That was the last time I saw him again... our schedule never conflicted and maybe it was just the fact that maybe just maybe we both weren't trying to save our friendship and assumed that it was best this way. Our friendship was slowly dying without us trying to work anything out. A part of me wanted to work everything out but I was tired.... so tired of being the first one to initiate anything with him. For once, I wanted him to fight for our friendship.... just once... but I went on with my life and finally found myself again after months of drowning myself in depression. I found a healthier way to relieve my stress than just starving myself but to exercise.  After attending and guest mcing for ASC for I was finally an official MC for the show which consumed most of my time. It really helped me get through my tough time of despair and allow me to meet some awesome people outside of the company.  

"Jimin-ah? JYP wants us to start preparing for your solo debut. He thinks you're ready and it is time for you to shine especially after how an amazing job you did with Love is Madness." My manger oppa explained to me as he was driving me to ASC.  

"What is the theme this time" I asked with enthusiasm feeling extra excited. "Is it an upbeat song again?! I want to do an upbeat or happy song"  

"Sadly no....Apparently JYP thought you did so well in Love is madness, the next song is also a sad song too.... I have a sample of it if you want to listen." he said regretfully  

"Again.....? I really wanted an upbeat song tho....." I whine as he played the song. As soon as the music start playing I couldn't help but fall more deeply in the song... every words....  hit me... and brought back memories.... oh memories... for that short period of time, I found myself finally missing that pabo but it quickly disappeared as my manger oppa announced 

"Jiminie... do you have any male friends that would like to star in the music video? I was given the task to look for the male lead but I want him to be someone you would be comfortable acting with. And we would like it to be as natural as possible... you do tend to be a little awkward around male idols."  

"male friends?" I looked up at him in confusion... "Me?" I pointed to myself. "You want find the male lead? Why....?"  

"I figure it would be nice to step out of the JYP's boundaries and find someone outside of it. Beside most of the fans know that you are close with all JYP's male artists and it might seem weird if you're acting with them. And on top that your fans seem to see that you only have an Oppa/dongsaeng relationship with the JYP artistes. We want someone new." He said as he parked the car.  

"What about BTS? Didn't you get close with them after the ASC recording the last time? Maybe you can ask one of them to feat in your mv? It is something new and your fans wouldn't expect it at all?" He asked happily 

"Oppa...... I thought you wanted me to be comfortable? Did you want their Armys to kill me? LOL." I said as I glared at him. "Quit trying to play cupid here...." he gave me a small smile before giving another opinion  

"Okay.... what about Eric Nam or Kevin? You're SUPER comfortable with them" He stated as it was the most brilliant idea he had. 

"Did you want to ruin our relationship?" I laugh.... "I can't act with them... they're like my Oppas... LOL... we'll get nothing done, beside EWWWWWWwwwww I don’t want to be in a relationship with any of Keric" 

"Okay missy... since you're shutting down all my ideas... who do you have in mind?" 

"Hrmmmm..... hrmmm.... oooooooooooooooo!!!! Oppa!!!!" I jumped up from my seat and grabbed my manger.  "I can ask Seungyeon! UNIQ's Seungyeon! We're pretty close and I don't think he'll mind doing a feat for me." 

"UNIQ....? Seungyeon....? who is he....? You never talked about him before?" My manger oppa question me with a raised eyebrow and gave me a small knowing smile as if to tease me.  

"Oppa! He goes to the same school as JYP's 97 liners and is a year older but I don't call him Oppa. it is weird. Beside we're just friends, I don't even see us together in the future." I said it all in one big mashed up sentence before I lose this great idea of mine.  

"Same thing happened with Jack......." he quickly covered his mouth. He silently reprimanded himself for allowing himself to have that little slip up about the forbidden name that have been unspoken for months. 

"It's okay Oppa, I am okay now. You don't have to beat yourself about it. I don't know why Yerin and you made it such a big deal to say his name. Oh....and I'll message Seungyeon and see if he is willing to feat in my mv and let you know." I laugh before opening the door and heading toward my ASC dressing room to get ready for the show 

~ Day of filming ~ 

Since this was my solo debut, I was allowed to take part in deciding the concepts which is why I choose Seungyeon to feature in my mv, he was someone I was comfortable with and it would flow really well with the theme of the song.  When the writers asked about my opinion on the script and if I wanted to add some parts in, the first thing that came to my mind was friendship bracelets....  

"Jimin-ah, the main reason why we had this scene in there is that we want to symbolizes that  you're hurting yourself chasing after a hopeless love. As it is seen here, you're drowning yourself while trying to reach for something that is so far away and no matter how hard you try to grasp it, it get farther away from you." 

"Ahhhahhh and the ending of the TV where the cord is unplugged? It symbolizes the memories that you and Seungyeon have but at the end the cord was unplugged right? this means that you're finally letting go of the past and accepting it and moving on." 

she explained the main idea behind the walking in the pool scene and the ending to me since I had a hard time understanding the symbolic of them. Although filming was tiring and stressful I had fun with Seungyeon.  The Producer praised our acting and teamwork calling us naturals.... but behind it all, my true and real feelings were portrayed in that MV. Sometimes I wonder if JYP PD-nim installed secret camera in the company or does he have some weird extra ability to sense others' feelings and write songs about it.  

On April 5th 2015, my Music video was finally released and I performed live on Kpopstar season 4.  Many people praised my singing saying that I matured right before their eyes. How I matured into a young woman and how much I lose weight within a limited amount of time. Fans commented that my singing got better, there was more emotions in my singing and they can feel the pain.... it was as if I was really hurt... oh how they don't even know half of the story. 

As I was filming Real Jimin episode 2 in the practicing room, a shout shocked me. I turned to the source of the voice and there Jackson walked in. So many things were running thru my head but the weight of the camera on my hand set as a reminder that we are being recorded and there will be people seeing our interactions.  

"What's up? I'm filming Real Jimin." I explained to him about why I am recording and trying to make it seem like there is nothing going on between us. Our fans know about our close friendship and it would be best for them to think nothing is wrong then trying to diagnose the problem. 

"Real Jimin? How much is it is real?" He asked as I recorded a close up of his face.  

"100% real." I replied as I changed the perspective of the recording to the mirror on the wall to show our reflections as we stood near to each other and posing.... I could feel his body heat as I accidently lean my shoulder back and he lean forward for our gangster pose. 

 As I moved away, he asked  "Why don't you film Real 15&?" 

Still looking into the mirror and not making eye contact with him I answered "Because my solo album is released. Are you kidding me?" 

"I know you came out as a sole but why are you doing real solo?"  Again I changed the perspective of the recording back to the close up of us. " 

Why is there only Real Jimin?"  

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