Baekhyun was drifting away. In this alternative world, no doubt a product of his own mind, filled with incandescent, willowy puffs of smoke and distant echoing sounds, he felt like he was a spectral being, something drawn from the books Kris liked so much, even though he would not admit it.

However he felt a pull of something, something that it didn’t belong to the world he was immersed into, beckoning him, like a siren, to the real world, the one that was oh so distant from the ones he created in his mind.

Hands; soft and small but definitely strong and capable were caressing his face in gentle, long swipes, much  like his mother would do to him, as an infant, when she wanted him to wake up.

“…hyun…ekhyun…ek…hyun.” the almost indistinguishable sounds of a human voice came to disturb his peaceful made up world but he reckoned it was worth it, since the smooth, soft voice was irresistible and so pleasant, that he didn’t have any other choice but to try and open his eyes and see who was it.

“Baek…Baekhyun?” pleaded the voice continuing his soft murmurs.

He opened his eyes, albeit slowly, albeit with a struggle and blinked several times, almost tearing up, at the uncomfortable strong light present in the room, or at least he presumed it was a room, he was in.

“Baekhyun!” exclaimed the voice, clearly relieved to see him to wake up from his rest.

Said male moved his head, in search of the soft voice, finding the worried, yet joyful, eyes of Kyungsoo looking at him.

Baekhyun tried really hard to move his body but, as it would seem, either he wasn’t really invested on doing so and his brain wasn’t commanding his muscles to move, or his body was just being uncooperative because he couldn’t, for the life of him, to move more than a couple of inches; everything was just heavy and sore, as if he had woke up a few days after being sick with flu.

“No, no.” chided Kyungsoo, hands coming to stop the other male from standing up and sit. “You need to remain lying down and resting.”

“Why do I feel so sick?” asked Baekhyun aloud, feeling the impact of a churning stomach. His head was beginning to throb and his throat was starting to constrict and dry up. “What happened? Did I drink too much?”

He felt more than he heard Kyungsoo halting his movements, hands stilling on top of his shoulder, for a fraction of a second, before they resumed their actions, pushing Baekhyun to lie on the bed.

“Kyungsoo?” he called suspiciously, looking at the other man, who was avoiding meeting his eyes, a forced smile on his lips. “Kyungsoo? Do you mind answering my question? Your silence is worrying me.”

“It’s nothing Baekhyun. There is nothing to worry about!”

“I am a nurse, Kyungsoo, my job consists in dealing with medical catastrophes and lying to patients and to family members at times.” deadpanned Baekhyun “I know when someone is lying and I now that you are doing it right now. Also, Kris tends to lie to me to try and make me feel better about things, so rest assured, I do know that you are lying to me.”

“I’m not lying.”

“Yes, you are. You’re not looking at me, you are shifting your eyes quite a lot, not focusing on anything, the tips of your ears are red, your mouth is twitching slightly and your hands are trembling slightly. I do know when you are lying, so please, stop beating around the bush and tell me what happened. Just tell me.”

“I…I don’t know where to start.”

Baekhyun could see how flustered and panicked Kyungsoo was, which was a really atypical behavior, especially coming from the calm and very much in control man, and it was scaring him quite a bit.

“Kyungsoo, just tell me. I am sure I can handle it.”

“I am not sure you can…”

“Just tell me, you are scaring me.”

“We are still not very sure about what happened yesterday” started Kyungsoo slowly” but, at some point during our gathering, Sehun noticed you disappear, especially after Jongdae came looking for you after you complained about being dizzy and couldn’t find you anywhere. Obviously, we all got worried and Sehun sent all of us to look for you and, when we found you, Siwon had you , on top of his bed, ready to you. He didn’t do anything except from removing your clothes. Afterwards, you were taken to the clinic and Yixing confirmed that you had been drugged.”

Kyungsoo looked at Baekhyun after he finished talking; looking at the blond male’s face: the shock, the anger, the humiliation, the fear…all the emotions that passed through the man’s eyes. It was terrifying; never had he seen Baekhyun looking so vulnerable. The blond man didn’t even tried to talk, he leaned to the side and Kyungsoo only had time to shove a trash can in front of him before the other started throwing up.

Violent spasm crossed his body while he gagged on his own vomit but the bile kept rising to his mouth once Baekhyun thought about Siwon’s hands and his body. He felt violated even if nothing much had happened. Siwon was disgusting; he was disgusting and Baekhyun could feel his hatred towards the man spread across every little damn cell of his body. It feels like he can’t breathe even though he wants too and there is a of panic beginning to rise to the surface and threatening to consume him.

It’s all too much; there are too many emotions trying to surface and dominate the other emotions and it is giving Baekhyun whiplash and he can’t think, he can’t breathe and there is a black shade trying to cover his eyes.

However, a pair of arms wraps themselves gently around his shoulder and waist bringing him closer to a warm chest. He recognizes the scent, it’s comforting and familiar and Baekhyun get help but to use the fresh, sweet and kind of tangy, smell of oranges to regain his pace of his breathing, inhaling and exhaling slowly and steadily.

“Don’t let him win Baek.” muttered a clear, metallic voice that Baekhyun recognized immediately as Jongdae. “He is gone and you can’t suffer because of him. Do not give him the pleasure of having a mental breakdown because he decided he should be a pig and try to harm you. I repeat, do not! He is gone, he can’t touch you, you are safe and you are going to be okay because I’ll help you. Everybody will help you because everybody cares for you and you are special and precious. Siwon is not here anymore and he can’t to squat, okay? So breathe sweet pea, breathe.”

It was hard but Jongdae’s voice seemed to be doing the trick, he was listening to the older man and he felt the pressure inside his chest starting to diminish and he was actually breathing instead of hyperventilating.

“What is happening?” asked Sehun from somewhere in the room. Baekhyun could hear is voice, he recognized it and acknowledged the presence in the room.

“Baekhyun?” and that was Chanyeol calling for him, sounding worried and panicked.

“I told him… about Siwon. I didn’t want to but he immediately accused me of lying, omitting things to him.”

“That went amazingly well as you can see!” snorted Jongdae with a little humor on his voice.

“I am laughing myself sick.” croaked Baekhyun, head leaning against Jongdae’s collarbone.

“And he is even making jokes. He is fabulous.”

“Clearly he isn’t. He was almost knocking himself out with his lack of breathing.”

“I’m fine. I am!” he repeated once he met the doubtful gazed of everyone “I just freaked out about…about it.”

“You just threw your stomach’s contents out. I actually doubt that you have a stomach and you are saying you are fine?” asked Sehun, raised eyebrows showing his disbelief at Baekhyun’s wording.

“It was just shocking. I am …disgusted.” he replied with a humorless laugh, making everybody’s head snap in his direction. “I feel disgusting.”

“You are not disgusting.” chorused Jongdae and Sehun at the same time, looking at each other in surprise afterwards.

“Look” continued Jongdae, securing Baekhyun’s face in his hands, making sure the other male was looking at him. “whatever Siwon has done, it’s done. It’s not worthy to cry over spilled milk, and believe me; I am not trying to diminish the gravity of the situation: what he did was wrong and HE was disgusting; his actions were disgusting. Not you, never you. You are a strong, smart and kind person and no man’s actions or words, should change it. You still have morals and integrity, you suffered a traumatic experience but, ultimately, it is going to be you who decides how that experience is going to affect you and change you; no one else. And that’s what’s important: to know that you have the choice. You are in control again and what happens next is your call. Personally, I think that you have got the better deal in this situation. I really am not trying to be a jerk but nothing happened to you, he didn’t touch you in that way and that is definitely a relief, it could have been a lot worse and you should bear that in mind. Not all people have that luck or people that actually care to prevent it. I am not saying that you shouldn’t feel what you are feeling: confusion, anger, sadness, vulnerability, but you should channel all that into something, so that you don’t dwell much on those negative feelings and end up consumed by them.”

“Are you listening to yourself Jongdae?” asked Kyungsoo appalled at Jongdae’s words. He opened his mouth to chide Jongdae for being insensitive but Baekhyun cut him with a hand, nodding at Jongdae to continue.

“My point being, don’t bring yourself down by focusing on the negative aspect of this event. Don’t let negativity consume you, drag you under and make you feel like you’re not worthy. Instead, gain strength from it, called it a battle scar and soldier on. Because I cannot bear if this changes you in such an irreversible way that makes us all lose the magnificent person that you are, okay?”

Baekhyun looked at Jongdae, the words uttered by the other still swimming inside his head. While the words might seem insensitive or even cruel, it made perfect sense to Baekhyun. More so, when he saw the earnest and sincere look on Jongdae’s face, who looked a little worried at having offended Baekhyun in any shape or form.

“I understand Jongdae.” he replied softly, resting his own shaky hands above Jongdae’s warm one. “I understand what you are trying to convey, so don’t worry.”

“Good.” muttered Jongdae, relief evident in his voice.

Chanyeol, unable to contain himself much longer, bounded over to them, enveloping Baekhyun into a comforting hug, letting his friend feel the affection he felt for him speak louder than any words he could muster could, making Baekhyun smile a little.

It was a little smile, so little that it was almost inexistent but Sehun saw it; he always did, especially when it came to the small man in front of him, who he was still learning how to read and decipher. Baekhyun wasn’t fine, as he had previously stated, but he would be, Sehun would make sure of that.

On the following days, things seemed to improve a little bit; everyone was visibly less stressed without Siwon’s presence. Everything was lighter but at the same not. Once again, Kris had blown up a casket when Sehun asked him, along with Tao, to Donghae, Siwon’s substitute, to a trip to LA, where they were supposed to meet someone, a forger that was Sehun’s acquaintance. He didn’t like it a bit, especially considering what happened to his brother; however Baekhyun convinced him to go, since it was for his own good, stating that, since it was a matter that had to do with him, the least he could do was to accompany the progress of it and protect the person who could help him greatly. That being said, Baekhyun and Sehun, as a couple, looking happy and bright, took Kris and Tao, along with Donghae, a handsome man with a goody and sweet attitude, to the airport.

It was overwhelming to find all the reports already waiting for them, cameras ready to snap pictures, so Baekhyun used the natural awkwardness that he felt and translated it to what he would imagine that the magazines and newspaper would call loving gestures, pressing himself to Sehun’s side and hiding his face on the male’s arm and shoulder, making Sehun chuckle a little at the action and press a kiss to the side of his head, which almost made Kris gag before he actually understood that Sehun kissed his brother and threatened him.

At home, Sehun had permitted Jongin to approach Baekhyun again, not because he did want it, since he wasn’t that fond of Jongin’s continuing advances on the smaller male but Baekhyun needed support and friends so Sehun covered his eyes and ignore the little smirk Jongin sent his way.

His brother had been thrilled with Siwon’s death; he just didn’t throw a party to celebrate because Sehun still had some respect for the dead. Kyungsoo, Tao, Minseok and Yixing managed to show an incredible restraint, refusing to comment on the matter, Kris had been elated and Jongin had been over the moon, aside from Luhan, there was no one happier about the fact Sehun put a bullet to Siwon’s brains then those two; not even Chanyeol who had reasons to.

The youngest of them all had shock everyone by being so nonchalant about the subject. Sehun had heard Baekhyun asking him about it once and he remembered clearly hearing Chanyeol state that it didn’t matter to him because Siwon was a person that said nothing to him, therefore there was nothing to grieve, nothing to regret and nothing to celebrate. Sehun did commend his attitude and secretly smirked sadly at the fact that the youngest had been, curiously enough, the wisest and most forgiven of them all.

If Sehun wanted to go in detail about the reactions, and the general happiness involving Siwon’s death, he would mention that the staff had been in a terrific mood and that Jimin had hollered at the top of her lungs once “ding dong, the douche is gone”, startling and innocent Chanyeol who happened to be walking close by.

Baekhyun…When it came to the tiny mal, Sehun didn’t even know how to start. Did the smaller felt relieved and safer? No doubt about that but, Baekhyun being Baekhyun, ever the pacifist, felt a little torn about his feelings: on one hand he felt revengefully satisfied that Siwon was death but, on the other hand, a life had been taken.

Sehun noticed the small, the smallest actually, changes in Baekhyun. He knew fairly well that the other male was a little self-conscious and his confidence, regarding his looks, but this seemed to make his sense of worth nonexistent. He smiled and his eyes still twinkled and his cheeks reddened, as Baekhyun tried to forget what happened and move forward as Jongdae had advised him, but there were times where Sehun would catch him in front of a mirror, just looking at himself, eyes blank and dark, or how he would seem to cover his body in too big shirts and sweaters, or even when he developed an habit of rubbing his skin raw when his mind starting wandering and losing itself on unwanted memories; also, he wouldn’t allow strangers to touch him: a young man had bumped into him, when he and Chanyeol, along with Minseok, had gone out somewhere and only Minseok quick thinking and Chanyeol’s amazing hugs prevented a panic attack from taking place.

He also took notice of how Baekhyun seek solace in his room, when the night fell and it was impossible for the younger man to stay in his old room, alone, left to his, sometimes, poisonous thoughts. After the end of Siwon’s existence, there was no longer the need for Baekhyun to sleep in the same room as Sehun so, the petite male, along with Kris, who had been vehemently against it in the first place, had moved Baekhyun’s things back to his old room. After sleeping a few days with Baekhyun by his side, Sehun had to admit that he had grown used to it, never mind the fact that it hadn’t happened for a long period of time, and to the heat of the warm body sleeping right next to him so, he was surprised to see Baekhyun at his door later that evening, asking him, in a whisper if he could sleep with him. Sehun had nodded and asked why. No other words, just why. Baekhyun’s answer left him more surprised than he already was:

“I wish I could tell you that there is a logical explanation to why I am here, at an inglorious hour, asking you permission to sleep in your room but I have none. I don’t even understand what I am feeling right now. I feel myself being pulled into two distinct directions and I am just waiting to see which one tumbles first and which one wins. I am trying to put into practice the advice given by Jongdae, about not letting this affect me so much and try to move on but what happened with Siwon is having a bigger impact that I thought I would allow myself to have. I know he didn’t do a thing to me and that I was very lucky when compared with many people but I can’t help to feel so disgusted with myself, to feel constantly dirtied and used. I don’t remember much about that night, I already told you that. I don’t remember accepting drinks from anybody, I don’t remember talking with Jongdae, I don’t remember feeling sick, I don’t remember leaving the room. What I do remember, even though it’s just rapid flashes and distorted memories, is the feeling of his hands on my body and yelling at him to stop; at least in my mind I was yelling at him because I remember not being able to move. And those memories, they are the worst. I woke up today because I dreamt of them and I just wanted to feel safe. I know that there are many people in this household that could keep me safe but, for some reason, I can only think of you to help me. Maybe it is because I was told it was you who beat Siwon up when you found him on top of me, maybe it is because my mind still recognizes your scent and link it to safety. I don’t know. I really don’t know and I wish I did. Perhaps you don’t even like me being here and ask this favor of you and perhaps you only accepted to make me feel comfortable because of what happened; either way, I to thank you.”

And that was how small Baekhyun had found himself nestled next to Sehun, dressed in his too large clothes, sleeping peacefully and warm and, in all honesty, looking all sorts of adorable, almost every night. Sehun didn’t like to share, he wasn’t used to but if sharing a bed helped Baekhyun keep the nightmares at bay and hold on onto his sanity, Sehun found himself not minding so much.

As much as Sehun would like to have a talk with Junmyeon, the task itself had proved to be a bigger challenge than he had imagined: Junmyeon was literally avoiding him at all costs and Sehun basically saw him in the morning and at dinner, otherwise we wouldn’t catch a glimpse of the man. Regardless, he had heard, from many people that Junmyeon was still a polite man and funny man, even if a little bit overdramatic, however, the behavior he had been showing to Baekhyun had evolved to the point where Junmyeon didn’t even acknowledge his presence, treating Baekhyun as if he was the rubbish on the sole of his feet.

Sehun gave the issue a lot of thought; he would think about it more often than not, to a point where he couldn’t even tell if it was because the way Junmyeon treated Baekhyun or if it simply was because he had no explanation to his friends behavior, and Sehun hated not having answers, it frustrated him to the point of absurdity.

At the moment, sitting on top of his bed with a good book, Sehun was not thinking about it, as weird as it sounded; he had just spent his afternoon helping Chanyeol enroll into an online college course. The fact that Chanyeol had looked for him for guidance made him feeling uncomfortably elated, despite the fact that Chanyeol had quipped that Baekhyun had been the one to present him the proposition and asked him to talk with Sehun.

Ever since Sehun had shown a softer side of himself, one that was actually concerned about people and was slightly less cruel, he found out that people listen to him more and actually approached him instead of being muted in his presence. First it had been Kris inviting him to a run, which Sehun promptly said no, since the man hated to run, then Yixing starting a conversation with him the other day about something he saw on the news. It wasn’t as if nobody talked to him but the only ones who did it more freely were Junmyeon and Kyungsoo, who were his best friends, his brother and Jongdae but Jongdae didn’t really count since he was overly open about everything.

Chanyeol had not been immune to that change; he actually made an effort to keep him company and sometimes went to him to ask Sehun something. It was still a slow process but Sehun liked it; he had always seen Chanyeol as a younger brother, despite the fact that he was terrible at showing it and it had pained him to see how distant the younger and himself had become.

A knock on the door made him snap out of his thoughts to lay his eyes to the little figure of Baekhyun standing in the door way, pillow tightly grasped to his chest, with puffed cheeks, clearly irritated about something.

“Yes?” drawled Sehun, raising an eyebrow on the other’s direction.

“Can I sleep here?”

“Nightmare?”

“And I was cold too.” replied Baekhyun off handedly, approaching the bed and sitting at the bottom of it, hugging his pillow to his chest and looking at Sehun.

“Your room has heating; you could try and use it.”

“Not the same thing.”

Sehun gave Baekhyun an accessing look, trying to understand the other’s reasoning but when he took notice of Baekhyun’s tired face he nodded, letting Baekhyun slip inside the bed with a thank you

Sehun tried to return his attention to his book but Baekhyun’s eyes were fixated on him and it was unsettling. He closed the book at look at the smaller man.

“Why did you come to me instead of Chanyeol or Jongdae? Or any of the others?”

“Kris isn’t here, Chanyeol’s room feels like the inside of a fridge, Yixing had an emergency call at the clinic and Jongdae has been in a foul mood lately.

It was a very true statement; ever since Baekhyun was nearly , Jongdae had been a little distant from everybody and he had even snapped at Yixing once, which was not something that he used to do. But Sehun knew why the other was acting in such way. Sensing how stressed Baekhyun was over the subject, after all he was very close with Jongdae; Sehun felt the need to appease the younger even if Jongdae might be mad at him.

“Jongdae” he began “is having a particularly bad time with what happened because he suffered from a similar event in his teenager years. You know, because I am certain that Jongdae told you already, that he has no family. The truth is that Jongdae killed his parents.”

“What?” asked Baekhyun in a faint voice completely astonished by what he just heard.

“Jongdae lived in a rather precarious situation. His family struggled a lot when Jongdae’s father lost his job and money was not abundant. Even food was not abundant on that household. Jongdae had a younger brother, five years or so younger than him and his parents thought that putting the boy on the streets was a sure way to win money.”

“You mean…?”

“Yes, Jongdae’s parents tried to make their younger son a e but Jongdae never allowed that and he volunteered himself to take his brother’s place; so Jongdae started selling his own body to earn money for his family at the age of twelve.”

It was a gruesome story and Sehun almost stopped telling it when he saw the shocked and horrified look on Baekhyun’s face.

“I met him when he was just shy out of fifteen years old; he had a reputation on the streets and I knew the man who was his so called pimp. He was a tough kid, even back then, direct and sarcastic and he was quite an interesting person, he had character and he was loyal, I like that, so we became acquaintances, friends if you will and I kept tabs on him. One day, my informant told me that Jongdae’s parents were trying, behind Jongdae’s back, to put his brother on the streets, doing the same thing as Jongdae and they even sold him out to some man but, in all his childlike innocence, Jongdae’s brother refused to go with the man when he came to pick him, he was barely ten and was beaten to death by said man. Jongdae found out and found out that his parents tried to sell a child to someone. He picked his father’s gun and shot them both; multiple times. I know that because he called me after that and I helped him. So this is why everything is being so hard for him, because it opens the biggest scar that he has.”

Baekhyun looked at him with anguished eyes and it was almost unbearable to look at him.

“One day your empathy is going to kill you Baekhyun.” sighed Sehun, pulling the comforter up and tucking the smaller. “What happened, happened more than ten years ago and Jongdae already made peace with it, despite not liking to talk about it, as he told you, it was his choice and he has learned to live with it.”

“It’s just…sad.”

“It’s beyond sad, it’s cruel and Jongdae never deserved any of that, especially not as a child. Jongdae walked a long and tiring path to get to the point where he is now and he refused to let all that happened to consume him and bring him down. So do the same, follow his example. And sleep for god sake, I can tell that you’re tired.”

“But…”

“No more buts.” Cut Sehun, changing the topic of the conversation, not wanting Baekhyun to dwell much on what he had just told him, as he said, Jongdae had moved on and so should Baekhyun. “If you don’t quiet down, I will leave you to sleep on the corridor. Or you could always go and sleep with Jongin.”

Baekhyun snorted at the comment, attention effectively removed from Jongdae’s past, focusing on the retorted made by the older man.

“Why would I go sleep with Jongin?”

“He’s your friend, isn’t he?”

“He is but I am not comfortable in sharing a room with him.”

“And why not?” asked Sehun, slightly surprised.

“Don’t play dumb, it’s not fitting of you. You know that Jongin likes me.”

Sehun looked at Baekhyun, eyebrows rising at the statement made by the other.

“I knew that, I wasn’t aware that you knew too.”

“He is not a very subtle person and his affections make me uncomfortable.”

“Why?”

“I am not trying to be cruel but he is overbearing and overprotective and I feel like I can’t breathe sometimes, like he is trapping me. He is an enchanting person, a true prince, the guy of everyone’s dream but I don’t want a prince; I don’t need someone to constantly hold my hand and whispering sweet things to me. ”

“What do you want them?” asked Sehun with a strange glint on his eyes, eyes focused on Baekhyun.

“Not sure. When I figure it out, I’ll tell you.”

“Oh?”

“Since you are so curious about it, I guessed that you would like to know.” replied Baekhyun with a little smirk on his face, raising his head a little to be at the same level of Sehun’s face, looking at him in the eyes.

The little smirk allied to the sparkling eyes were enough for Sehun to simply lose all the control he had and lean forward, pressing his lips savagely into Baekhyun’s, earning a little gasp from the smaller male.

He ravaged the other’s mouth conveying all the lustful thoughts and passion that had accumulated over the weeks towards Baekhyun into one mind blowing kiss. To his credit, Baekhyun answered in kind, mouth just as aggressive, just as passionate. When they parted, their breathing was a little ragged and Baekhyun’s lips were red and bruised. He looked dazed in the best way possible and Sehun found him beautiful at the moment.

“Wha…?”

“Shh!” cut Sehun, lips still touching Baekhyun’s. “Go to sleep little lamb.”

“But…”

“Go to sleep.” repeated Sehun, pulling the other’s body to rest snug against his side, turning the lights off and resting his face against the top of Baekhyun’s head, reminding himself that the smaller male had been very tired and needed the rest.

He could tell that Baekhyun was thoroughly confused but he, himself, was confused and didn’t have an answer to offer, nor did he liked to act so impulsively, it was not his time.

He watched, for the longest time, as sweet eyes blinked and blinked tiredly before they shut completely and Baekhyun succumbed to sleep.

While he didn’t exactly liked the fact the fact that he lost his control and did something that he hadn’t meant to do in the first place, he couldn’t deny that it had been a pleasant experience, although he could not tell if it was because had let his body feel the pleasurable experience or simply because of Baekhyun. All the questions and no answers but, for the moment, Sehun was perfectly content in holding Baekhyun close to his body and smell the sweet and fresh fragrant that was entirely Baekhyun’s.

Maybe, just maybe, this could turn into something worthy.

A/N: Here it is! It took a while but it came! Since I have been swamped with work and struggling a bit with health problems (nothing major, don't worry), I may have to update the story once a week for a while, until I have more time to write more. I hope you understand.
On a more happy note, what do you all think? Now he know Jongdae's backround story and have a huge Sebaek moment!!! :3
Also, people keep asking me about their ages, I had been meaning to post something about that but I have the worst memory ever (xD), so here it is:
Baekhyun-26; Chanyeol-21; Sehun-31; Kris- 34; Junmyeon-31; Jongin- 25; Luhan-33; Tao-28; Minseok-30; Jongdae-29; Kyungsoo-29, Yixing-31
I hope it clarifies things a bit and help to make sense of others ;)
Lastly, as you all know, I wish you the best and may you always be safe, healthy and HAPPY!

Have a magnificent day.

Lots of love <3