A brand new day. 

A brand new morning. 

Not that I could even see anything. 

Apparently the doctor said that it was from shock. 

But really, I doubt every single thing that he is saying. 

I just can't comprehend it. 

I can't do anything. 

I can't eat properly. 

I can't read. 

I can't study. 

I can't watch television. 

I can't even go the bathroom by myself. 

I'm blind. 

It's always dark. 

I can't see anything. 

I can't do anything. 

It's only been a day and yet I feel like it's been forever. 

My parents come once in a while which is so surprising. 

As for him.....he comes every day that he can. 

Often he just rambles about the dates that he has gone to, how school was with her, what he likes about her, what he doesn't, when he feels jealous about her etc

It never ends. 

I sometimes want to shut his mouth or tell him to get out but I have this feeling in me. 

This feeling that has been inside me for so long. 

It's hard to be angry at someone for doing something they didn't even know would hurt someone else.

Although I hate to admit it, it is my problem. 

Not his. 

I sometimes just blame it on her. 

That girl who just stole him the way she did. 

I wonder what are her charms.

When you are in such a state, you have alot of time to think. 

I spend my time thinking about well....you know about my personal situation. 

I wonder if it's okay to carry on like thiys. 

If it's okay that I still like whilst he has a girlfriend. 

If it's okay that I still think about him the way I do, even though he has a girlfriend. 

I feel like I'm not respecting them but then again it's not like I'm carrying it out right? 

It's not like I have ever acted on it. 

I think about every interaction we had,  wand no never did anything beyond the lines of being friends. 

It's a tight spot, a suffocating corner when you have such feelings. 

I have regrets about not confessing to him earlier....not telling him verbally or in any method, what I felt. 

Even if he did refused me it was better than if I did confess now - that would be disrespectful and inappropriate. 

But.....then again isn't his right to know?

I mean we aren't just friends or acquaintances. 

We are the best of friends. The closet friends you would ever see. 

Like brother and sister........

......I guess that is the problem huh.

A crush seemed so simple to have. 

So harmful and yet look at me right now. 

It's literally driving me crazy. 

I'm beyond my limits. 

I'm beyond myself. 

It's even harder nowadays since I literally have no one else except for him. 

He comes almost everyday with either jelly or something else I like to cheer me. 

I can feel myself blushing and trying hard not to anything that seemed fishy. 

Sometimes I wonder if he knows what I feel. 

From what I've seen and felt so far, it looks like I'm back to square one - actually there was never any development when I think about it. 

So here I lay on my hospital bed. 

With nothing to do and no one to talk to. 

I'm blind and my parents visit me but rarely. 

I can only sit and lie down. 

I can only think about things. 

This feeling is killing me. 

I can't believe I just thought it was just a feeling. 

This is more than a feeling. 

It's over taking me. 

So....what do you think I should do?

What should I do about this feeling?

AUTHOR'S NOTES: 

Hey guys!!!! I'm back again after nearly 5 months and I can't apologise enough for my lack of consistency and just everything. Things have been really hectic so it's getting harder and harder for me to do any updates however I'm still planning them :) I hope to finish this story by the end of the year so please be patient with me! 

But of course, I can't THANK enough the people who have in anyway supported me in my story writing! I know this story is not the best in many aspects but I'm glad that I have an audience nonetheless. I will work hard and I hope to write the next chapter in a few days since this update is more of "filler" I guess that would help lead towards the rest of the story. 

Anyway THANK YOU GUYS AGAIN SO MUCH! I hope you have enjoyed this update and this short rant lolz.