[ R ] Ejacyeolation | set my midnight sorrow free (i will give you all of me)
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name : ejacyeolation
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message: 92/100 Wooppp wooppp!
Title:Set my midnight sorrow free(I will give you all of me)
Author: ejacyeolation
6/10 ─ Story Title: You may need a little bit of help here. Titles need to be catchy and quick. Just a few words that stay in the reader's mind for weeks. I do like the phrases you used in the title, I think they would make for really good quotes, but not a title itself. You could easily shorten the title from "Set my midnight sorrow free" to something like "Midnight Sorrow". And "I will give you all of me" to "All of Me" or "Give You Everything". Just something really short and catchy, because the title is the first thing a reader sees when reading a story. If the title doesn't catch their eye, then there is lesser of a chance they will be interested. It's a shame because when I first skimmed over the description and title breifly, I wasn't very captivated by it, but after reading the story, I'm like... wow that is a great story. A title touch up would help the story even further.
9/10 ─ Description/Forward: The quotes you use are very nice, I love how organized you are, and I think the description is of really good length... but! It's sort of... plain? And a poster thrown in there would make it look very nice (we have graphic designers right here who could help with that- actually I love the story so much I'd even volunteer myself) cough cough. The insert from the story you used for the preface is lovely, it's perfect and sums up the story in the description quite well.
10/10 ─ Writing Style: I quite enjoyed your writing style very much. You write very cleanly and smoothly. Your flow is very nice to read and I would say even very nice to read out loud. Your dialogue mixed paragraphs are perfect and overall you write extremely well.
14/15 ─ Grammar/Word Choice: Run-on-run-on-- there were a lot of run-on sentences. Make sure to use your commas and semi-colons and periods. Periods especially. You flow very well, but you still have a bit to work on flowing well with multiple sentences.
For example, "Although, given that the two of them are definitely his closest friends, and they’ve welcomed him so warmly and have been treating him so well, plus he does pay for his expenses and a quarter of the rent, he still feels like he shouldn’t be ther
Request: story review
message: 92/100 Wooppp wooppp!
Title:Set my midnight sorrow free(I will give you all of me)
Author: ejacyeolation
6/10 ─ Story Title: You may need a little bit of help here. Titles need to be catchy and quick. Just a few words that stay in the reader's mind for weeks. I do like the phrases you used in the title, I think they would make for really good quotes, but not a title itself. You could easily shorten the title from "Set my midnight sorrow free" to something like "Midnight Sorrow". And "I will give you all of me" to "All of Me" or "Give You Everything". Just something really short and catchy, because the title is the first thing a reader sees when reading a story. If the title doesn't catch their eye, then there is lesser of a chance they will be interested. It's a shame because when I first skimmed over the description and title breifly, I wasn't very captivated by it, but after reading the story, I'm like... wow that is a great story. A title touch up would help the story even further.
9/10 ─ Description/Forward: The quotes you use are very nice, I love how organized you are, and I think the description is of really good length... but! It's sort of... plain? And a poster thrown in there would make it look very nice (we have graphic designers right here who could help with that- actually I love the story so much I'd even volunteer myself) cough cough. The insert from the story you used for the preface is lovely, it's perfect and sums up the story in the description quite well.
10/10 ─ Writing Style: I quite enjoyed your writing style very much. You write very cleanly and smoothly. Your flow is very nice to read and I would say even very nice to read out loud. Your dialogue mixed paragraphs are perfect and overall you write extremely well.
14/15 ─ Grammar/Word Choice: Run-on-run-on-- there were a lot of run-on sentences. Make sure to use your commas and semi-colons and periods. Periods especially. You flow very well, but you still have a bit to work on flowing well with multiple sentences.
For example, "Although, given that the two of them are definitely his closest friends, and they’ve welcomed him so warmly and have been treating him so well, plus he does pay for his expenses and a quarter of the rent, he still feels like he shouldn’t be ther
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