Chapter 33

Baekhyun's P.O.V

“Baekhyun-ah! I'm here! I'm so sorry that I'm late! I just found out what happened and tried to get here as fast as possible! Here, I got you some moon water with holy protection!”

He doesn't remember when he lost himself in his thoughts, but Kyungsoo's sudden voice snaps him back to the reality. The short haired man runs towards him with such speed that he nearly looks like he's flying. He tries to smile towards his friend, but it only lasts for a second before it dies out again. Kyungsoo hurries over to him with his breath still in his throat. He has to catch his breath for a second before he holds out a small bottle with a clear blue liquid with it. When was the last time he saw a moon potion like this? He hasn't needed one since... Since the time he... got attacked...

“Are you okay? I heard that you had collapsed and was on the verge of death. Is it true? Is it really true that you starved yourself and didn't get any new energy to the extent that you nearly died? Please answer me Baekhyun, is it true or not?”
“I... I didn't know... I mean... I... I don't know... Out of nowhere, I was just... too weak to move and... I-I couldn't do anything... I can barely move at the moment...”
“Here, this will help you. You're lucky that I had one of these at home, they're both hard to make and extremely expensive.”
“W-Why do you have one of these? I-I mean, it's not a normal item to have at home.”
“Well... I... Uhm... I-It's not mine to be exactly... Y-You see... Uhm...”
“You don't have to tell me, I'm sorry if I asked. It's none of my business...”
“No, you have all the right to ask about it. You're the one to drink it after all, of course you would be suspicious of something this expensive being brought be a simple chef like me.”
“It's not that I doubt you, I... I trust you more than the others at the moment...”

Kyungsoo only nods as he slowly sits down on the blanket besides him. They sit silent for a while and only listen to the nature around them. His hands are gently playing with the rather tiny glass bottle in his hand while staring at the blue liquid. It looks to be well made, but it's not bought since there is no mark on the bottle. Or maybe it is bought, just not marked?

“Hey... Why...? Why are you suddenly trusting me more than the others? I-I mean, did something happen? I heard about you locking yourself into your bedroom and I was told to not come to work for over a week because you were too unstable. Is it... true?”
“I... Well... Yeah... It is...”
“I see... That's... unlike you.”

Kyungsoo falls silent again and the only sound that is heard is the nature around them. They both decide to stay silent for a while, almost like they're trying to hear each other's thoughts. It's not like he wants them to just sit here in silence like this, but he doesn't know what to say. Sure, he has talked to Kyungsoo before, but this is different from all the other times. They usually talk about his dinner, lunch or sweets he wants to his afternoon tea. They talk slightly about their werewolf life, but he has never actually tried to talk about deeper things with Kyungsoo. Why hasn't he tried to get to know Kyungsoo better...?

“Hey... Uhm... I know this might be... a little weird, but... Uhm...”
“I... I'm sorry Kyungsoo... I dragged you all the way out here and-”
“It's alright, I like it out here. It's not often I can stay in the forest like this.”
“N-Not...? I see... I guess you're too busy with your life...”
“It's not that I'm too busy, it's because... It's because I... really want to see someone when I'm out here... I... Hate being alone out here... I hate being alone with my own thoughts... Anyway, I'm not here to talk about myself. Have you eaten something or drank some water? You still look awfully pale and it's obvious that your body is exhausted.”
“I-I will drink some right now and... I will take this too... T-Though... I.. I would really like to know where you got it.”
“Here, take this to eat first and drink some water. I was told to bring you home before lunch or ask someone to fetch you if you're too weak to go on your own.”
“T-Thank you...”

Kyungsoo shoves some food and water into his hands, forcing him to eat and drink even though he doesn't feel like eating. Honestly he hasn't had an appetite for days, even weeks, but now he's slightly hungry. Though, there are still a couple of things going around in his head that is distracting him. The moon potion in his hand is one of the things that is distracting him, but also the thought about him waking up here with Chanyeol who he desperately tries to forget. Now when he thinks about it, he was rather calm when he saw Chanyeol even though they were alone in the middle of nowhere.

“Baekhyun-ah... Uhm... I'm sorry, but I don't think I know what has happened to you. Like I said earlier, I only heard you suddenly wanted to lock yourself into your room and-”
“I... I realized something really important the other day... No matter how hard you try, you can't just forget about something that is connected to a strong emotion. It's rather terrifying to not be able to forget what you want to forget so badly...”
“Well... You're not wrong... I... I also know that feeling of wanting to forget about something or rather someone to the extent where your head feels like it's going to explode.. A-Anyway, I'm still not here to talk about myself. Please drink the potion, it will make you feel better.”
“Kyungsoo... It's not like I don't trust you, it's just that... I have trust issue at the moment... C-Can you tell me where you got this? I just want to feel more secure at the moment before I drink it, it would make me feel better too.”
“D-Do I really have to tell you? It's not poisonous and it is well-made, I promise. I wouldn't dare to give you anything half-made, it would be too risky for anyone to drink.”
“Then why are being so secretive about it? I-I can't drink it if you're acting so suspicious-”
“Fine, I will tell you! Please just drink it, you're getting paler again. I promise to tell you, so hurry up and swallow it all.”
“Y-You tell me about it first, please Kyungsoo. You make me feel uneasy.”

Kyungsoo sighs and runs a hand through his hair. He looks annoyed and it's understandable: it appears that he really didn't want to tell him about the potion in his hand. Though, how is he supposed to drink something he doesn't know what it is? He holds up the bottle slightly closer to his face and studies the soft blue color that is looking like any other moon potion he has seen before. He then turns to Kyungsoo who is also staring at the liquid, but he looks slightly burdened while doing so. Maybe it was inappropriate to ask him about the potion?

“The potion... I... I got it from someone I was really close to. We used to see each other since Kindergarten and no one could separate us. It's really weird since we are from two different species and we shouldn't get along as good as we do. Though... A lot of things changed when we grew older and eventually we weren't just friends, but we couldn't be more than friends either. I... I tried to keep a distance between us, but things changed when I suddenly fell ill. The person who is really dear to me gave me those potions to cure me even though people said I was going to die. I honestly thought I would die, but my dear one never gave up on me... No, I think that person would never let go off me even if I pushed him away from me... I... I was cured, but I lost something precious as a price for my illness to disappear. I... I don't want to talk about it... If possible...”

The look in Kyungsoo's eyes says it all: he's heartbroken. A wave of guilt washes over him as he stares down at the bottle in his hand. He wonders if he was a fool to ask Kyungsoo about such a sensitive topic. He really managed to hit a soft spot and it is probably really painful for Kyungsoo to think about his past. Well, it looks like he's not the only one around here who has gotten heartbroken like this.

“I'm sorry... I-I was insensitive... I shouldn't have forced the truth out of you...”
“No... I guess I needed to say it out loud, now I feel slightly better. Well, I told you about the potion, right? Now drink it and get better: everyone is worried about you.”

He can only manage to nod as he opens the bottle with potion and drinks it all. He then sighs and lies down on the blanket. The sky above them has begun to clear up slightly, but the air is still cold since it's only spring. Kyungsoo watches him in silent for a while and also takes his time to stare at the rather peaceful sky. They sit in silent for a long time and only listen to the sound of nature. He tries to not let his thoughts overwhelm him and struggles to focus on the clouds slowly floating across the blue sky. Though, he knows all too well that he won't be able to keep his thoughts away for very long.

“So... Why... did you lock yourself into your room? Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really... I don't want to think about it...”
“I see... But... Sometimes telling someone about it makes you feel better.”
“Maybe another time... Right now, I just want to stop thinking...”

Kyungsoo nods and finally lies down on the blanket too. They both are silent for a long time and only studies the sky. It feels good to be here and not to be alone – it also feels good to be able to relax without someone asking him questions. Though, now he begins to wonder what Kyungsoo possibly could be thinking about at the moment. What does he think when he sees the blue sky? Does it make him sad or calm? He himself isn't sure what he's feeling: he might be feeling both sad and calm. Right now, all his feelings are so mixed up and it feels like his brain is desperately trying to make him remember everything he wants to forget.

If he hadn't remembered anything, things would be different now. On the other hand, he wouldn't know that Kyungsoo who is usually smiling and having a calm expression actually is heartbroken. Now when he thinks about it, there are actually a lot of problems around him, but he has only been focusing on himself. When did he become this selfish and uncaring? On top that, he hasn't been nice towards his family since he hasn't talked to them since the wedding. They're probably worried since he collapsed or rather got attacked on his wedding day and hasn't called nor text them since then. Now when he thinks about it, so much happened during his wedding day. The day went from wonderful and joyful, to horrifying and crushing. His life took a whole 180 degrees turn within only one day...

“Baekhyun-ah, please let me take you back to the mansion. It's cold out here and you still need to recover. Your energy level should be full from the potion within only some few hours, you don't need to be here. I was told to bring you home before lunch-”
“Just a little longer... Please... Just... a little longer...”

Kyungsoo doesn't seem to want to argue against him and only lies down again. He continues to stare at the sky and thinks about the clouds. He struggles to not think too much, but no matter how hard he tries, his mind will still take him back to the bright memories he has from the time he became happy here. For a while, he actually thought that maybe, just maybe, he could become happy here. Even though he was taken from his family, he found a way to find joy with the small things he got here and eventually become attached to a strange feeling that is called “love”. It was such a precious moment to feel it so clearly within him... He just wanted it to last a little longer, even if he was deceived for another day or week... Just a little longer would have been better than this...

Chanyeol's P.O.V

Ever since he came back, he hasn't been able to relax properly. Even though he saw Kyungsoo run towards where Baekhyun should be, he couldn't help but to feel insecure. What if he did the wrong decision to leave Baekhyun like that? Wouldn't it have been better for him to talk to him about everything that has happened? Wouldn't it be good to, you know, make up and be able to talk to each other again? Though, he's not sure if they can just forget about everything that has happened in the past and get along like before...

“Chanyeol... Are you... still worried? Didn't you say that he seemed better?”
“He is better... He is healthy enough to send me away and ignore me again...”
“Kyungsoo said he knows what to do to make him feel better, so we shouldn't worry.”
“I never said that I'm worrying about his health... Either way, you two, prepare a bath for Baekhyun and something warm to drink. Lay will make him lunch and I will go back to work until he feels better and wants to see me.”
“You... do realize that he might not want to... You know... See... you.”
“What Xiumin is trying to say is: Baekhyun might not want to see you when he comes back even though you told him to seek you. He will probably close himself into his room again if his depression is still left with him. If that happens, we can't let him repeat the same mistake as last time. We need to get him out of the room and there are still a couple of things that you two need to finish. All those wedding rituals haven't been finished and there is the honeymoon that you suddenly cancel-”
“What Chen is trying to say: we have to make sure you two have a proper talk. Maybe you can't become like before, but we need to make you two able to communicate with each other and be able to sit in the same room. To begin with that is.”

He can only nod to an answer while he leans back in his office chair and stares towards the window. At the moment he's not anxious, but he's not feeling at ease either. He doesn't like this strange feeling within him... He doesn't like having so many emotions going around in his body like this, he's usually the total opposite to this...

“Either way, when he comes back, please inform me. He doesn't need to see me right away, he might need some more time to think and prepare himself to see me. Though, like you said, I can't allow this behavior to continue. If I have to, I will force him to talk to me.”
“D-Don't you think that is a little too much? I mean, he's still not stable and-”
“I will make him talk in one way or not, even if it means making him more upset. It has always worked before, right? Though... I won't go too far... Hopefully I won't go too far...”
“I don't like how you're thinking, but I can't say anything to change your mind anyway. Just try to not harm him, please. He's already unstable and rather upset.”
“Depression isn't easy to handle and getting rid of it isn't as easy as you think.”
“I know that, trust me, I'm not stupid. But sometimes... I don't know how to say this, but I get a feeling that Baekhyun will need a proper talk. He needs to hear the truth and even if he tries to ignore me, I will make him listen and talk back. He's rather childish if you think about it, always trying to avoid conflicts and would rather cry over and over again instead of trying to solve h