Chen POV

A month after the end of World War VII…

“Chenny! Chenny!” Minseok, who goes by Xiumin now but will always be Minseok to me, skipped up to me. His signature grin that was usually brighter than the blazing sun didn’t shine as bright today. Had I done something? He wasn’t the same since well…the war. But I guess I wasn’t either, no one would be the same.

“One more day till we reach Seoul!” He plopped down next to me and rested his head on his hand cutely. I returned the grin, hoping to make Xiumin’s smile brighter.

“Seoul…” Seoul was where both Xiumin and I wanted to go someday and audition for an entertainment company. We thought that if we went to Seoul our lives would change drastically. It was only fitting we go to Seoul when everything has changed.

 So much has changed, in only a month, two maximum. Though our lives changed drastically there was one thing that hasn’t changed, if anything it intensified,

And that one thing was, my love for Kim Minseok.

I had loved him since I was a child. At first, when I was still that pitifully innocent orphan I thought I loved him as a brother. And maybe I did. But I had never experienced love before so I had nothing to compare the feeling too. As I got older and less innocent I started to realize that maybe I loved Minseok in a different way, not as a brother but as a lover. I know cliché right? I never believed the stories where one friend would fall for their best friend. I always scoffed when that happened in the movies. I always dismissed as nonsense. Until it happened to me.

 I knew I had fallen for Kim Minseok when I was 18. That was when my girlfriend at the time (I still thought I was straight too) described what she felt when she was around me. A racing heart, anxious, light, fuzzy, happy. She felt on cloud 9 whenever we hung out. I realized that day that I had been in love with Minseok for three ing years, maybe even longer.

And it has been five years since I realized I loved him. It has been five years and I have yet to gain the courage and confidence it takes to confess. I mean I don’t even think Xiumin’s gay. He told me he was biual but he had a girlfriend not even a month before the war. Not saying that I hadn’t dated girls before, I have. But that was before I realized I was gay. And the guys I dated, they were all failed attempts at making Minseok jealous.

“Hello? Earth to Dae…” His angelic voice that was lower than you might expect snapped me out of my stare.

“Huh? Yeah?”

“Were you even listening?”

“No, I was taken aback by your beauty~”

“Shut up!” He laughed as if it was a joke.

I wasn’t joking.

“I was saying we should start walking again.” His large cat eyes gazed into mine and I nodded. I could see the distant fear in the eyes I loved staring at. Though the fear was distant it was still there. He grabbed my hand. I ignored the leg-wobbling effects it had on me. He dragged me up and onto the street, my hand still in his.

Xiumin POV

I took a deep breath, just like the social workers said.

 In… and out…In…and out.

I placed a hand on my beating heart. It thumped obnoxiously quick against my palm. I wanted to rip it out. Why did I have to fall for Kim Jongdae? Of all 7 billion people, why did I have to fall in love with the person that considered me his unbiological brother? I cursed my stupid emotions and sighed. I had to calm down. I had been so close to spilling everything, I would not-could not ruin this friendship, this brotherhood. I would rather have Chen as a brother than no Chen at all. I smiled at the thought, however I was sure it came out more as a grimace. I should be lucky to have met someone like Chen. I should be satisfied with what I have. So I turned around, a grin that wasn’t all that bright on my face and skipped over to Chen who was slouched on a rock.

“Chenny! Chenny!” I called out effectively gaining his attention. His eyes widened slightly and crinkled in affection after a few seconds. Looks like I brought him from his thoughts.

“One more day till we reach Seoul!” I cheered coming to sit beside Chen. I scooted closer, praying to whatever gods were left that Chen didn’t notice. Looking up at Chen with my head on my hand I was reminded of his beauty. His lips were plump and cat-like, they were usually curled up in a mischievous grin but now they were turned down slightly at the edges. His dark brown, almost black, hair fell past his eyes hiding the eyebrows I loved to trace when he fell asleep. His eyes were intense and seemed to stare through your soul. His high cheekbones had become more prominent over the past weeks. I ended up trailing my eyes across his jaw before moving up slightly. Coming to rest on the lips I had fantasized about for years.

“Seoul…” He looked me in the eye and I saw that strange emotion in his eyes again. Over the past year it had become more frequent but I could never figure out what it meant. It was a mixture of sadness and affection and something else I didn’t recognize. His eyes were still on mine but I knew he was no longer looking at me. I knew his ears could no longer hear my voice.

“I love you Kim Jongdae…If only you loved me too.” I whispered to him like I had so many times before when he slept. I had long since succumbed to the fact that Chen would never be more than a brother, to me at least. Sure he was gay, but he considered me a brother. Forget getting friend zoned, I would get family zoned.

 “With you…it’s impossib