pairings: Jihyo x Momo, Jihyo x Jeongyeon

summary: She made it look like all the dangers and drawbacks were worth it.

Jihyo smiled around the rim of her glass. Next to her Momo was trying her best not die from laughing, burying her face into Jihyo's lap as she folded from the force of her laughter. Jihyo's smile turned into a grin and she patted her girlfriend gently on the back, fingertips finding the soft texture of her hair.

"I was so embarrassed," Sana continued, looking perplexed yet amused at her own clumsiness. "I'm sure they won't hire me after I looked like a starfish on the carpet. I mean what a way to end a job interview."

"You've always known how to leave an impression," Mina said from the other side of the couch, her tiny plastic hat with "25" dipping as she picked up a glass from a table. The birthday girl looked happy, happier than Jihyo remembered seeing her lately.

"Only you, Sana. Only you," Momo said, sitting up and wiping away tears from the corners of her eyes. She left out a long sigh and fell back to Jihyo's side, head snugly on the younger girl's shoulder. Jihyo's instant reaction was to let her own head fall to rest on top of the other girl's.

The party was a lot smaller than Jihyo had expected. Instead of inviting everyone from her Instagram feed and all of her "friends" from Facebook, Mina had opted for a more intimate thing. Only a couple of dozen people roamed around in the large house, especially rented for the occasion. Those who had come from abroad could stay several nights and not worry about hotels.

Sana went on, telling about all the amusing events that she had had lately and knowing her, it wasn’t a small number. Jihyo loved the girl for her openness, the way she could reveal everything and laugh at herself. Under the cute and cheerful image was a strong woman who knew who she was, and what her strengths were.

Jihyo closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth of Momo next to her and the scent of her hair. The little alcohol that she had drank only seemed to have intensified the world around her. The music came closer, the lights shone brighter and her skin tingled just from being alive. She forgot to listen to what Sana was saying and let her mind wander.

"Look who's here," Momo whispered suddenly, lips nearly touching her ear. Jihyo opened her eyes slowly and scanned the room idly, not really caring about who it could be. Then her gaze landed on the figure standing in the foyer. She was tall, cool and graceful at the same time, hands holding a present for Mina who had left the couch without Jihyo realizing.

The breath in her lungs rushed out like she had been kicked in the chest.

"You didn't tell me she was going to be here," she whispered harshly, afraid that her voice might waver or that someone in the room had suddenly learned to read minds.

"I didn't know she was coming," Momo said and shrugged, clearly not realizing how agitated her girlfriend was. "I thought she was still in the States, but I guess not."

Jihyo swallowed, Momo's weight on her side suddenly feeling much heavier, like she being pressed under a fallen tree. The room had gone too warm and the dress she was wearing felt like an armor in a desert. She didn't want to look towards the foyer but found herself doing exactly that.

There was Jeongyeon, like she had materialized from some dark corner of her mind, uninvited. Just when she was about to get up from the couch and flee from the room, the older girl lifted her gaze and found hers in an instant.

Jeongyeon stared right through her and everything that had happened since the last time they saw each other melted away. Years, months and long days vanished from the calendar of her mind. Jeongyeon went through people and places, dreams and fears, categorizing her everything into tiny departments. An x-ray of human emotions.

She felt suddenly to the bone, light-headed and very afraid.

"I'm going to get some fresh air," she muttered, not caring if it sounded to Momo just as weak and terrified as it did to her own ears. She couldn't care less now that the panic was already making the edges of her vision blurry.

Jihyo headed for the kitchen, knowing that the back door there would lead to a terrace. Fortunately, nobody was there to see as she struggled with the glass door, both hands shaking as if in a seizure. She got the door open eventually and stepped outside, the cool evening air hitting her in the face harder than she thought it would. It wasn't cold yet, but it would be. However, she didn't care about that now and sighed in relief as she closed the door again, this time with a much smoother swoosh.

Carefully, she walked to the furthest corner of the terrace, hands catching the cool railing. She stared at her own knuckles, flexing her fingers on top of the metal, breathing in and out, feeling some of the previous anxiety slipping away.

Here, she would be safe until she could come up with a plan of getting away from the party without meeting Jeongyeon face to face, and without raising any suspicions.

The city before her eyes looked like it always did, busy with passing cars and full of lights twinkling in the evening. Trying to concentrate on something else than her own racing heart, she began searching for buildings and places that she could recognize. But even now her mind’s eye was coming up with vivid images from the past, images of another Jihyo, another person that came before her.

"You look beautiful," a voice behind her said and Jihyo felt her legs almost giving in. Gripping the railing tighter she managed to stay as she was, hoping that it didn’t show just how shaken she was. The last thing she wanted to do was to look weak before the older girl.

She scoffed, not bothering to turn around to meet the intruder. She could feel Jeongyeon's eyes on her body and hair, exhilarating and terrifying at the same time.

"And you've finally managed to get yourself a decent haircut," she said, biting back a wince as Jeongyeon laughed heartily and stepped next to her, wrists resting on the railing.

She smelled different, yet familiar.

Jihyo moved away a little, trying not to make it too obvious, yet knowing that it showed. For a moment, neither of them said anything and Jihyo could feel the speech forming in Jeongyeon's head. She would have to get away-

"I've been thinking about you," Jeongyeon confessed, as if sensing that she was going to flee again. The older girl stared at Jihyo's profile, trying to see her eyes that were hidden behind her hair.

"Right," Jihyo said bitterly, too bitterly. This wasn't going the way she had wanted to. She would never admit to it, but secretly she had entertained herself by having this conversation in her head over the years. But now that it was happening she felt too ashamed to even talk properly.

"I know you've been thinking of me, too," Jugnyeon continued, smile playing in the corner of . It made Jihyo turn around as the anger started to boil in her veins. Jeongyeon had always been good at pushing her buttons, all of them.

"Don't flatter yourself," she all but sneered, making towards the back door, but not before Jeongyeon's hand gripped her arm.

"I could see it from the way you looked at me from across the room," Jeongyeon said quietly, her hand warm against Jihyo's arm, eyes soft and not as smug as a moment ago. Jihyo’s body was already giving up a fight, like her feet had grown roots all the sudden, stopping her from moving again.

"It doesn't matter," she said, voice strangled from the things that threatened to run her over. "You and I were over long ago."

Something in Jeongyeon's eyes flashed, her grip on Jihyo's arm tightening.

"You never gave me a chance to explain.”

Jihyo felt something dark inside of her moving, the fear making waves. She would have to get out before it would be too late. If it wasn't already.

"You gave us up! There was no need for explanations."

"Is that what you keep telling yourself?" Jeongyeon whispered, her eyes falling to Jihyo's lips suddenly. It was like she wasn’t even listening to her anymore, only playing games with the rules of her own making.

"You're only here because the thing with Nayeon unnie never worked out," Jihyo said, aiming to hit low and hopefully hurt. She whisked her arm away from Jeongyeon's grip, feeling instantly far more clear-headed.

"It was just one kiss, nothing more," Jeongyeon said absentmindedly, going over the same conversation they had been through before. "It was never going to be anything more."

The tint of sadness in Jeongyeon's eyes made Jihyo soften a little. She hovered, trying to figure out why she wasn’t running away screaming.

Time and space had flown away from around them.

(Jeongyeon had opened the door to the balcony and left it open. She was wearing nothing but a jumper and some shorts, her long legs almost glowing in the dawn. One hand over the railing, a cigarette elegantly perched between slender fingers and her hair a messy crown on her head –well, she was perfect and she wasn’t even trying.

Jihyo hated smoking. It made her head ache and throat burn even if she was just next to someone who smoked. She had never understood the point to it. Sure, it looked attractive when you were 17 and beautiful but eventually it would catch up. Yellow teeth, hard wrinkles and watery eyes.

But as much as she hated the whole thing, she still loved watching Jeongyeon when she smoked. She made it look like all the dangers and drawbacks were worth it when the smoke pillowed out of her pink mouth, spiralling out in white clouds.

It was getting cold inside but she didn't want to tell Jeongyeon to close the door. Even as the smoke travelled to the room, Jihyo still let her do as she pleased, knowing that if she asked, Jeongyeon would obey.

Although, she always had a price.

Jeongyeon made her feel like a Queen. In this dirty little apartment, with her clothes scattered on the floor and smoke closing in on her, she felt like the life was a playground for them both. Whatever they would choose to do, they would excell in it. Whatever she would want Jeongyeon would give it to her, on a silver plate adorned with foreign ornaments.

This is how it feels like to be young, she thought, shiver running down her shoulders and over her body as the early morning wind blew inside.

Jeongyeon dropped the cigarette into a can on the concrete floor and came to the door, hands gripping the sides of the doorframe, her jumper lifting up and revealing her stomach. She smiled, teeth edging her lower lip and Jihyo felt herself smiling back, hungry.

"Get back here.")

Jihyo bit her lip unconsciously.

Jeongyeon took it as a sign to reach out, fingertips coming to Jihyo's cheek. The younger girl had to fight her eyelids from fluttering.

"I'm with Momo now. You should respect that," she whispered, feeling the resistance in herself growing weaker and weaker. Jeongyeon was wearing a lipstick shade that she had never seen her wearing before. It was lighter, almost . An innocent shade on such sinful lips.

"I will. If you respect it, too," Jeongyeon whispered back, her breath tingling on Jihyo's lips.

"What is that supposed t-"

Jeongyeon curled her fingers into Jihyo's hair and pulled her in, shutting her up before she could talk herself out of it. Jihyo moaned, surging in with more hunger than she would ever admit of having.

The kiss only lasted a few seconds, but it went to places that Jihyo hadn’t visited in years. More tongue, more bite, more spark than anything after Jeongyeon had been gone.

"W-we can't do this," she stammered, more to herself than the young woman in front of her. The panic was shrieking in her head now, trying to silence the calls of her own desire. "I'm with Momo and-"

"Momo…" Jeongyeon drawled, finally grinning in the smug way that Jihyo could remember so well. She equally hated and loved it. Jeongyeon's hands were now on her waist, firmly keeping her in place. "She loves food, staying in shape and wants three kids and a nice car and a nice house. And you will be her nice little wife and everything will be so nice and lovely."

Jihyo stared at the mouth that kept talking, saying the things that she didn't want to hear.

"You know nothing about Momo. I-"

"She'll bore you to death," Jeongyeon said harshly. Something in Jihyo's chest felt like it was going to burst. She freed herself from the half-embrace and fleed to the door, but not before she could hear the final words.

"You used to want more, Jihyo. You used to dream."

She struggled with the door once more and wondered if it was laughing at her, glancing at her own anxious face reflected on the glass.

“You used to be braver than this.”

-

Convincing Momo had been a lot easier than she had expected. She hadn't even tried to lie properly, only coming up with a weak excuse about a headache and all that. Momo had swallowed the hook instantly, worry etched on her normally serene face.

Jihyo wanted to wipe the look from her face as it made her even guiltier than she already did. Her skin felt clammy all over.

The night air did little to soothe her confused thoughts and neither did Momo, who kept her close as they walked. The taller girl had her arm around Jihyo, as if she was afraid that her girlfriend might stumble and fall any minute.

If Jihyo had asked, she knew that Momo would have carried her in her arms, all the way home. She was too nice, always had been and Jihyo wanted to hate her for it. But no matter how much she tried to hold on to some fake anger, it slipped away, leaving her with nothing but pity. Pity for herself.

As they crossed a street not far from home, a phone in Jihyo's pocket buzzed and she pulled it out, glancing at the screen absentmindedly.

To her amazement it didn't show a name but only a number and she opened it, momentarily relieved to be thinking about something else other than Jeongyeon.

-You know where to find me-

"Babe, you okay?" Momo asked as she felt her girlfriend freeze in her arms. Jihyo put the phone away quickly, trying to act as if nothing had happened.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Momo pressed a kiss on Jihyo's forehead and let it go as soon as she could feel Jihyo seemingly relax again.

She didn't think about how Jeongyeon had managed to get a hold of her new phone number or why exactly she knew where Jeongyeon would be, but only the desire that made her feel sick in her stomach.

A/N: How was this then? I'm sorry I always make Jeongyeon a little dangerous. It just can't be helped because she is so gorgeous.