pairing: Jihyo x Chaeyoung

summary: Even Jihyo's patience has a limit.

note: This is a sequel to the previous chapter, Nothing Serious.

She woke up like she usually did, half an hour before her alarm would go off. Ever since she had become a mother her inner clock had changed so that she would never sleep for very long even if she wanted to, or should have. When Nari had been a baby she had dreamed about the time when she could get a full night's sleep but now that she had reached that point she couldn't sleep anymore.

Jihyo curled her toes and sighed pleasantly, feeling the strength of her own body and the warmth it created. She was just about to realize what had caused the floating feeling but as she extended an arm to her left the spot next to her was empty. And cold.

Her eyes flew open and her mind quickly came to the same conclusion as her heart had. Chaeyoung had left during the night. Still, her hand wanted to linger on the place where she had been only a few hours ago.

Even as it didn't really surprise her she let herself feel the bang of loss that so often tangled itself with everything Chaeyoung related. The only real surprise was the fact that the younger woman could have left without her waking up, or sensing it in anyway. Perhaps, she had been too happy last night, too certain that things would finally change for the better and had slept too blissfully.

She had learned from early on that happiness wasn’t something that could be taken for granted, especially if it was somehow tied to other people. The men she had dated and the one she had even married – none of them could have filled a hole deep inside of her and when Nari had been born she had realized that she had been looking for the wrong things. She should have been the only person responsible for her happiness and her daughter’s happiness. If only she hadn’t realized it so late…

She made a promise to herself to stop pinning for people who were looking for heroes and saviors. It was her weakness after all – picking up people like projects and trying to save them from themselves. She loved a lot when she did, but it left her vulnerable and often wounded. So, when Chaeyoung walked into her life she cursed herself for falling again for someone she would have wanted to help, but couldn’t. However, something kept her trying, day after day. Even after each rejection that stung harder than the previous. She would search and probe, always looking for a way into the mystery called Son Chaeyoung.

And last night she thought she had succeeded.

Sighing, she got up, throwing a blanket off of her like another unpleasant thought that goes nowhere. She was still and while it usually didn't bother her, now it made her feel particularly anxious. She could feel the younger woman’s touch everywhere, like a sad melody or bittersweet aftertaste in the mouth.

After dressing up, she walked into the kitchen and made herself a cup of coffee while looking at her calendar so that she would be mentally prepared for the day's work. However, her mind kept drifting back to what had happened last night. She could still hear the sighs, even the smallest of sounds in her ears like a small orchestra. She could still see the other woman's dark eyes full of longing and so many other feelings that it was a wonder she hadn't drowned in them.

She almost wished she had.

"Are you sad?" Nari said, walking into the kitchen and shaking her mother out of her daydreams. Jihyo smiled then, pushing away all the things that made her forehead grow wrinkles.

"No, sweetie. Just thinking," she said and scooped the young girl into her arms, automatically pressing kisses on her hair and cheeks. Nari took the gestures of love happily but didn’t seem to be convinced.

"Thinking about what?"

"A friend," she said and buried her face in her daughter's hair, breathing in the scent of her whole universe. She had always been a particularly sappy individual, but after Nari had been born it had made her even more emotional. She could find herself swallowing tears at the strangest moments.

"Chaeyoung noona?" Nari said and forced her mother to look at her in the eye. Jihyo had never understood where the girl had gotten her intelligence and how she could constantly read her like an open book. It should have been the other way around, she thought and questioned her abilities as a parent once again.

"Yes, Chaeyoung," she said honestly, not wanting to lie more than necessary.

They stared at each other for a moment before Nari nodded a little but didn't say anything. Jihyo pressed another kiss to her forehead and reminded herself that it would be time to take action.

She could compromise when it came to her own needs and be patient but she would not compromise when it came to her daughter. If Nari was worried about her mother's love life it would be a clear sign that something would have to change.

"You'll be going to daddy's house today," she reminded Nari and already her brain was coming up with a plan. She would confront Chaeyoung and leave it to her to decide whether she wanted her enough to win her fears or not. It was about time that they would stop playing around in shadows.

-

"These ones are already sold," Chaeyoung said and made a circling motion with her hand to indicate which paintings she was talking about. Jihyo had admitted a long ago that she understood nothing about art but she didn't have to be an expert to see that the younger woman's paintings were good. They were very emotional and powerful, which amazed her considering that the only ingredients needed were canvas and paint.

"When are you going to paint me one?" she asked, feeling confident enough to flirt a little. She had already won the first round as Chaeyoung had let her into the studio even as she had appeared on her doorstep unannounced, late in the evening. The artist had been in the middle of painting a new piece but she had convinced her that it was almost done.

"I didn't think you would want one," Chaeyoung said, once again blushing like a fourteen-year-old boy. Jihyo found it endearing how she could be so humble about her work when she kept selling more and more paintings by each passing day. One day she might wake up and be rich. Yet, she doubted whether the artist herself would care for such a thing. At the end of the day, Chaeyoung was a dreamer and none of the riches of the world could ever reach her. You could give her a gold coin and she would glance at it with glossy eyes, not seeing the value in it, only the idea behind it. Jihyo was more practical, seeing things as they were and how they should be. Sometimes she wondered if these differences would bring them together or tear them apart. But she would want to try first.

"What? You think I can't appreciate art?" she continued, taking a step closer to the other woman, playfully trying to catch the rim of her shirt.

"I'm afraid the art wouldn't appreciate you," Chaeyoung said, backing away and trying not to laugh at her own joke.

"Lame," Jihyo deadpanned and pouted, impressed at how bad Chaeyoung's jokes could be and just how much she could laugh at them.

Chaeyoung kept on laughing and the more she pouted at her the harder she laughed. The laughter was such a rare occurrence during their interactions that it almost made Jihyo breathless from joy. She could already see all the happiness Chaeyoung could have, if only she would let it in.

Jihyo took another step closer and pushed the younger woman so that her back was against a wall. This was the only way to ever get close to her as the younger woman would try to flee if she wasn't cornered.

The kiss was fierce - almost like a continuation from the night before. She would never get used to this but the constant fear of it being their last kiss made her tender in a heartbeat.

"Why did you leave last night?" she asked as she pulled away just enough to talk. It was time to stop beating around the bush.

"I don't know," Chaeyoung said, clearly bewildered at the sudden change in the atmosphere. It reminded Jihyo of a tide. Sometimes the other woman could be so close and so there, and the next moment she would be falling behind, nothing but a wet memory on the sand.

"What are you so afraid of?" Jihyo whispered and stared as a whole spectrum of emotion travelled over Chaeyoung's face. Fear, anger, denial, vulnerability, longing, love...

"You should go," Chaeyoung muttered and pushed her suddenly, loosening Jihyo's grip on her arms. It was almost like one of those tantrums that Nari kept throwing sometimes - when she came across a situation she couldn’t deal with, she would lash out.

"You don't want to be with me, is that it? Am I not good enough?" She knew they were silly questions because she would stop chasing now if the younger woman wouldn't want to be caught in the first place. If she had learned something in her past, it was to value herself.

"It's not that," the redhead said quietly, frowning and shrinking in size almost immediately.

"Then what is it?"

"I'm... just not good enough for you."

The quiet confession irritated her as much as it broke her heart. It didn’t come as surprise but when the other woman said it as if she was confessing a big secret, it did feel like new information. She would have wanted to tell her that it wasn’t true, but she could keep repeating that and try supporting the younger woman’s fragile self-confidence forever and never get anywhere. She was tired of being stretched thin and being cautious, forever chasing after a light that she wasn’t even sure whether it was there or not anymore.

"And you get to decide that, hm?" she said, sounding a little more angry than she had intended. "Do you think I can't handle hardships? That you are so awful that you are going to hurt me without me being able to protect myself? You’re not the only one who has been through and besides - I'm not a child anymore."

She pulled away, turned around and walked a few steps forward. Now that she was letting herself be vocal about her feelings, the sheer power of them was surprising. She hadn't realized just how tiring it all had been. Always so close, always so far.

"Maybe I’m a child?" Chaeyoung said thoughtfully, still standing by the wall, looking tiny and frightened. "Tzuyu always said-"

"Who cares what she said!" Jihyo turned again to face the other woman and felt so angry that she was almost shaking. "Are you really going to let her ruin your whole life?" She approached the redhead again, not caring about being careful anymore.

Jihyo had never met Tzuyu but she knew her almost intimately. Chaeyoung carried her around like a cross, hold her hand like a dying man and talked to her as if she was close enough to hear. At first, she had found it tragic and almost noble, trying to ignore the fact that the whole person ever existed. But then, gradually Tzuyu’s shadow seemed to linger everywhere, forcing Chaeyoung back to her shell. The more Jihyo tried to get closer, the harder Chaeyoung hold on to her ex.

Maybe she didn’t even want to let her go? Maybe she would rather spend her whole life in the past, repeating things like a broken record, not even wanting to think about a life without her precious Tzuyu? Maybe a dreamer like Chaeyoung would always be married to her own ghosts?

"For 's sake, let her go," she nearly screamed because she would have wanted to shout at the woman who wasn’t even around to receive her insults. But as the words shoot out of , Chaeyoung’s whole face crumpled and tears started to well up in her eyes. Jihyo had never seen her cry before and the shock was so great that she forgot her anger in an instant. She stepped closer, hands immediately outstretched towards Chaeyoung who looked like she was about to shatter into pieces.

"I loved her so much," she whispered through tears, just as Jihyo wrapped her hands around the shorter woman, preventing her from collapsing to the floor.

"So much," she managed before her voice broke completely. Chaeyoung buried her face in the crook of Jihyo's neck and sobbed. It was so heartbreaking that Jihyo could feel hot tears fall down her own cheeks that just a moment ago had been heated by anger. Right now she would have done anything to take her words back, or at least say them differently.

"I know," Jihyo whispered. "But it's time to let her go. Let me try to make you happy." She accentuated her words with soothing circles on the other woman’s back and a kiss to her hair. Her own hair was sticking to her cheeks because the tears acted as an effective glue but she let them be.

Chaeyoung cried like a person who doesn’t cry often. Short, strong pulls of anguish from the chest breaking out as desperate attempts to hold on to something, hold on to anything. She sounded like a broken machine and Jihyo was afraid that she had broken the other woman permanently.

“Yes,” Chaeyoung said suddenly, mustering enough strength to stop shaking but not lifting her head from the place it was resting against Jihyo’s chest.

“Yes, what?” She already knew but she would want to hear it, just to be sure.

“Let’s try.”

-

“Why are you smiling?” Nari asked, looking at her mother from behind a large cereal box.

“I’m thinking,” Jihyo said and left the smile where it was, not bothered enough to wipe it away when the sun was shining so warmly outside the window.

“Thinking about what?”

“Good morning,” Chaeyoung said and walked into the kitchen, pressing a sleepy kiss on Jihyo’s cheek, effectively stopping Jihyo from answering. However, the way the older woman looked at the sleepyhead was an answer in itself.

“Good morning, your majesty,” Chaeyoung said to Nari and ruffled her black hair. The little girl crunched up her face gleefully, looking a lot like her mother when she is on a particularly playful mood.

“Have we slept well?” Nari giggled, finding the royal treatment hilarious.

“Yes,” she said and tried to nod in a queenly manner. Chaeyoung grinned at her and walked to the kitchen counter, meaning to pour herself some coffee. Jihyo watched her small, bare feet patting on the wooden floor and wondered why everything about someone could be so special.

“Look! There’s a cat!” Chaeyoung exclaimed, tiptoeing by the window, face almost pressed against the glass.

“Where?” Nari asked and jumped up from her seat immediately, not needing anything else to get excited. Chaeyoung scooped the girl into her arms and made her sit on the kitchen counter so that she could see properly.

“There, by the trashcan. Can you see it?” When Nari nodded Chaeyoung pressed a quick kiss on her cheek.

Jihyo watched from her place by the table and felt water rising from the corners of her eyes. Nari had curled her arm around Chaeyoung’s neck and they looked so peaceful in the sunlight that it was almost as if she wasn’t even needed here. For the first time in her life, she wouldn’t have to worry – if something happened to her, Chaeyoung would take care of Nari. They would take care of each other.

They were a family now and it was something far more serious than she had ever expected them to be.

A/N: Surprise, surprise! :) You got your sequel after all and quite fast, I think. Moving on...