#11:   “i found your box of letters underneath my bed last night and because i’m a nosy motherer i decided to read them and it turns out they were all addressed to me and the last one was dated the day you moved out and i’m not quite sure why i thought this would be a good idea but here i am, standing on your doorstep, wondering why the we’re not together anymore” AU

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It’s a box, Eric thought as he reached further under the bed, grabbed it and pulled it out.

Even though he was searching for his pen, which he let fall and roll under the bed, he found something else, something more interesting.
 

“What is this?” He mumbled as he took a closer look, soon finding a name written on the side of the box, which he did not even need to read to know from this ugly handwriting whom the box belonged to, “Shin Hyesung.”
 

Eric lifted his eyebrows, he was surprised to find Hyesung’s belongings here at his place even though they had broken up a month ago and he moved out just the same time.

He wanted to put the box on the desk and give it to Hyesung… well, whenever he could or just send it to him with a common friend. He did like this and went back to whatever he was doing – but he could not concentrate.

From the corner of his eyes he kept watching the box, it piqued his interest and got so curious in the end he could not fight against it anymore: he reached out for the box and opened it.
 

“Letters?” He furrowed his eyebrows once again, seeing tons of letters being gently placed in it and Eric could feel the care and Hyesung’s feelings towards them.
 

He took them out while mumbling, “What are these… did you have a secret lover or something…”
 

However, he was wrong. As he took the letters in hand and checked them, they were all, all addressed to him, all with the date of their creation.

He was surprised, nay, shocked. Why were there letters that were addressed to him? He had never seen them, Hyesung never talked about these before and now he got even more curious.
 

“It’s not rude to open them.” He mumbled as he took one out of the many, “But they are for me. I have the right to open them.”
 

He opened the first one and gulped as he started to read it.

 

Eric-ah,
 

Thank you for today. You have no idea how happy I am that you invited me to this French restaurant.
 

Ah, our first date, Eric thought to himself nostalgic, So this letter is so old…
 

Though, I’m not really into French food, still, I’m happy I was there, because it was you whom I was with.

I’ve been watching you for such a long time now and to think you might have similar feelings… I’m ten centimetres above the ground!

If only I could tell my feelings, but… but I’m scared, I don’t have the confidence.
 

Please love me.
 

Yours,
 

Hyesung

Eric felt a sharp pain in his chest. Oh, if only you knew how nervous I was before inviting you there, because I was certain someone like you, such a stunning person, would never want to have anything to do with me.
 

Eric put down the letter and reached for the next one.
 

Eric-ah,
 

Can I believe our feelings are mutual?

I’m uncertain. I’m scared. I’m so confused over you.

You invited me out again, to the cinema. Our shoulders were brushing the whole time and you never pulled away. It was torturing, I could not concentrate on the movie…
 

I don’t even know what movie we watched, Eric laughed to himself, All the time I kept watching you from the corner of my eyes…
 

It was nighttime when we left the cinema and you said you’ll take me home. You walked me to the entrance. You were standing there like a shy child and then… you just walked away.

I was so sure you are going to kiss me, but then you left.
 

Just what should I think?

Tell me.
 

Love,
 

Hyesung

He could not erase the smile from his face, reaching for the next letter. He remembered that time perfectly, he certainly wanted to kiss Hyesung but in the last moment… he suddenly turned into a scaredy cat that ran away, tail between his legs.

He had always regretted that moment and seeing Hyesung’s next letter he shook his head remembering what his desperation had driven him into.
 

Eric-ah,
 

You… just what exactly are you? Haha.

I’m happy, I’m the happiest person on Earth even with this bump on my forehead.

I was actually quite sad about the ending of our latest date, I was not even sure if I could call it as a date… then you suddenly appeared, out of the blue.

It was actually embarrassing as you’ve shouted at me, ‘I love you!’. So many people were around us, I was so embarrassed I could die.

I was not angry, just embarrassed. That’s why I’ve dragged you away, people’s eyes were at us. I did not want ourt moment to be shared by anyone else.
 

But then, you said, ‘Even if you don’t like me, I’ll make you love me!’ and I was so surprised by you suddenly grabbing me and pulling me to you I…

How could we bump our foreheads together?

We are so… haha.
 

But Eric, when you really did kiss me… I think it was the sweetest one I’ve ever received in my entire life.
 

I want to stay with you forever.
 

Hyesung
 

There was a lump in Eric’s throat, his heart was aching as he remembered that sweet and embarrassing moment. He put away some of the letters and got one that was probably written way later.

Eric,
 

I’m anxious. Ever since we started to live together, you’ve changed.

Of course, it’s unavoidable for both parties to change slightly if they live together.

But I’ve thought we are going to be alright, we were so happy… But was that the honeymoon stage?

Now we fight a lot. I don’t even know what we are fighting over, we just shout and shout until you take your coat and leave, slamming the door behind yourself.

And I stay behind in the empty, cold house… and I can’t stop my tears flowing.
 

But you always come back in an hour or two, and those are my most favourite moments because at those times your hug is the warmest and your words are sweeter than ever.
 

Still, I can’t help being anxious. I’m scared, Eric.
 

What is happening with us?
 

Hyesung

Eric sighed. He had no idea either what was going on with them, why they fought all the time and why they went one each others’ nerves.

And even though he was more or less fine for this one month without him, now, Eric felt this terrible pain in his heart missing Hyesung.
 

Like a madman thirsty for Hyesung’s words, Hyesung’s presence in his writing, he reached for another letter.
 

Eric,
 

Forgive me. Please. Please. I feel like going crazy.

I was so sure you are cheating on me… I was…so sure.

You haven’t been touching me at all these days. You were so cold to me and I saw you texting so much.
 

I was so jealous. Who is the person you are texting with when I’m right here with you? You should be caring about me when I’m with you, not about someone else!

But I did not dare to tell you this. I was scared you would hate me, leave me.
 

I’ve thought you found someone else, I’ve thought you want to leave me, please, understand I was desperate.

I never would have guessed you were only taking advices… I never would have guessed you only wanted to improve our relationship.
 

I’m scared and bitter.
 

I don’t know what to do.
 

Hyesung
 

He clenched his heart as he took another letter, it was maybe the shortest, but most heartbreaking one.

 

Eric,
 

I… what should we do?

Can we go back the way we used to be? I don’t have hopes anymore.
 

I don’t think our love can be the same old again.
 

Hyesung
 

Eric did not want to read any further. He tossed away the whole box, burying his face into his palms. His eyes were filled with tears as the torturous feeling from before had filled his chest once again.

He missed Hyesung. He loved Hyesung to death and he had no idea what happened to them that they arrived to this point…
 

He straightened up and wiped off his tears. Only then he noticed one of the letters on the floor, and from the date on it Eric knew it was written on that very day they broke up, when Hyesung moved away.
 

He opened it only to have his tears broke out of him again.
        

Eric,
 

In the end we are here… I was scared of this.

But recently, I’ve started to think its may be unavoidable. I was so terrified but I knew in the end we will end up this way.
 

I wish we shouted at each other. I wish he sent each other to hell, I wish we kicked each other…

A break-up like that might be better.

Because our calm, low-toned parting hurts so much more.
 

If we shouted… it would give me the feeling we might get back together, because we still have passionate feelings that are keeping us together.

But this… both agreeing, both relaxed, almost dead… it tells me we won’t see each other ever again. It gives me the feeling of a goodbye forever.
 

So now, here I am in our room that was our most intimate place before, and I’m crying while writing this letter. And you are out somewhere, you left me alone so I can pack in peace.
 

You left so I can leave as well.
 

But I don’t want to go. I don’t want to let you go.

But if I don’t… we both are going to be ruined.

Farewell.
 

Forever yours,
 

Shin Hyesung

Hyesung was staring shocked at Eric, whom was panting in his doorstep, running all the way there.

Led by his impulses, after he read Hyesung’s very last letter he jumped to his feet, took his jacket and left his home with the intention of meeting with Hyesung and ask him, ‘why?’.

But he was not sure anymore if it was the best idea he had ever had.

Hyesung looked… bad. He certainly had a hard time, he looked drained, he had dark circles and Eric was sure he lost weight – he was thin, thinner than ever and was only the shadow of that always bright, smiling boy Eric fell in love with.
 

“Eric?” His voice was hoarse, “What are you doing here…?”
 

Suddenly, Eric felt as he lost all the courage he had as the impulse started to ease. He started to realize things don’t work as easily as he thought, he figured they might end up the same way… if they even get back together.

His sane self woke up, telling his body he should turn around and leave, not bothering Hyesung ever again, after all he seemingly suffered a lot because of Eric.
 

He shook his head.

No. He listened to this sane self of his when he did not kiss him back then, right here in this very same doorstep. He listened and regretted, and he was sure he was going to regret it again if he leaves now.
 

“I’ve…” He cleared his throat, “I’ve found your letters.”
 

Hyesung’s eyes widened and bit his lips, “Oh…”
 

“And I’ve read them.”
 

Hyesung’s lips parted slightly as he stepped forward, obviously angry, “You had no right for that! You should have… thrown them out or burn them.”
 

“First of all, how could I do that when those letters were the only things in my home that were a part of you.” Hyesung shifted his gaze, he continued, “Secondly, they were addressed to me, they are mine, I do whatever I want with them.”
 

“No, Eric…”
 

He lifted his hand to quiet Hyesung, “No, listen to me. I’ve read some of them and they made me remember the time when we were so happy and…” Eric stepped forward, “I just don’t get it what happened to us. We were so in love, so why are we like this now…”
 

Hyesung shrugged, “I don’t know, but…”
 

Eric stepped right before him and grabbed his hands, “Let’s try it again, Hyesung.”
 

“Eric, that…”
 

“Hyesung, we can do better now.” He pulled him closer, leaning his forehead against Hyesung’s, “What would you tell me if you were writing a letter now?”
 

For a moment Hyesung was quietly staring into Eric’s eyes, then tears dwelled up in his eyes as he replied on a low tone, “That I really want to be with you again, but I’m scared, but I love you so much I don’t know what to do.”
 

“It’s okay.” Eric smiled and kissed his forehead, wiping off the teardrops with his thumb,
 

He took him among his arms and hugged him warmly, gently caressing his back as he tried to stop his silent weeping and he was overwhelmed how a few letters can change one’s life.

A/N:

Sorry for not updating for a while now. I actually did not feel like writing for this OTL bc only happy ending ones are left, it's not that interesting xD
Anyway, only one chapter is left so I do my best to present it asap~
In the meantime, please support Crazy Little Things Called Love and wait for Hello&Goodbye update~

see you next time