BEHIND THE SCENES

 

"Five members!" Seowoo exclaimed. "That's so unfair!"

It was fresh off the eliminations and everyone was crowded around Seowoo and Changui. Jaemin stayed a little behind, awkward. For once he didn't cry. He glanced at Changui and felt relief that he was finally getting eliminated, and shame at the relief. Changui didn't deserve this, had never put in the work and dedication required to deserve it. He was glad that Changui was going home. Finally. 

But why did he also feel so ashamed about feeling that?

"You're not even in the running anymore why are you so outraged?" Halli asked with amusement.

"That doesn't mean I don't think it's stupid. I'm outraged for you since nobody else seems to be doing it," Seowoo countered.

Everyone was still reeling from the news and none more than Jaemin. He'd really thought there'd be 7. He wasn't sure why, that was just such a standard group size in this industry. 5 was way too little. 5 meant that only 1/4th of the contestants would make it in. 

It meant that the chance he'd make it was tiny and it was terrifying.

"Hey are you okay?" Changui asked, squeezing Jaemin's shoulder. "It's going to be okay I'm sure."

"Why? Because it doesn't matter if I make it in or not?" Jaemin asked, tone sharper than intended.

"No," Changui said. "Because I'm sure you'll make it in. Nobody deserves this as much as you do."

"Oh," Jaemin said. That had been unexpected. "Yeah. Thanks." 

He watched as Changui mingled with the others and there was the sharp prick of shame. He'd been so angry at Changui this entire time. Changui stood for everything Jaemin hated. Changui stood for all of those who just made it by virtue of their charisma, all the ones who didn't put in their share of effort but made it in anyway. Jaemin had hated him for it.

Now though? He didn't have energy for such things even though he was still wary. Seowoo he liked though and he was a little sad to see him go. The little ball of cotton candy had bite, but Jaemin knew there was a sincerity in him, he'd seen it come out when they worked with Yeonin. "Are you doing okay?"

Seowoo looked back at him. "Me? Yeah," he said. "I mean I would have liked to have made it until the finals but I'm not too sad about being eliminated. I don't think I would've liked to make it into the final group anyway. I'm not really suited for this idol thing, I'm not likeable enough."

"You don't really make yourself very likeable either," Jaemin pointed out. 

Seowoo shrugged. "I know. That's why I'm better off writing music instead of performing it. I liked all of this a lot but it's not somethng I'd want to do for a career I think. I've got one and that suits me just fine."

Jaemin nodded. He was a little glad Seowoo was gone too exactly for that reason. Those who were left ought to be those who really wanted it more than anything in the world. Someone like himself. And so Jaemin stayed a little behind while everyone else tried to console Seowoo and Changui, feeling bad about not feeling all that bad. 

"What are you going to do now?" Hugo asked Changui at some point. "Did you think about that?"

Changui nodded. "I think I might want to do fashion," he said. "Maybe get into college?"

Hugo laughed. "Finally. I've been waiting for you to notice that since the first time you tried your hand at styling."

"I thought you were getting all involved now why didn't you tell me?!" Changui demanded, fake affronted.

"I can't just tell you what your hopes and dreams are," Hugo said lightly. "That's something you have tof igure out for yourself. And you did."

"I did," Changui said with a proud grin.

Jaemin felt like he ought to say something. Ought to say goodbye to Changui somehow. Ah why was he so awkward?! "So. Changui," Jaemin started. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah!" Changui said cheerfully. "Why wouldn't I be? I finally figured out what I want to do!"

"Right-" Jaemin faltered, looking for something else to say. He should say something right? That was the proper thing to do?

"It's okay," Changui said. "You don't have to say anything I know you didn't like me much and tha'ts cool."

"Wait no-" Jaemin objected, panicking a little.

"Hey. It's okay. I get it," Changui said. "I've been kind of an and creating risks that reflect on others too not just me. I've never been one for group work so I guess I didn't realize that. Sorry."

Jaemin opened and closed his mouth, not sure what to say. Did Changui just apologize? "I- I want to say it's okay," Jaemin stammered. "But I don't think it is."

Changui nodded. "I get that. You've got a lot more riding on this than I do, and just because I always think I'll land on my feet doesn't mean others will too. I mean this really is probably your last chance right?" Changui flinched at that. Damnit he'd thought he was over this. "So I totally get why you'd hate me for risking that in any way."

Jaemin still couldn't quite believe he was having this conversation with Changui. He sighed. "Yeah I... well I kind of hated you yeah. I still don't really think you deserve to be here," he admitted. It was... hard being this honest. Jaemin usually tried to please everyone, put everyone else before him, and earlier this kind of honesty would never have occurred to him, but if Changui was being candid then Jaemin felt like he owed it to him to be candid too even if it was hard. "Guys like me and Hyuk trained years for this and didn't get an opportunity until now and you just swept in with no experience and no ambition at all."

"Yeah I get that," Changui said. "Well, now I do." he glanced at Hugo who was talking to Seowoo while the others got herded off to get their mics sorted and interviews taken care of. "You'll get there though. I know you will. There's no way you're not getting into that group."

Despite himself Jaemin smiled at that. "Thanks Changui. Good luck with your fashion school."

Changui's face lit up. "Thanks!" He gave Jaemin a quick hug before a staff member herded him off to do his own interview leaving Jaemin alone. 

He removed his ear piece carefully, taking care with the tape. He felt... oddly at peace about what had just happened. A bit of closure. He'd been so angry at Changui for so long, like he'd never really been angry at anyone before. Jaemin didn't think he'd ever really hated a person before. Companies yes. Circumstance absolutely. A single person? No he didn't think he had, but Changui had just been this kick in the gut while he was down, constantly endangering his group when Jaemin so desperately had to do well.

He took a deep breath. It was okay now. He was okay. He could sing! And he could sing without holding anyone back! And he loved singing so much it was such a relief to not be pushed into a single line and forgotten about. He'd got to actually sing.

The finale was so close now and Jaemin would be lying if he said he wasn't scared. He was terrified honestly. He just had to get in there was no other way, this was the closest he'd ever gotten in his 9 years of training and if this wasn't it, well, it was called Do or Die for a reason. 

He had no idea what he would do if he didn't get into the group. No idea at all. For most of his life Jaemin had worked towards this singular goal of debuting. He'd put all of his time and effort into it, burnt any other bridges to focus solely on training, he'd even dropped out of high school for it. Debuting was the only thing Jaemin saw in his future and for the longest time he had refused to see any alternative.

Now? Now he'd had to face the fact that he might not debut, and if that happened he had no backup plan, nothing at all. He'd be a high school dropout with no real skills and no idea of what to do with his life. 

He wasn't that same Jaemin anymore who stuck his head in the sand and hoped his problems would go away on their own if he just didn't give ear to them. He had to look ahead and face the fact that he might very well end up there. He wasn't sure if this newfound facing of his own problems made him happier or not. It didn't feel like it did.

Jaemin took a deep breath. 

None of that mattered right now. Right now all that mattered is he'd go home to the dorm, say his final goodbyes to Seowoo and Changui, and focus on the next set of performances. He was so close and he'd be damned if he wouldn't give it his all.

And if he didn't make it? He'd just have to square his shoulders and push into the terrifying unknown. Such was life. But one thing at a time.

 

         

 

What did you say earlier?" Yoonshik asked. "Beds disappearing? That's a good one we can use that." 

"We decided on two rap breaks right?" Ted wondered as he worked on rewriting the lyrics to Caffeine. So many words had been written in and crossed out. Yoonshik was helping, but this had ended up being mostly his brainchild. "I guess Hanjin and me?"

"Yeah I think so," Yoonshik looked over at Ted's sheet. "You can't blame them for everything," he commented. Ted glanced at the lyrics. Ah yeah they were pretty accusatory to the company and the show. For good reasons. "I mean the survival show format is cruel, yes, but we did all choose this path. Nobody forced us to try and become idols and all the cruelty that entails."

Ted frowned. He didn't really like that angle. "I suppose, but does that justify everything that's been thrown at us? Not only in the show, I've heard plenty from the others about their training. How hard it was and how little people care about trainees. Kids with big dreams getting trampled- it still doesn't feel right."

"Nobody said anything about right," Yoonshik said. "But it's still a choice that we've made."

"Alright let's add that then," Ted said as he crossed some of the harsher lyrics. He didn't agree with what Yoonshik said but both perspectives should be represented in the song. This wasn't just the Ted experience, this was for all of them. "That's a good point. This is all cruel, but how much can we really object when we voluntarily chose this?"

"And when there's so many others who would love to step in our shoes," Yoonshik said, and the tone made Ted think about Yoonshik. He sounded a little guilty. Ted had often wondered what Yoonshik was really doing here. He'd said himself that he was here to clear his name, but he obviously loved the performance aspect of it all. But did he really want to be in the group?

He supposed it might be hypocritical of him to think that. He loved performing with all his heart, and he'd thought that being an idol was what he wanted, but the show itself had given him some serious doubts.

"Do you still want to be an idol after all this?" Yoonshik asked, as if he'd just read his mind.

"I honestly don't know," Ted said. "I spent so many years trying to get into a company so I could live my dream, but now that I'm actually here and doing the training thing, experiencing what it's like to basically be pawns of a bigger player, I don't like that at all. I don't like the way they treat us, like expendable incomes. They just want to use us to make money, they don't care about music or art."

"They're companies," Yoonshik reminded him. "All of them. Revenue is what they exist for and we're here to make it for them. We're a product, no more and no less. Artistic input can happen in such an environment anyway, they're not mutually exclusive, but you have to understand that first and foremost we're products for them."

"I'd understand that if they also saw us as people at least, but that's always secondary isn't it? This show exists to play with the futures and dreams of kids. Kids like Inshik and Alex who came her with starry eyes and big dreams, but also kids like Hyuk and Jaemin who have been swallowed up and spat out by companies over and over again. These are actual last chances, but it's used as a gimmick. As a sales point."

"Because it is," Yoonshik shrugged. "Sell a show surrounding last chances and people tune in because they care. They vote because they care. There's an emotional connection there that wouldn't be there if this were just a show about young kids who still have all the opportunities of their lives. Why do you think the young ones are already eliminated? People think they still have a chance. It's pretty smart actually, creating attachment this way, I can almost respect that kind of ingenuity."

"Almost," Ted echoed unhappily. "I can't at all. You're playing with the lives of others."

"If it weren't for this show those others wouldn't get a chance at all," Yoonshik pointed out. "Hyuk and Jaemin would be without a company, Inho would be in his supermarket. Jeongha would be, what did he do before? Some kind of snack cart? Either way without this show none of them would have gotten this opportunity. Now even when they get eliminated they'll have gotten some screen time. The public will know them. For some, that will be enough."

"Like you?" Ted asked. "That's why you're here isn't it? Just for the exposure?"

"Yeah," Yoonshik said matter-of-fact, and Ted could respect that. At least he didn't try to hide it. Last week it would've made him feel angry and bitter that Yoonshik was taking the spot of someone like Alex even while making no pretenses about how little he actually wanted to make it. Now he didn't have the energy for that. Yoonshik had his reasons, Ted knew that, and in the end it wasn't Yoonshik's fault how the voting swayed. He'd needed some help to see that, but now he did. He'd been petty before, focusing his anger on the wrong people. 

"No," he said plainly. "No I don't want to be an idol anymore, I think. I don't really think I want to be part of this industry."

"I didn't think you would either," Yoonshik said. "You need a certain kind of thick skin and desperation and willingness to put your own sense of right and wrong on the side to really make it here. You don't have either. Your sense of justice is too good, you won't survive." Again he said it so plainly it took Ted aback a bit, but in the end what he said was probably true.

"Let's just hope that the voters things the same way," Ted said. 

"What will you do if you get voted in anyway?"

"Roll with it," Ted said. "These kids might very well need me, there's not many people left who can lead and someone has to defend them from the industry."

"And you think you're the best person for that?"

Ted shook his head. "No. But someone has to try."

Yoonshik nodded. "And what if you don't?"

"I'll go back home," Ted said. "Go study. Not sure what yet, probably strike a compromise with what my parents want and what I want. I don't intend to give up rapping but I think I'm okay with giving up show biz. It's not for me. And of course I'll be the final group's biggest fan."

Yoonshik laughed softly. "Yeah. Me too. Here's to being the biggest fanboys."

"Amen to that."


         

“God I've missed you,” Yoonshik said. He smiled as Yoonmi  leaned over the railing on the roof, a little getaway Hugo has told him about. She was even more beautiful than he remembered. He really didn't deserve her.

“I've missed you too,” Yoonmi said. “As has my manager. I've been taking the dog on set and he's had to take care of her. He can't wait until you're back.”

“Isn’t  he crippling scared of dogs?”

Yoonmi laughed. “I told him to consider it therapy, and she loves him.”

Yoonshik snorted. “Of course she does.” Yoonshik grimaced. “If I make it into this group he'll have to tolerate her for a long time to come.”

Yoonmi turned toward him then. “Do you think you will?”

“No. My ranking hasn't exactly been at a high if James was to be believed.” The guy always made sure to let him know about his ranking. It was always somewhere in the bottom. He still wasn't sure if James had just been trying to unhinge him or if he'd spoken the truth but he wouldn't be surprised if it had been truthful. He wasn't exactly a Hyuk, wholesome and hard not to love, or a Hugo with that strange appeal, or even a Jeongha who was able to make anyone laugh (even Yoonshik). He wasn't marketable or likeable, all he had was skill and hard work and that had never been enough on this industry.

“Do you want to be? You said it yourself when you auditioned, this is just a means to an end.”

That was the real question. Did he want to make it into the final group? Had you asked him 10 weeks ago it would have been a solid no. He would have laughed at the prospect. Now? Now he wasn't so sure. Against all odds he'd found himself attached to the others. Jeongha the clown with his heart in the right place. Hyuk who deserved so much more than this ty industry could offer him. Even Daebak, the idiot. But did he really want to be in a group with them? If he had to be in a group with anyone it was these s,  it was the group itself that was the problem.

“Oh wow, “ Yoonmi said, the familiar jingle of amusement in her voice that told him she was about to make fun of him. “You've melted.”

“What?”

“You did!” She was grinning now. “the tsundere has melted!”

Yoonshik laughed despite himself. “I don't know what you're talking about!”

“You don't fool me Yoonshik,” Yoonmi laughed freely too. “You never have.”

Yoonshik sighed. "No. I don't much want to be in an idol group.I'm not really good at the whole group thing, much too old and bitter for that."

"True that," Yoonmi teased.

"You know what I mean. I want to get back into the entertainment sphere but I don't want to do it in a boy group. I value my scraps of free time and sanity far too much for it. Besides, there are others in the show who really do want it and me getting into the group would be a disservice to them."

"Let's hope you won't then," Yoonmi said. "I'm not going to lie I'd much rather have you around then shipped from music show to fansign to concert with your group."

"That's assuming they'll get that popular," Yoonshik pointed out.

"Oh they will. They already are. The show is a huge success." Yoonmi looked at her watch.

"They made me leader of one of the teams too," Yoonshik said unhappily. Why would they do that? He figured after the disaster that was his trio with James and Hanjin the show would have learned from their mistakes.

"What?" Yoonmi's eyes widened. "Do they know you?"

"What you say is valid," Yoonshik says. "But this hurts me!"

Yoonmi laughed. "We both know you're not exactly leadership material. Try not to work those kids into the ground Yoon."

"Ah I have to go I'm late for my next schedule." She laughed. "The manager is probably combing the building for me right now."

"I do not envy that man you are way too mean to him," Yoonshik teased. "Thanks for coming."

"Of course," she said. "I did promise you I'd come if you made it to the finals. If my dumb boyfriend is going on some self-appointed redemption quest I'll support him."

"But only if he actually achieves something," Yoonshik said.

"Exactly. I have standards. Good luck and hopefully you'll be home soon."

"Just two more weeks." Yoonshik said. He leaned in and kissed her, something he hadn't done in far too long, and then they both went back inside the building and before he knew it she'd been swept away by staff and a very put off manager and she was gone. 

God, he'd missed her. He'd have to miss her for two more weeks and then he'd be back with her. 

Unless through some of bad luck he ended up making it into the group of course but he was just not going to think about that. Two more weeks. Then he'd be home.

 

   

 

Hanjin knocked on the door of the room where Inho seemed to be helping Hyuk with his rapping. Both of them looked up startled. “Hey,” he said. “Inho. Can we talk?”

Inho nodded. “Okay. Yeah.”

“I'm just going to go check up on the others,” Hyuk said and hastily got up and left the room.

Ah . It'd all been easy in his head. Approach Inho, tell him he was sorry, talk about the things they never talked about. It had to come from one of them and Hanjin knew Inho wouldn't start it, the proud . Hanjin had always had a bit less pride, which was also probably the reason he was the one who'd gotten picked up.

Ah. Balls. Where to start?

“Yeah?” Inho raised his eyebrows.

Ah he'd stood here and stared at him too long. Part of Hanjin was amused that it was usually Inho who took a while to formulate his thoughts. The other part slightly mortified. “So. About the fight. There's some things I'm sorry about, and some things I'm not.”

“Yeah,” Inho said. “Me  too.”

“We need to talk about both of them,” Hanjin said. why was this so hard?

“We do,” Inho said. He tapped the ground in front of him. “Come on then. Let's talk.”

Phew.  Hurdle one. Hanjin sat down on the ground facing Inho. “first of all I'm sorry about being being a self absorbed prick.” god,  looking back on the way he'd acted he was really ashamed of himself. He honestly just hadn't seen it,  he'd been so focused on himself and Inho second and everyone else had been an added third he didn't really have time for.  He'd been an plain and simple. No wonder he hadn't really made any friends here besides Inho. He'd been friendly with a few but most of them had been wary.

“You were too self absorbed to notice it,” Inho said plainly. And it was true. “I didn't really notice it either though. Either I was too used to it or too focused on my own problems.”

“We've both been pretty caught up on ourselves haven't we?” Hanjin laughed. It was almost poetic, a pair of egos too busy to notice each other.

“I should have told you that it felt humiliating to keep getting your scraps,” Inho said. “It hurt, you know, that you were signed and successful and friends with all these great rappers and I was stuck where I was.”

“No it was on me!” Hanjin objected. “I should have realized that you weren't in a position to take risks and follow your dreams but as always I was too caught up in myself to realize that you had responsibilities that I never had to worry about.  I should have know that by involving you in some of the industry stuff I was dangling a carrot in front of your face that you couldn't catch.”

“You've been doing a lot of thinking,” Inho said, amused.

Hanjin nodded seriously. “I have.” and so he had.  It had taken a few days to calm down and get his head out of his but he had. And when he had he'd seen the potential in Inho that he'd never seen before. The guy was seriously good leader, and more than that he cared and he gave everyone their due chance to shine. Hanjin could stand to learn a thing or two from that, and he would try.

“I should have talked to you about it too. And honestly you've given me so many opportunities I wouldn't have missed for the world. You introduced me to so many cool people and we still occasionally get a few cents of royalties from those songs we did and they are hands down the best money iv3 ever earned.”

Hanjin laughed.  “I'm not getting a cent from that I'm still paying my company back for the production costs.”

“Wow dude you did that bad?”

“Yeah man I'm no San E.” His rapper debut had garnered a bit of buzz as the guy who dissed that rapper and then got signed to his company but that was it. They'd criticized his lyrics for being too basic, too much hype and not enough content, and then he'd just never taken off. “Why do you think I chose the idol route over trying again? Things were pretty abysmal.”

“Why didn't you tell me?!” Inho asked and Hanjin was surprised he'd care this much.

“why do you think?” Hanjin asked. “Nothing was as I thought it would be and you were the only one who still thought that I had it all. I guess I just had to feel like someone thought the world of me.”

“ man,” Inho said. “That was really stupid if you.”

“Yeah it was,”Hanjin agreed.

“I would have supported you man what the hell?!”

“I know!” Hanjin said.  “I know. I was stupid. And dumb. And-”

“And hurt,” Inho finished. “And I should have seen it I'm so sorry.”

“It's okay. I mean  it's not your fault you didn't see it if I didn't show it. I should have just talked to you about it but I was too dammed proud to admit my own failure.”

“What about Show Me the Money? Did that do nothing for your popularity?”

Hanjin snorted. “pfft. No. I didn't even want to go but the company wanted me to. The only one who gets anything from Show Me the Money is the winner and maybe the runner up.  After that everyone goes forgotten.”

Inho was quiet for a moment and Hanjin settled into the silence. They were both processing what had been said. It was astonishing to Hanjin that they had been able to live past each other like that. Best friends? Hardly. Both too proud to talk to each other about their issues. It was ed up honestly.

Eventually Inho spoke up.  “I'm sorry I said James was right. That was uncalled for.”

“It was!” Hanjin said. Holy it was. “But I'm sorry for almost punching you for it.”

“I would've had it coming but I'm glad you didn't anyway,” Inho laughed softly. “If you could've even reached my face.”

“Hey! You know I'm sensitive about my height!” they both laughed. Really he was only like 10 cm shorter but it used to really bother him when they were teens.

“Seriously though. .” Inho said. “That's why you wanted to go on this show?”

“Yeah,” Hanjin said. “They did say it was about last chances right?” He pulled a weak smile from somewhere. He wasn't sure if this was his last chance, the shelf life of a rapper was a bit longer than an idol, but it sure as he'll had felt like it when he'd auditioned for the show.

“I guess it makes sense now that you were so bossy. It doesn't make it okay but it makes sense.”

“I guess it does.” he'd just wanted to make it. That was all that he'd worried about. So up his own about his own problems, and it had felt great when Cipher praised him (he supposed the fact that they were old friends helped). It had made him think that he was on top of things.  That things were going the way they were supposed to be going. Hanjin had gotten votes.  He'd gotten praise. Everything had gone well. He'd made himself think that for once things were a success and tried not to think about everything that rode on it

 “Sorry for dragging you along. I really did think I was doing you a solid, but I also didn't want to do this alone.” And part of him had thought that if he brought Inho along things would be the way they had been when they were younger and Hanjin had been this big thing. Like some good luck charm.

“Don't be. I really am thankful you did. I met so many great guys here and I really did learn a lot. If you hadn't dragged me here I'd still be pumping my mixtapes  full of anger. This feels better,” Inho said.

Hanjin nodded. “I'm glad of that too. I think Comfortable is your best work.”

“it's our best work,” Inho said.

“Hell yeah!” Hanjin laughed. “Sorry for giving you about Jeongha too. It just felt like the only stable thing for me here was slipping you know? It was stupid and he seems like seems like like a great dude.”

Inho smiled.  “He is.  A better one that either of us anyway.”

“Yeah. I bet.”

“Do you really want to be an idol?” Inho asked.

Hanjin blinked. That one was unexpected and came close to home. “Yeah. I think so. I know I said that thing about myself out to the audience-” he grimaced at his own words.

“You were angry.”

“I was. I really do like it as long as the songs are decent. It… it feels nice to be successful. To have fans. That fansign felt incredible.”

“Really? I thought it was kind of uncomfortable. So many strangers at once.”

. “Yeah.  I liked it.” Hanjin thought about it for a bit. “I just don't want to be forgotten. You know? I want to be something. Not just another insignificant human on this earth.”

“You won't be. There's no way Lim Hanjin won't make his mark on the world,” Inho said with a smile.

Hanjin laughed. “Show me a Wikipedia page and I'll be happy.”

“I'll make one for you myself.”

“Then let's make the best damned idol song this world has seen for our group. With Jeongha.” Hanjin added.

Inho laughed. “I wouldn't have it any other way."

 

 

     
 

The sound of sneakers echoed through the practice room as Halli and Ted were going over their solo dance. Halli observed as Ted ran through the movements.

"You're a surprisingly good dancer," Halli noted. "I was totally prepared to have to dumb down the dance for you."

Ted snorted. "I'm glad I didn't disappoint you."

It had been like this ever since their talk last week. Sarcastic remarks back and forth and Halli had to admit he loved it. He'd never done friendship very well, he'd always been too busy with his own goals and too unwilling to reign in his words. Most people were put off by Halli's bite to get all that close. He liked this. He didn't have to moderate what he said to any of them, either they rolled his eyes and dealt with it or they snarked right back. 

It was... weird. He hadn't thought he'd actually find a place on this show. Of course he'd known he was going to kick all their asses at dancing (and he'd done that, the shine #1 pin on his chest confirmed it) but making friends had been the last thing he'd expected to do. After all, he'd come in late and disrupted everything, as most of them had reminded him at first. They'd treated him like honestly, the first few days, but that had been nothing Halli hadn't expected. 

Halli hadn't come here to make friends, he'd come here to win, another step on his plan to success. Halli had everything laid out for him, he had a plan for his life and it was a great one. Debut, become famous and successful, branch out into professional choreography, do his army service, maybe start a dance studio while maintaining a variety presence, and retire in style. Halli's life was going to be great and Do or Die had been just another step in his plan. Either he'd debut in Fringe's group or he'd use the exposure to set himself up elsewhere, but the plan was the plan.

But here he was and he'd actually made friends. Nuts. The unlikeliest friends too. He'd thought of Ted as nothing more than Alex' handler, a bully's sidekick. That hadn't proven to be exactly true, and while he hadn't really forgiven Ted for treating him like anyway (forgiving wasn't Halli's strongest suit), th