[ R ] Laymontae | Story Review
Ipseity Graphics and Review Shop | CLOSED
Please Subscribe to read the full chapter
Review ♕
Story Link
Laymontae
mirrorgirl
Ipseity
Pick up
name : the writer
Request: Story review
message: 70/100!
THIS REVIEW IS PURELY JUST BASED ON MY PERSONAL OPINION. I DO NOT REPRESENT THE ENTIRE READER'S POPULATION. Title: The Writer
Author: Laymontae
10/10 ─ Story Title: The title was perfect. It was eyecatching and definitely relates to the story. Good job!
8/10 ─ Description/Forward: The description was fine. I read it and it basically summarises the whole story. It would definitely pique the reader's curiosity with the question at the end. However, informing the readers that Soeun being forgetful and her 'writing' being missing is a little, contradicting in a way. It's either she's forgetful to the extend that she misplaced the 'writing' or it just went missing and the only thing that was left was a commentary. Choose one.
7/10 ─ Writing Style: I'm personally not fond of using more letters than needed in a word like, 'whaaaaat'. No, just no. I get that you want to have that dragging effect on the word, but it's absolute unnecessary. 'What' is enough and if you want to make the dragging sound in a dialogue, 'What' he/she dragged is sufficient.
Your writing style lacks emotions. You should bring across a certain emotion to the readers. The emotions are there, but it's not enough. All I get from the story is humor. But it doesn't make me laugh. Sure, smile from time to time, but it's not enough.
Be consistent with the way you write, sometime there's just too many dialogues and they lack description. I'm definitely okay with many dialogues but I'm not okay with lack of description. Like how they feel when they said that, a little description of facial expression like furrowing the eyebrows, his/her lips twitched. You did explain in some chapters but not all.
10/15 ─ Grammar/Word Choice: There were multiple grammatical errors that could be easily fixed. The tenses were inconsistent, going from past to present. Stick to one tense. I get that it's extremely hard since you write it on impulse and no matter how many times you read through your chapters, you just couldn't find any mistakes. I understand that extremely well since I'm an author myself. Heck, even this review itself might have a couple of grammatical errors. However, this problem could be easily fixed. You can get a beta-reader to fix any of your grammatical, tenses, spelling and punctuation errors. Another alternative is to go to an online site to check any errors.
The word choice used were understandable. Simple, and not much of those 'big' words. But I suggest using a wider vacabulary. It'll help you bring out the feelings that your general story lacks.
I also noticed some words were incorrectly used or just redundant in general:
Example:
Chapter 1, paragraph 4: "Oh. Soeun! Can you help me carry these books to the 'non-fiction' section?" The librarian handed me the pile of books without waiting for my reply.
Reason: Yes, I understand you put 'agreement' because you're trying to tell the readers that Soeun would agree to help the librarian nonetheless. But the appropriate word for it is 'reply' because Soeun should respond/reply to agree.
Chapter 2, paragraph 36: It came from the cows, didn't it? So, it's not mad
Request: Story review
message: 70/100!
THIS REVIEW IS PURELY JUST BASED ON MY PERSONAL OPINION. I DO NOT REPRESENT THE ENTIRE READER'S POPULATION. Title: The Writer
Author: Laymontae
10/10 ─ Story Title: The title was perfect. It was eyecatching and definitely relates to the story. Good job!
8/10 ─ Description/Forward: The description was fine. I read it and it basically summarises the whole story. It would definitely pique the reader's curiosity with the question at the end. However, informing the readers that Soeun being forgetful and her 'writing' being missing is a little, contradicting in a way. It's either she's forgetful to the extend that she misplaced the 'writing' or it just went missing and the only thing that was left was a commentary. Choose one.
7/10 ─ Writing Style: I'm personally not fond of using more letters than needed in a word like, 'whaaaaat'. No, just no. I get that you want to have that dragging effect on the word, but it's absolute unnecessary. 'What' is enough and if you want to make the dragging sound in a dialogue, 'What' he/she dragged is sufficient.
Your writing style lacks emotions. You should bring across a certain emotion to the readers. The emotions are there, but it's not enough. All I get from the story is humor. But it doesn't make me laugh. Sure, smile from time to time, but it's not enough.
Be consistent with the way you write, sometime there's just too many dialogues and they lack description. I'm definitely okay with many dialogues but I'm not okay with lack of description. Like how they feel when they said that, a little description of facial expression like furrowing the eyebrows, his/her lips twitched. You did explain in some chapters but not all.
10/15 ─ Grammar/Word Choice: There were multiple grammatical errors that could be easily fixed. The tenses were inconsistent, going from past to present. Stick to one tense. I get that it's extremely hard since you write it on impulse and no matter how many times you read through your chapters, you just couldn't find any mistakes. I understand that extremely well since I'm an author myself. Heck, even this review itself might have a couple of grammatical errors. However, this problem could be easily fixed. You can get a beta-reader to fix any of your grammatical, tenses, spelling and punctuation errors. Another alternative is to go to an online site to check any errors.
The word choice used were understandable. Simple, and not much of those 'big' words. But I suggest using a wider vacabulary. It'll help you bring out the feelings that your general story lacks.
I also noticed some words were incorrectly used or just redundant in general:
Example:
Chapter 1, paragraph 4: "Oh. Soeun! Can you help me carry these books to the 'non-fiction' section?" The librarian handed me the pile of books without waiting for my reply.
Reason: Yes, I understand you put 'agreement' because you're trying to tell the readers that Soeun would agree to help the librarian nonetheless. But the appropriate word for it is 'reply' because Soeun should respond/reply to agree.
Chapter 2, paragraph 36: It came from the cows, didn't it? So, it's not mad
Please Subscribe to read the full chapter
Comments