[8]
MOCHI's PORTFOLIO
Title: Black Canvas
Genre(s): Angst, Romance
Author: mayyoung
Reviewer: Zutrazelle
Title [4/5]
The title was quite interesting, I really like how it rings the bell. However, I rarely see the connection with the story. It only made sense to me at like, a few seconds.
Description & Foreword [10/10]
It was short, quirky and witty- but I like it.
Flow [9/15]
To be honest, it's too slow. You get jumpy sometimes- at the beginning, I don't know if it's just me but there were a few times when I got lost in your story. At the first chapter, I had no idea if Seoyeon was in Seoul or if she was in London. Seoyeon's train of thoughts got the best of the story, which really isn't that bad, but the fact that the reader doesn't know what's CURRENTLY happening is not tolerable. I had no idea what's currently happening at times. and again, it was too slow.
Your flow was quite poor, to be honest with you. I can't interpret a situation without pausing to think about it. The scenes were seperated, yes, but the paragraphs, the format was confusing. I think it would be best if you insert a few lines/page breaks to seperate the scenes, since you change it quite frequently.
Grammar [14/15]
Your grammar was good, it's pretty much understandable. I just had a few problems with the typos (I think they're typos), you should probably look back at your chapters and proofread them. There were also a few misplaced punctuation marks such as the commas, the periods- now, let me explain about that. There were a few sentences with incomplete thoughts.
What I like about your grammar though, is your vocabulary. I like how Seoyeon described things with so much words and so much thought that I couldn't help myself but use redundany to describe this. It's really good, and I was finding myself smiling as I let the words sink in my mind (and heart ^^).
Characterization [15/20]
What I look forward in reading/reviewing stories is its characters. I really like how I get lost in characters- but let's move forward in discussing your characters before I get on with my constant ramblings.
I had found myself liking Seoeyeon as I read your story. Her character is truly charming- she charmed me with her words. It's nice how she is a what seem like realistic character- I like it that she's not that typical Mary Sue who had her heart broken just because of some crap. She had left a good expression on me.
Now let's discuss Baekhyun. Baekhyun needs more description, his character is a complete mystery. Although Seoyeon thinks of him a lot, his character wasn't really described well. I got the physical picturesque of his character, as Seoeyon described his physical appearance. I must say I was charmed to find more about this charismatic man because of Seoyeon's description. However, I had never really found a deeper meaning to his personality as it wasn't really described well in the story. I never got to learn if he was mean, nice or what not. Baekhyun was still a blank to me, I think it would be best if you describe his character more.
Plot [18/20]
The plot wasn't all that unique since I often read stories about this kind of fling, but the way you write it had certainly made it uncommon- the plot ended up having some of your colors, which I had liked.
To be honest, I found it hard to describe your plot. I think the best words to be chosen here is that it's a common choice, but the way you applied it to your characters had turned it into a different story.
Personaly Enjoyment (And Comment) [13/15]
The flow had disturbed me a lot, but the other elements of your story had . This type of story is actually my cup of tea, so you can say that that's a bonus point, haha.
Your story wasn't really the first type of story that I had come to love, but it isn't the last either. I really like how you use your words. With that kind of writing style, you can probably grow into something more and be acknowledge for your work(s) someday. AFF is a growing community for authors, there's always a room for improvement. Your writing style is really good, and I guarantee you that it can turn even better as time grows. I had come to enjoy your story and I'm pretty sure other people will enjoy it too.
Keep up the good work! ^^ ☻☺☻
Overall Score: [83/100]
Reviewer's Note:
Hi~! I am so so sorry for the long wait, I really am. I just got caught up in school activities and my computer just died on me. I'm so sorry, I tried to do this on phone but it had turned out somewhat crappy. Your review might either be lovable or "hate-able", the choice depends on you. Thank you so much for requesting and I am in hopes of seeing your username in our request list in the near future ^^
Comments