#1: “today was the first family gathering i’ve been to since we broke up and my little cousin that absolutely adored you asked where you were and i had to lock myself in the bathroom and sit in the tub for a half an hour and look through a folder on my phone of pictures i took of you to feel okay again¨ AU

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Eric did not really feel like going for this whole Christmas family gathering for which he was heading to. He was not in the mood. His feelings weren’t exactly filled with the spirit of Christmas. He was rather sore, blue, tired.
 

He had been like this for the last three months now. Though he had to admit he was eventually getting better. Nay, he found himself thinking less and less and trying to look into the future.

He did not miss him anymore or at least not that much, he figured he finally accepted the facts.

The facts of breaking up.
 

Three months ago him and Hyesung separated their ways. There was no screaming, they did not beat each other up, they pretty much talked it through and came to the conclusion: it’s better if they break up.

They felt it way before things did not work between them anymore. They argued more and more, tried to spend time together less and less. Even if they were together and started off with a sweet atmosphere… things soon turned into hell.

Even though they started off with madly in love… in the end they broke up.
 

They did not really talk since then. The last time might have been when after a week of saying out the final decision, Hyesung appeared in their then-shared, now-Eric’s apartment to collect his things so he can move out and end things properly.

He did not look good and for a moment Eric was actually satisfied – so it was not only him suffering from the pain, but it was the same for Hyesung as well.

Then he soon turned worried. Was it possible for someone to lose weight in a week? And his face did not look good at all, he was pale with black circles and his eyes were so puffy he must have cried a lot.

And he looked sad, so sad… the complete opposite of what he usually was and for what Eric had fallen for.
 

They did not say anything though. Eric was well aware Hyesung must have noticed he was not really in his quite shiny-bright condition and figured it’s better if they just ignore everything, exchange a few polite lines then say goodbye like two awkward strangers.

It was a painful experience, for sure.

To see him off this way despite how he used to hug and kiss him… it was maddening.
 

With three months’ passing he dared to announce, however, he was recovering. Slowly but surely.

He did not know about Hyesung. They haven’t talked ever since then and thanks to God, they did not meet up accidentally. After a month Eric even gave up on stalking him on social media.

He just… tried to live in a Hyesung-less world without trying to seek him out and causing himself unnecessary heartache.
 

He was not really in the mood for Christmas. He remembered the last time he was still with Hyesung and even if they ended up fighting at some point (and make up in bed), still, it was still with Hyesung… which luxury he did not have that moment.

However, it was already too late. He had already gotten off of the plane and was heading to his family’s home. It was the US. It was not simple to just run back home to Korea, curl up in his bed and curse his failure decisions.

Because he definitely regretted ever breaking up with Hyesung and wondered why they never tried to work things out instead. He wondered if Hyesung ever thought about this…
 

“Getting better, my .” He thought for himself as he got out of the taxi, walked up to the entrance door and rang the doorbell.
 

His family was happy for him, they welcomed him wholeheartedly though Eric could see the slight discomfort about the very same issue. They knew about Hyesung and they also knew about the sad news and so, they did not really have any idea how to handle the information they just learnt when they invited Eric over… together with Hyesung.

Should they bring it up? Or they shouldn’t?

They just could not come up with a solution and in the end they just decided to smile and welcome Eric, caring about him a bit more than about everyone else and hoping it was not obvious for the object of their care.

They were handling him like he was an egg that could break anytime. Eric knew things are going to be this way and this is another reason why he did not really want to come…
 

Their tiptoeing around him did not have much use though because the children, Eric’s nephew and niece, were quite clueless about everything and considering how much they liked Hyesung they soon turned confused about Eric’s one-man visit and asked:
 

“Uncle, where is Hyesung uncle?”
 

For a short while Eric could only stare at the children and he could feel half of their relatives’ eyes on themselves. He felt that familiar pain in his heart which always appeared whenever Hyesung came to his mind.

The children’s huge, curious eyes were even more torturing. He should have told them the truth. ‘Kids, Hyesung uncle and me… we aren’t seeing each other anymore.’ He should have told them this.

But he did not have the heart to. Not only because of the kids but because of himself.

If he told this it would mean… he completely accepted it was over.

Because even though Hyesung and him, they both agreed it’s better if they broke up and even though Eric enjoyed lying to himself, saying ‘I’m perfectly fine now’… in the end Eric just regretted the whole thing and wanted things to go back how they used to be – him and Hyesung living together, being madly in love.
 

“Hyesung uncle was too busy to come.” He said smiling then he stood up and said, “I need to go to the bathroom.”

He buried his face into his palms once he closed the bathroom door behind himself. Then he just sat down onto the top of the toilet seat and let out a loud, tortured sigh.

He was in pain. Only at times like this he realized how much his heart was aching and how much he missed Hyesung, his eyes, his lips, his body heat, his scent, his laughing voice and even his grumbling, beating. He missed him so much he felt like a fool because he was not so sure Hyesung felt the same way.

His absence in the past months was like a proof he was doing well. Or so that’s what Eric thought, he was not really sure. He might be suffering the same way, being closed up in the bathroom and thinking about Eric.
 

Eric sighed. At times like this he only had one way of getting better or at least more or less pull himself together.

He took his phone out of his pocket, went to the gallery and looked at all the hundreds of pictures he had collected all over the years he spent together with Hyesung. He still had them, he was not ashamed.

He was just staring at the photos of Hyesung: sometimes smiling, sometimes laughing or making silly face or sulking, sometimes Eric just took paparazzi photos while he was sleeping or did not pay attention… it was all Hyesung and this was all he needed to calm down – to see him.
 

“You are so beautiful.” Eric whispered as he gently touched Hyesung’s face on one of the pictures.
 

He was still in pain but it was only a dull feeling.
Instead, this time his heart was fluttering…

A/N:

MERRY CHRISTMAS
Though this fic is a certainly rude way of me wishing such things. It's pretty depressing, ruining... quite blue. Not very holiday-ish.
OH WELL
I apologize and hope you still liked it though but knowing not many of you are a fan of angst... OTL

A bit more about this new series though I more or less stated everything in the description.
So I've found this post-breakup au post on tumblr and honestly it did all sorts of things to my heart and my first thought was: must write these. THat's how this new one-shot series, Not Over You, was born lol
I might not write all of them but I think around 10 chapters definitely will be written. I don't think the chapters will be long though it depends on what kind of ending each one will have - I'll try to not lead the depressing line for all the chapters but sometimes give you happy endings. *thumbs up*
Anyway, thank you for reading and I'm hoping for your support for this series as well.^^

Again
Merry Christmas!