Wow. Taeyeon is very pretty in person. She’s even smaller than you. She stood from her seat from the table she’s occupied in SM’s cafeteria. Her smile is so sweet and it looks really genuine.
“Waah, yeppuda.” You heard her say and for that to come from her, you automatically bowed to thank her and then greeted her afterwards. 
“Neomu yeppeo...” You told her, because it’s a fact. 
Taeyeon laughed a very contagious one. “Ahniyo. You’re very pretty.” She repeated, still looking at your face and you to hers. 
“You’re very pretty too...” You said and you laughed together. 
“You’re both very pretty.” Says one of the producer, just to stop you both. You’re like playing volleyball with the word ‘pretty’ and they’re worried you’d never sit.
Taeyeon looked as excited as you too meet her. As soon as you sat opposite her, she started talking to you as if you’re not a rookie and she’s not a senior. “I watch Kpop Star because of you. When I first saw you, I was like ‘whoa, yeppuda!’. And when you sang the first song, I was blown away.” She looked so cute and expressive when she talks. She’s very animated. “Then you sang that opera song and you became my favorite since then.” 
You’re so flattered at her words and the fact that she acted like a fan meeting her idol today is just so overwhelming. “Kamsahamnida. You’re my favorite too.” You told her. To be honest, you only know three people in their group by name. The two English speakers; Tiffany and Jessica and then her.  
“I want to have a friend with a British accent.” She said and laughed at herself afterwards causing for the crew to laugh at her too. 
“Geurae?” You asked and then you stretched to give her some explosive British accent. “There are different kinds of British accents depending on which part of Britain you are from. There’s the London accent, Es accent, Oxfordshire and so on.” You explained.
Taeyeon’s face soured, so you laughed a little. “So what accent do you have?”
“I have the Hertfordshire accent.” After you said that, they were looking at you with their mouths agape. “I live in Watford, Hertfordshire England and it’s only 20 minutes away from London by train.” You said and Taeyeon’s mouth is still open.
“On second thought, I think I’ll settle with Tiffany’s accent.” She said and you all burst out laughing. “What accent does Harry Potter speak?”
You tried to remember. “Daniel Radcliffe is from London so he has the London accent.” You explained and you could tell that Taeyeon is about to have a brain damage so you laughed when she immediately brought up the reason for your meeting today to move-on from the topic. 
“When I was told I will collaborate with one of the top three contestants, I prayed it would be you.” She said and you thought she must be that close to God because He granted Taeyeon’s prayer instead of you. Anyhow, you are still satisfied with the current situation because Taeyeon is so pretty and fun to be with. 
“Oh, kamsahamnida.” You said. The producer gave you several music sheets and the both of you started looking for the best song you can sing together.
“What are you going to sing for your solo performance, Mikaela-sshi?” Taeyeon asked while she’s busy scanning the sheets. You don’t know if they’re still recording this conversation though but you already told the producer about your choice yesterday.
“I’m going to sing an original composition.” You said. It’s about time for you to let the world hear about your very own sound. Just in case it is your last performance.
Taeyeon got so excited. “Chincha? Omo, you’re so talented. I want to hear it.” She said. 
After you decided which song to sing, you both went to the studio to start practicing. You both agreed to sing Ailee’s Heaven. It’s a song for someone who’s already passed away, that even though the person’s already gone; he will still be remembered by the person who loved him once and she knows that he’s happy for her and would want her to move on. It’s a story about an unselfish kind of love. Something you’re not familiar with. The only unselfish kind of love you know is your mother’s. But you feel for people like this, they’re blinded. They need a song that will take that blindfold off of them for them to see how shallow that four-letter-word that they’re so obsessed about in reality is. That’s going to be the song you’ll be singing on the live shows to get you to the finals. 

$$$

“BoA-unnie said she really wants you to choose SM but she’s scared because she can see that you really want to go to YG.” You’re so surprised that Taeyeon would talk to you about that. You’re also surprised that BoA actually wants you in SM that much. 
The production took a break because you’ve been recording for three hours. Taeyeon’s voice is small and she smiled at you.
“I’m not sure if this is allowed so I’m whispering now.” She said giggling and you laughed. 
“Taeyeon-sshi-” You started but she cut you off.
“Unnie... Taeyeon-unnie, at least when there’s no camera.” She winked at you. 
“Algessumnida, unnie.” You said and she nodded with a satisfied look on her face. “YG is really the reason why I joined Kpop Star.” You told her and her expression became sad. “Because my sound is different from SM. My sound is more similar to YG.” And you’re also afraid that SM will make you dance. 
“We don’t have a sound like you in SM. So if you choose SM, you’ll be easily identified because of your uniqueness. We don’t have a solo performer like you in SM, but YG has a lot.” She explained. “You see, in YG there are people that are similar to you and it would be difficult for the audience to identify you from the others.” Taeyeon added.
Whoa. She speaks just like Rina. You gulped because she has a point. Is this also what Rina was trying to tell you? 
“I know SM does have a bad reputation because of a lot of scandals in the company. No one in the history of Kpop Star has anyone chosen SM.” She continued, laughing and shaking her head. “The company is strict, but the people in it; we are family and we take care of each other. So many times I want to quit because there are times when the pressure becomes too much, but I can’t because my family is here...” She indicated the building you’re on right now then she stared at you. “I really like you because you seem so genuine and I’m probably being selfish for doing this to you. But you really touched me in your background interview...” 
Background interview. Oh, that video that Kpop Star took of you in Singapore. They asked to record a day in your life with your mother. You invited them to your apartment and introduced your mother to them. You also mentioned; then later on regretted it, the fact that when your father and mother separated, you and your mother decided to live on your own and later on, left England to start over. It was difficult to live in a foreign country and all but you took care of each other. Your mother even said on her interview that you take care of her more than she takes care of you. Your mother said that you’ve matured too early because of what happened to your family. You remembered crying when you watched that in the first episode. 
“Before watching it, my impression of you is a strong, independent and confident girl. But after watching it, I felt like cheering for you and I want to protect you or something..” She laughed, thinking she sound a little creepy already.
‘I want to guide you.’ You remembered what BoA said. 
“Maybe they’ll take care of you in YG too...” Taeyeon shrugged. 
“Kamsahamnida, unnie...” You told her. 
A sneaky grin appeared on Taeyeon’s face. “Just remember that BoA-unnie has been very consistent throughout the competition with you.” She’s right. BoA has always been on your side. Even when the other judges’ comments were sharp enough to cut you, when it’s her turn to comment, she makes her criticism sound so encouraging. “Let’s go out for dinner sometime okay?” She invited you and you immediately agreed. 

$$$

Now you stood on the stage again. You’re on your element tonight. You’re singing your own song, you have your guitar on your hands, there’s a band behind you. This is your moment. Tonight they’re finally going to hear your soul. The music director helped you in translating the song to Hangul and you’re satisfied with the outcome because it didn’t change the meaning at all. It made it even more intense. There’s a lot of high notes in this song but still within your supported range and this is a pop-rock song. When you discovered Kelly Clarkson, you know that pop-rock is the kind of music that you’re going to do in the future. 
You’re pretty much very satisfied with your wardrobe tonight because since you’re singing a rock song, they made you look like a real rock star. You wore a short black dress and a pair of black boots. Your hair was styled in messy waves and your eyes were a smokey shade of violet, black and gray. 
The intro of the song has a really good guitar work that you’re sure people who loves to play guitar would fall for because of the clean sound, the technique that you used and the clean riffs. “They say it’s beautiful, They say it’s magical, they say it’s wonderful. But why it’s ugly. Why it’s scary, why it’s difficult?” It starts a little slow as the notes crescendos. The pre-chorus and chorus comes next and it starts to get catchy and the notes higher. But you know this song like the back of your hand. From the lyrics to every single note so you played it so easily. “They can’t fool me. No, they can’t fool me anymore. Coz’ I’ve seen everything, everything. Yeah everything, everything. And it’s just overrated, exaggerated so distorted and so pretentious. Sweet little princess, it’s time to wake up now...” Then it goes back to the slow notes as the first verse. “They say it’s rainbows, they say it’s sunshine, they say it’s butterflies. But why it’s black and blue, why it’s stormy, why it stings?” Then going back to the pre-chorus and chorus but this time the notes are higher than the first one, followed by the bridge. “They say it’s pretty, they say it’s happiness, they say it’s real. I cringe and die a little inside. Coz’ they can’t fool me. No, they can’t fool me anymore... Coz’ I’ve seen everything, everything. Yeah everything, everything. And it’s just so overrated, exaggerated so distorted and so pretentious. Sweet little princess, it’s time to wake up now...time to wake up now. Before it’s too late. Before it’s too late...” 
The scream and cheer from the audience was so loud after your breathless performance. The judges stood once again to applaud you. It’s good to see that they seem to have enjoyed it. They seemed to like your song. You’re so happy. You turned to the band that accompanied you and bowed to them as well. 
“Wow. That was amazing.” BoA was the first to comment. You looked at her and you remembered what Taeyeon told you again. “Your performance tonight proved your capability as a singer, song-writer and musician. You’re already a complete package.” She said and then cocked her head to the side, smiling at you. “Can you tell us more about the meaning of your song?”
“It’s a song about love...but, it’s not a love song.” You said; for the lack of better vocabulary, then laughed at your explanation along with the judges and then followed by the audience. 
“If you debut with SM, your unique sound will make you shine because we’ll make sure to keep your musical identity as it is.” BoA bravely said and the audience started screaming and cheering. “Because I think you’re more effective singing your own songs.” Damn, she knows what you want. 
You smiled and bowed at her. “Kamsahamnida.” 
Mr. Yang brought his microphone near his mouth. “That was a very headbanging performance, your song is catchy.” He started. “I can see that you are most comfortable with pop-rock and performing with an instrument. Your performance tonight; just like what BoA-sshi said showed you are a very talented musician.” He paused a little and you prepared yourself for what to come. “As song-writers, we write to express right? But we also need to keep in mind that our music influences the listeners so we have this responsibility over the kind of message we want to get across.” He said lengthily. “I love your performance tonight, you don’t sound and look like a rookie. But I want you to keep in mind what I said when you’re writing songs next time, okay?” 
What? That comment just sounded so contradicting. But you got his point. He understands that though you sing to express, that you have to be responsible about the message you’re trying to convey. You didn’t have much time to ponder more on YG’s comment because JYP already started speaking.
“Looks can be really deceiving because you look like a harmless little angel but your sound is so dark and dangerous.” You smiled at that comment. “You scare me.” He said and everyone laughed again. “It bothers me a little that you wrote such kind of angsty song about the most celebrated and marketable; uh, emotion, in the world.” He said.
You wanted to defend yourself. But you’re not in the position yet. This is his opinion and you’ve told yourself so many times that if you’re going to do this, there will be people like him who’ll think it’s a bad idea. 
“But I’m not criticizing you.” He said afterwards. “What I’m saying is, you’re like a box full of mystery and surprises and I think that because you prove to everyone again and again in that stage every single week that you’re not just a pretty face that you’re more than ready for a debut as soon as possible and JYP is ready for that challenge.” He laughed, looking at the other judges. “I will save a lot from her, no need to hire a songwriter and a composer.” BoA and YG laughed at his point. 
Then they placed their scores and they were pretty high. BoA gave you a perfect score.
When you went back to the waiting room, Taeyeon was already there. She congratulated you on your performance. She was even imitating your hair-flipping and head-banging and said it was so cool. Then you changed your clothes for your performance with Taeyeon.
Throughout your collaboration performance, Taeyeon was very giving. She made sure not to do anything to outshine you. She’s so sweet. The judges were probably dazzled by her presence on the stage that’s why they gave you another high score. 
Taeyeon even stayed until the end of the show. She sat on the audience seat and when she was asked who she’s rooting for, without preamble she said your name. 
She must be a lucky charm because you did escape elimination that night. Ok Sanghyun left the competition.

$$$

You’re eating your breakfast silently in the kitchen because Sungjin is out for his practice and the crew is recording him. Tomorrow, it will be your turn. They’re making you rest for today because the next few days will be very busy. You’re expected to have two performances during the finals. 
You woke up early today because Sanghyun officially left the dorm this morning after last night’s results. You’re still actually feeling sleepy. You still haven’t recovered from the very busy schedule last week. All those recordings and practices ‘til late night and working with the band with your song is really taking its toll on your body. You’ve never been this busy in your whole life. You don’t even have time to do a callback to your family anymore because you barely even have the time to check on your phone. Even when you’re sleeping, you still dream that you’re practicing. 
This morning’s silence is a contrast to last night’s clamour. The quietness of the dorm makes you think. When you first came here, it was very noisy and full of people. It’s a good thing this is your last week here. It has been a grueling and roller-coaster eight months since the first audition you did in Singapore. 
“Mikaela!” One of the staff-unnie appeared out of nowhere. She’s the one who is in-charge of the contestants’ food. She’s the one who prepared your breakfast today. “Listen to me...” She sounded so excited. She’s holding her cellphone up but she’s not showing it to you. “I got a text from the producers. They said that your song is currently number one in over ten music charts since last night after your performance!”
You felt your jaw drop. You didn’t even record a studio-version of that song, maybe they used the last night’s performance? Nevertheless, the point is that they liked it. They like it?
“Chincha? Mideul suga eopseo!” You can’t believe it.
She finally turned her phone and showed you the proof. It’s a screenshot of different music chart’s lists and indeed Wake Up is on the first spot. Your heart ached. You thought they won’t like it. 
“I don’t understand. It’s not a love song. They say it’s too dark.” You said, feeling the nonstop flow of tears on your cheeks. You really thought that because the judges thought it’s too negative that people won’t like it too. 
“Omo, don’t cry. It only means that a lot of people can relate to it.” When she said that, you paused. It means that a lot of people have been hurt and are still hurting because of that four-letter word. 
“Then I already won, unnie.” You said. The staff frowned, not quite getting what you just said. “I already won. This is my dream. To write and sing a song that people could relate to. I already won.” You repeated. 
She reached out to you and crushed you with a hug. “Not yet. It’s just the beginning. You still have to choose your agency.” 

$$$

Indeed the days before the finals was very busy. Your and Sungjin’s final missions were given in a red envelope. You’re challenged to once again perform a song and dance number for your first performance, unfortunately. They know that’s your weak spot. They’ve given you the freedom to choose your song for the second performance. 
Wonder Girls’ hit song Nobody is the song you’re gonna perform first. Your song of choice is Jordin Spark’s winning song called This is my Now. You chose that song because it tells exactly what you’ve experienced and felt before and throughout your Kpop Star journey.
You practiced so hard with your song and dance performance compared to your second one because you had low scores from YG and JYP the last time. You remembered BoA was the only one who gave you an almost perfect score that time and then you keep hearing Taeyeon’s words about BoA being so consistent about you from the beginning. Your reason for joining Kpop Star is YG but the real reason why you’re still in Kpop Star is BoA, or rather SM. 
Now you’re torn. 
A day before the finals night, your mother surprised you while you’re practicing your dance performance. She was actually watching you from afar. You held your tears. At least you tried to, until the camera was gone and you’re finally left alone with your mother who you haven’t seen for months. 

$$$

Kpop Star finals night have finally arrived. You are very busy with finalizing your song and dance number more than anything else. Your back-up dancers were very patient and supportive with you, thank goodness. You’re working even harder because you found out; from Rina, that there are some people who doesn’t like you who bothered to make a fan account to convince people that you don’t deserve to win because you’re not even a Korean citizen and that you don’t even look Korean. Point taken. But really? 
They even criticized people who like you because they clearly are blinded by this whitewashed mentality. Just because you’re white and pretty that you became popular and nothing more. 
Tonight you’re going to win this competition and show them that that’s all they can use against you because you’re talented. 

$$$

It feels like there are more people today in the audience because their cheers are louder. Or maybe it’s because the sound of your heartbeat joined in. 
The other contestants came back for a special stage tonight. Minyung and Yoojin said that they’ve campaigned for you and told you a lot of stories, and you’re so ecstatic especially when Yoojin said that JYP offered her a trainee contract. 
Your first performance is the song and dance mission performance that the judges gave you. You went out wearing that clothing that is inspired from what Wonder Girls wore in their music video. You did your best. Your very best. You practiced hard again and again for this. Actually, the dance isn’t that difficult because there’s very little footwork and more on the hands. You worked hard on achieving the gracefulness and daintiness of the dance because you’re supposed to look y and confident all throughout. 
When you were done, the judges looked really pleased. They praised your appearance and told you that you’ve improved. You’re starting to develop gracefulness when dancing. YG gave you 97, JYP 98 and BoA gave you 99. Sungjin scored one point higher on the first performance. 
When you came out for the second and final performance, your stage was simple. You just wore a little white casual dress and paired with black boots and a black leather jacket. The stylist definitely knows your style.
“There was a time I packed my dreams away. Living in a shell, hiding from myself.” The song felt like it was written for you. “There was a time when I was so afraid. I thought I’d reached the end. Baby that was then. But I am made of more than my yesterdays...” You felt so afraid to continue when YG didn’t pick you when he was the sole reason you joined. “This is my now, and I am breathing in the moment. As I look around, I can’t believe the love I see...” Those people out there who supports you. Those people watching you right now. These people in the audience screaming your name. They love you. These are the people who deserves your love too. Your eyes saw the judges. They looked at you with a smile on their faces. You’ve pleased them. But there’s something in BoA’s smile and the way she looked at you. Her unwavering faith in you is making you consider... 
The judges gave you really high scores, saying the song choice was perfect and all. YG and JYP gave you 99 each but BoA gave you 100.  

$$$

The final moment has come. You and Sungjin came out for the announcement of the winner. Sungjin’s popularity is no joke. He is tagged as the next T.O.P because of their similarities. Plus he has dual citizenship because he’s actually born here in Korea. Big advantage. 
You felt him tap your back and when you looked up at him, he nodded and gave you an assuring smile. The MC Mr. Jun Hyunmoo will be the one to announce the winner and your heartbeat is already rioting. You’ve already told yourself that it’s fine if you don’t win. It will be fine. You’ll find a way to be able to debut afterwards. But with your current heart rate, you realized you actually wanted to win this more than what you make yourself believe. 
“This season’s Kpop Star winner is...” You reached for Sungjin’s hand when you felt his own brush against yours because you need to hold on to something. You didn’t care if it was tight enough to cause pain because you can’t think. You closed your eyes. Damn the suspense. “Mikaela Bennett!” The loud scream and shouting of the fans brought you to tears. “Chukahamnida!” He said afterwards. 
Sungjin your back and whispered congratulations to you. You don’t know what’s going on now. It’s like your brain is not inside your head right now, it’s somewhere that is really high. The other contestants have climbed up the stage as well and started congratulating you. If it wasn’t for Mr. Jun; pulling you out for a speech, you wouldn’t be able to realize that you actually have to say something. 
“What is going on? My eyes are leaking on their own...” You said unknowingly and everyone cracked up. 
“Don’t worry Mikaela-sshi, you still look pretty.” 
That’s not your concern right now. “Kamsahamnida.” You bowed to everyone. “I’m so thankful for everyone’s support. For believing in me. For not doubting my heart.” You felt the need to address the issue about your citizenship. “I may have been born in another country, but I was raised a Korean by my mother.” You looked and smiled at your mother’s direction in the audience, she’s sitting beside Rina and your Aunt Hana. “In my heart, I am Korean..." You paused. "My stomach will eventually learn one day...” Everyone once again laughed at what you said. It took Mr. Jun a while to recover from what you said. They found it funny when you’re only telling the truth. 
“We understand Mikaela-sshi, with a Korean heart.” He said, jesting. “But now is the time for you to make a decision...” He reminded you. “YG, JYP or SM. Have you changed your first choice?” 
The audience are screaming. The loudest name you could hear is YG. Rina told you that most of your supporters; based on her spying, wants you to choose YG. And you want to choose YG. 
The three judges are now standing and waiting for your decision. You don’t want to look at BoA. You don’t want to. “Uhm... It’s a really difficult decision. JYP-seonsaengnim is someone I look up to because of his knowledge in music, I learned a lot from him. YG-seonsaengnim is someone I know would understand my sound and I joined Kpop Star because of him.” When you said that, the audience cheered. “BoA-seonsaengnim is someone who believed in me all throughout the competition and saved me many times.” You said without looking at the judges because you don’t want to be affected by their expressions. “So I choose...” Suddenly you saw a commotion in the audience and recognized a familiar figure in the crowd. Huh? Is that Taeyeon? You gulped. She came! Why? Why is she looking so expectantly at you? Then she put her right hand over her heart and tapped it. You understood what she meant. She wants you to choose with your heart. But what does your heart really wants? You’re so confused and you’re dragging the show’s airtime so you have to make a decision now and the noise is not helping. You finally looked at the judges’ stage and your eyes immediately settled on BoA’s worried face. “BoA-seonsaengnim-imnida.” You said. You choose her. You heard gasps from the entire gymnasium. They've expected you to say YG.
“Huh? You mean SM, right?” Mr. Jun asked you and you realized what you said.
“N-ne... SM-imnida... Sorry.” You corrected yourself. Mr. Jun laughed so hard.
Suddenly BoA was on your side and she hugged you real tight. “Chukahamnida, welcome to SM, Mikaela!” She looked so happy and pleased. But you still can’t believe you just said SM.