I wake up magically early today. The thing is, me being able to sleep is probably the magic I am experiencing now. I am having a hard time. My mind is full of thoughts. I am probably the complete definition of mess right now. I can't focus to whatever I am doing. I am always… distracted.

I sat up as I stretched, rubbing my eyes before opening them. I wake up way too early today. I turned to my side and suddenly I am in the verge of crying. There, in my side table, lying a photograph of me and Baekhyun.  Smiling bitterly, I reached out for it. Staring at it for minute or two before I returned it to it proper place but this time it is lying flat with the photograph against the wooden surface. I can't afford to be salty now. Not now that the final is nearing the calendar. I need to maintain my grades.

I walked to my bathroom with my school's uniform in hand.

"Aren't you way too early today, Soyeon-ah?" My mother asked me as she saw me walking towards the kitchen. She just finished preparing breakfast. The smell of her cooking is kind of sweet. I turned to her with a smile. "I'm going first, mom." I informed her before turning around. "What is wrong, Soyeon-ah?" She asked me making me stops from walking. I bit my lips, disappointed that she saw right through me and my act. I don't want to worry her. I turned around and then fake a smile. "I'm worrying about maintaining my grades, mom. I felt like I've been neglecting my study…" I answered as I looked down. I can't afford her to see me through once again. As far as I know, she also has lots of problems in her workplace. I couldn’t afford to add mine. "Do you want to talk about it? Don't push yourself too hard, honey. Your health is more important than anything in this world…" I heard her say. She saw right through me. Her voice telling me that she found out that it wasn't my study. It is something else. I smile bitterly before looking up to meet her gaze and then nods. "I'm going…" I said before walking away.

It has been two months now when Baekhyun and Mina became official. It is hard for me, to adjust to changes. Every time I saw them together I always felt my heart clenching. It is killing me. It is suffocating. It feels like I am being stab every time. The first two weeks is much harder to the point that I avoided him again. But as time goes by I learned how to endure it. I learned how to fake a smile. I learned how to control my emotions. I learned how to keep my front.

I entered the university quietly and immediately made my way to the library. I've skipped some of my classes that I shared with Baekhyun for the reason of I couldn't face him. I am afraid that the moment I saw him, I might break down. Baekhyun is the sweetest person I've ever met so far. He takes good care of me even when we were still kids. He is always there to protect me from bullies. He is always there to pick me up whenever I stumble. He teaches me things I need to know. He cooks me food whenever I went to their house. He is like a brother to me and I hate the fact that I fell in love with the boy that treated me like his little sister. It was not supposed to be like this. I should have not liked him. This is wrong. We build friendship through years and I might be the reason for us to cut ties. I am mad at myself. I should have not overlooked his ki