Warnings for this part: some detailed descriptions of depression

Not today, either…

Without even having to look at the bright streetlamp ahead of you, you felt a sense of disappointment that you had already gotten used to. It had been bright for months and you knew it wouldn’t change. You had given up the hope you had had months earlier.

At first, walking past the bright streetlamp before your apartment building had caused you to tear up. Every new day had come with a new heartbreaking disappointment, which eventually began to irritate and anger you. How had you dealt with those emotions? By abusing the inanimate object with murderous glares and stray rocks.

After having ran out of tears to cry and rocks to throw, you had begun to ponder all the useless what-ifs. Those that made you regret every single thing you had and hadn’t done. You had wallowed in them for weeks, eventually running out of emotional capacity to keep doing so. 

Now, you were consumed inside an emptiness that had taken over your whole life. Nothing felt meaningful and there was nothing that brought you genuine happiness. Days passed by so slowly yet before you even knew it, a week had gone by. The only things that kept you from staying in your apartment all week long were your Mother’s calls and visits. 

“How was your day?” she asked today too when you walked in to the comfort of your home. 

“Nothing special,” you said quietly. 

She walked you into the kitchen before you could escape into the living room. “I made some dinner for you.”

You felt a little bad for her as you didn’t even feel hungry nor had an appetite. “I’m fine, though…”

“I know you haven’t eaten much,” she made you sit down on a chair and sat down opposite you.

Reluctantly, you ate the food that didn’t taste like much in your mouth and didn’t seem to have a filling effect. Usually you probably would have found it delicious but you had become so numb that you didn’t anymore. 

“Happy?” you asked once you had finished.

She smiled brightly and nodded. “Very. Thank you.” 

You let your mind wander around as the music played loudly in the background. It didn’t exactly make you happy or sad, only triggered different nonchalant thoughts. It also helped you stay awake as you didn’t want to go to sleep.

The nightmares had returned, worse than ever. You couldn’t get rid of them and every time you fell asleep, you woke up not long after, often in tears. Then you would get out of bed and walk around the apartment before sitting down in front of the window to stare outside until you fell asleep. 

You considered it a miracle that you were even sane anymore after the torture that had gone on for months. Maybe the lingering hope of being able to meet Minhyuk again helped you keep going. Though, it had become nearly inexistent over time.

Maybe the emptiness has consumed all the insanity, too…

The songs changed, your mind wandered and you felt like you had fought off the sleepiness. What was left was the ticking clock on your bedside table, making every second feel like an eternity as you waited for the next tick to come. 

Am I here just to kill time? You thought with a small sigh. 

As you lay with your arms wide open, the bed felt uncomfortably big. Three people would have fit there, side by side. The thought immediately brought Eunkyung and Minhyuk to your mind. How nice would it have been to be able to be in either’s comforting presence? Eunkyung’s warm words of comfort, the feeling of safety and comfort that being near Minhyuk had given you. Yet, neither was around to ease your numbness.

Why is it especially tough today? 

Dragging your feet, you walked on the dark road that was the only thing you could see. It was as though the world around you had been consumed by the emptiness as well, only leaving behind an endless road. Quite honestly, you weren’t even sure if the road was one that would lead you home.

The sounds had been silenced as well, and the only thing you could hear were your own footsteps. Listening to their exhausted nature only added to your general exhaustion, hence why your pace slowed down with each step. 

Your heart ached more and more as your movements grew slower. It longed for someone to lean on. Someone whose presence you still wished to sense through the flickering of a streetlamp. 

Minhyuk…

Without you noticing, a lone tear rolled down your cheek and you came to a stop. As you stared ahead, you felt like the last piece of your soul had escaped your body and what remained was a mere shell, your tired body. 

You stood in silence, under the bright streetlamp, and waited for whatever would come next. You didn’t anticipate or dread; there was no room for such emotions in the dreary void inside of you.

The light above you grew dim.

Is this it?

Then brighter again.

Please do not play with me any longer…

You noticed that your legs had given in after having collapsed to the ground. All you could see was the bright lamp directly above you, growing dimmer and then brighter again.

Please, let me go.

As you closed your eyes, a faint sound rang in your ears in return. You could sense the light flicker a few times. The faint thumps continued to echo in your ears as the light grew dim once more before you were embraced by the warm darkness. 

A faint wooden scent, silence, warmth, faint light, a headache. You weren’t sure which one awakened you from your sleep.

You felt as though you were floating between clouds on a warm summery night. You lay on a soft surface, surrounded by a blanket of warmth and dim lighting. Once you opened your eyes, though, you found yourself to be inside a dimly lit room, lying down on a bed, covered by a blanket. 

You were confused but you didn’t know why, exactly. There were many different questions on your mind, one in particular that made you stop and think for a while.

Who am I?

The question - that most people would have known how to answer in a way or two - caused you to struggle. No matter how deep you dug, you didn’t find an answer. It was like your brain had been emptied out almost completely.

A small sound made you snap out of your thoughts. Since the dim lighting – provided by a lamp on the bedside table beside you – didn’t reach all the corners of the room, you had a hard time figuring out where exactly the sound had come from. Eventually, one corner caught your attention and you stared in its direction, waiting for your eyes to notice any sort of movement.

“Seems like I’ve been caught,” a voice spoke softly and a chuckle followed.  

Out of the corner stepped a man who somehow looked exactly like the one you had just imagined based on the voice alone. You sat up in curiosity.

Why was he standing in the corner?

“Hello,” he spoke again with a small smile. “How do you feel?”

Fascinated by how familiar he seemed, you just stared at him in silence. His blue eyes stared back with an odd sense of concern and warmth. 

Is this someone I know?

His expression grew amused as the silence continued. “You’ve knitted your eyebrows quite tightly together,” he tapped the space between your eyebrows. “The curiosity remains when nothing else is left, huh?” he grinned.

“Who are you?” you ignored his remark.

“Many would ask about themselves first. Yet, you choose to use your first question on me?” 

“Do you know who I am, then?” you asked, receiving only a smirk in return. “Do you?”

“I think one could say that,” he nodded quite nonchalantly. “I’ve done my fair share of research.”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, nothing,” she smiled and came to stand right next to you. “Let’s focus on the essentials first, shall we?”

You could now see his features clearer. 

“You don’t have any other questions?” he asked after you just continued to admire him in silence. “Anything?”

You snapped out of your daze and thought for a second. “Where am I?”

He smiled. “Hmm… Well, I think you can call this your home if you want to.”

You looked around, scanning the room you were inside. “How did I end up here? Have I been here before?”

“Yes, you have, though you didn’t stay very long. As for how you ended up here…” he looked at you in silence for a bit. “Let’s just say that this is your safe place that you come to after bad things have happened.”

“Do you come here often?” 

He hesitated. “Lately, yes.”

“Because your life has been tough?” your question caused him to break the eye contact. 

You could feel an ache inside your heart as you saw the pain in his eyes. 

“That’s not important right now,” he met your gaze again and the painful look was gone. “This is a time for you to ask me things about you, not me.”

But I want to know more about you…

As the silent seconds passed, you became more and more aware of a wholesome feeling inside you that seemed to grow bigger the longer you looked at his kind eyes and warm smile. You weren’t sure of why you felt like that but somehow, it felt right.

“Any more questions?” he encouraged. “Wow, that’s a question I never thought I would ask,” he added under his breath with an amused smirk.

“Well… What’s my name?”

“______.” 

“What am I like?”

“Well, there are many answers to that question,” his smile widened. “You’re awfully curious, nosy and inquisitive.”

You frowned. “Aren’t those pretty much the same thing?”

“Exactly,” he said with a mocking tone, causing you to pout slightly. He laughed at your reaction and then looked at you with a smile that made it hard for you to look in to his eyes. “Apart from that, you are brave, smart and occasionally cute.”

Weirdly enough, his words caused your heart to flutter and you looked away in embarrassment. 

“Maybe that’s enough for now,” he continued to smile. “I think you should rest a little longer,” he gently grabbed your shoulders to make you lie down. 

“I don’t feel tired,” you stated.

“Still. You injured yourself when you collapsed and need to get plenty of rest to heal. And, to make sure that your body is doing what it’s supposed to do, we need to make you heal quickly.”

“What are you tal