...

...

oops

---

On a freezing day encompassing the first sight of snow a couple of weeks later, Taehyung wobbled into the coffee shop with another grinding headache. He had considered going home for a brief moment, but when a particularly brutal pang had racked through him, he had decided to just come here.

He half fell into his seat at 2:50, rubbing his temples out of habit with his eyes squeezed shut. A loud, disappointed sigh tumbled from his mouth. He didn't want to have to burden his friend with concern and the need to help him. Not again.

But nonetheless, Jungkook sat down across from him as he always did. "Tae...why did you come here again?" he fretted quietly, reaching out to push Taehyung's dark hair back and test the temperature of his forehead, but unlike he suspected, it was normal. Taehyung stiffened a little when he heard the affectionate shortening of his name, but he shook it away quickly.

"Sorry, I just didn't want to walk all the-" he whined in pain, not finishing his sentence. Concern clouded Jungkook's gaze, and he was feeling it again. That urge to reach out and comfort him. Could he now?

No. Don't be stupid. What makes you think you're allowed to do that?

"Do you want me to buy you a drink?" he offered, cursing the conflicting parts of his mind. But the elder did not notice his younger friend's inner battle of emotions; he was laying forward on the table now. "No, I think that I just...want you to sit here with me. If that's okay with you," he added softly.

"Yeah, sure," Jungkook agreed, sitting down further into his seat. His mind argued with itself once again.

Just reach forward. It'll help him.

You're not allowed to touch him.Why would you ever think that?

But then he realized something. Helping him in this way might be an act of compassion, in the same way that Taehyung had done so for him when he had a panic attack. Compassion. He only truly felt it for him, and he was going to prove all that Taehyung had done for him.

He was going to prove that he didn't take him for granted.

He reached forward, and mimicking Taehyung's actions from before, picked up the others always warm hand, embracing the tan slender fingers with his own, and rubbed comforting circles into his palm. Taehyung looked up at him in slight surprise, and Jungkook just smiled softly. A small, contented sigh escaped the older's lips, and he leaned his head down on the table. He looked so sweet, with soft brown strands of hair spilling over his forehead, lips resting in an unintentional pout and eyelids drooping in contentment.

And the thought refused to escape Jungkook's head.

I wish he was mine.

But he knew he couldn't have him, and he figured he should have to be okay with that. Whatever would make Taehyung happy, he should be okay with that.

And so, he settled for leaning down, placing a short kiss to his forehead, and Taehyung's heart skipped a beat.

"Taehyung," Jungkook whispered, and the older didn't know if he'd ever heard such a sweet sound. "I...I...I won't leave. I won't let you be alone."

He would never know what brought him to say it, but it had already fallen from his lips, escaping into the air, the air that seemed to turn frigid at that moment.

Taehyung's eyes widened a little, a fresh pain twisting into his chest, old wounds resurfacing more than ever. He heard that beautiful laugh ringing in his head again, he saw that bright smile burned into the back of his eyelids, and he hated it.

"I...thank you, Jungkook," he murmured back, despite how much he had just hurt him.

This is all in your past. He is in your past. Why are you still so upset about him?

But he knew that was only part of it. He was also scared. Scared that what happened to Hoseok would happen to Jungkook. Scared he would feel the guilt eating at him again. Scared that he would be so useless again. Scared he wouldn't be able to numb the suffering that didn't even seem like it was there.

But Jungkook couldn't sense the emotions washing over Taehyung, and he smiled. Maybe he had helped him, even if it was just a little. And maybe, if he could do it once, he could do it again, until Taehyung was smiling and joking and laughing again like he always did.

Taehyung stirred, letting out a soft sound of pain; his headache was worsening, but he didn't care. He had to get out of there.

"Jungkook, my head feels better, but I feel really tired. Is it okay if I just go home for today?"

"Yeah, that's okay," he responded softly, separating from the warm hand he'd been massaging. "Get lots of rest," he told him, helping him onto his feet. Taehyung nodded, smiling the best smile he could muster.

He ran unsteadily out the door, wrapping his arms around himself as he stumbled into the cold. Of course he didn't want to endure the difficulties that would come with going home with a headache this bad, but he wanted even less to remember.

His walking was shaky, direction wavering slightly all too often, but he went as fast as he could regardless.

Just get home. Just get home.

His vision was going blurry, and he felt dizzy.

Just get home. Just get home.

Finally, he reached his apartment, and he almost sobbed in relief. His hand gripped desperately onto the doorknob and he rushed inside, immediately letting himself crumble onto the couch.

No need to hide now.

His tears rushed out immediately, and his body shook violently as he cried. He raised his hands to his face and covered it, although there was no one to look at him, and his breathing was almost in hiccups. He couldn't do this alone. Not again. He pulled his phone out of his pocket with shaking hands.

Not again.

*****

Jungkook was sitting on his bed, staring out at the snowflakes floating down from the gray sky outside his window. What was he to do? He couldn't get Taehyung off of his mind, and it wasn't in a way he'd ever thought about someone before. Why did he want to run his fingers through his hair? Why did he want to fall asleep next to him? Why did he want him to wrap his arms around him, hold him close again?

He shook his head. Was this what having a hopeless crush was like? Or was it more than that?

Suddenly, he was jolted out of his thoughts by a loud knock on his door. Confusion swept over him as he stared at the door, standing up. He walked over a bit tentatively to look through the peephole. His hesitation washed away, and a small smile spread over his lips as he saw Seokjin, and he opened the door enthusiastically.

But his excitement faded when he noticed the stressed, even angry look in his eyes.

"What did you say to my brother?" Seokjin asked him sternly, a protective instinct flaming in his words. Jungkook stared at him for a long while, eyes widened. "W-What?" he stammered. Seokjin changed the position he was standing in, his serious, scrutinizing stare burning into the startled boy. "Taehyung called me just now. He's a mess. He only managed to get out a few words, and one of them was Jungkook. What did you say to him?"

"I...I don't know," he mumbled, and it wasn't a lie.

What was it? What had he done?

"Maybe I can call him. I honestly don't...know what I did wrong, okay?" Jungkook choked out to Seokjin. The older sighed deeply. "Okay," he replied with finality, and turned away.

Jungkook did not hesitate to close the door, and he tangled his fingers through his hair, knowing he would not have the courage to call Taehyung even if he could, much less talk to him face to face. He tipped his head back, sliding down against the door onto the floor.

He'd messed up.

---

Wow. Yikes. That was...ahem. I really hope it was good though.

I feel like I'm saying that type of thing a lot after chapters now oops.

So weird news guys; the next chapter contains the scene that I wrote this entire story off of. How strange is that?

Also thank you for 2k :') This is a great Christmas gift <3 Hope you enjoyed, and see you soon! c: