CHAPTER 3 (Mix and Match Episode 3 Show Me the Money 3 Episode 6)

THE ICON OF MISTAKES

Hanbin’s mood can’t possibly be any worse. Jinhwan keeps acting as if nothing happened, but anyone could feel tension between them - they didn’t have time or courage to talk to each other after what happened and it eats B.I. up from the inside, heavy feeling in his stomach following him everywhere he goes. Hanbin is still too embarrassed to face his hyung and it seems that he’s becoming more stressed with every passing day.

His mind is driving him mad, he can’t sleep - every time he closes his eyes, he can see himself making mistakes on Show Me the Money, all eyes on him, people pointing fingers and laughing – it goes over and over again in circles like a broken record until he just blacks out for one or two hours of tumultuous sleep full of nightmares. It’s no surprise he keeps snapping at s, taking his stress out on them only to despise himself for it afterwards, because he never wanted to be this kind of leader.

One day he finds himself suffocating in the middle of practice because all his troubles come crushing down at him at once. He can’t take it anymore; he needs to escape, to run away, to disappear. Taking a break is one thing, now he just wants to flee to Busan or anywhere else where no one would know him or point fingers at him, where everyone would just leave him alone. He has to clear his mind, has to cool down or his head will just explode.

Hanbin knows why he made all those mistakes on Show Me the Money. He knows it too well. Every time he looked back there was no one to support him for the first time in his life and he suddenly felt so vulnerable, almost in front of all those people, who looked down on him for being an idol. Deep down he never really cared for what those people thought of him, he only cared about one person. And that person wasn’t there to lift the heavy burden off his tired shoulders.

B.I. can swear he’s never felt this messed up before - their situation with Jinhwan draining him of the last drops of his energy.

Six hours of walking, thinking and just breathing go by too fast, it’s not even remotely enough, but Hanbin feels guilty for running away like that. When he finally comes back to their practice room, everyone greets him like a lost hero. The only person blaming him is Junhoe – a full day of practice went down the drain even though Hanbin wasn’t in their team – Jinhwan, whose eyes seem slightly red when Hanbin dares to look closer, couldn’t work because he was too worried. 

Hanbin keeps patting his chest lightly to