Youngmin stood shocked at his brothers words. He had never come across so harshly before. Why had he blown up like that? It wasn't as if he had done anything Kwangmin wasn't guilty of himself.

Tears threatened to spill over the rims of his eyes and his heart hurt. He had never been pushed away by his brother. It had always been "the Jo twins"... so how could he desert him now? Closing his eyes as the tears fell, he held his chest and ran for the door after Kwangmin. He needed to talk to him about everything.

He needed him to know how he felt about Minwoo and how much it hurt seeing them together... how much it hurt that Kwangmin had kept something so big from him.

He needed to know that no matter what, they were brothers and so he decided to give him space by finding ways to distract himself and on the way he happened to find a place of comfort in Jeongmins company.

He needed to know the kiss had shocked him as much as it probably shocked Kwangie walking in on it... and that he hadn't kept anything from him. 

He needed to know that in the middle of all this, he had managed to move on. He was going to take Jeongmins kiss as a sign of something new and exciting and different. He was going to forget about how much he liked Minwoo and let go of his jealousy. 

He ran down the hall, his breaths shallow and strained as he searched for his twin. He needed to explain. It wouldn't be fair on anyone if everything was left unsaid. "Kwangie?" His voice was desperate against the silence. Where had he gone? It had only be moments ago when he had stood in the doorway. The image came back into his mind. His brother, stood with a look of shock and betrayal on his face. His deep brown eyes wide as he stared at them. His voice when he spoke... the memory jerked Youngmins heart. He had never seen Kwangmin like that. Not once. He just didnt understand why it had shocked him so much and why he decided to take such offence. "Kwangmin-ah!... Kwangie, we need to talk..." he kept running, checking every room and opening every door. 

Nothing. 

He kept searching. He had to be somewhere. 

                                                                                                                        ****

Jeongmin sat quietly going over what had just happened. His focus was fully concentrated on the kiss. He smiled to himself as he thought about it. Youngmin was sweeter than the people he had kissed before. He was worth more than those people by far... he blinked and looked up as he soon realized what was happening. His lips parted and his eyes widened. Did he really like Youngmin that much. He looked down once more and contemplated how he might feel if for whatever reason, Youngmin decided he didn't want what Jeongmin wanted. He furrowed his brows and swallowed a breath as his heart swelled in his chest. 

He thought about the nights when Youngie would hug him and cry, thinking he didn't know. He hated those nights but at the same time was happy he could experience them. Youngmins tears made him sadder than anything he had ever witnessed... but the fact that he took comfort in being close to him was always going to make Jeongmin smile. On those nights, he'd be just about to drift off into sleep when the covers would move. Youngmin would turn over, making sure he never looked up and his arms would wrap around his hyungs waist, his cheek resting against his chest. At first, he thought maybe he was just cold... but soon the tears would soak through his shirt and onto his skin... and he would know Youngmin was hurting. Closing his eyes, he would pull him closer and rest his hand on the back of his neck, brushing his thumb against his shoulder as he cried. He knew that wouldn't have helped the matter, but eventually Youngmin would fall a sleep. Eventually he would rest and his breathing would settle, his cheeks would blush letting Jeongmin know he was warm and somewhere within his dreams, he would find a reason to smile.

For Jeongmin, this was enough. If sleeping gave him reason to smile, sleep was the best place for him. 

He sighed and sat up rubbing his temples and leaning forward on his elbows. 

"...Hyungie?" 

Jeongmins eyes shot up to rest on the face of the maknae. His hair was slightly messy and his eyes were deep and sleepy. He really couldn't help but smile. His voice gave him away before his face. He had a very husky but sweet tone to his voice. Everyone found something to admire about the youngest of the group... but that was okay. He really was everything everyone said he was. Jeongmin could appreciate why everyone loved him and wanted him... but he never felt like that towards Minwoo. He was only ever like a little brother to him. "Minwoo-ah... gwenchana? You look really tired." He truly was concerned, and he knew that nothing was really anyones fault, but Youngies tears pushed him to act a little colder than usual towards the younger boy. "...something... bothering you?" He raised a brow and awaited a response. A lie. 

Minwoo nodded. His eyes were slow to blink. He really needed sleep. 

The maknae was always very hard working, that was another thing out of the hundreds that Jeongmin admired him for. He was dedicated to the group and always put in one hundred percent. Seeing him now, the only way he could describe him was... broken. 

"Ye... I'm really tired but I can't sleep lately." He even sounded tired. His voice was low and hushed. 

"Told leader hyung?" He shifted his eyes away from the younger boy and kept them downcast, drumming his fingers on the table lightly, purely for something to do.

"...Uh... a-anio... I don't want him worried. He's probably stressing enough." 

Jeongmin nodded and sighed. "Probably." If only Donghyun knew what was happening all around him. Maybe he did. He had never been easy to lie to. Hyunseong simply lived for fun. Jeongmin liked that in a person but boy did it make them easy. 

He smirked at the idea but was soon brought back to reality by a gentle touch on his shoulder. Turning, he looked up with an icy glare, but it soon faded into a look of sympathy. Minwoo was lost. It was easy to tell in his eyes. He held onto his hyungs shoulder, his eyes down cast and his lip trembling. "...Jeongmin... I really don't know what I can do..." His voice broke as he said his name and a small part of Jeongmins heart pinched at the sides. He swallowed a breath and looked the younger boy over. What could he tell him? There was nothing he could do... and there was nothing Minwoo could do either. 

"Minwoo-ah... how long have you known I know?" He used a softer voice to speak to the maknae this time, fearing that if he was too harsh, he might break down. 

Minwoo shook his head and shrugged. "...about a week. At first...I thought I was being paranoid, but I know you. You figure things out quickly, and I'm bad at keeping secrets. I dont like keeping secrets." 

"So why do you keep this from us?...Youngmin, me, leader hyung, Hyunseong... we all needed to find out sooner or later." He tilted his head and raised a brow.

"I didn't want to hurt anyone or make anyone uncomfortable...or take anyones minds off of performances. I just wanted things to settle I guess. Hyung... does Youngmin know?"

"Ne... he does. He's known all along. He was waiting for Kwangmin to tell him.... but he never did. He distanced himself from you both because of his feelings." As soon as he had said it, he wished he hadn't. Closing his eyes, he cursed under his breath. 

"Feelings?... Kwangmin is his broth-..." He paused and soon it was clear Minwoo had figured it out. His eyes widened and his lips parted. "...M-me?... Youngmin likes me?" How was he so surprised?...did Minwoo know himself? 

Jeongmin sighed and nodded. "...It wasn't just some crush. You should talk to him about it." Standing up, he ruffled Minwoo's hair affectionately, flashed a comforting smile... the best he could manage, and headed in the opposite direction to where the twins and fled, his hands in his pockets, with a confident and somewhat lazy stride. 

                                                                                                                          ****

Having searched everywhere within the dorms, Youngmin slouched down against a wall and held his chest. He was breathing heavy and had broken out into a sweat. He'd looked everywhere and no sign of Kwangie. All he wanted to do was explain... he never wanted to be on bad terms with his twin. He loved him so much, life without Kwangie, for Youngmin would be a dark and cold place. He wouldn't smile, he wouldn't sing, he wouldn't dance... he would simply exist and sink deeper into the suffocating feeling of his heart dieing in his chest. That's how he felt at that moment. He wanted Kwangmin to sit beside him, pull him close and tell him no one would ever come between them, just like he used to when they were small. Youngmin had always been weaker than Kwangmin... but Kwangie had always been the source behind his strength. He was the reason Youngmin tried so hard and achieved all he had. 

He shivered and his lip trembled as his body jerked, new hot tears streaming down his cheeks. He held his chest tight, his whole body shuddering. It was cold feeling alone. He was always happy, always smiling... he wasn't used to the feeling of abandonment... but thats how he felt. Kwangmins words filled his head.

Closing his eyes, he tried to breathe through the pain but kept choking on new tears. 

"Dont call me that!" He had never refused his nickname... the name Youngmin used with affection. Hugging his knees to his chest, he ducked down and hid his face, unable to stop the pain. He simply wanted the world to swallow him whole, never to be seen again. 

"Pika... I'm s-sorry..." His voice was broken up by chokes and hiccups but the words were all he wanted to say. He could do nothing but repeat them. 

                                                                                                                      ****

Watching his twin from behind a door was pathetic. He felt so ashamed. There was his best friend, his sould mate, the mirror of himself and everything he aspired to be, sobbing, alone in the corridor with only the cold to comfort him and Kwangie sat doing nothing at all. 

He wanted so badly to comfort him. He wanted so badly to walk straight out, pull him into his arms and beg him not to cry any longer... beg him for forgiveness after his stupid and selfish behaviour, but he simply couldnt. His legs wouldnt let him move. He was to ashamed to face his twin and tell him how sorry he was. All of this was because of him. How could he have been so blind and neglectful? Of course Youngmin would have known. Youngmin knew Kwangmin better than anyone. He was stupid and careless for thinking he could keep anything from him. 

He listened as his hyung sat there choking on apologies. He couldn't bare seeing him like this, but he couldn't bare the thought of him never forgiving him... 

Actually... he couldnt bare the thought of him forgiving him. What he had done had caused so much pain that his twin had so carefully hidden from him... and then he raged at him for kissing someone else?...what the hell had he been thinking? What right did he have?

He placed his hand against the door and looked away as he pushed it shut quietly. Youngmin deserved better from him. 

He was worth more than how Kwangmin had recently treated him... and his punishment would be this. He would not comfort Youngie... he would let someone else find him. He would gain forgiveness in the hardest way possible. 

He owed him that much.