BEHIND THE SCENES

 

"How did you feel when you found out Bomseok and Inshik were eliminated?" The interviewer asks.

"Eeeh-" Jaemin wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans as the interviewer sighed. 

"Just answer the question Jaemin," she said, but she didn't sound very hopeful. Why would she be? It's not like he'd been able to croak out anything else for the past how many episodes was it now?

Jaemin took a shaky breath and looked into the camera as it stared back at him. That black hole of a lens. He started fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, trying to distract himself. "I-I was shocked," he stammered. "I did not expect either of them to go." He knew he was being stiff, glancing at the camera way too often. He knew from the annoyed look on the face of the interviewer that he wasn't doing well but he couldn't help it. He always got nervous when he was in front of the camera alone.

"Why didn't you expect them to go?"

Jaemin looked at his hands a moment, thinking about what he should say. His hands were still buried in the hem of his shirt and he released them and wiped them on his pants again. His foot started tapping furiously on the floor.

He cleared his throat.

"Inshik is young. And cute," he said. "And he has a very good voice. I thought he would make it to the very end." Okay. Good. Use your words Jaemin you can do it. "Bomseok was always very helpful. I thought- I thought he might be able to be a leader to us." Jaemin felt tears prick his eyes and he blinked furiously to keep them back. He'd cried in the interview room before and they always got annoyed with him when he did. 

The interviewer sighed. "You may go. Please send in Choi Yoonshik."

Jaemin let out a breath of relief and all but jumped out of the chair. The interviews were always his least favourite part of the week. Honestly he was surpried they still asked him to sit for them, he doubted he'd given them anything useful in weeks.

Ah well. That didn't matter. That would be fine. Best not to think about it.

He closed the door behind him and informed Yoonshik of his turn, and then made his way to the change room to get back into his training clothes. He felt a little empty, as he always did after a good cry. And he always had a good cry after an elimination He wondered if Bomseok and Inshik had already gone to the dorms. He wondered if they'd be okay.

No pesky tears. Stay inside.

He passed Cipher and Kangho on the way to the change room and caught a snipped of their conversation.

"I'd call that another win for my team," Cipher said.

"You know you're the only one who cares about that right?" Kangho responded, and gave a short nod to Jaemin as Jaemin gave a respectful bow in return.

"Yeah but I care enough for the both of us combined. Wanna go grab a drink?"

"So you can drunkenly brag about your team again?"

"Yep," Cipher said cheerfully. He hadn't even acknowledged Jaemin's presence.

"Sure. Let's go."

Jaemin wondered how they could be so cheerful while their show, and their judgings, could ruin someone's life. I mean he wasn't going to get eliminated he was sure, but his friends were. Hell his friends already had. He'd liked Kyungtaek and Geomi, and even Alex had been nice enough. And now Bomseok and Inshik. 

It was just like when he was signed to, well, any of the various companies he'd flip flopped between. They didn't care about their trainees as people. Just cared about the profit. 

Jaemin had given everything to his various companies. His life. His future. He'd dropped out of high school, he'd worked hours on end on little sleep and done everything they'd asked of him. And still they replaced him here, traded him to another company there. Like he meant nothing. He'd worked for nine years and never got anywhere.

He was going to make it this time. He just had to. There was no alternative. 

But sitting still and thinking it was unfair wasn't going to help anyone. He just had to work hard make sure that the time was now. He would debut this time. He knew it. And he would earn that chance for himself. He had been earnng that chance for himself.

He opened the door to the changing room so he could get out of his performance clothes and into the standard training uniform. 

He was almost done, one leg in the pants and balancing like a very ungraceful flamingo, when he realized that he was not alone in the room. There was the sound of sniffling coming from behind one of the sofas and Jaemin startled so bad he fell over.

"S-sorry-" came from behind the sofa.

"Inshik?" Jaemin quickly pulled up his pants and went over. "Hey is that you?"

"Y-yeah," Inshik sniffled. His face was red and wet with tears and snot alike, he'd obviously been crying for a while. Jaemin reached into the pocket of his training pants and grabbed his packet of tissues, handing one to Inshik. "Th-thanks." Inshik blew his nose loudly.

"Why are you sitting here all alone?" Jaemin asked. 

"I-I didn't want anyone to see me crying," Inshik said, before wiping the tears off his face witha  new tissue. "I've done enough of that and I didn't want people to pity me."

"So you were just sitting here alone in the dark?" Jaemin asked. How could he just sit h ere all alone? Thinking about the fact that he was eliminated. That he was going home after all those weeks. That he'd failed. That his dream would come to an end. Oh no! 

"No no hyung don't cry!" Inshik said and put an arm around Jaemin, rubbing his back. "It's okay. I mean it's not but it happened and- I have to go back to the dorm anyway and pack. It's okay."

"I'm sorry," Jaemin said and accepted the packet of tissues from Inshik. "I was just thinking about how it must feel for you. I'm sorry you shouldn't be the one to comfort me."

Inshik laughed shakily. "It's okay. I had to stop crying and get a move on anyway. You helped me, really." He sniffed but seemed to keep it dry. "Come on stop crying. I'm okay."

"I'm trying!" Jaemin said, feeling even worse for making Inshik feel bad. 

The door swung open and Bomseok looked inside. "Oh, there you are Inshik."

Jaemin took a deep breath to calm himself and wiped away his tears. "I'm sorry you got eliminated Bomseok."

"So am I," he said, a bitter edge to his voice. He cleared his throat and looked at Inshik. "Come on little man, we have to get our stuff out of the dorm and be on our way."

Inshik nodded and got up. "Will you be okay hyung?"

Jaemin laughed softly. "I should be the one to ask you that."

"It's okay."  Inshik smiled at him. Then he all but dove into Jaemin's arms and Jaemin enveloped him in a tight hug. Damn this wasn't helping the whole stop crying thing. "Promise me you'll win this show hyung."

Jaemin squeezed him tight. "I will win this show Inshik."

"And then when you debut I will come and watch you and I will cheer the loudest. Just you wait. I'll be louder than you guys on stage!"

"I look forward to it," Jaemin said, and looked at Bomseok. "Good luck with your studies."

Bomseok nodded. "Good luck with the show."

And with that Inshik untangled himself from the hug and followed Bomseok out, closing the door gently on Jaemin. And then he was alone again. 

Jaemin sat alone for a bit and just sobbed. He let it all out. He hoped somuch that Inshik would be okay. That he'd find a way to debut. To find his dreams. And Bomseok too. It felt like he'd sat there for ages but finally the sobs died down and Jaemin was alone in silence.

He felt a little empty, as he always did after a good cry.

And he always had a good cry after an elimination 

 

       
 
  Halli was ecstatic. He hadn't been this excited since, well, ever! Not only did he get to meet the ones that he had followed since the first episode, but he got to actively compete among them! Work with them! He was so excited to meet them and to fanboy all over them. This was going to be great! 

"Remember, they don't know anything about you," the staff member escorting him to the building said. Halli had forgotten her name. Had she even introduced herself? It didn't matter. "They might not take too kindly to someone else joining them. I'm sure it won't be personal."

Halli stretched his arms over his head. "It's alright," he said ."I know I'm not here to make friends." But he wouldn't mind if he did. Especially not if he did with Hugo. God that guy was gorgeous. He didn't even really know what half of his face looked like but he was stll so undeniably gorgeous. 

The staff member held the door to the building open for him. Halli glanced at the poster plastered there: James. Halli scoffed. The guy had no idea what was coming for him. 

He knew about all of them. Well, everything that had been broadcasted anyway. Halli had watched, knowing he'd join them soon, and the day was finally here! 

The staff member directed him to the dorms to settle in while the others would be coming back from their mission soon. He peeked into the dancer room, looking at the organised mess in there. It wasn't the worst dorm he'd seen but certainly not the cleanest.

"Why'd they leave one of the actual bunks empty?" Halli wondered aloud, seeing the obviously used mattress of the floor and the newly made up upper bunkbed ready for him. "Oh well, their loss." He threw his things on the bed and stuffed his other things in one of the closet, pushing aside the other stuff to make room. 

The fact that there was even room for him in the dorm meant one of the dancers had gone home. Curious. Halli figured it was probably Hyuk, from all he'd seen the guy never really stopped being a wallflower, but he also secretly hoped it had been Alex. That bully did not deserve to be here. 

Honestly he wasn't super fond of any of the dancers. He felt no guilt coming in late to stir things up. The group needed a good dancers, and one with personality that wasn't ty. Or too ty anyway. Halli was here to provide a happy medium between boring unintelligible Daebak and actual beautiful piece of James. And he'd do it gladly.

He heard the commotion downstairs of a great many of guys coming, well, home.

They were here!

He couldn't stop himself leaning over the railing overlooking the entrance to sneak a peek. There they were! It felt so weird seeing them in person instead of on the screen of his laptop. Like they actually existed in real life.  He swore he could see Hugo glancing right at him before one of the staff member quickly told him to get back.

He was shooed back into the room to change into the training uniform, green for dancers, before being escorted down. He glanced at the cameraman following him, that would take some getting used to. 

"Who got eliminated?" Halli asked the cameraman while the staff member went into the practice room to check if they were ready. "Last elimination I saw was Kyungtaek's."

"Eeeh," the guy seemed to debate whether he should be talking to Halli at all. "Alex Yang, Park Bomseok, and Jegal Inhik."

Yesss Alex! He'd disliked that guy ever since he started coming after Inshik- oh no Inshik! The guy had been such a cutie, Halli'd looked forward to meeting him. Ah well.

Yeonhee poked her head out and beckoned for him. "You must be Lee Halli." Wow she was even more beautiful in person!

"Lee Halli?" Kangho approached them, the other two judges in tow. Halli liked him, well, could at least respect his dancing skill. The other judges were a different story, especially Cipher. Halli was not a fan. "I'm glad you made it. Are you ready?" 

Halli beamed. "I was born ready."

"We're going to give them the rankings, and as soon as that is done we'll introuce you to the other contestants. Just wait here until we're ready."

The judges entered the practice room while Yeonhee stayed with him to wait. Then there was a knock from a staff member and Halli opened the door and looked inside. There they were. The contestants. And all eyes turned to Halli.

"Everyone," He could hear Kangho says as he opened the door. "This is Lee Halli."

The contestants glanced from Kangho to Halli, most of them carrying a look of confusion. All except Hugo, who kept his eyes firmly trained on Halli. This was the first time Halli had seen him with his mask pushed down. Yep. Definitely gorgeous. 

"Hello everyone," Halli said. "I am Lee Halli, 20 years old, and I'm a dancer."

"Halli will be joining the show as a contestant in the dance team," Kangho said. "Please welcome him onto the show."

Halli saw everyone's face fall. Even Hugo wasn't smiling, but instead kept staring intently at Halli. That guy's stare was no joke, that wasn't something that the cameras could convey. It felt like Hugo was staring into his soul. Man that only made the butterflies stronger. 

Kangho cleared his throat to get attention back to him, and held out the #1 pin he was still holding. Right, ranking was a thing. Not a thing Halli cared much for, his merit wasn't to be found in some pin and he knew that, but still it would be a nice thing to have anyway. Especially coming into the show new. Let them know that he deserved to be there.

"I can't hand this one out yet, because I don't know who deserves it," Kangho said, as if he'd just read Halli's thoughts. "James, you impressed me with your teamwork and your choreography, a duty you shared with Yoonshik, but Halli is an excellent dancer himself. We thought it fair if we allowed him to challenge the best dancer for the rank."

James looked pisses at that, Halli could see him balling a fist. Good. Let him be angry. Halli was coming for his cushy position as best dancer. Him and Daebak both. 

Halli hiimself was having a hard time trying to suppress his grin, he was ust so excited to be here! He knew he shouldn't be grinning like a fool right now but he was here! Finally. He just couldn't believe that he was actually here. That he was freed from his contract with Pledis and able to join the show. He'd wanted to join from the very start but he'd been bound by his contract to Pledis, who didn't have any intentions of letting him break that to pursue some other program. It had been hell waiting those last few weeks until it expired, watching the episodes wishing he were actually there. But now he was, and he'd show em.

"Halli, do you wish to challenge James for his position in the ranking?" Kangho asked, pulling Halli out of his own thoughts.

"I do," He didn't have to think about that one. 

"In that case your challenge will be to create a dance performance together, to be used as the opening of the show. You have 16 hours to create this performance, when I will judge it and award the top rank to whomever impressed me the most." That... was unexpected. Halli had assumed it'd just be solo versus solo, that would be much less work. He'd even worked on a performance already so he wouldn't be caught unawares. To make a performance with james would be much, much trickier.

He looked forward to the challenge.

 

   

  Honestly, Hyuk was still dazed from the fansign. Had that really happened? Had he really been the most popular out of all the guys?!

He just didn't udnerstand it. Why would anyone want his signature when there were guys like James, or Jeongha, or Haneul around? He wasn't as skilled as any of them. Wasn't as handsome. As charismatic. 

Why would they choose him?

He had to admit it made him feel a little warm and fuzzy inside. He'd had his first fansign! He honestly hadn't thought he'd ever get one. Sure he kept trying to become an idol, kept going back into training, but somewhere inside he'd known that he'd never really make it. He just kept trying, because it never hurt to try. Because he had to do his best, otherwise what was even the point? But he'd long since stopped expecting to come close to debuting.

But here he was. And people liked him! God knew why but they did! And with only a few episodes left of the show, he was closer to debut than he'd ever been. And that thought was dizzying.

But then of course that high had been ripped away fairly swiftly with the inclusion of Halli. All that business just left a bad taste. It felt wrong. Hyuk doubted he'd ever be competition for Halli's skills, but he still felt like it was wrong. Wrong towards Daebak and James who had been there from the start. Wrong towards Alex who had only just been eliminated. 

He sighed and stared at the top of the bunk above him, the one that would now belong to Halli. They'd left that bunk empty on purpose, Daebak hadn't wanted to move to it sicne it felt wrong to just replace Alex like that. And so Daebak had stayed on his matress on the ground and the top bunk had remained empty. Until now.

It felt weird to have nothing to do. James was currently off to make a performance with Halli, leaving the rest of them with the first bout of free time they'd had since joining the show. Most of them had gone to canteen, or gone off to do some extra practice.

Hyuk had preferred to just get some alone time without any guilt. Just a calm break lying on his bed, staring at the underside of Halli's new bed. He would've watched a movie if he had internet. Some nice pointless actiona flick so he wouldn't have to think too hard, just enjoy the pyrotechnics. But alas that wasn't to be.

"Hey." Hyuk looked up and saw Daebak in the doorway. He frowned. He hadn't talked much to the guy since he'd, well, ranted about Americans. That had hurt Hyuk pretty bad. 

For once he'd managed to make a friend, awkward as he was. He'd offered to help Daebak with is Korean in an attempt to maybe be sort of useful and it had sparked something of an odd friendship. But of course this was Hyuk, and it wasn't meant to be. 

"I'd like to talk," Daebak said hesitantly and slowly, enuniating every word.

Hyuk sighed and scooched over, making room for Daebak. He looked grateful and sat down next to him. 

Daebak said nothing for a log moment, and Hyuk didn't really wnt to prompt him. Honestly he didn't really want to talk to him at all. It just reminded him of the fact that even when he did make a friend this is what happened. Finally Daebak spoke up. "You are hurt? About what I said?"

Hyuk frowned. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah I'm hurt about what you said." Was that even something that had to be asked?

"I'm sorry," Daebak said. "I did not mean to hurt you."

There was another awkward pause. "Then why did you say that?" Hyuk said finally. "Do you really believe all that stuff about Americans?"

"Well yeah," Daebak said. "Isn't that true? You into things where you shouldn't and take things for granted. Because you're rich."

"Wait what?" Hyuk actually laughed. Was this guy for real? "You think we're all rich?"

"Well yes. Because of capitalism."

"Oh boy," Hyuk said, and he found he couldn't even be mad just because of the ridiculousness of it all. "Do you even understand how capitalism works? There are a few very rich people in America and everyone else struggles mostly."

"But isn't capitalism where you get rich by..." Daebak trailed off, seemingly thinking about the right word to use. "Profit from others?"

"Profiting," Hyuk gently correctly. "And, well, yes in a sense. But in order for some to profit from others, there have to be those who are profited from, right?"

Daebak thought for a moment. "Oh," he said. Hyuk couldn't even stay frustrated with him when he was saying such ridiculous things. "Yes."

"I don't know how it is in Russia but I assume not everyone is a fisherman either," Hyuk said. He felt kind of bad for Daebak. Honestly the guy wasn't very smart and it showed. But that was alright, Hyuk wasn't very smart either. 

"What about McDonalds?" Daebak asked.

"We do eat a lot of McDonalds," Hyuk said with a laugh. "And sometimes even Burger King or KFC. And oh man there was this one Tim Hortons in LA- oh but I guess that one's Canadian."

"Did you ever get sued?" Daebak asked.

Hyuk laughed again, was this guy for real? It was a lot like a child meeting a new culture for the first time. Innocent, in a way, but also slightly bizarre. "No I've never gotten sued."

"Did you sue?"

"No I never sued anyone either."

"What about the American Dream?" Daebak asked.

"An antiquated idea of a bygone age where everyone who is just is works hard gets what they deserve, which nobody wants to realize does't exist anymore and ties people's worth to their achievements and success in a system that severely limits economic mobility and justifies the exploitation of others," Hyuk said. "Or at least that's what I've heard my mom say."

Daebak blinked. "Okay," he said, and Hyuk couldn't help but laugh at the pure bewilderment on the guy's face. "But you still meddle."

"Yes," Hyuk said. "I'll you that one. Politically we meddle. But so does Russia."

Daebak nodded to himself. Hyuk felt relieved. Maybe he'd judged too harshly. Maybe he should have talked it out with dabak a while ago, but he hadn't had the courage to approach him. Staying angry had been easier. But now he felt relieved. Maybe they wouldn't be as friendly as they were before, he didn't know. But at least he didn't feel so angry anymore. Daebak had said insensitive things, yes, but he'd obviously said them out of ignorance.

To pu