Tuesday, 18th August 2015. -Wed, 19Th August-

(Sorry, I kinda left this post out when I updated. Keke. My browser was kinda having headache yesterday. Just realized I haven't unchecked the hide mark today.) 

7. Five Lanes of a Highway.

      “Go home!” Yoochun’s stern voice is accompanied by his firm body gesture. “Don’t make me repeat it three times. We’ll do well without you.”

Junsu puts on a pleading look. “I will not break anything. I’ll do the tables and mopping?”

Yoochun crosses his arms. “Am I not clear yet? Yoohwan!!!”

Junsu quickly unties his apron and puts it down on the nearest counter. “Alright. Alright.” He relents giving in to Yoochun’s order. “I’ll go home.”

Yoochun doesn’t look happy. “I don’t know what’s wrong with you that you have to force yourself working with a temperature running in you but we are not that short of finance and in desperate need for money. Unless you have got rid of your problem, don’t show up here. We have three new hired workers to help around. You could rest till you are better.”

      “I’m fine, really.” Junsu mumbles. He needs to use his hands and body doing something to keep his thought occupied from thinking about useless things. Staying home is a bad idea since whenever his eyes wander to kitchen, the vivid moving images of Changmin and Jaejoong cooking together come alive before him. He doesn’t want to impose on Junho’s private apartment because Junho would instantly know Junsu is up to something and Junsu has decided none needs to know about it. Visiting home means meeting mama or papa or both and it sounds worse than Junho. He doesn’t know where to calm his mind.

      “You should see how you look.” Yoochun keeps his stern tone afloat. “I don’t mind you work hard for our café but I do mind you over work yourself. Really, Su. Our loan has been covered bit by bit. It’s not like bank would corner us if we don’t pay our loan up within two years. You’ve worked too hard lately I feel like it’s unfair for everyone else. Just go home and rest, please. I say this as a friend, not a business partner.”

Junsu appreciates this side of Yoochun’s very much. Yoochun doesn’t ask him what’s wrong with him despite his chance and right to know as a business partner. Yoochun respects Junsu’s private life. He wouldn’t say a word about it unless Junsu spills it first which Junsu doesn’t plan to do for as long as he can manage. None needs to know about him and Changmin more than they’ve been known already. Their past arguments and fights were openly known and talked thanks to Junsu’s loose mouth and immature trait. Not anymore today. Junsu has learned to keep it for himself. Changmin has been embarrassed enough.

      “I’m going.” Junsu zips his jacket. “I’m sorry I’ve made everyone worried.”

Taehyun and Yoohwan both send him apologetic smiles. They agree with Yoochun that Junsu must go home but seeing how dispirited their other boss is now, they feel a bit guilty.

Once Junsu has disappeared behind their entrance door, Yoochun takes a seat, sighing. Lisa pats her boyfriend’s back in sympathy. She was the one urging Yoochun to send Junsu home. “He needs to talk it out.”

Yoochun nods in resignation. “He’s so changed these past months. You wouldn’t know how changed he is hadn’t you known him long before. I don’t know how to get him talking to me outside work matter anymore.”

      “I know.” Lisa pulls Yoochun into comforting hug. “I hardly see him smile wide like before. He smiles but don’t really smile.”

      “I wish someone would knock his head hard so he would talk what his problem is.”

      “Do you think he’s sick and keeps it from us?”

Yoochun pushes Lisa aside. “You mean sick like.. I don’t wanna talk about it.”

      “Just guessing.” Lisa quickly apologizes. “He can’t be. Perhaps it’s family matter.”

Yoochun prays hard it is so. He can’t accept any idea that Junsu is down with serious illness.

      “Maybe you could tell his husband or brother that Junsu is-

      “Lisa.” Yoochun stops his girlfriend. “No stepping over someone’s private life unless it’s emergency.” His eyes are warning the girlfriend. “I’m one of his friends but not that close one to tell on him to his family or husband.”

--

They say, for men, work is the second most important thing in life that when things go wrong at work, it affects greatly with their life. For women, relationship holds the important lion share of their life pictures that when it meets blocked wall or sharp turn, the impact is unbearable.

Junsu tells himself he’s fine. His life is fine. What could he complain? He was born and raised in a well loving family. He’s surrounded by good kind friends and people. He doesn’t have to work as hard as many less fortunate people. He never meets any serious life and death situation. He’s never thrown into a too-difficult-no-way-out condition. He’s healthy. He can eat any food he wants. He is never lacking of clothes and shelter. He has very caring and loving parents. He has a handsome protective brother and he’s married to the man he loves. He lives very well. Too well compared to millions of less lucky people out there.

He can’t complain at all. He should be very happy and grateful to God for showering him in endless blessings. He really can’t be a greedy b****** whining of unnecessary unimportant minor things in life.

He can’t afford to be an ungrateful person with what he has.

He can’t. He doesn’t.

He found out about mama and Yoochun’s fixed contract after six months of reopening Hara café. His first reaction was confronting Yoochun. That’s just natural. He was so angry, feeling betrayed and stabbed by the person he trusted at that moment. He was about to tear down the café and throw the bricks right onto Yoochun’s forehead for forming a coalition with mama behind his back. He was so enraged that he didn’t think much when he grabbed his jacket and got on the first bus heading to Yoochun’s home.

He got on the wrong bus. Haha. Anger is indeed the epitome of destruction and three hours trapped in heavy congestion taking return route back home provided Junsu time to assess his situation better. In short, he changed the confrontation into making Yoochun agreed to open separate accounts for Hara. One for Hara. One for Yoochun. One for Junsu. Their net income would be split half half and sent to both’s account after being cut for paying the loan. However small their profit is, they will divided it into two. Fifty percent for mama Kim. Another fifty percent for Yoochun and Junsu. It’s the net profit which means the meat of their hard work after being sorted from keeping the café daily operational cost including the staffs’ salary and all. It’s small but good enough for Junsu to start anew.

Yoochun uses his profit for his family while Junsu uses it for himself. Again. He’s lucky. He has no burden on his shoulder but himself and by now he knows exactly how burdensome he is to Changmin. When he looks back, he was that selfish, childish, immature, demanding, jealous, big headed, short-eared, difficult someone. He did very little in their marriage’s wellness and more often if not most of the time, he demanded to be understood than gave understanding to Changmin’s side. Changmin has been very understanding and forgiving toward him. If it’s not Changmin, Junsu would have had been left alone in the relationship.

Changmin has been giving Junsu so much. It’s his time to return the favor. Besides, it’s not like Changmin is defecting their marriage by voicing a divorce. He just asked Junsu to gain more common sense, to grow up a bit, to take responsibility in their marriage. It’s not too much.

All Junsu has to do is changing his habits. Drop the bad ones and take up the good ones. That, and let Changmin have the person he loves close by his side. It’s not like Changmin is two timing him with Jaejoong. And even if Changmin does so, Junsu has no right on Changmin’s heart from the start. Changmin loved and loves Jaejoong. If Junsu were Changmin, he would definitely file up a divorce by now that Jaejoong is back in town. Who knows how long Jaejoong would stay close to the Shims this time around? What if Jaejoong disappears suddenly due to his family matter like years ago? What would Changmin do when it really happens?

Junsu can’t think further than he has thought. God has granted him everything. Surely he could show a little bit kindness by understanding Changmin and Jaejoong. He has so much more than them both. He should learn not to be too greedy. He’s greedy enough by not letting Changmin go freely and happily to Jaejoong. He can’t be greedier by demanding Changmin to forget Jaejoong and focus his heart and mind to Junsu only. Junsu had done it in the past and the fights were not good. They were very bad in fact. Junsy wants no more ugly fight. He loves Changmin. However hurt he is knowing and seeing how Changmin loves Jaejoong, he would bear with it. He would take it till the end, till Changmin finally says he’s had enough with their marriage. Till Changmin signs the divorce paper. Junsu would stay.

It’s hard to come to this decision. It’s harder to do. It’s hardest to welcome day by day taking pity of himself like he’s one poor most unfortunate most miserable saddest creature while in fact he’s one of the luckiest people in the world.

Junsu has no idea how long he could keep it all quiet but he is trying his best to be as fine as possible. For now, he just needs a place where he doesn’t need to think too much. A place he could put the swirling of fast scary thoughts away for a while till it seems appropriate for him to go home.

--

      “How long has he been sleeping?”

The senior maid who is considered as family member exchanges a concern look with the lady of the house. “Since he came. Four hours or so.”

      “I’ll wake him up.”

The maid quickly holds the lady’s hand, stopping. “Please don’t. He begged me not to tell anyone about his visit. I