:)))

(Why tf did I listen to Fix You while writing this wow)

---

There was a long moment of stillness. They just stared at each other, mouths half open in silent deep breaths. Jungkook's body completely froze, his feet rooted into the ground. So many thoughts were bursting through his head like fireworks. It felt like an eternity before he finally moved his feet to the table. He sat down slowly, trying to find any words.

"Hello," said Taehyung softly, finally breaking through the silence.

"Are you okay?" the younger asked him. He nodded in response. It was hard for Jungkook not to engulf Taehyung in a bone-crushing hug. Seeing his face in real life brought such a strong feeling of relief through his chest that his weak body was almost feeling pain because of it.

"Jungkook," Taehyung breathed in concern as he really noticed the paleness of the boy's skin, and how he seemed noticeably skinnier than ever before. He gently placed his hand under Jungkook's chin, bringing his head up so he was looking him in the face. "I was so worried about you. You...haven't been taking care of yourself, have you?" he murmured solemnly.

Jungkook shook his head very slowly, eyes watering from shame and the eye contact. Taehyung was touching him, and it felt so nice, yet also painful. Every bit of skin his fingers brushed over seemed to burn.

He didn't even know that those fingers were burning in the same way, and that the owner of them was trying to push away the same longing.

Taehyung looked down at the tabletop, dropping his hand. "Jungkook," he began. "There's...something I really should have told you before. If I had...none of this would have happened." He sighed, tapping his feet from the nerves biting at him, and the whispering thoughts in his head, telling him to turn back now. He hated talking about it, but he had to, for Jungkook's sake.

"I want to explain in private, though. Do you think-"

"We could go to my apartment if you want," Jungkook offered before he even thought about it, resisting the urge to hold Taehyung's hand as a way of saying, "Don't be afraid to lean on me."

Taehyung nodded, whispering a barely audible, "Thank you," and they stood up. They left the shop together, and as the cold outside hit them, Taehyung leaned close to his ear.

"You're going to eat and drink lots too, okay?"

*****

Somehow, it wasn't until they were standing in front of his door that Jungkook realized going in his apartment was probably a bad idea. He cursed himself silently, because they were already there, and he even had his key in his hand. As long as he didn't ask about it. The drawings were all laid face down anyways; it was like the past him was looking out for the present him (though in reality it had just hurt too much too look at them, and he'd turned them over so he wouldn't have to).

He unlocked the door, and led Taehyung in, trying to be cheerful as he gestured around. The older almost dropped the grocery bags he was holding (full of ingredients to make a much-needed meal for Jungkook) when he saw just how nice it was inside. It was like the type of place he'd always wanted - sleek and modern, yet somehow homey at the same time.

"I like it," he chimed pleasantly as he walked in. There were papers on the floor that he stepped over, not paying them much mind as he followed Jungkook into the kitchen. "Okay, so, I definitely am not as good a cook as my brother, but I know a few things," he announced as he set the bags down on the white, spotless counters that had not been used in several days.

Jungkook nodded, walking over to join him and look at everything his friend began to take out of the bag and set on the counter. He couldn't believe how quickly they'd gone back to normal, as if nothing in the past couple of months had happened at all. However, he knew that this was only temporary - until Taehyung told him what he needed to. In the end though, he didn't care. He would suffer through it all for moments like these. Moments where they were close, moments when they were happy because they were together.

Taehyung began to walk Jungkook through steps of the meal, and it seemed awfully complicated to him, but for someone who'd grown up in the same house as Seokjin, it was nothing more (in fact, quite a bit less) than the norm. It was his favorite pasta recipe, one that his older brother used to make for him fairly often, and making it for Jungkook felt like sharing another little part of himself. He liked it.

Jungkook had trouble with some things, but Taehyung helped him through it. Sometimes, he would slowly come up behind Jungkook when he was cutting something, and place his warm hands on top of the younger's to help guide him through it. "Like this, Kookie," he would instruct, and Jungkook's cheeks flushed bright red every time, though Taehyung didn't notice. After a longer time than usual for the more experienced of them, and a lot of giggles, they had a large plateful of food for each of them.

"See? Nothing to it," Taehyung remarked cheerfully, setting his plate down on the glass tabletop along with a glass of strawberry smoothie he'd insisted they make. Jungkook snorted at that, setting his own plate and smoothie down as well; for him it'd been quite the process, though it was all so worth it.

They sat in the cushioned chairs, and Taehyung watched expectantly as Jungkook stared at the food. There was an urge tugging at him to say some stupid lie, like that he felt sick to his stomach. An urge whispering,

Don't eat.

But as he felt Taehyung's concerned, waiting stare on him, he picked up his fork and bravely took a big bite. Which was best idea he'd had in a while, in his opinion. His face lit up in a way that seemed impossible for how pale and hollow it was then. "This is great!" he exclaimed, eyes bright, and Taehyung grinned back at him. The older picked up his smoothie, raising it in the air cheerfully.

"To Jeon Jungkook, who I feel so, so thankful for, and am just really glad is...okay now," he announced, his voice growing a little more serious. Jungkook just ducked his head, hiding his red, smiling face and raising his glass begrudgingly to clink it with Taehyung's. They both tried their smoothies happily, satisfied with the results.

When they returned to their food, they talked. They talked like they had talked before; about anything and everything. Maybe it was silly, but right then, they didn't care. Though there was the underlying knowledge that there was still a lot of healing to do, they just wanted to live in that moment while it lasted.

It wasn't until after they had cleaned up their mess, and loaded the dishwasher that Taehyung finally sighed, "Okay. I'm ready."

Jungkook nodded nervously, leading him into the living room. He lowered himself down into the couch cushion, Taehyung sitting next to him, and he found himself trying to breathe more steadily to calm his escalating heartbeat; they were so, so close again. He shook the thought away. This was serious, and he was going to be mature and listen to Taehyung, no matter how painfully close they were.

"So, a while back, I had a friend named Hoseok. He was so special to me; he was without a doubt my closest friend at the time. Well, one day I found out that he'd started to have panic attacks, but had hidden them from me because he didn't want me to worry. I comforted him through it, I told him that he could always, always lean on me. I made him promise...to stay strong, for me," Taehyung explained gloomily, playing with his fingers as a way of distracting himself from the pain of saying this all out loud.

Jungkook almost reached over to rub Taehyung's back in encouragement as he spoke, but stopped himself for some odd reason. He just didn't know what to do; Taehyung's voice had never sounded quite like this before.

"He...didn't keep that promise. Hoseok committed suicide on April 29th, a little over a year and a half ago. I loved him so much, I honestly still do; nothing could have prepared me for how much it hurt to lose him. I always blamed myself for it."

Jungkook had sunken into a solemnness that suited his current dark, hollow state, every deep shadow in his skinny face being emphasized by his sad expression. Why did Taehyung never tell him this?

"Well...some time later, you came along. You just...remind me so much of him in more ways than one. I was so afraid that I'd lose you, that somehow I'd make a mistake with you too. That I'd hurt you. But it looks to me like I've done that regardless," he added, his voice melancholy, like the ring of a gentle, low bell as he stared intently at the floor.

"I'm so sorry, Jungkook," he finished, voice so soft that Jungkook almost didn't hear it, and yet the words rang through him loud and clear, shocking his bones and waking him up in a new way.

Taehyung had hurt so much, but he was just afraid that he'd make Jungkook hurt too.

That was a lot to take in.

"It's okay. Please don't be scared. I'm...I'm going to be alright. I have you," he told him, and Taehyung nodded, looking at him with every bit of honesty he had.

"That's right," he replied, "You always have me."

There was a long moment of silence after that. So much had been let out into the air in that moment, and neither of them were really sure what to say. The sun had begun to sink in the sky, leaving shades of warm colors spilling out over the horizon like the paint the artist loved so, and they watched its slow, gorgeous descent into the skyline.

It eventually became dark enough that Jungkook had to awkwardly get up, shuffling over to flip the light switch on, and that was when Taehyung really noticed the mess covering the floor, including a large overturned canvas. He sank onto the carpet, walking on his knees to the pile and began to flip things over and look at them.

Jungkook whipped around in surprise. "Tae, wait!" he yelped, his cheeks growing hot with embarrassment, because it was too late.

Taehyung's eyes glided gradually over each piece, and it was very obvious to him that Jungkook had poured his heart into every single one. "These are all of me?" he asked in a quiet, incredulous voice as he turned over the canvas. Jungkook was flustered, eyes on the floor as he mumbled out a, "Yeah."

But when his stare drifted back up, Taehyung was turned around, his expression holding no judgement; only soft realization and sadness. "They're so amazing. Why did you spend so much time doing all of these?" he questioned somewhat guiltily.

Part of Jungkook wanted to lie, but the stronger part of him that was forming knew that lying just suffocates you, buries you underground. "I...I just wanted to see you smile," Jungkook whispered out shakily.

Something woke up in Taehyung in that moment. He stood slowly, facing Jungkook and cupping his precious face in his warm, pretty hands. His gaze was fixed with Jungkook's, and his heart ached. Everything about him just looked so tired, and Taehyung knew that it was him who had made the vulnerable boy feel this way.

Tears tiptoed to his eyes and a rush of raw emotion caused him to lean in and press his lips against Jungkook's.

Jungkook inhaled unsteadily, startled, but the surprise soon cleared up as he felt the aching longing draining from him. He sighed in bliss, but Taehyung pulled away all too soon, an apology glazed over his eyes.

But the apology was unneeded. Jungkook couldn't ask for more than what Taehyung had just given him.

---

oh

Thanks for 3k darlings <3 I hope you enjoyed that bc holy less angst. Bless. I'm sorry that I update kinda slow, just. School. Stress. Lack of sleep. You know, all the fun stuff lol. But writing this story really helps me feel better for some reason, so yeah :') Thank you for reading. See you soon! c: