Life moved on. I moved on. I started to date a Japanese model named Kiko and it wasn't what I have in my mind when I went to Japan for our photoshoot. She was the one who asked me out and I didn't see any reasons to say no. She was beautiful and I was feeeling really lonely at that time so that's how we ended up together. It wasn't like I totally forgot about Amber its just that thinking about her isn't bothering me that much anymore and I have Kiko now so she helped me through this. 

Somedays passed and somehow the news about our relationship broke out which caused a little stress between us. The distance between us grew day by day, we were slowly drifting apart. That's also the time when I couldn't stop thinking that something's not right and I wasn't being fair to Kiko. I felt like I was using her which I am in a way and that didn't make feel so great about myself. So I've decided to break up with her & it's the only thing I could do for her right now. We met at our usual spot but somehow I couldn't form the words. Sensing my discomfort she broke the silence first by telling me that she knows that I want to break up with her. She also told me that she can understand my situation for which I am very thankful and gave me a goodbye kiss on my cheek. That's when I last saw her and that's how it all ended, well to be more truthful that's how it all started again.

I was back in Korea and it's been a while since I went to my house. So there were lot of newspapers and tabloids on my porch and in my mailbox so I started picking them up and that's when I noticed a face which brought some unpleasant memories on one of the tabloids. It was the face of the guy who was with Amber that day, so I got curious and read the title. Apparently his name is Kris and he along with two other guys left the sm company and went back to China. I didn't know about this because I avoided any sort of news from Kpop industry so after reading that I found my lost hope. Maybe I have a chance after all. But I didn't get over excited cuz they might still be in a long distance relationship.

Not knowing the status of their relationship is driving me crazy and it's not like I could