasn’t dangerously empty.
After the dress rehearsal there were 2 more hours of waiting. “There has to be fans inside by now,” he wondered out loud. “For others, I mean. I wonder if they’ll cheer for us anyway.”
“Aren’t they supposed to be, like, super loyal to their group?” Baekhyun asked. “Would they?”
“I’m sure they would,” Youngbae nodded, more to himself than anyone else.
And then it was their turn. They received their mics (he got a handheld one, thankfully) and mic packs, and asked to wait on standby while Seo In Guk finished his song.
Joowon turned to them all. “This is it,” he said. “Even though we technically debuted the moment Helix released the music video, I don’t think I’m the only one saying none of it really felt real until today. None of it will feel real until we get up on that stage, face those cameras and that live audience, and do what we have been practicing for over a month. What we have perfected in its imperfection. We are going to show them that Aeon is fun. Aeon is spontaneous. Aeon is not like any other boy group out there. We’re here to stay for an Aeon, and nobody will spell our name wrong ever again.”
He nudged Youngbae. “Oh, eh,” Youngbae stumbled. “Aeon fighting!” They put their hands together for the cheer.
“Now and forever,” Baekhyun said.
“Yeah,” Youngbae nodded. “Yeah. I like that. Now and forever.”
“Aeon!”
Jinyoung went on stage with the rest of them and got onto his spot. No special stage layout for them. No pre-recording. Not even any lip syncing on Music Bank. It was just them, their mics, and everything they had trained for. It was going to have to be enough.
The knots tightened, the lights , and the music started. And then he danced.
The performance went about as badly as it could have gone above being disastrous. Jinyoung had forgotten exactly all of the camera cues and he felt like a cat chasing a little red pen light, Youngbae had forgotten his mic was on halfway through and yelped for everyone to hear, Baekhyun had forgotten this wasn’t rehearsal time and yelled “LEGGO!!”, then Baekhyun had yelped when the fireworks made an appearance, and Youngbae had tripped into Jinyoung during his last “Wow” and both of them laughed into the mic, causing Jinyoung to almost miss his last line. There had been just the barest applause when they were finished, but it was enough.
It had been a disaster, and Jinyoung had loved every second of it.
Youngbae was having the time of his life! They had debuted and everything was going better than he’d even hoped! Seokmin had told them beforehand not to get their hopes up, that they were a group coming out of nowhere from a company that had never had idols before, it would take awhile for them to get a fanbase going, he had said.
Look at the them now. They had fans!
Their fun antics on stage had gotten them a lot of attention right from the start. From the time he almost fell onto Jinyoung, to Joowon and Chanhee’s ridiculous rose toss, to his and Seunghoon’s increased silly meoributeo balggeutkkaji hot!, the sillier and sillier poses during Youngbae’s rap, to the various whoops and hoots as the end of the performance signalled a breakdown of any kind tight and controlled idol structure.
Their outfits remained as colourful and chaotic as ever (except for today apparently, when they were in all black and looked like the edgiest but funnest biker gang in existence), with more accessories than should be legal. And, honestly, Youngbae kind of liked the fanny packs. He could hide snacks in them and it was really convenient. Why didn’t people wear fanny packs all the time?
They were hailed as a breath of fresh air between waves of angst and performances micromanaged to the T. Joowon had been right! Of course Joowon had been right, he was always right.
Youngbae wasn’t entirely sure what it all meant, but what he did know was that they had fans now! Real, actual fans! People in the crowd who held up banners for them! There were even some names too, Youngbae had seen signs for Bae (that had felt good), Bigeul (he still couldn’t believe that was Baekhyun’s stagename, it was just so darned cute!), and Woosu so far (blegh, Chanhee). Oh and there had been one for Seojin once and Jinyoung hadn’t stopped beaming the entire meal after.
Now that they’d been allowed to do some pre-recording too, the crowd they played for was made up of about a third of their fans! Sometimes even more than that if they were pre-recording back to back with another rookie! It had been hilarious when they were recording with this new girl group called Sistar, and the audience was almost evenly split between their female fans and Sistar’s male ones, though he thought they had had a little bit more fans and it made his chest swell with pride.
“What do you guys want to do for our byeonsin poses this time? Do you want to do something in sync?” he asked while they were getting their mics fitted for the live stage. They didn’t get a pre-recording this time, Inkigayo prioritized the big groups for those, the ones who’d have elaborate stages, but Youngbae didn’t mind. They’d nail it, pre-recorded or not, and they didn’t need big stage effects to stand out. They were the fresh air!
“Aegyo?” Baekhyun suggested.
Various grunts echoed through the waiting room. “Anything but that!”
“Okay okay no aegyo,” Baekhyun pouted.
“Let’s just keep doing our own thing,” Joowon said. “Our individuality is our strongest point here.”
“Weren’t you the one who wanted us to be synchronized?” Wonwoo asked.
Joowon laughed. “I did! I didn’t count on our individuality being so effective.”
Seokmin came in then. “Hey guys, did you distribute your CDs to your sunbaes?”
“We did,” Joowon answered before Youngbae had to. They had handed out their CDs to everyone with a comeback or debut stage this week, and introduced themselves, just like they had done last week. They were usually only supposed to do it once when they debuted, but Seokmin thought it a good idea to find any excuse to introduce themselves to as many artists as possible.
At least it had gone a lot better than last time. It had been him and Baekhyun who’d gone last week and he wasn’t sure if he could even look Victoria in the eyes again. That had been embarrassing. This time Joowon had taken Wonwoo and it had gone a lot smoother.
“Did you do it without embarrassing yourselves?”
Joowon laughed. “Only marginally.”
“Better than expected!” Seokmin laughed, and handed him and Jinyoung their handheld mics. The squiggly ear ones would be taped on right before they went on stage, but the big ones Seokmin had to fetch.
“No handheld for me?” Seunghoon asked. The guy had been strangely quiet all day, he was usually almost as chipper as Baekhyun. He was probably just tired, Inkigayo broadcasted during the day so they had to be here that much earlier. But, come to think of it, he had been quiet all week. Ah well, probably just exhausted. No biggie.
“Sorry Seunghoon,” Seokmin said. “They only had two available for us.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“Alright let’s get all of you up to the stage, you’re up in 15 minutes.”
They went to the backstage wings where the staff taped those face mic thingies to everyone’s faces except him and Jinyoung. He didn’t get why Seunghoon wanted one so badly, they were kind of ungainly and he was always scared he’d drop one. They’d practiced with it of course (with his trusty ping pong bat), but he was still scared. His hands got so sweaty while performing under those lights, and one day he was sure it’d just be like slip. But he shouldn’t think about that now it would only make him nervous.
That nervousness hadn’t gone away, even if they’d done two weeks of stages now, but it was mixed with equal measures of excitement. He wondered how many fans of theirs were out there today. He wondered if he’d see his own name on a sign again. How many of their fans had been able to get through amongst those of Super Junior, 4Minute, CNBlue, and MBLAQ? If he’d even see one fan then he’d be okay. He’d always be okay as long as they had just one fan enjoying their music. That was a good thing to keep in mind.
Thankfully they didn’t have just one fan. They had a lot of fans. Well, they had about 40 fans but they had managed to fight their way to the stage and held their slogan towels high.
And there were fanchants! There hadn’t been fanchants before! Nothing could have prepared him for the feeling of hearing his name chanted by however many fans had gotten into the show.
The performance went really well! It was an unreal experience, to actually perform the song in front of screaming fans (and boy did they scream), and it had made all the waiting to debut (and waiting at the music show) worth it.
“Did you hear their screams?” He asked when they went off stage and the stage crew took their microphones and mic packs away. “We have a fanchant now!”
“You know what that means right?” Joowon asked. “We have an active fanbase. Someone took the time to organize those chants.”
Oh! He hadn’t even thought of that! Of course fan chants didn’t just happen on their own!
“We’re doing so well!” Baekhyun chimed in.
“Don’t drink the kimchi soup first,” Chanhee cautioned. “We’re not doing well yet, but we did make a good start.”
“I’ll take it,” Youngbae said. “A good begin leads to a good end right?”
They got back to the waiting room to wait until they were needed for the show’s ending, chattering happily. It already started to feel like routine. Get up way too early, get their hair done, do tech rehearsal, get dressed and styled, do dress rehearsal, perform song for real, wait for the ending of the show, wait for everything to be done, line up in the hall and bow to the show’s director, go home and eat and sleep before doing it all over again. Rinse and repeat.
He didn’t bat an eye when Seokmin got another phone call and excused himself to take it. Then Seokmin came back inside the waiting room. “Youngbae?” Seokmin waved him over, phone to his ear.
“What’s up hyung?” Was he in trouble with the company? Or was it a scheduling thing?
“I’ve got your father on the line, he wants to talk to you.”
Wait what? Youngbae hadn’t talked to his parents in over a month, not since he’d asked them for money for the next ‘semester’ and they had asked the routine questions of how was he doing? Was he working hard? Would he come home for new year? They didn’t really care, he knew that, but he answered the questions and got the money as always.
Why were they on the phone with his manager? How did they even know his manager?
“Hello?”
“Youngbae?” It was his dad on the line alright. “What have you done?”
“What do you mean?”
“Han Jinah told us everything. You haven’t been studying at all, you’ve been training to become some singer? Is that where our tuition money has been going?”
“How- how did you know?” Youngbae asked, the lump in his throat made it hard to speak.
“Your cousin was watching some music show and, much to everyone’s surprise, your face pops on screen.” His dad sounded furious, and Youngbae flinched at his tone, feeling a panic rise. How was he going to talk his way out of this? “Your aunt and uncle turn to us and ask ‘is that Youngbae? Why isn’t he in school?’, and we have nothing to answer them because he should be in school. Yet there is our Youngbae, on tv, jumping around and making a fool out of himself.”
Youngbae opened and closed his mouth to defend himself, but what would he say?
“So I turn to your mother and say ‘no, that can’t be, our Youngbae is studying in university with that friend of his? Han Jinah? After all, we send him a lot of money for tuition and allowance every year. There is no way he is lying to us and performing in a boy band instead.”
The knots of his stomach developed knots of their own. Youngbae felt like vomiting.
“We try to call our son Youngbae, but he remains unreachable, so we phone Han Jinah instead. ‘Why is it we see our son’s face on our tv screen?’ we ask her, ‘when he is supposed to be studying with you?’ And you know what she says, Bang Youngbae? Do you?”
“N-no?”
“She says that our son has never enrolled in university. She tells us that our son has been training at this entertainment company instead,” each word was more barbed than the next. “Some nonsense we thought ended years ago!”
“I never gave up wanted to become an idol!” Youngbae defended himself. “I couldn’t! It’s always been my dream!”
“What?! It’s never been your dream. You tried once when you were 16, before that you didn’t even know what an idol did.”
Youngbae shook his head, tears spilling. “No. No I always wanted to become an idol, from when I was little. I’d do performance and sing in front of people-”
“When you were little you wanted to become a fireman,” his dad said. “And an actor. And a doctor. And at one point an accountant. You never sang at all, you were too scared to. And then what do you do? You run off to Seoul to pursuit some dream you never had, squandering the money we had given you for your education. For your future, Youngbae. This is how you repay us?! With lies and theft?!”
“I’m sorry,” his voice trembled.”But you wouldn’t have understood-”
“Damn right we don’t understand! Bang Youngbae, you have two options right now. Either you come home this instant, or you don’t even have to come home again.”
“I-I’m sorry,” Youngbae sobbed. “I-I can’t. I w-want to do this.”
“That is your final decision?”
“Y-yes.” He couldn’t leave. He wanted to do this. He had always wanted to do this! He loved music. He loved the group. He loved performing. He needed to do this. He was an idol. This was his dream.
His father hung up the phone.
Youngbae took a shaky breath, wiping the tears from his face, taking a good chunk of his makeup with it. He walked to the bathroom, averting the eyes of anyone he met in the hallway, and splashed water onto his face. His eyes weren’t very red. That was good. What time was it, when did they have to be on stage? He didn’t know. He looked himself in the mirror and he looked like . He felt like .
He took another breath. “You can do this Youngbae. You just have to go back and smile and get through the day. You can do this. It’s okay. You don’t need their help. You’ve never needed their help. You still have money left over, and Aeon is doing great so you won’t even need it. You don’t need them, they’ve never understood. They would never understand.” He didn’t need anyone but his group. His team. And they needed him.
See? He felt fine. He was fine. He was okay.
“Are you okay?” Seokmin asked when Youngbae got back to the waiting room and returned the phone. He nodded. He was fine.
“Bae! What did you do to your makeup?” The stylist quickly pulled him back into the chair to fix up his makeup. “Oh we only have 15 minutes before the end of the show, what did you do?”
“Sorry noona I washed my face,” he said, and she tutted for at least 5 minutes while fixing him up.
He didn’t remember much about the next two hours. Standing on stage while some group received the prize, he couldn’t even remember who. Politely clapping along. Waiting for the show’s directors to leave and bowing to them. Filtering into the van.
“Are you okay?” Baekhyun asked at some point, and Youngbae vaguely remembered nodding.
“Yeah. I’m fine.”
Another day, another music show at some ungodly hour. It was all routine by now, the novelty of it had worn off in the second week or so. Seunghoon was mostly just tired nowadays. They filtered out of the van in front of the Munhwa Broadcasting Center for Show Music Core.
The others were excited when they saw a usual crowd of teenage girls and older boys standing around the artist and crew entrance.
As a group they had slowly gotten more and more attention for their song, and things were looking up, though Seunghoon felt little of that himself. He stared at the ground as he followed the other guys past the group of fans. Screams filled the air as Aeon banners were raised and the sound of shutters surrounded them.
Every show they did there were more fans waiting for them. Seunghoon trailed behind while the others smiled, starry eyed, and the fans.
When he walked past, nobody really paid attention.
This wasn’t new, it had been happening for weeks now. He walked past like he was some nobody. Like he didn’t belong in the group they cheered for.
Joowon gave him a knowing look when he pushed the door to the building open, but Seunghoon ignored it. He didn’t want to hear those words in his head all day.
I told you so, Joowon was probably thinking. I warned you, and you ignored me.
He walked up to Jinyoung instead, who was smiling, eyes wide with wonder. “Did you see our fans outside?” Jinyoung asked. “There’s even more than there was yesterday! People love us!”
“Yeah,” Seunghoon said, though even he could hear that it sounded weak.
“I wonder when we’re going to get any actual schedules,” Youngbae said, grin wide. “You know? Model and stuff, and, like, be funny on tv shows!”
“We had a good debut, we should be getting some opportunities,” Joowon said. “After all, that’s how groups get most of their fans. Not necessarily through their music but with their personalities” And visuals.
Before Seunghoon could enter the waiting room with the others, Chanhee stopped him. “Hey,” he said. “Are you okay?”
Seunghoon frowned. Why did Chanhee, of all people, care about how he was doing? “Yeah,” he said. “I’m alright.”
“Okay,” Chanhee shrugged and brushed past him.
“Hey Seunghoon, can we talk?” Joowon approached him. Why did people want to talk so much all of a sudden?
“Sure hyung, what’s up?”
Joowon waved a quizzical Seokmin away and leaned against the wall outside of the waiting room. “I know you’ve been looking at the comments, Seunghoon. I’ve been walking around like a kicked puppy ever since we debuted.”
Ah. Darn. He’d hoped that nobody would have noticed. It didn’t feel right to drag them all down when everyone else was so excited. And he was excited too! He loved singing, and being able to sing and perform on stage was fantastic. It was just the… other stuff… that was less fantastic.
Reading the comments was such a rabbit hole with no escape and he couldn’t stop thinking about them.
Isn’t it a bit much that the squinty one is always up front? It would be okay if he wasn’t always on camera.
And that was one of the nicer ones.
“Look, I did tell you,” Joowon said, and Seunghoon flinched. There it was. The ‘I told you so’. “You don’t go far as an idol with talent alone. But it’s too late now, and you will have to live with your decision.” He sighed. “Oh well. Just sing and hope that their ears work as well as their eyes do. Let’s join the others.”
Seunghoon nodded, relieved that exchange was over. He pushed it all out of his mind. He would be fine, and he was with the group, and they were doing well as a team. Maybe he didn’t have fans. Maybe people didn’t like the way he looked. But he didn’t care about people, didn’t even care much about having fans. He cared about the group. Everything else he’d worry about later.
The rest of the day went much as it normally did. They rehearsed, waited, and got styled. This was their week of goodbye stages, but Seunghoon wouldn’t miss this part of the process. The performing he’d miss, the slow lead up to that, day in day out, he wouldn’t.
When Ahyoung was busy with their styling, Seokmin came in with another stack of their mini album. “Alright, you know the drill, who’s done with their styling?”
“Seunghoon and Seojin,” Ahyoung pointed at the two while she was attaching a fanny pack to Youngbae’s waist. “Oh, and Woosu still needs some bracelets but he can go. We can sort that after.”
“I’m going to pass,” Chanhee said. “I’m not in the mood for third wheeling today.”
Seunghoon jumped up. Yes! Before he had always been the last to be styled and had missed out meeting other idols! Seokmin kept keeping them in the waiting room and aside some bows and words during a show’s ending, he hadn’t been able to see anyone else at all. “Is 4Minute still promoting? The ones who did that song you’ve been singing for three weeks now?”
“I think so!” Jinyoung answered as they slipped out of the waiting room. “But I think Youngbae gave them the CD already.” He pouted.
“They don’t know that we know,” Seunghoon winked. “Come on!”
Jinyoung immediately started humming that song and Seunghoon rolled his eyes. “What is it they called your people, again? 4nia?”
“4nia and proud.”
They found 4Minute’s dressing room, and Jinyoung fanboyed embarrassingly while at the same time being unable to speak at all. All the while Seunghoon politely offered them a CD, to which their leader politely told him they already had one, before Seunghoon bowed in apology and pulled a crashing Jinyoung away again.
“They are perfect,” Jinyoung said.
“Jihyun and Hyuna sunbaes were nice,” Seunghoon said.
“Perfect.”
“You only heard their song like once.”
“It was enough.”
Next dressing room was labelled SHINee. “Oh I’ve heard of them,” Jinyoung said. “One of SM’s groups.”
“I know them,” Seunghoon said. He loved their music, and especially Onew sunbae’s voice, and they always had cool dances. He felt a little nervous about talking to them. Odd that he felt more nervous now than with 4Minute. Maybe it was because he’d seen 4Minute around the hallways before?
They knocked on the door and then went through the routine. They bowed, they introduced themselves as Aeon, Seunghoon gave them the CD and thanked them for accepting, and Onew (oh my god Onew talked to him!) gave him theirs. They were all halfway through their styling and looked a little ridiculous in their getup.
“C-can you sign it?” Seunghoon asked, feeling his face flush as he said it. “I really like Lucifer.”
Onew glanced at the others. “I don’t see why not.”
He walked out of there with the biggest grin of his life, hugging the CD to his chest. “I am never letting this out of my sight ever again.”
Jinyoung snickered. “And you said I was embarassing.”
“At least I could talk!”
“You were as red as a monkey’s !”
“But I could talk!”
Jinyoung nudged Seunghoon. “Key sunbae has worse hair than you do.”
Seunghoon laughed. “Then there must be hope for me yet!”
They went to a few more waiting rooms. At one point they met a trio of women who looked like they came straight of an anime with bright orange lolita dresses. “That’s Nana sunbae!” Jinyoung whispered, star struck once more. “But what is she wearing?”
“Who?” Seunghoon was confused, but Jinyoung didn’t have time to answer before they were noticed and both of them quickly bowed and handed over their CDs.
“How many do we have left?” Jinyoung asked.
“Just the one,” Seunghoon said. Who hadn’t they given their CD too yet? Who else had their debut or comeback this week?
Seunghoon glanced at his Lucifer CD again. All 5 members had signed it (though secretly he only really cared about Onew). Oh! They’d signed it for Seunghoon too! The other members were definitely never setting their eyes on this CD. It was his. He already felt a lot better than he had this morning.
He ran face-first into a chest. Jinyoung pulled him back. There were two guys in the hallway, wearing black tight shirts. Seunghoon’s mouth dropped for a second as he took them in.
“S-so sorry,” Jinyoung stammered, nudging Seunghoon.
“Sorry!” Seunghoon quickly squeaked. He bowed as deep as he could. “Sorry I wasn’t looking.”
“It’s alright,” the tall one he had run into said, and smiled a rather goofy smile and retreated back into one of the waiting rooms. “Rookies are so jumpy nowadays.”
“Who were they?” Seunghoon asked, still feeling a little star struck himself. “They looked so cool!”
“Them? MBLAQ I think,” Jinyoung said. “The leader and the one always taking his shirt off.”
“I hope we’ll be that cool someday,” Seunghoon said. Their fun style was great, but he also kind of wanted to be like that someday.
“Hey,” Jinyoung flexed his arm, not nearly as impressive as the MBLAQ guys had been. “Am I not good enough for you, hyung?”
Seunghoon laughed, flexing his own. “One day I’ll be able able to compete with you.”
“You’re going to have to pick up a weight for that, Hoonie,” Jinyoung laughed. “I don’t think there’s anything more after this, we should get back.”
“Huh?”
Seunghoon wandered through the hallways. There were some more dressing rooms, but they were all empty. Wait. Where did Jinyoung go to?
He passed some rooms that looked like offices, with staff members going in and out with stress written all over their faces. He should turn back, obviously there weren’t any more dressing rooms. Maybe Seokmin had just given them one too many? Or maybe they had missed an artist?
Something made him press on, though he wasn’t sure what. There was no use exploring further and he should go back to the dressing stage soon to get ready for their rehearsal. He should really turn back, but he was curious.
He rounded the corner and saw a dead end. Smoke was lazily rolling across the floor, coming from a closed door at the end of the hallway. The only TL light that worked was positioned right above the door. The light above the door flickered. The hair on the back of his neck stood on end.
But there it was, next to the door. A paper sign. Lim Eunha.
He took a steadying breath and pressed forward as the smoke curled around his feet. It’s just a dressing room. Don’t be scared. He knocked on the door.
“Come in.” A female voice rang from within.
He opened the door and looked inside. The dressing room was much smaller than their was, and much more worn as well. She was sitting on a worn plush bench that had once been red, while smoke curled around her feet. She was dressed all in black: a black mini dress with a black chiffon train and a wide-brimmed black felt hat. Her black hair framed a pale face while her piercing black eyes looked him over. There was no one else in the room. Just her. Seunghoon felt a chill go down his spine.
“Hello,” she said. Her voice was melodious and slightly husky. “Don’t mind the smoke, the staff kept the smoke machine in the room and it accidentally went off when they retrieved it.”
Seunghoon momentarily forgot to speak. He was awe-struck.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
He shook his head. “Yes- ah-” He bowed and snapped his fingers. “Now and forever: I’m Aeon’s Seunghoon. I’m here to give you our debut album.”
She laughed. “Oh, idol rookies are adorable with your snappy greetings.” She accepted the album.
Seunghoon glanced at the door awkwardly, wondering when the right time would be to leave. “What, eh, what is your song like?”
“It’s called False Hope,” she said. “It’s not about an idol’s life, but it might as well be, don’t you think?”
“Eh,” he looked at his wrist before realizing he wasn’t actually wearing a watch. “I have to go back before to my group. It was nice meeting you noona.”
She raised her eyebrows in amusement. “It was nice meeting you too, Seunghoon.”
Seunghoon backed out of the room and closed it again. He let out a breath. He was surprised he’d made it out of there alive. He hurried back to their dressing room as fast as he could.
“There are you are!” Jinyoung said as soon as he’d made it back to the room. “Where did you go? Are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“I’m not so sure that I didn’t,” Seunghoon mumbled.
“It’s a good thing you’re back, your rehearsal is in 15 minutes,” Seokmin said.
“If they’re on time,” Wonwoo added.
Seokmin nodded. “And that’ll be the day. But we have to be ready anyway, all of you have your name tags?”
Baekhyun nudged Seunghoon. “Don’t worry hyung, it’ll be okay. They’ll love you when they hear you sing.”
"Do I get a handheld this time?" Seunghoon asked.
"Yes, here."
Good. Then the audience would see that he was the one singing the last chorus.
Youngbae cleared his throat. “Right. Ehm. Let’s go to the rehearsal!”
“Not yet, Youngbae, we have to wait for the staff to come get us,” Seokmin chided.
“Oh. Sorry.”
The door opened and a staff member poked her head in. “Aeon, you’re up for rehearsals in 10, please make your way to the stage area.”
Youngbae glanced at Seokmin and Seokmin nodded. “Okay, come on guys let’s go!”
this is a long one! the crew has finally debuted, and are finding out that idol life is mostly just a lot of waiting around for your 15 minutes of fame. some good, some bad, some ugly sobbing. i hope you liked this chapter.
- liv
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