XXII

Jimin rubs his eyes with his closed tiny hand as he looks out his bedroom window, a small sleepy pout set on his lips, staring at the few rays of sun shyly peeking behind the gray clouds. It’s a bed weather.

Yes, bed weather. Because he can finally wear a shirt or hoodie alone without the need of coat, scarf, gloves, and earmuffs to make sure he wouldn’t catch cold and freeze his off once he’s out in the open. Also, the sky outside is finally brighter compared to few days back. Mr. Sun has finally peek over the horizon and made an appearance and he can’t help but buzzed from utter happiness. He loves sunshine.

Small smile in place, he turns to get his bag perched on his bed, but immediately thinks it was a wrong move. As his eyes landed on the far corner of his room, Jimin sees his bed practically beckoning him back to burrow under that warm baby blue blankets and fluffy pillows—telling him to go sleep the day away. He almost gives in but remembers in time that he is actually a student that needs to drag his to school. And also meet Yoongi outside the gate. It had been a routine.

Yoongi.

Speaking of the older boy, Jimin and him had been acting a little more than friends since ‘that day’. Walking together home from school, hand in hand or with Yoongi’s arm around his shoulder protectively; eating lunch together at the school’s cafeteria or snack at the nearest coffee shop around their neighborhood before going home while Jimin do most of the talking.

There’s also this one time Jimin had to sleep over Yoongi’s pad since his best friend and Hoseok hyung had to do some ‘talking’ in their place. It was suspicious since the two had been all over each other almost every day since the day they’d reconcile and fixed the misunderstanding (he’s still trying to shake the truth out of Taehyung for the past couple week, knowing that the boy is downright weak when it comes to his pouts and whines and sad eyes. But wow, his best friend had actually managed to keep a secret from him this time, tight lip and all smiles, storming off with a wave and small annoying laugh. Jimin pouts the whole day, glaring at Taehyung, as a result.)

But still, Jimin doesn’t know where he stands. Yoongi treats him more than of a friend, like someone so special, taking care of him more than he had before, calling him his mate and pet names like sunshine and baby—even with the other students and people around them—resulting in Jimin trying his best to hide his intense blush from the world. But still, their relationship is unlabeled, and Jimin doesn’t want to assume and jump to conclusion. He’s not gonna flatter and embarrassed himself by calling them in a romantic relationship and calling himself Yoongi’s boyfriend.

The label sounds so good to his ears, whispering to his heart and spreading warmth in his chest and whole body, leaving tingles and sparks in his fingertips. But no, he isn’t Yoongi’s boyfriend. Yoongi’s not his boyrfriend. Yoongi is not his, officially. Yoongi can still do whatever he wants; maybe leave Jimin when he’s done with him. And it’s sad to think, that maybe someday, Yoongi will really leave him, cold and alone. It’s a possibility that always leave Jimin bitter and sad.

What if Yoongi realizes he doesn’t want Jimin anymore? Jimin’s face fell at the mere thought of it.

“We will be whatever you want us to be, Jimin” He can still remember clearly how Yoongi whispers the words against his skin, carving, leaving traces, and promises.

I wanted to be yours. I wanted you to be mine. Were the words he wanted to say that time but instead he answered, “Okay, Yoongi hyung.” And Jimin has never felt the strong urge to pull all his hair out of his head for his stupidity. He had lost the only chance. Because since then, they’d never talk about it. None of them had dared open the topic again.

Jimin feels his mood slipping into a little bitter and sour than few minutes ago, snatching his bag harshly from his bed and slamming the door shut behind him with a scowl that doesn’t suit his baby face.

He’s suddenly not in the mood. And worse, he feels ty.

“Jimin?” there’s a soft whisper on his right, but he’s too sleepy to move and acknowledge the person calling him. So instead, he lazily hums under his breath, face still tucked on his crossed arms atop his armchair. “Are you not feeling well, Jimin-ah?”

“Go away, Tae,” he slurs.

“But it’s lunch time and I can’t just leave you here.”

“It’s okay, I’m fine. I’m not hungry so please let me sleep.”

There’re couple beat of silence before a sigh. “Are you sure? I-I have to go. Hoseokie hyung is… waiting,” Taehyung trails off like a shy little boy, and Jimin wants to laugh at him. But he’s really sleepy and not in the mood so he let it passed this time, reminding himself to tease Taehyung later when he feels a little better. “Jimin?”

“Yeah, Taetae. I’m fine. Go ahead.” He shifts on his seat when he felt a small kiss planted against his hair before sighing in contentment. At least he still has Taehyung in his life—the only person (except for Seokjin hyung) he knows is permanent in his life.

“Make sure to eat when you feel hungry, okay? Don’t make me betray you and tell this to Jin hyung.”

“Yeah, yeah. Goodbye, Taehyung-ah. Please leave me alone now.”

There’s a laugh. And then footsteps walking away.

Now, there’s only silence with him; silence that triggers his mind to wander back to his and Yoongi’s unofficial relationship. Sure, they’d share kisses a few more times after that day, had cuddled on the couch and bed, had walked hand in hand in public, had shared food and drinks, watch movies over each other’s pad, but never gone out on a date. Never. Yoongi had never once asked him out. Had never asked him to be his boyfried. So what exactly are they?

Jimin is confused, bitter and sad.

“Hyung?”

Jimin was once again interrupted from his obviously failed attempt to sleep because his mind wouldn’t just stop working whenever he’s alone.

He slowly turns his head to the right where he heard the voice came, peeking behind his fringe with one eye. He’s still sleepy and not in the mood to interact with any human being. But there stand the doe-eyed, tall boy tha