I was sat on the roof of Namjoon’s car, my legs dangling of the edge beneath me, and it felt like there was absolute stillness. No air stirred through the underpass. No water dripped from the rotting ceiling. Not a sound could be heard either close at hand or in the far off distance. Even my own breath seemed to die as soon as it left my mouth. It was an eerie sort of tranquillity, so instead of being soothed, my senses became heightened. It was as if the world were encased in a cocoon, a bubble, and there was no way out. I wondered if this was the way he always felt. Was this his normality now? I would never know.

The emptiness was broken by the screech of several car tyres. I looked behind me to see traffic that s up through the entire tunnel, all halted. We were in the way. I felt a slight knock on the roof of the car, and I looked down lazily.

“Don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts…” Yoongi warned, grabbing my wrist, holding a megaphone in his other hand.

“Of course not,” I smiled, my heart not committed to my words. But he was easily fooled.

“Stop flirting and come on! Let’s have some fun!” Jimin grinned like a child on his birthday, tugging on Yoongi’s jacket before waking up Hoseok.

Yoongi gave me a reassuring smile, one that reminded me of the old Yoongi. I felt a pang in my heart as I desperately longed to be able to go back in time by seven months. Then we would all be a family again. Then we would be happy again. I sniffed, latching onto Yoongi’s hand as he helped me slide off the roof. And almost as soon as I landed on the tarmac, the havoc began.

Jimin ran first, dragging a wide-eyed Hoseok along with him. They weaved in between the gaps of the cars, spitting in driver’s faces, jumping on the roofs, and causing chaos. They looked too happy. Lost in their own pleasure and insanity. They’ve been like that for a few months now, and they’re stupid if they thought we didn’t know what was up. Especially Yoongi and I. I wish they’d just told us instead of keeping secrets. I thought we were meant to stick together after what happened, and in a way we did. Just not altogether.

I watched blankly as Yoongi stormed after them. Namjoon was leant against the side of his car, as casual as he would be in normal circumstances, with his trademark lollipop in his mouth. Taehyung gave me a wild grimace, and before I could back out, he pushed my forward, giggling like a maniac. I felt uneasy, but laughed, as naturally as I could.

My breath became heavy, as the reality of the situation set in. My stomach tightened and I felt sick. Because I knew I was lying to them, and I was letting them do all this. I winced at the sight of their actions and looked around sadly, putting on a fake smile to hide my pain from my friends. I didn’t want to break their happiness just yet. Taehyung suddenly sprinted ahead, and scrambled on top of one cars bonnet. I stood in a daze, and just watched. I was pathetic. And too cowardly to stop any of them.

Taehyung’s partner in crime, Namjoon, carelessly lobbed a spray paint can at him. His aim was off, and it landed on the car window opposite Taehyung, leaving a web of cracks on the window. Taehyung just laughed manically, retrieved the can, and began spraying an ‘x’ over the window, looking the driver dead in the eyes.

I heard a faint giddy screech from Yoongi, and I spun around, my eyes searching for him through the madness surrounding me. I put my hand to my head and grit my teeth. I crouched down, trying to get rid of the black that invaded my vision. I heard car doors opening, and I froze. I heard Yoongi slurring something again, and the sound of the car horn. I scampered back to the car, losing my footing a couple of times. Yoongi waited for me to get in the back of the car before getting in himself.

Namjoon stepped on the pedal harshly, the car jolting back slightly before accelerating forwards. “I swear, if you were one second slower, I would have left without you all!” Namjoon yelled.

“Ah, you don’t mean that!” Yoongi said, punching his shoulder from the backseat.

Taehyung smacked his hand away from Namjoon protectively and glared. “Isn’t Jungkook enough for you?” He snarled. It was the second time I had frozen in mere minutes.

“Watch your mouth,” Yoongi pushed Taehyung’s face away with the palm of his hand. He slumped back into his seat, and hung his arm around my neck. I was still tense, and he knew it. He looked at me and I quickly relaxed, before he started again. He never had before in front of everyone, but there was a first time for everything, and I didn’t want it to be today.

After at least an hour, I heard Namjoon hiss. I peered around the seat, and he caught me immediately. “Everyone, get out,” He shouted. I jumped backwards in surprise, as the others frowned. Hoseok was still fast asleep, curled up against Jimin.

“Are you blind? Can’t you see he’s sleeping?” Jimin sighed.

“Yeah, I can see. So wake him up,” He shrugged, shoving Taehyung out the car.

“Where are we?” Taehyung grumbled. He rubbed his eyes. I think he was asleep previous to Namjoon’s orders. Namjoon was silent.

“We got lost… Didn’t we?” I whispered meekly. I don’t think I’ve been so quiet in my entire life. And I hated that.

“Just get out. Please. I thought you liked walking anyway,” He puffed. I nodded weakly, and opened the door. I tugged Yoongi’s wrist, and he groaned as he slouched out of the car. I leaned into the car to get my jumper, and as I pulled it towards me, a photo fell out of my pocket, and the soft breeze easily picked it up, carrying it up into the black sky.

“No,” I whimpered, running after it, before it was too far away. I tried, as hard as I could, and if I had reached for it one second sooner, it would be mine again. But no, Yoongi had to drag me back, as if I was some child.

“Let it go,” He told me.

“But it’s the photograph with Jin when we were-,” I hiccupped.

“I know. And I’m telling you to let it go,”

“But I don’t want to,” I croaked, my eyes stinging.

“You don’t always get what you want. That’s life,” He replied. I gulped down my stubbornness.

“Where he used to be, there's now a black hole. I walk around it and avoid it as best as I can during the daytime, and end up falling in at night. I didn't even get to say goodbye. The last thing we did was argue. I practically handed him the bottle,” I tried to confide in him. Yoongi gave me a sympathetic look, like he was trying to communicate telepathically with me. We both knew it wasn’t working.

“Don't forget that we know the pain. Don't forget that we're still here either,” Yoongi murmured, as the others approached us.

“Have hope!” Hoseok smiled brightly, finishing his conversation with Jimin on a happy note. 

“Are you ing kidding me? Tell that to yourself. It's not easy for us to have hope when we're not the ones with a pill bottle in their hand,” Yoongi snapped, gesturing towards the more cheery of the two. Hoseok shrunk into Jimin, who wrapped an arm around his waist comfortingly. The way Yoongi and I used to be. 

“Don't start. Jin wouldn't want it,” Namjoon stepped in with a notable sigh. He was tired, tired of dealing with us. And that upset me even more.

Yoongi scoffed. “Oh, right. Because you know what he would want,”

“No, I know what he wouldn't want. This,”

There was silence. It started tense, but gradually loosened into a lull of acceptance. Yoongi cried and I held him. This time, I knew he was sober. It was the first time in months I had seen him so serious. So understanding. But I knew he was right about letting go. He stretched out his hand, and I took it. And I smiled sadly, a single tear brushing my cheek.