pairing: Jihyo x Dahyun

summary: You always knew how to make her laugh.

You watch as she places a hand over , muffling the sound of her laughter only slightly. Behind her fingers white teeth shine in straight lines like new gravestones - your name is on all of them.

You always knew how to make her laugh.

You liked the sound so much that you taught yourself which things she would find amusing and repeat them in different varieties over and over. The tone, the gestures, the certain words –you wrote them all down in your mind.

She is breathless from laughter, so alive as if life could last forever for all of you.

You have gotten so good at this (and your addiction has gotten so much worse) that you can’t stop yourself anymore. Where before you would have been serious and talked to her about the things that were on your mind, now you make a joke and keep her at bay. It is just basic self-preservation.

So you watch and marvel at the effect you have.

How can it be that you hold so much power over her? You can make her forget all her worries for a split second, turning everything joyful again.

You’re so powerful, yet powerlessly you watch her, feeling the melancholy close in on you. If only you could make it go away, but you can’t. You’ve already tried everything.

“You’re so cute,” Jihyo says and brushes a hand over your cheek, eyes shining with tenderness.

She thinks you are cute.

You repeat the words for yourself during the times you can’t fall asleep, when you are in the middle of a dance practice, when you raise a glass of water to your lips first thing in the morning.

Cute.

You treasure the word, keeping it close and polished. It is not the first time that the word has been used to describe you, but this time it is different. It is almost if she has invented a completely new word, a completely new concept.

It is the only word that matters.

-

When it is time to go to the army, she doesn’t come to send you off.

You keep telling yourself it doesn’t matter, but your heart feels tight.

-

When you come back, you feel the emotional and physical exhaustion so acutely that you feel nothing at all. Subconsciously you know that you must have been holding back tears for the past four days.

Don’t cry, don’t get hurt, she said, so you did what she asked.

You walk into your home (that’s what the dorm is now) and you don’t think about your mother, or how the filming went, or if the others missed you. The only thing that is on your mind is where she is and whether she is proud of you. You want her to be proud so desperately that all the opinions of netizens could never matter in the slightest.

I’ll be waiting for you, she said.

“Dahyun!” Jihyo exclaims as she sees you, phone in one hand, looking like you never even left. (It was only 4 days, you remind yourself.)

You feel the others around you, but you can’t see them. Your eyes are only on her and when Nayeon tries to pull you into a hug you almost push her away. You want –no, you need to be loved right now, or you might evaporate, fly away like tiny particles of dust. But you only want to be loved by her.

You know your eyes must be begging because she comes to you, so softly, so like a guardian angel that when her arms close around you, the tears that you have been holding back, break free of their restraints and rush over your cold cheeks.

“Our brave soldier,” Jihyo whispers and you shake so violently it is almost funny. Like one of those shows that you keep playing for her, to get her attention, to make her happy. But how can you be brave when you are so small and so frightened, constantly fighting yourself not to break down?

“So very brave,” she soothes, and lord knows why, you almost believe her.

-

She falls asleep on your shoulder, hair falling forward like curtains, slightly open.

You tell yourself it doesn’t mean anything, but you’re afraid to move.

-

You know that one day you will have to confess to her or you will suffocate, quietly like a sedated animal. In your head, you make up scenarios and different outcomes, playing the part of both main characters. Sometimes you make her cruel, sometimes you make her sad and in your weakest moments you make her happy –you make her love you back.

You write lines for yourself and you learn them by heart. Then you change your mind and you rewrite them, so that they never stay the same for very long.

You keep yourself on your toes by wondering if you should do it right now, every time that you get to be alone with her. Then some days you avoid her, so that there is no chance that you would have to do it.

You’re never ready, your lines are never finished, the moment is never right.

Until it is.

“I like you,” you say, trying to pour in the countless days you’ve spent thinking about her and being afraid that she knows exactly how you feel. It wouldn’t surprise you, because she is smart and quite often she seems to see right through you.

You feel and vulnerable, constantly hoping and praying that she would put you out of your misery by either breaking the perfect image you have of her, or by claiming you as hers.

So, you try to pour in all that desperation and anxiety, but it comes out all wrong. The lines that you have been rehearsing in your head break and the whole thing is nothing but a strangled cry without a sound.

Yet, she manages to hear you and smiles brilliantly, warming your face with her glow. To her credit, she doesn’t laugh like she did in your worst-case scenarios.

“I like you, too,” she says and pulls you into a hug and you know in every fiber of your being that she didn’t get what you were trying to say.

This is the only scenario that you didn’t imagine, so you just sit there like a stone, waiting for the moment to pass like water slipping through your small hands.

She pulls away and kisses your temple, blessing you like some otherworldly creature and then you watch as she walks away, leaving you to your silent thoughts full of broken lines and scenes that never took place.

You tell yourself not to cry, because you already broke your other promise.

A/N: Jihyo wrote on instagram when Dahyun left to film the Real Men female edition that Don't cry, don't get hurt. I'll be waiting for you to come back and she also said in the latest V live that Dahyun started crying when she came back, as she saw Jihyo. So, this all came out of that.

Lovemarkzy I know this probably wasn't something you wanted, so I am sorry. I'll write something happier for them the next time. :)