We lost him. Forever. He wouldn’t be coming back, no matter how hard I wished, or dreamt, or imagined. It won’t be the same again, unless I join him. I glanced anxiously at the bathroom door. I had locked it, but I was still worried that someone would see me. That someone would try to stop me, or convince me out of this. I had never felt so alone, so lost, so incapable of doing even the smallest tasks. And this was only the beginning, the beginning of the pain, the suffering and the endless road of emotions that were in store for me.

I filled the sink to the brim with lukewarm water, the most soothing temperature. I splashed my face with the water, hoping that it would knock some sense into me. Unfortunately, no epiphany followed. I looked at myself in the mirror above the sink. Droplets of water mingled with tears slid down my face. I traced them with my fingers, the way I would with raindrops on a window.

I tentatively ran my fingers over the features of my face. I had changed so much. He had changed me so much. I hadn’t seen the others in days, but I imagine they would look the same. Gaunt, haunted, restless, and hopeless. At least my sleeping pills helped me sleep. I prefer sleeping to being awake now. It’s an escape. Jungkook always talked about escaping, I’d even helped him do so once. It was my turn to escape. Into a never-ending world of peace, of dreams.

I swiped the bottle of pills up in my hand, and roughly shook the white capsules out into my hands, some of them cascading into the water, falling with minuscule splashes. I stared at them. This could all be over. I brought them to my eye level and held them flat in my palm. I could end it. I brought my hand to my mouth, and I swallowed.

It was done.