Park Jinyoung was a boy of routine. “The Rut to Hell” he liked to call it. He woke up, went to school, came home, pretend his parents didn’t exist, sometimes did his assignments, then he went to sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat.

It had been so for almost six years now. He was an average student. He did study hard, and went to endless courses his parents assigned him too to the point he questioned if he would be a swimmer-slash-pianist-slash-violinist-slash-Japanese teacher but nothing seemed to help when his brain had its limit. He wasn’t the brightest in his class, but he wouldn’t be less than proud to show people his grades, just a shy away of As and A pluses, and yet his parents still found unforgiveable because his eldest noona graduated Summa Laude in Biochemistry and his younger noona skipped two high-school grades at once because of her ingenuity. Two Bs mean academic failure and academic failure was never in the dictionary of the Parks.

So they increased the numbers of his lessons; 3 hagwons all at once seemed like the norm, but limit was limit; there’s nothing you could do to change it, and if anything was, it was perhaps Jinyoung’s mental state.

Living in a country like South Korea was hard; grades were regarded above knowledge and power were regarded above knowledge. Money ruled everything and being unique was a sin. You want to succeed? Get straight As. Enter the top universities. Carve yourself to fit the society’s idealist version of what a person was supposed to be. And fourteen years old Jinyoung was sick of all that.

It was a little late when his parents finally noticed there’s no significant change in Jinyoung’s grades, and yet every now and then he got even a B-, so they did what they do best next: pretending he didn’t exist.

It started easy at first; no calls, no messages, no answer when he did call or message, but his parents weren’t a very tech-advanced type of parents so he didn’t think much of it at first. Then they started to refuse attending school events with many kinds of reasons that even Jinyoung himself thought was ridiculous, started to leave him out for family dinners, started to talk to him a lot less. That’s when he knew the change wasn’t just a phase. Four years of constant silence at the rare occasion of lunch and dinner and literally all day all year, he’s had enough.

Cue the Rut to Hell, and at some point in his life he turned from the youngest of the Parks to that one kid his parents probably wanted to forget having. It was brilliantly life-changing, suffice to say. Home was suddenly only a fundamental urgency for a roof over his head, and dinner and sleep became much a luxury.

His friends left him, other friends bullied him (because really, there were never enough students to be bullied in one school), and somewhere along the way came severe depression. The pills were in the package.

To him, It wasn’t much a surprise, really; or rather, deep inside he probably was unconsciously counting down to the moment instead.

His eldest sister was probably the only one who still considered him decently. Jinyoung had been in and out of hospital for a while now, thanks to his brother-in-law’s generosity of letting him stay during his unconsciousness when the pills were too strong. One time, he was facing the God of Death himself, but he was saved, still. He wondered why; he was not so much as ‘living’ as he was existing instead.

You’d thought his parents would feel a little better then. Anyone would. He swore they knew this was all their doing, if it wasn’t too obvious for the world, but they refused to acknowledge. He’d thought maybe if he was gone it would be easier for everyone, anyway. Wouldn’t it? Life wasn’t so easy. For everyone, yes, but it seemed harder for him. The urge to give up was too strong.

But then he met her.

“What’s your name?” He asked her, first thing.

She just smiled. “Why don’t you guess.”

Mysterious. What a first impression. He grinned; it seemed silly to guess a stranger’s name right off the bat, but with an unknown force, Jinyoung did anyway. “Haeah.”

She smiled again, her head tilting slightly, but there’s no indication if he’s gotten it right or wrong. “Why Haeah?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged, his gaze trailing off, “It’s a name I quite like.”

The girl hummed, in agreement or in acknowledgement, Jinyoung couldn’t figure it out. But she extended her hand then, for him to take, “Kim Haeah. Nice to meet you, Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung’s eyes went wide in surprise.

“School is so boring.”

It was their nth date. They had met so often, he lost count, but he realized there’s still so many he wanted to learn about her.

He still remembered their first date. The shy exchange of talks, shy exchange of holds, shy exchange of gaze. Pretty much the girl of his dreams, she was, cliché as it seemed.

And at times like this, he wished she went to the same school as her; it would make a lot of things so much easier.

“Maybe you just haven’t find the fun in it yet.”

“The fun you’d find is only in the dictionary in the dusted library.”

Haeah only laughed at that, carding her fingers through the boy’s hair. “All this time I always thought school was a fun place to be with. Guess I was wrong.”

Surprise didn’t even cut it. “You don’t go to school?”

She just shook her head. He wanted to look into her eyes, trying to figure things out, but maybe a part of him were too scared he would find something unexpected.

“Then I’ll tell you this, stay that way. School was not fun, it will never be. It’s where you learn how to deal with this cruel world for the second time.”

“Like?” She chuckled, amused.

“Like knowing the only thing that mattered in life are ten percent school grades and ninety percent money.”

She hummed. “That’s sad.”

He didn’t respond, just closing his eyes and settling his head further into her lap.

“What about the first time then?”

There was a short silence before he responded. “...Your family.”

She didn’t respond for a long time, so he opened his eyes again, only to find her peering down at him with a smile. “You must have so much bottled up inside.”

I do, he wanted to answer her, but he didn’t. It wouldn’t be pretty. And he’d only want pretty things for her from the moment he laid eyes on her.

“It’s alright,” He hummed, smiling, “You’re enough to make them go away.”

She smiled at him again, soft, and combed her fingers through his hair again. “I should go back now.”

“So soon?” Disappointment were clear in his features as he jolted up from her lap, and she smiled rather apologetically, “But we just got here.”

“And it’s already dark.”

It’s only then did he realize that indeed it was already dark. Where did time go? It was a perfectly warm afternoon just a minute ago.

“I’ll walk you then. It’s dangerous.”

She never really said thank you, that he realized after a few dates in. But all the way now, he figured the way she looked at him were more than enough anyway, so he didn’t really mind.

For the last eight months he’s known her, there’s already a lot he noticed. Her little habits, mostly, like how she scrunched her nose a little when something didn’t go her way, or how her feet tapped on the floor in a steady-fast rhythm when she’s feeling a little impatient, or how she didn’t really have a preferrence for dogs or cats; her shy smiles, her shy gestures and yet when she’s at peak of her comfort, she wouldn’t hesitate to land a playful slap on his arm.

And yet the thing he liked most about her -- minus the element of surprise when he found out -- was how rebelious she was despite her whole shy exterior. Ideas by ideas would always surprise him, and today was no different.

It was her idea, or maybe she was just joking, Jinyoung would never know, and asked him to stay with her instead of just dropping her back like how he always did. Everything went in a fleeting flash then, and before he knew it, they’re already cuddled up in the supposedly-one-person-bed and drowned in hushed conversations because what if a nurse decided a midnight rounds were necessary?

The more he knew about her, the more he realized how she’s just the perfect mix of beauty and adorableness, and Jinyoung always found herself staring at her, eyes full of fondness.

“Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” He asked then, making her blush furiously.

“You haven’t, but it’s understandable. You always try to woo me, flattery is the one most important thing,” there’s still a twinkle of playfulness in her eyes even though her hands were folded shyly on her lap.

“Then I apologize,” He laughed, amused by her antics, “But really, you are the most beautiful girl I have ever laid my eyes on. It’s not flattery when it’s a fact.”

She playfully snorted, smacking the boy’s face weakly with the her pillow. He just laughed and easily ducked away, pulling her into his arms instead.

“Are you sure this is okay?”

He looked down just when his gaze met Haeah’s big, round eyes, and it’s taking everything in him to not squish her cheeks together.

“Yeah. I’ll jump out the window tomorrow before the morning rounds. I should be safe.”

She shook her head, but snuggled further into his arms anyway. “Rebel.”

“Said the one who actually invited me to sleep in here.”

“Because I didn’t know you’d actually say yes!” She playfully grumbled, her voice muffled against the fabric of his shirt, “Also, don’t change the topic!”

“How was that even--”

But she stared up at him in that mock anger that was seriously nowhere near scary and more adorable than not, so Jinyoung found himself shutting up, though trying very hard not to laugh. “Fine, just close your eyes. It’s getting late.”

Where’s that clock? He let his eyes wander around the room, albeit blurry, eyebrows scrunched together for a frown on his forehead. His sleepiness was slowly taking its toll on him. What kind of hospital doesn’t have a clock?

He gave her forehead one kiss, and she shuffled, the clean sheet of the hospital mattress crunched up slightly, but he knew none of them minded.

“I love you,” he said in lieu of a good night.

He swore he could hear her smile. “I love you more.”

Nights like these, albeit rare, just never got old, and Jinyoung hoped they never would have.

“I love you most.”

The woman was in her mid to late 30s, he guessed at first. Small, a little on the skinny side, pale skin, long lashes and red lipstick. Crow’s feet grazed the corner of her eyes, albeit faintly, but what caught his eyes most was the V-shaped chin, obvious for the world that it had gone under the knife.

Typical. Albeit not much, especially for her job.

She asked him to sit down, and he did. Being comfortable was a challenge, though.

“Welcome to our first session, Jinyoung-ssi. I assumed you know why you’re here?” She questioned, her voice calm, and a bit too deep for her appearance.

“Somewhat.”

“My name is Im Jiyoung and I will guide you for an hour today.”

No one asked, he swallowed his words, watching her sit down on the seat next to him with blank eyes, I can see it on your desk anyway.

“Let’s start with talking a little about yourself. How old are you?”

“Twenty.”

“Are you going to college?”

He nodded half-heartedly.

“I see. What major are you taking?”

“I prefer it if we can skip the unnecessary chit-chat and get straight to why my parents hired you,” he scoffed out, lazy, his voice firm but not very intimidating just yet, “Wouldn’t want my parents to think you’re robbing them off their money.”

“Very well,” he saw her nodding her head, switching her legs around so the left was on top of her right this time, “Your father told me you have been staying at home a little too much lately. He’s a little concerned.”

“If you think he looked like a good father, congratulations, he’s successfully deceived you,” his voice came out harsher than he intended, but she seemed unfazed, “I have been outside the house more than I’m inside.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why? Why would I stay in that goddamn house, it frustrates me! The people, the mood, the air, nothing good ever happens when I’m there! I don’t even exist!”

He realized now how people use the term “boiling anger” not for nothing; it did boil high enough he felt his ears grew hotter.

She kept her posture still, and it frustrated him even more. “Your father said he always heard shuffles coming out of your locked bedroom.”

“He’s bullting, I’m barely ever home. I hope it was a robber.”

“Your mother agreed to him. She was mostly home but she never heard you going out.”

“I used to stay inside a lot, but not lately,” his breathing started to get heavy, irritation getting the best of him.

“And why is that?”

He went silent for a second or two, contemplating. “I met someone.”

He expected her to question further, but she didn’t, so he hesitantly continued, “She’s… Uh, someone I’ve been talking to.”

She tilted her head. “Just someone you’ve been talking to?”

“Yes,” he refused to meet her eyes, so he opted to close them instead, “... No.”

“So which one is it?”

“She’s… a friend. A good one.”

“And where did you meet her?”

“At the hospital,” He went silent again, lips parted, waiting for properly formed sentences to come out of his mouth, “She frequented the park, which was right outside my window.”

“Is she nice?”

He his lips, wary. “Yes. Well, nicer than those around me, at least.”

She hummed. He continued.

“I was too afraid to approach her, at first. But she seemed lonely, and so was I. So when I was finally discharged, I approached her, we exchanged numbers, and we see each other more after that.”

“I see. What’s her name?”

“... Haeah.”

She smiled, the very first since he walked into her office. “That’s a pretty name.”

He shrugged, but there was an ‘it is’ hanging on the tip of his tongue. “We’ve been seeing each other almost every day.”

“Is that so? Do you always spend the day with her?”

“Most, lately, yeah. I don’t know...”

“You don’t know?”

“It always feels like time is passing by so quickly when I’m with her, it’s like a blur. I was always out in the morning and only came home when I’ve lost track of time.”

“You take her back to her home?”

He just shook his head. “Hospital.”

“I see.”

Snorting would be a bad gesture now, so he tried not too even though it’s the one thing he wanted to do the most.

“Have you talked to your parents about this? Since they believed you haven’t been outside for a while, they might be even more worried.”

“You talk like you know my parents,” he spatted, arms crossed over his chest now, irritation bubbling up in his chest again all too quickly. He regretted telling her name out loud now, for all he knew, the woman in front of him might passed all the informations to his parents like she’s probably paid to do.

“Every parents feel the same way about their children. They may seem distant, but they love their offsprings all the same. They are just worried about you.”

“Bull.” The second spat. He’s surprised the woman didn’t even flinch.

“There’s another thing that’s your parents are worried of… And I have to ask you this.”

The sentence seemed like hanging in air so Jinyoung didn’t find it in himself to ask.

“... Your father thought this girl you keep hiding from them is… How do I say it…” She hesitated for a bit, “... not real.”

He frowned. “What does that even mean?”

“See,” she straightened up her posture, “Your parents never saw her. Your sister admitted to becoming a… some sort of a spy for your parents, and she followed you out often, to the Hangang sometimes, to the hospital, around the neighborhood, but she had never seen you with a girl, not even once. It’s not an uncommon mental situation that your subconscious made up someone — or something — according to your dreams and ideals to replace what you lack in reality.”

Bewilderment grew to frustration and a feeling of betrayed. His sister? Who gave her the permission to meddle with his private life. “Then my family is a family of liars. Haeah is very much alive and real, I have proofs.”

“Maybe if you let her meet your family—”

“I will never,” he gritted his teeth, hands balling to fists on his sides, “introduce her to them.”

“But if you want to—”

He couldn’t take this anymore. Anger bubbled up in less than a second that he bolted up his seat, his face completely red, “Look, lady, I don’t know why my parents decided to hire you because they never seem to sincerely be happy giving me decent food, but let me tell you something: I am not falling into their traps anymore.”

She sighed; it’s faint but Jinyoung heard it. “I’m sorry to say this but I do think your parents are right, and you are wrong. Please sit down, I’m just trying to help you.”

“It takes more experiences than just text-book studies for you to help!” He leaned forward on his seat now, politeness be damned. So what if she’s almost twice his age? Cocky adults didn’t deserve his politeness.

“Which is why I’m—”

“I don’t ing care!” He almost screamed at her, and she flinched, finally, that it gave him some sort of a pride, “I don’t ing care what my parents told you, I don’t need any help! Not from anyone of your sorts anyway. Think you can try to convince other people, but not me. Not today. I know you’re just in it for the money. Did they pay you that much to smack the sense out of me? I’m perfectly fine, but why don’t you try and examine their rotten brains instead?”

She seemed to have difficulty with her wordings, her lips opening and closing in bewilderment.

“I’m done here. Thank you for your time and for nothing at all.”

“Wait, I have to prescribe you som—”

Her voice were thrown to a distant noise as he slammed the door behind him.

“My parents made me went to a counseling session.”

They were huddled up on a bench next to Hangang, the winter wind blowing sweetly but it was enough to make both their nose red. Thankfully they did wear the warmest clothes they could find.

“Oh?” She looked at him, not able to hide her surprise. “What for?”

“They think I’m crazy.”

She frowned then and shifted her body to look at him. “What do you mean?”

“They think you’re not real.”

Silence enveloped them both for a good minute, and then she reached for his hand to hold. “If I were, or if I were to disappear, what would you do?”

Jinyoung lift his gaze to meet hers. “I would search everywhere to find you, to find a place where you are.”

“Even if it’s somewhere very far away?”

“Even if it’s somewhere very far away.”

She fell wordless then, and reached for his hand to hold. “Can you feel my warmth?”

Jinyoung nodded, lifting his gaze to meet hers.

“I think that’s enough proof,” she smiled, pulling herself closer to him, “You don’t have to listen to other people. You have me. Listen to me only.”

A grin grew wide on his lips, and he pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose where she giggled.

“You’re right. I have you. I have no one else but you.”

It was the beginning of summer when the urge returned.

He thought it’s probably because he hasn’t met her a while now. How long has it been, three months at least? Or four. It felt like a decade.

Funny to think that she was the only reason he was doing a very good job at getting better. She understood him most, unlike other people who kicked him away the more broken he was. She took him in, cared for him, put his pieces back together. She was magical. Four months without her were hell all over again.

Before this all happened, his sister managed to get medicines for him. (Or for his sickness; people didn’t seem to be able to see the difference). He was hesitant, but positively, as Haeah did encouraged him to get better with this whole anger management control to start with and by now he knew he would do anything for her. And somewhere along the way, she made her realize he should do the same for himself. So he did, try at least.

A few days in, it considerably made him sleep better, and longer. Not that he didn’t before but it seemed much easier with her around; he didn’t have to worry about not being able to sleep, because when he couldn’t, she would be there with him anyway, it wasn’t much a big deal. But now, it’s even better

But now he didn’t remember when he went to sleep, when he woke up, and or or if he did anything in between at all. He felt exhausted and half-conscious most of his day, It’s terrifying. And even when he forced himself to meet at their usual meeting spot or near Hangang, he would wait hours for her and she would still be nowhere to find.

He remembered going to the hospital to look for her; he just really never saw her anymore, like she’s disappeared off the face of the earth. Trying to ask the front desk for her room was impossible too; they said there’s no such name in their database.

Which was bull, if you asked him. The database was very much to blame. The hospital was very much to blame. Everything about hospitals were faulty. How could one’s name forgotten to be inputted in when she was there since God knows when?

He stared at his watch for the longest time, counting down the thin hand dragged second after second. He was never too fond of waiting, he was never too fond of anything, really. The world seemed like a snail-speed black and white stop-motion without her. It was colorful and fun when she was around, and now he’s slowly lost again.

His watch striked one, the temperature was decreasing and he was the only left in midst of the frickle of water, so he, half-heartedly, pushed himself up to go home.

He would come searching for her again tomorrow.

He stared at the white pills on his shaky hands, the bottle lifeless on the floor. Many thoughts ran in his mind; some good, some bad… All her.

Maybe a little part inside him was scared of this, of the idea itself, of the possibility of not knowing what would become of himself. Would his life turned for the better? Would his family finally accepted him the way he was and not the way they wanted him to be? Would he be alone but strong enough to be happy? What would be waiting on the other side when all this was coming to an end?

And yet, what’s scarier than not being able to be with her, really.

He felt himself slowly losing consciousness, despite the burning sensation that’s melting his throat, the feeling of thousands of needles jabbing at his brain and the numbness that’s slowly spreading all over his body to the tips of his tongue and the tips of his fingers. I’m here, he could hear her whisper then, like it was right on his ears, and he swore his cold hands warmed, I’m holding your hand. Let yourself fall.

Memories flashed before his eyes; of his parents, of his siblings, of his old friends, they way they brought him up the way he was now, and then there’s Haeah and her smiles, bright as a button that his surroundings gradually brighten, and that’s when he saw her, standing on the other side of the vicinity with a soft smile on her lips. His pain subsided.

“You’ve found me.”

He saw trickles of tears on the corner of her eyes even with that smile on her lips, and the urge to kiss them away got stronger.

“I’ve found you,” his voice echoed to his own ears, “Does this mean I can finally be with you forever?”

She nodded, and his heart did flippings when she smiled, still with that same little smile, and he ran to her, catching her in his arms, holding her tight like there was no tomorrow. “I told you I wouldn’t be able to live without you. We’re finally together.”

Midsummer nights’ breeze blew through the small gap between his window when he did let himself fall, his body made a soft thud as it collapsed to the floor, lifeless.

Finally.

- F I N -

Dear Eyah,

It is perhaps not what you are looking for as the main character is not Haeah but Jinyoung instead, I wanted to try something different! Although I'm sorry it is nothing close to your prompts but I still hope this genre satisfies you~ It is a happy ending, sort of… And even though it’s not the best for Valentine but I wish you still enjoy it~

(PS: The content of this story is almost 90% fantasy because there are close to none research done for this story, so try not to look for the faulty facts because you will find maaaaa~ny of them hehehe)

Have a happy Valentine,
YoungJa