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caleesia
mirrorgirl
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name : time is finite
Request: Story review
message: 91/100!
THIS REVIEW IS PURELY JUST BASED ON MY PERSONAL OPINION. I DO NOT REPRESENT THE ENTIRE READER'S POPULATION. Title: Time Is Finite
Author: caleesia
10/10 ─ Story Title: The title was fine. It relates to both the story and the description. Nothing much to chance except for the capitalization for 'i' in 'Is'. There's no need for it. 'Time is Finite' would be fine.
9/10 ─ Description/Forward: The foreword was fine, just some minor grammar errors.
Original: Both of them always gave to me freely, generously, without much thought.
Fixed: Both of them had always gave me things freely and generously, without much thought.
Besides that, it was perfect. It definitely grabbed my attention, it gave me a little bit of angst feeling, and it was certainly emotion grabbing. Good job!
10/10 ─ Writing Style: I'm honestly impressed. I actually have nothing to comment here. Your writing style is definitely one of my favorites. There were sufficient description that went along with the dialogues, which is what I've always been looking for in stories. It's easier to picture stories with a writing style like yours, so keep it up!
14/15 ─ Grammar/Word Choice: I might have encountered some grammar mistakes. Might. But it wasn't noticeable to be honest. I don't think I've seen any grammar mistakes, thus the word 'might'. The tenses used were consistent so there's not much of a problem there. The words used were fine. There were sufficient vocabulary used. I could see you have a wide range of vocabulary, and you pretty much used the words perfectly. All in place.
For the punctuations, sometimes you have the tendency to use too many commas, but I didn't mind reading the story like that. But too many commas will result in too many pauses in a sentence. I suggest you read the sentence outloud and if you think that the sentence sounds awkward, you cut the amount of commas down. Instead of making it as one long and awkward sentence, make it into 2 sentences. It'll help with the flow of the story, and help readers enjoy your story better.
An example would be:
Chapter 4, paragraph 4:
I only frowned, standing there uncertainly, hoping that he would chang
Request: Story review
message: 91/100!
THIS REVIEW IS PURELY JUST BASED ON MY PERSONAL OPINION. I DO NOT REPRESENT THE ENTIRE READER'S POPULATION. Title: Time Is Finite
Author: caleesia
10/10 ─ Story Title: The title was fine. It relates to both the story and the description. Nothing much to chance except for the capitalization for 'i' in 'Is'. There's no need for it. 'Time is Finite' would be fine.
9/10 ─ Description/Forward: The foreword was fine, just some minor grammar errors.
Original: Both of them always gave to me freely, generously, without much thought.
Fixed: Both of them had always gave me things freely and generously, without much thought.
Besides that, it was perfect. It definitely grabbed my attention, it gave me a little bit of angst feeling, and it was certainly emotion grabbing. Good job!
10/10 ─ Writing Style: I'm honestly impressed. I actually have nothing to comment here. Your writing style is definitely one of my favorites. There were sufficient description that went along with the dialogues, which is what I've always been looking for in stories. It's easier to picture stories with a writing style like yours, so keep it up!
14/15 ─ Grammar/Word Choice: I might have encountered some grammar mistakes. Might. But it wasn't noticeable to be honest. I don't think I've seen any grammar mistakes, thus the word 'might'. The tenses used were consistent so there's not much of a problem there. The words used were fine. There were sufficient vocabulary used. I could see you have a wide range of vocabulary, and you pretty much used the words perfectly. All in place.
For the punctuations, sometimes you have the tendency to use too many commas, but I didn't mind reading the story like that. But too many commas will result in too many pauses in a sentence. I suggest you read the sentence outloud and if you think that the sentence sounds awkward, you cut the amount of commas down. Instead of making it as one long and awkward sentence, make it into 2 sentences. It'll help with the flow of the story, and help readers enjoy your story better.
An example would be:
Chapter 4, paragraph 4:
I only frowned, standing there uncertainly, hoping that he would chang
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