“You can take it higher, right?” Asked the music director. 
Wetting your lips, you replied “One note?” 
There was a short discussion between the recording engineer and the producer which is the McDonald's representative.
“How high can you go?” The producer asked.
“Do you want me to bring it to an octave higher?” Gosh, why don’t they just tell you the exact note? Of course the highest belted note you can sustain is G#5, sometimes and this is something you know you can only reach when you’re in really good condition and mostly when you’re not prepared, you can hit an A5 by chance. Still, as a mezzo, you’re more comfortable with your mid-range and low notes. 
They asked you to try the G5 and the F5 and later on decided to record the F5 so you’ll have a leeway for live. 
After continuous recording with only a 15-minute bathroom break, the recording finally ended. They played the entire song and everyone was pretty satisfied with the outcome. The deadline for the commercial is two weeks from now. You have to finalize the dance this week for the commercial to be shot next week. 
“Kamsahamnida!” You bowed one more time before you hit the door following Suri and your assigned vocal coach, Nayoung. “I’m so thirsty.” You rubbed your throat with your fingers. 
“No cold drinks, no dairy and caffeine before a recording or performance, okay? Remember the 24-hour rule.” Nayoung reminded you. She’s twice your age and is really strict. She’s one of the head vocal coaches in SM. She needs to be present in your every practice and/or recording. 
“Ne, algessumnida.” You said, although your heart is aching. You need coffee. You need coke. 
Suri was staring at you when you turned to her, there was pity in her eyes. You need that pity now. “Nayoung-sunbaenim will give us your dietary requirements and some voice tonic. Why don’t you wait for me at the cafeteria?” She reached to run her hand on your back gently. 
You need massage, you need something for your stiff muscles. The tightness and pain you started feeling recently must be from your dance practice. 
After agreeing, you watched them enter the elevator and disappear from your sight. You waited for the other elevator that is now on the 4th floor since you’re going down. You heard the elevator ding followed by the opening of the door. 
Inside were two people busy trying to strangle each other with smiles on their faces and the sound of their laughter echoing inside the elevator. Jongin and Taemin are playing. The two noticed you immediately and greeted you first before you realized as a hoobae that you have to greet them first. 
“Annyeonghaseyo!” The two said at the same time. 
Bowing as low as you could, you smiled as you greeted them back. “Annyeonghaseyo.” You said.
“Come in, Kaela-sshi! Are you going to the first floor?” Taemin asked. 
Nodding, you said “Ne.” 
Cocking his head to the side, Jongin who moved behind Taemin when you entered, spoke. “You look tired.” He noticed.
Hearing the concern in the comment, you laughed and realized that even laughing now makes you tired. “I’m starting to feel the effects of too much dancing. I didn’t even audition to be a dancer in the first place.” You uttered, stepping back to lean on the wall. 
Taemin’s unique laughter permeated your senses, the vibration making you want to sleep right here and right now. 
“It’s because you don’t exercise. Suddenly doing some aggressive physical activities shocked your muscles because it’s not used to it.” Jongin said and right after the elevator dinged once more followed by the doors opening. 
Taemin gave Jongin a sideways glance before he moved out first and you followed; leaving the comfort of leaning on the wall where you’d gladly stay longer. 
“That’s what Sera-unnie told me. Maybe I should really start exercising.” You said, convinced now more than ever. 
“Well, Jonginnie’s right. Start low and go slow. You’re sore and tired. Jongin and I have been dancing since we’re little kids with snots, so not a problem.” Taemin said and that made you and Jongin laugh. “So start with cardio exercise. Walking, running, cycling or swimming.” 
Smiling at the advice, you nodded. 
“Why don’t you join us? Jongin, I and the others exercise together, it’s so much fun. We can even assist you. Right, Jonginnie?” Taemin looked at Jongin who looked at you then back to Taemin. 
Jongin reached for his snapback, removed it and ran his hand through his hair. “I told her I’d teach her some stuff about dancing too but, we’re both too busy-”
“No one’s too busy for something they really want right? Plus this is for your own good, Kaela-sshi. 30 minutes isn’t too long and it’s not even everyday. Just let us know when you’re available and we’ll see if we’re also good for it. Evenings are usually the best since afterwards you can go to bed directly, you’ll sleep better.” Taemin explained a little too enthusiastically. 
Seeing the point, you decided you needed this and Taemin is right, it’s for your own good. For your wellness. Admittedly, you’re as lazy as a squirrel in hibernation and it’s time for your to do something about it. Smiling brightly, you said “Okay, I will communicate with Jongin.” It took you a moment to get the looks on the two boy’s faces before you realized you didn’t use a honorific. “Oh! Jongin-sshi... Mianhaeyo.” You even bowed. “I’ll have to get used to honorifics.”
“You can call us oppa.” Taemin suggested. 
“A-arasso...yo.” You immediately added the ‘yo’ and Taemin’s laugh was loud enough to get other people’s attention. 
“You’re so adorable, Kaela-ya. I’ll call you casually now, okay?” He initiated. 
“Okay, Taemin-o-oppa.” You bit your lower lip and winced because it sounded so strange to you. Most Korean guys loved to be called oppa, even some of your Korean classmates in Singapore, but you know that it’s also an endearment and for a non-relative to ask a girl to be called that is sometimes; if not most of the time, because they like the girl romantically. Of course you don’t think these two boys like you like that but, ever since then you’re not really a fan of that honorific that’s why you prefer to be formal. 
“You can just call me Jongin.” Jongin said, now looking at you as if reading you. Impossible. 
“Arassoyo, Jongin-ah.” And you said that with ease, then your breath almost hitched in your throat when Jongin smiled at you. You really like Jongin’s smile. It’s so comforting. 
“Right then, we have to leave now Kaela-ya.” Taemin reached to gently tap your head like an older brother would; not that you’ve experienced it because you don’t have a sibling, but you’ve seen it in movies before. “Take care of your health.”
“I will. Kamsahamnida.” You bowed once more. 
Jongin lingered a little before saying, “The cafeteria serves energy drinks. Bacchus is great.” He told you and you gave him an appreciating smile. 
“I will go try it now. Kamsahamnida.” But instead of bowing, you raised your fist and Jongin immediately bumped his own to yours then you both laughed at the awkwardness of it. Cute but awkward. 

$$$

Today, you met with the team in-charge of your album. Lee Sooman is now sitting on your left and your mom on your right. Everyone’s listening to the planning officer at the front. 
“So, Kaela-sshi is going to be the first SM artist to release a full Korean and English album separately, targeting not only the Northeast Asian countries but Southeast Asia including all the English-speaking countries as well.” He said and changed the slide that now shows a colorful graph and table. “According to our research, Kaela-sshi’s second biggest fanbase is in Singapore-.” 
That’s the first time you heard about actually having fans in Singapore. Suddenly you wanted to go back and meet them. OMG. Right now you’re so ecstatic. You have to cover your mouth with your hand to stop the squeal. 
There is a reason why you suddenly got interested in YG in the first place. A long time ago, after your parent’s called it off, your mother said that she wants to go back to Korea with you. She wants to get old in her country and be with her remaining family, her sister. 
But even before that, you had wanted to make it in Singapore. You take your school performances very seriously hoping that one day you’ll get scouted, one day you’ll get the chance, until you heard about Kpop Star auditions in Singapore. 
It’s good to know that in pursuing your dream here in Korea, you’re also able to make it in Singapore too. Maybe next, it would be the world. Huh. A dream is a dream. Impossible as it may sound, you’ll continue dreaming. You’ll continue working hard. 
You presented all of your completed songs for selection. They even commented that this is the easiest project they’ve ever handled because the singer and the songs are instant, like a package deal. 
The timeline was also laid out. November 1st was going to be your official debut and teasers are going to be released as early as August. By September you are to star in your very own variety show which is going to be called Kaela’s Channel. Well there goes SMs creativity. 
The company have set up a studio for you in Singapore for your promotions instead of teaming up with a Singaporean producer. Apparently they had issues with that before. 
“You’re just gonna get busier, Kaela-sshi.” Mr. Lee told you and you beamed at him to show him you don’t mind at all.
“Bring it on, sajang-nim.” You jested and beamed at Lee Sooman while those others who heard it laughed and praised you for your fearlessness and boldness, even telling you to keep it up.
Almost four hours after, you got out of the board room texting Jongin that the meeting is done and you’re free tonight. It was when you’re already home that you received his reply. 
-Just got home. We’re going to the gym tonight. I’ll pick you up?- His reply. 
Shaking your head as if he can see you, you hit the reply button so fast. -No. I drive. Address is what?- 
Nawoon came to the dining room looking strangely at you. Then she sat on the vacant seat beside you now wearing a teasing smile on her lips. “Yunsoo-unnie said you’re entertaining a suitor.” 
Making a face at the girl, you shook your head. “I...” You paused, not really sure how to explain that you’re not. “I’m not. She’s mad. I don’t have time for boys. I’m too in love with music.”
Liking your answer, Nawoon smiled. “So, what’s your ideal type?”
Gosh, you’ve answered this before. “I don’t have a type.” 
Frowning because she’s not satisfied with your answer, she insisted you answer it.
Rolling your eyes, you thought of something really creative. Haha. “Okay. Well I don’t have any specific physical ‘must-be’. If I find someone I’ll love more than music, I might give it a try.” 
Just in time, your message alert tone rang. 
-The fitness center is in Yeoksam.- He then gave you the complete address with some landmarks to help you. As you stood, Nawoon followed you with her eyes.
“I’m going out to exercise. Taemin and Jongin invited me to join them.” You told her as you head to the kitchen where Suri, Yunsoo and your mother are. They’re baking again. Well, you can’t really blame them, your mom’s cakes and pastries are the best in the world. So you told them you’re going out tonight and promised to be back before midnight because you still have practice tomorrow and a radio show guesting in the afternoon. 
“Who are these boys?” Your mom asked and you notices Suri and Yunsoo looking at each other before carrying on with what they’re doing. 
“My sunbaes.” You answered, glancing at Suri in need of support. 
“Taemin is from SHINee, the group I used to co-manage before. Jongin is from EXO. They’re good boys, omoni. I can vouch for them.” Suri said. 
Your mother seems to trust Suri in such a short time. You told them the boys will help you with some dancing and exercising stuff. A few days ago, your mom and Suri told you to start exercising when you always bother them to massage you whenever your muscles hurt after your dance practice with Sera. 
“Bring some of the cupcakes we made just now. There’s a box on that drawer, Kaela.” You mom told you and you moved to get one immediately. 
“Omoni, I was just wondering, does Kaela have a Korean name?” Yunsoo asked out of nowhere. 
“Of course!” Your mother said with pride. You laughed. In the Korean tradition, the wife doesn’t really need to change her last name to the husbands’, so your mother Song Jina is still Song Jina. The kids however, have to take the husband’s last name. “Kaela’s Korean name sounds close to her English name. It’s Aera.” Then your mom started telling them of why she named you Mikaela and Aera. Mikaela is an English name that means ‘God’s gift’ and Aera in Korean means love.
“But no one calls me that. Not even mom.” You said, then you remembered something and realized you shouldn’t have said that. 
“Because I told her that the only person allowed to call her that is her husband.“ Your mother said that made you wince. 
“Gross.” You said, even acting like you’re throwing up. You don’t like the direction of the conversation so you put a dozen cupcakes on the box and hit the kitchen door immediately to get to your room to change clothes and afterwards bid them a short ‘later!’. 

$$$

Jongin said that the place is really private, and that it’s an invitation-only fitness center. Good enough. Another good thing you noticed is that there’s is a basement parking space, which means there’s no need to be discreet when going and coming out of the car.
You rolled down your window to show your face to the security personnel. Smiling at him, you gave him your name and based on the look on his face, it seemed like he recognized you even before you opened your mouth. He checked some list he probably has on his ledger and then let you in. 
After parking, you got in the elevator with your hands full. Your back pack behind you and the box of cupcakes on your hands. Hang on, why are you bringing sweets in here where people usually go to loose weight and shape up? 
Silly you. Well, you’ll gladly eat these if they won’t. They’ll be missing half of their lives. 
The fitness center is the entire building you suppose. It only has three floors. You don’t know what’s on the first and second floor but Jongin said the gym is on the third floor so maybe you’ll ask later. 
Someone came out from the restroom across the hallway; you know coz’ of the sign. When the person turned around, you smiled when you recognized who it was. 
“Whoa! Kaela-sshi.” Amber ran towards you quite excitedly. 
After bowing, you said “Taemin-oppa and Jongin invited me.” 
“Really? Cool! I heard you’re getting dance lessons for a CF?” She finally spoke in English. 
Making a face, you showed how frustrating the situation you are in now. “They could just film me eating a hamburger, why do they have to make me dance? That’s beyond me, seriously.” 
Laughing, Amber clapped her hands. “Me neither. Come on! Jongin just got here too.” She gently pushed you inside the entrance to the gym and to your surprise there actually are quite a number of people inside. Well, you’ve seen cars in the basement but because you’ve never seen anyone aside from Amber and the security, you almost thought this was an abandoned building. Just almost. 
The gym area of the center is quite big with a lot of sports equipment and some SM artists. You were surprised to recognize Minseok and Joonmyeon aside from Taemin and Jongin on the corner where Amber was pushing you towards. You notice they’re with two other people you don’t recognize but are quite familiar though. 
It was Taemin who saw you approaching. “Oh! Kaela-yah! Good thing you came!” 
Then suddenly everyone’s eyes are on you. You smiled and bowed at them. “Annyeonghaseyo!” You greeted. Well this is awkward. Only you and Amber are girls. Though you’re not really comfortable with boys, but as long as they don’t show interest it’s fine. Thankfully, their eyes only showed curiosity. 
“I saw her outside, you didn’t tell me she was coming.” Amber told nobody in particular. 
“Jongin and I invited her. We need a real muse for inspiration.” Taemin joked and that made you all laugh especially when Amber fumed and teasingly hit Taemin repeatedly.
“Kaela-sshi, do you have a diet plan?” Joonmyeon asked. 
Nodding, you answered “Ne.” You laughed just before you continued. “But I cheat.” 
Upon hearing that, everyone laughed loud enough to catch the attention of everyone on the floor. 
“She doesn’t really need to lose weight.” Jongin commented. 
“True.” Minseok seconded. 
“Oh! Kaela-yah, you haven’t been introduced to these two yet.” Amber realized and motioned for the two other boys to come forward. They’re so tall. You’re only 162 cm and these boys are giants next to you. “This is Jung Taekwoon and Kim Wonshik. They’re both from another group called VIXX.” The boys bowed to you first when again it should have been you and you followed immediately then offered your hand to them who looked surprised. Whoa, are these boys traditional? Skinship between men and women in Korea is so complicated. You realized that Korean women generally don’t offer handshakes first and even find it sometimes offensive when men offers handshake to them, you thought you could get away with it since you’re half? Seniors offering a handshake first is acceptable, but in this case it was you so...
“Take her hand, Taekwoon-ah.” Taemin said even guiding the boy’s hand to yours. “It’s bad to leave a girl hanging like that.” 
Taekwoon accepted your hand and gave it a light squeeze and he looked a little surprised to realize what he actually did so he pulled away and started bowing again. “Mianhe. I was just surprised. “
You wanted to make the situation less awkward. You hate awkward situations to the bones. “Ahniyo. I should apologize, I’m not used to Korean social etiquette, I often forget this isn’t England or Singapore anymore. Mianhamnida.”
Stepping backwards, Taekwoon shook his head and waved his hands on front of you. “Ahniyo. It’s okay because you’re a foreigner.” He said and that made you frown visibly and you can’t help it. 
“Yah, don’t call her a foreigner. She’s half-Korean.” Jongin said in your defense. Of course. How can Jongin see through you by just looking at you from the outside?
And before Taekwoon started apologizing as well, Amber introduced Wonshik who; this time, offered his hand first. “Bangapsumnida.” He said. 
“Bangapsumnida!” You cheerfully said. 
“What’s that on your hand, Kaela-sshi?” Joonmyeon noticed you holding on to the ribbon of the cupcake box with your left hand. 
“My mom baked cupcakes this afternoon and when she found out I’m meeting Taemin-oppa and Jongin, she told me to bring these.” You raised the box that Taemin immediately took from your hand wearing his wide smile. 
“Whoa, please tell you mom thank you. We’ll definitely eat this later.” He said and at the mention of the word ‘later’, you were reminded of what you’re here for in the first place. 
“Well this is not the place for a talk show, so I’ll bring Kaela-sshi to the fitness trainer for her program. See yah!” Amber cheerfully snatched you away and brought you to a small glass room where someone’s busy with his computer. 
You were given a beginner’s program and found out through Amber that SM artists can come here for free. The fee will be shouldered by the company who encourages physical fitness. That makes sense. Maybe other companies such as Wonshik and Taekwoon’s company also does the same. 
You got the beginner’s fitness program for women and a female trainer was assigned to assist you. Amber watched on the sidelines while exercising with the nearest equipment which is the leg press machine. 
You started with the stretches before you were allowed to use the machines. Your silent complaints were to Amber’s entertainment. She’s laughing next to you. After that was the treadmill for 20 minutes at 3.2 speed. These are for cardio to prep you for the real thing. At 10 minutes, you’re already starting to feel tired. 
“Can I stop now?" You asked Amber who is now doing the same thing beside you. 
“You can but you shouldn’t. You should finish it, trust me; it would feel great once you get used to it. Everything’s only difficult at the beginning.” She answered. 
At 17 minutes, you’re panting and you almost couldn’t feel your legs anymore. You hummed in pain and exhaustion. 
“Gwenchana?” You heard Jongin’s voice behind you and you saw him through the glass window reflection. He looked so worried. 
“I’m not okay. But I only have 3 more minutes.” You answered. 
Amber laughed. “That’s the spirit, Kaela.” 
You were allowed to rest for 60 seconds after that and then you were asked to try what they called the Lat Pulldown on the Cable equipment where you had to pull down a wide bar attached to the top pulley, said this is for your biceps, middle back and shoulders’ strength. That was followed by what they called the Leg Press before it was finally over. 
Surprisingly, you feel tired but you feel light. You’re so sweaty and thanked Amber when she handed you a cold energy drink that you drank and finished immediately. You don’t have a recording or performance tomorrow so, it’s fine. 
“Would you like to join us for dinner after this?” Amber asked. 
You haven’t had dinner yet so why not. “Sure. Where?”
“First floor. They have a cafeteria for their customers.” She said. 

$$$

After after cooling down for 30 minutes, you and Amber joining the boys for a conversation about their experiences in the UK when they went there knowing that you’re from there, the boys were so animated talking about eating the English breakfast for the first time and loving it. 
You took a quick hot shower and changed to yet another comfortable clothes for you which is basically just another pair of sweatpants and shirt. 
“You don’t seem awkward or intimidated with boys around. Normally, girls get so flustered or shy. Actually, it’s the other way around.” You heard amber saying as you were gathering your things. 
Shrugging, you sat and reached for the blower then started drying your hair. “I don’t know. I have a lot of male friends in Singapore.” You said. 
“Maybe they’re just not your type? I mean, you’re half white so you might prefer them over Koreans?” She asked. 
Laughing, you said “That’s the nth time I’ve been asked that question. I don’t really care. I don’t have an ideal type.” You uttered and remembered what you told Nawoon earlier. “If I find myself being more in love with a boy than music, I’d give it a try. Whoever he is, wherever he might come from and however he might look.”
“Really? Me too!” She sat beside you with a funny look on her face. “Just because I dress and act masculine, they think I’m into girls too.” She made a face, a sour one. “I mean, no offense but I’m a girl too so...” Amber said defensively waving her hands in front of her. “They keep on asking me about my ideal type and all, but I love what I’m doing right now. I haven’t met anyone I love more than my dreams yet.” Now she sounded so hopeful. 
The only difference between you and Amber is that, she seems excited in falling in love but you’re hell bent in making sure that you won’t ever allow yourself to be so crazy in love with someone. 

$$$

For the next two days, you and Sera finalized the dance steps, you attended the contract signing for yet another CF deal for the Lotte Milkis drink to which thankfully there’ll be no dancing involved and just plain drinking and a bit of acting. 
You don’t have any problems with acting because you were trained for it and you’ve had experiences in theatre before. 
Today you were called for the discussion of the songs you’ve submitted. There were a total of 15 songs. To be honest, you’ve written more than that, more or less half a hundred and half of it with melody already. Those fifteen are what you’re more comfortable and confident with for now.
Present in the discussion is the producer, musical director, your vocal coach and some other people. They’ve given you compliments on your writing skills and especially your ability to compose music. 
“Most of these are really catchy and could leave someone with a last song syndrome.” Said the producer but then he looked at you squarely in the eyes. “The sound isn’t that common in Kpop, as you know its synthesized music is what it’s known for. These pieces-” He indicated the music sheets in front of him. “sounds a bit more western, but that’s an edge because it could become your identity, your uniqueness here in South Korea and your key to breaking into the western entertainment, so that’s fine.” 
You could hear a big BUT in his speech. “The only issue I have with most of them is with the lyrics.” He distributed photocopies of your lyric sheets to the others who looked at them trying to see for themselves what the producer was talking about. “You Don’t Know Me. King With Two Kingdoms.  Love Is. I Dare You. Hope You’re Happy Now.” He read the titles of the songs. “There’s so much hate and anger.”
Well it’s true. You’ve always known at some point this is going to be a problem. But you’re not going to back down. 
“So, what are you implying?” You asked, then felt Suri’s hand on you knee from under the table. She knew you well enough to detect when you’re pissed or not. 
“What do you mean, seonsaengnim? Does that mean you won’t make her writer her own songs for her album?” Suri asked for you. 
“Not that. These songs are good but still up for deliberation. Most of her songs written have the same meaning which is all about heartaches and anger and hatred.” The producer pointed out. “It’s redundant. Her album will contain 10 songs. That’s a lot of songs to only have to focus on negativity.” 
When you heard the word ‘negativity’ you looked away and took a deep breath because you really really want to talk back but then Suri squeezed your leg to stop you. 
“I’m thinking of 50-50. Five songs from her and five from us...” He said. No! That’s a no-no! “But the genre will still be the same, so it will be fine.”
What! Is that supposed to be the consolation price? It’s still gonna be pop-rock so you just have to accept their plan? 
“No!” You’re not able to stop yourself. Suri turned to you with her eyes almost coming out of their sockets. Your voice was big and firm. Everyone’s looking at you, surprised at your tone. “I won’t accept that. There's no way.” 

$$$

You’re so rude. So rude. Your mom will be displeased. You walked out on everyone! Hah! 
You can’t believe you just did that. But you cannot stay there any longer. It’s bad when you’re upset and about to cry, because it’s ugly. You’re ugly. They can’t see you like that. No one should. 
You need to get away from here. They’re ruining your career and it hasn’t even officially started yet. They’re ruining your dream. 
The problem is your eyes are becoming hotter by the second, tears threatening to fall already and you’re still here in the hallway, walking briskly to the elevator. Once inside, you message alert tone rang and with tears forming in your eyes and clouding your vision, you read Jongin’s message. 
-How was it?- 
You were exchanging messages this afternoon. He was super proud that he’s not working that day and that he slept in. 
-Bad bad bad bad bad. I chose SM bad decision. Bad! I hate!-
You’re so angry that your hands were shaking.
When the elevator opened, it was about the same time your caller ring tone rang. 
“Yeoboseyo.” You answered, gritting your teeth. 
“What happened? Where are you?” He asked, worry evident in his tone. 
“I walked out.” You don’t want to talk continuously because you know you’re going to wail. 
“Mwo?”
“I hate them. They lied to me. They promised me they’re going to allow me to write my own songs.” 
“Wha-”
“I shouldn’t have come back here in Korea.” Then you realized you’re using Jongin as an outlet of your anger and frustration. “Mianhe, Jongin-ah. Sorry. I’m just, sorry. I have to hang up now. I want to be alone.” You told him, now trying to be calm by taking deep breaths.
“Wait! I’ll listen to you.” Jongin tried to stop you. “I-I won’t judge.” His voice was fading and you know he’s being shy again. 
You really cannot refuse Jongin when he’s like this. “Will you come to my apartment?” 

-----