His Trainee

 

Title [4/5]

The title has a sense of originality- seeing that this is my first time encountering such title. However, I think it reveals a bit of the story- like how the girl is actually a trainee, and it isn't really an eyecandy. Still, I can't suggest a better title so that's fine.

 

Description & Foreword [9/10]

There were a few misplaced punctuation marks on your description but I really like the wording. It's a really good description, it described your story but it also hinders us from knowing the rest- getting the readers' interest.

Flow [13/15]

I didn't see much problem with your flow- but Ill say a few things that I find rather unrealistic. First of all, the audition thing had gone a little to fast in my opinion. For the record, it might be a scam or something, but the protagonist hadn't even thought of that. Sure, BLOCK B is quite popular and so is their entertainment, still, the possibility of a scam is quite open. The protagonist living alone also disturbed me. Her mother just died, and her dad allowed her to live alone? 

Yukwon becoming her special trainer is somehow quite unrealistic. I guess he can coach her on vocals, but being her trainer in general? A trainee has more than one trainer.

The entrance of the et (the one urging her to pay her debts) was also quite sudden. 

Nevertheless, the flow was a bit abrupt but it was almost natural.

 

Grammar [12/15]

The words were TOO simple. Try spreading your vocabulary a bit more- try using new words.

There were a few punctuation marks misplaced. Some of the commas would have been better off with either a dash or a period. I've read a few incomplete sentences.

Don't dwell too much on this- I see the spellings are right, but the structure has a few faults and could use a few snips and snaps. 

 

Characterization [16/20]

Kim Juyeon, at first, sounded like this typial Mary Sue. Why? She can fight well, she's pretty, she's quite smart, I bet she has curves, and she's hardworking and loving. But then I see the faults of her character. Trying to make your character a bit imperfect like the scars on her skin had sparked my interest. Now, I see the protagonist as a hardworking girl that is quite hard to knock down. I had found her character lovely and really, well, amazing.

Ukwon is still a mystery to me. I don't know why he's rude- maybe it's one of the perks of being popular? I might never know. So for now, I won't be commenting much about his character- but I'll give you this tip: Juyeon isn't the only protagonist in the story, I am looking forward on how you'll elaborate Yukwon more clearly. 

The CEO, let's admit- he's not a main character, maybe he's just a cameo or some sort, but his way of conversing sounds a bit unprofessional. If you haven't called him a "CEO", I would hadve thought he was just some normal judge or maybe a normal person at the very least. Let's put more professonality on him.

I don't know why, but I like B BOMB's character (He's the one named Minhyuk, right?). I feel this spark in your narration whenever you describe him- he sort of sounds like pirnce charming in all honesty.

There weren't much problem with your characters (just a bit from Yukwon), I'll be looking forward for more development in your future updates.

 

Plot [17/20]

Your plot isn't anything new in my perspective- I've read loads of stories like this before. However, Ukwon being the trainer is in fact new. I had never seen stories like that before.

But- [Ukwon] being the only trainer for Juyeon is quite unrealistic. A trainee has loads of trainers. 

Your story is still unraveling, so I'm not sure if my guess in your plot is right or not- so I won't comment much about my guess in here. I hope to see more about your plot unraveling itself to the readers' eyes.

 

Personaly Enjoyment (And Comment) [13/15]

Your story isn't really the type I go for, but it certainly did entertain me. I like the cute interractions between the characters and everything was flowing pretty well. You need a few more fixes on your grammar and I'm sure your story will turn out even better. 

Good luck on your story! ^^ ☻☺☻

 

Overall Score: [84/100]

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Reviewer's Note:

Hi~! I am so sorry for making empty promises about finishing this review quickly. I just had a few problems of my own and is in hope of getting things back to the way they were.

I hope my review was explicit and good. Thank you for requesting a review from me ^^