angst / songfic (Grey Room - Damien Rice)

I've been here before, countless times that I almost can't remember. All that I see is your face, eyes closed and lips shut so tightly that I almost wished I wouldn't have let you in. Your warm skin pressed against mine, I can feel every muscle moving, like waves crashing against my body.

You're so much more than that. An ocean crying.

I feel sick.

I pull you tighter and a voice filled with pain slips from in between your lips.

Your heartbeat picking up is all I can focus on, drawing you in, closer, closer.

Your arms encircle my neck and we're both lying down. Your head next to my cheek, tears falling onto the pillow beneath you.

Your cries and whimpers are all I remember sitting on the floor. This grey room is pushing in on me, draining me.

I stay in all day, desolate. I want to break out.

Desole, even if I scream, I can't scream that loud.

My head rests on the edge of the bed that has long ceased to smell like you. The wood of the frame cutting into my back like blades, a dozen bullets, broken glass.

I'm all alone again. Stuck by the phone again. Hoping for you as I stay up all night.

Your red face wet, from the tears trickling down like pearls, and I take in your lips. My body trembles, tightening its grip on you, my face buried in your neck.

You can't look at me.

Even a smile would do for now.