The next days were excruciatingly awkward and I was actually really beginning to notice how the boys were acting around me. It was always little things that showed that i meant something special to them. Something special, psh. I am not that special. Unique, different, individual, sure call me any of those but special? I wasn’t too sure about that.

Hyunwoo, for example, had become my rock that I could lean on. I subconsciously actually would walk over to him and just lean on him if we were standing for a very long time. And I don’t even think that he minded, he at least never mentioned for me to stop or get off at any time. I wondered if I had always done this or if I just recently had begun leaning on him. 

Jooheon was and will always be a cutie, but he was more cute towards me after I knew about their feelings. He’d walk up to me randomly and just do “Kko-Kko-ga-ga” and leave again, leaving me with a confused look on my face. Or he’d make me laugh and then we’d get scolded for being too loud and he’d laugh at me for getting in trouble. He even became more touchy than before; putting his arm around me as we walked, of course always out of the fans sight, or laying his head on my lap during break at practice. 

I had also started to notice how Kihyun acted around me. Of course I wasn’t sure if he had always acted this way towards me, but I noticed how he’d usually have a cup of coffee ready for me in the kitchen when I’d come to pick them up in the morning. This he even did before. He also tended to adjust my clothes when they weren’t right; like fixing my hood or picking a single hair off of my back. That might sound weird but you know what I mean. It was subtle and not very noticeable, but he didn’t do it to others. At least not any of the other staff members. 

Hoseok and I got a bit closer and talked more. He invited me to join him at the gym if I could spare any time and sometimes I actually did join him and let him coach me. It was fun and I kind of understood why he liked working out so much. It wasn’t just to build muscle, it was also an escape from everything. It was time he could use to be alone and away from everything while also being productive. He’d still graze my hand with his and try to always sit in the front seat tho. 

Hyungwon stayed the same. I was extremely comfortable around him and it remained that way. Even if he’d hug me from behind, it didn’t feel awkward or like he was imposing his feelings on me. It was the same old, sleepy, few-words Hyungwon. Minhyuk didn’t change that much either even though I thought that he would have changed he most out of all of them. We’d play games together, poke each other because that was fun apparently and he was just as touchy as he was before. Maybe that’s why I never thought about him liking me really because he was touchy with everyone and I didn’t give it a second thought. He held my hand, hugged my arm and just always had to touch me when I was near him. 

Changkyun was... interesting. He had been more open to me when I didn’t know and now, although he didn’t avoid me he didn’t really come to me either and i wasn’t quite sure why that was. So I decided to ask him. 

‘It was after their practicing hours but not late enough to go home yet, so the boys went to do their own activities. Hoseok had asked me to join him and Hyunwoo in the gym, but I declined, receiving a big pout from him. I had decided to visit Changkyun in his studio and confront him. I knocked on the door, but since I could hear the bass blaring through it I figured he couldn’t hear me. So I gently opened the door a bit and poked my head into the room. He was hunched over his desk scribbling away on his notepad. Probably a new song he’s working on. I knocked on the door again, a bit louder this time but he didn’t seem to notice. So I closed the door behind me and took a step towards him. Originally I would call his name or say something, but the music was so loud I could barely hear my own thoughts. Just as I was going to tap his shoulder his head popped up and he spun around, startling me as he screamed. He grabbed his chest and took a deep breath before turning the music off. 

“Don’t scare me like that!” He whined while I stifled a laugh. “Sorry,  but it was so loud.” I argued. “‘And don’t laugh at me either.” He pouted, his voice much smaller now. I chuckled. “Your Face was just too funny.” He glared at me. ‘What do you want?” He asked while turning back to his desk. I sat down on the sofa next to his desk. “I was wondering why you’ve been, well not avoiding me, but like... not being around me? I don’t know how to describe it.” He paused Form writing and put his pen down. He leaned back in his chair with his head looking up. He sighed heavily but didn’t say anything. “You don’t have to explain if you don’t want to.” I said quietly before pushing myself off the couch. He stopped me by grabbing my wrist. I turned back to him. He was looking at me with sorrowful eyes. “I don’t want it to be awkward between us.” He said slowly. I sat back down to listen to him. “I really want to be the same around you but I’m worried it’ll be awkward or that you’ll react differently. Like I know you’ll say you won’t do that and I do believe you but I’m afraid you’ll...” he sighed heavily again, shaking his head. “It’s a stupid thought but it’s not invalid and not entirely unrealistic? Hell, it is a realistic thought because we all don’t know how you feel,” I cleared my throat to indicate that he was babbling and not getting to the point. ‘Right, the point is, I’m afraid you’ll reject me and I guess I’m distancing myself to protect myself from that pain I guess.” 

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So I wrote this in uni, there might be some mistakes but I think it’s mostly understandable! Hope you enjoyed it! Thank you for reading!!!!